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How to Tell If Your Child Has Anger Issues

How to Tell If Your Child Has Anger Issues

Many children have difficulties in expressing their emotions. Dealing with child anger is certainly frustrating for many parents, as they don’t always know how to handle it. Parents need to know how to recognize when their children have anger problems, and take the proper steps to deal with these issues. Some of the signs to look for include.

1. Frequent Temper Tantrums

This is indicative of a child who is angry and always on edge.

2. Disagreeability

Children older than two years of age should be flexible. If they are disagreeable a lot, there may be some psychological issues to deal with.

3. Lack of Problem-Solving Skills

They are unable to solve problems, which leads to frustration, which results in anger outbursts.

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4. Hitting

When children are aggressive and hit others beyond the age of five, it is a sign that they have anger issues. These issues have to be addressed; otherwise, these children will likely become bullies.

5. Lack of Friends

Children with anger issues have problems making and keeping friends, and tend to alienate others.

6. Revenge-Oriented

Many children who have problems with anger tend to always want to get even with someone.

7. Self-Destructive Behavior

Anger issues can lead to children threatening to hurt themselves, and in many cases, following through with those threats.

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8. Property Damage

Anger can lead children to lash out, resulting in the destruction of things around them.

9. Words of Hatred

Often, anger issues cause children to express hate (verbal and physical) towards friends and relatives.

10. Hurting Those Who Are Weaker

When children are angry or feel picked on, they tend to lash out against those who are weaker than themselves, including smaller children and animals.

While anger issues are a sign of emotional immaturity, anger overload could be a sign of mental health issues. If your children show the signs of anger overload, you should contact child psychologist or therapist to assess the situation. There are ways for parents to effectively deal with children who have anger issues. It is important for parents to let their children know that it is okay to feel angry, and to express their anger. Here are some things parents can do to help their children deal with their emotions:

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  • Show them you care. If a child is angry, talk to them about it. Don’t just send them to their room to think about their problems and actions. Let them know that you care about their feelings, and stay with them for as long as they need you.

  • Acknowledge the problem. When your child is angry or upset, ask them why. Tell them that you understand their feelings, and if you know what the problem is.

  • Don’t lose your temper. The worst thing you can do when a child is angry is to get angry yourself. Show them how you can act calmly when angered, and set an example for them. Losing your temper is just going to add fuel to the fire.

  • Setting limits. Children need to know that they can show their anger, but there need to be limits on how much they show. For instance, they can cry, yell, or be silent, but they should not be allowed to get away with violence. Let your child know that you understand their anger, and help them find other ways to vent it.

  • Use anger management techniques. When a child feels an urge to hit something, give them a pillow or a stuffed toy that they can’t hurt. Tell them to stomp their feet, or draw or write down their feelings. Teach them about relaxation breathing, and other forms of stress relief.

  • Help children know the warning signs. When a child is about to lose their temper, there are warning signs. Parents will recognize these signs, and can make their children aware of them as well.

  • Help children understand their feelings. The more children understand why they feel the way they do, the easier it is for them to control their anger. Encourage your children to learn how to express their feelings in a constructive manner.

Featured photo credit: greg westfall via flickr.com

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Jane Hurst

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Last Updated on September 16, 2019

How to Stop Procrastinating: 11 Practical Ways for Procrastinators

How to Stop Procrastinating: 11 Practical Ways for Procrastinators

You have a deadline looming. However, instead of doing your work, you are fiddling with miscellaneous things like checking email, social media, watching videos, surfing blogs and forums. You know you should be working, but you just don’t feel like doing anything.

We are all familiar with the procrastination phenomenon. When we procrastinate, we squander away our free time and put off important tasks we should be doing them till it’s too late. And when it is indeed too late, we panic and wish we got started earlier.

The chronic procrastinators I know have spent years of their life looped in this cycle. Delaying, putting off things, slacking, hiding from work, facing work only when it’s unavoidable, then repeating this loop all over again. It’s a bad habit that eats us away and prevents us from achieving greater results in life.

Don’t let procrastination take over your life. Here, I will share my personal steps on how to stop procrastinating. These 11 steps will definitely apply to you too:

1. Break Your Work into Little Steps

Part of the reason why we procrastinate is because subconsciously, we find the work too overwhelming for us. Break it down into little parts, then focus on one part at the time. If you still procrastinate on the task after breaking it down, then break it down even further. Soon, your task will be so simple that you will be thinking “gee, this is so simple that I might as well just do it now!”.

For example, I’m currently writing a new book (on How to achieve anything in life). Book writing at its full scale is an enormous project and can be overwhelming. However, when I break it down into phases such as –

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  • (1) Research
  • (2) Deciding the topic
  • (3) Creating the outline
  • (4) Drafting the content
  • (5) Writing Chapters #1 to #10,
  • (6) Revision
  • (7) etc.

