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9 Gentle Parenting Hacks That Really Work

9 Gentle Parenting Hacks That Really Work

Parenting in a gentle and respectful way is no easy task, especially when your child is ignoring you, refusing to cooperate, or outright defying your every request. Sometimes offering a bit more direction can be helpful, but other times, it seems no matter what you do, you end up locked in a power struggle, feeling frustrated, and wondering what you’re doing wrong. After all, they’re supposed to want to cooperate when we treat them with love and respect, right? If only it were that easy.

During my years as a preschool teacher and a nanny, my job depended on my ability to remain calm and garner cooperation. I simply couldn’t allow myself to yell, threaten, or physically harm the children in my care. I had to find new and creative ways to deal with defiance that didn’t involve losing my temper and subsequently losing my job. These simple gentle parenting hacks have paid off with my own child. Because even though I’m infinitely more sleep-deprived and clearly no one can fire me from motherhood, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve that my daughter can hardly resist. I hesitate to call them “tricks,” because it’s not that I want to outsmart or psychologically manipulate my child into compliance. I simply want to get the day’s jobs accomplished with the least amount of resistance or conflict and the most fun, care, and connection. I completely refuse to punish, threaten, or bribe my child unless I absolutely can’t come up with any more creative solutions.

So please take these suggestions in the spirit in which they’re offered. Not as a way to get what you want at the expense of your connection with your child, but as a way to help young people express their underlying needs and desires and still perform the daily tasks that are required of them, such as getting shoes on, getting into their car seat, getting dressed and the like. Here are my nine favorite tips, “tricks,” and gentle parenting hacks to help your day with a young child go more smoothly:

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1. The big race

Ready, set, go! Young people love to race and be timed to see how long it takes them to do a task they feel confident in. Proposing a race is a great way to get the job done quickly without a fuss because it meets a child’s needs for fun and play even while you’re enjoying the efficiency and speed with which they’ve completed your request. Counting aloud or using a stopwatch is the best way to remind a child that the race is on. Remember, this only works if it’s a fun game, not if it’s overused or used as a threat or a requirement to beat their former time.

2. Surprise me

This one works like a charm with my daughter. She loves to surprise one or both of us and also enjoys colluding with one parent to surprise the other. If she’s resistant to a particular task I simply suggest that I would be VERY surprised if…and then I completely ignore her to give her a chance to complete the task at hand. I’m always sure to give a big reaction (“What? You already brushed your teeth? Wow!”) to encourage a repeat performance at another time. This gives her the satisfaction of a job well done and she gets to impress us with her well-developed skills.

3. Don’t you dare

When she’s really feeling defiant, I’ve found that it’s best to go with the defiance and figure out a way for her to do exactly what I want by completely defying what I’m saying. It’s clear to all involved that this is a game and my daughter delights in my protestations: “Oh no! Don’t do that! Rats! She’s doing it.” She especially loves the notion that by doing the given task, like getting her pajamas on quickly, she’s forcing me to do something I don’t want to do. “You’re going to make me read stories, aren’t you? I was really hoping you’d dawdle so that I wouldn’t have to read tonight, but now you’re all ready and I’ll have to read. Awww.” Children love to reverse roles once in a while so that they’re the powerful ones, making us do tasks we don’t enjoy, rather than the reverse, which is more often the case. By giving your child this small joy, he can release his feelings of frustration and upset through laughter and connection. And, personally, I much prefer holding space for laughter fits over tantrums.

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4. Show me; I’m not sure you know how

Young children love to prove their knowledge and prowess, so while you don’t want to minimize their abilities on a regular basis, some strategic questioning of their skills can produce immediate results. “Wait a minute; I’m not sure. Do you know how to put on these shoes?” will often get a more positive response than: “I know you know how to do that; why won’t you just cooperate!” That’s because in the first example, you’re playfully inviting your child to prove that she is capable, while in the second you’re likely feeling frustrated and wishing there was some way to force her to your will.

5. Will you be my helper?

Similar to number four above, children love to showcase their talents and especially enjoy teaching younger children recently acquired skills. “Will you please help your little sister learn to put her coat on all by herself? She doesn’t know how to do that yet,” will get far better results than a repeated request to get ready and get out the door. If this one doesn’t work right away, drop it and try something else.

6. How many can you pick up?

When asking a child to put away a large number of objects, say Legos, blocks, trains, stuffed animals or dinosaurs, it’s helpful to turn it into a fun game of counting as you place them into their bin or basket. Sometimes I’ll help, especially to get things started, but usually as soon as I get to 10 the children around me want to participate. I always end the clean up by announcing how many objects we picked up. “Wow! We cleaned up 37 dinosaurs. Who wants to put them back on the shelf?”

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7. Let’s pretend

I don’t know very many kids who happily run out the door and jump into their car seats consistently, especially if they’re not excited about where they’re headed. But even this daily task can be turned into a fun game by pretending to be animals and running, jumping, hopping, skipping, flying, or slithering to the car. How would a cheetah get into a car? What sounds does an eagle make when it lands in its nest? Can you reach your wing under the strap? Engaging your child’s imagination in the midst of a mindless and required daily task can make life more fun and interesting for both you