Suddenly it seems very manageable. What I do then is to focus on the immediate phase and get it done to my best ability, without thinking about the other phases. When it’s done, I move on to the next.

2. Change Your Environment

Different environments have different impact on our productivity. Look at your work desk and your room. Do they make you want to work or do they make you want to snuggle and sleep? If it’s the latter, you should look into changing your workspace.

One thing to note is that an environment that makes us feel inspired before may lose its effect after a period of time. If that’s the case, then it’s time to change things around. Refer to Steps #2 and #3 of 13 Strategies To Jumpstart Your Productivity, which talks about revamping your environment and workspace.

3. Create a Detailed Timeline with Specific Deadlines

Having just 1 deadline for your work is like an invitation to procrastinate. That’s because we get the impression that we have time and keep pushing everything back, until it’s too late.

Break down your project (see tip #1), then create an overall timeline with specific deadlines for each small task. This way, you know you have to finish each task by a certain date. Your timelines must be robust, too – i.e. if you don’t finish this by today, it’s going to jeopardize everything else you have planned after that. This way it creates the urgency to act.

My goals are broken down into monthly, weekly, right down to the daily task lists, and the list is a call to action that I must accomplish this by the specified date, else my goals will be put off.

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Here’re more tips on setting deadlines: 22 Tips for Effective Deadlines

4. Eliminate Your Procrastination Pit-Stops

If you are procrastinating a little too much, maybe that’s because you make it easy to procrastinate.

Identify your browser bookmarks that take up a lot of your time and shift them into a separate folder that is less accessible. Disable the automatic notification option in your email client. Get rid of the distractions around you.

I know some people will out of the way and delete or deactivate their facebook accounts. I think it’s a little drastic and extreme as addressing procrastination is more about being conscious of our actions than counteracting via self-binding methods, but if you feel that’s what’s needed, go for it.

5. Hang out with People Who Inspire You to Take Action

I’m pretty sure if you spend just 10 minutes talking to Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, you’ll be more inspired to act than if you spent the 10 minutes doing nothing. The people we are with influence our behaviors. Of course spending time with Steve Jobs or Bill Gates every day is probably not a feasible method, but the principle applies — The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You

Identify the people, friends or colleagues who trigger you – most likely the go-getters and hard workers – and hang out with them more often. Soon you will inculcate their drive and spirit too.

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As a personal development blogger, I “hang out” with inspiring personal development experts by reading their blogs and corresponding with them regularly via email and social media. It’s communication via new media and it works all the same.

6. Get a Buddy

Having a companion makes the whole process much more fun. Ideally, your buddy should be someone who has his/her own set of goals. Both of you will hold each other accountable to your goals and plans. While it’s not necessary for both of you to have the same goals, it’ll be even better if that’s the case, so you can learn from each other.

I have a good friend whom I talk to regularly, and we always ask each other about our goals and progress in achieving those goals. Needless to say, it spurs us to keep taking action.

7. Tell Others About Your Goals

This serves the same function as #6, on a larger scale. Tell all your friends, colleagues, acquaintances and family about your projects. Now whenever you see them, they are bound to ask you about your status on those projects.

For example, sometimes I announce my projects on The Personal Excellence Blog, Twitter and Facebook, and my readers will ask me about them on an ongoing basis. It’s a great way to keep myself accountable to my plans.

8. Seek out Someone Who Has Already Achieved the Outcome

What is it you want to accomplish here, and who are the people who have accomplished this already? Go seek them out and connect with them. Seeing living proof that your goals are very well achievable if you take action is one of the best triggers for action.

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9. Re-Clarify Your Goals

If you have been procrastinating for an extended period of time, it might reflect a misalignment between what you want and what you are currently doing. Often times, we outgrow our goals as we discover more about ourselves, but we don’t change our goals to reflect that.

Get away from your work (a short vacation will be good, else just a weekend break or staycation will do too) and take some time to regroup yourself. What exactly do you want to achieve? What should you do to get there? What are the steps to take? Does your current work align with that? If not, what can you do about it?

10. Stop Over-Complicating Things

Are you waiting for a perfect time to do this? That maybe now is not the best time because of X, Y, Z reasons? Ditch that thought because there’s never a perfect time. If you keep waiting for one, you are never going to accomplish anything.

Perfectionism is one of the biggest reasons for procrastination. Read more about why perfectionist tendencies can be a bane than a boon: Why Being A Perfectionist May Not Be So Perfect.

11. Get a Grip and Just Do It

At the end, it boils down to taking action. You can do all the strategizing, planning and hypothesizing, but if you don’t take action, nothing’s going to happen. Occasionally, I get readers and clients who keep complaining about their situations but they still refuse to take action at the end of the day.

Reality check:

I have never heard anyone procrastinate their way to success before and I doubt it’s going to change in the near future.  Whatever it is you are procrastinating on, if you want to get it done, you need to get a grip on yourself and do it.

More About Procrastination

Featured photo credit: Malvestida Magazine via unsplash.com

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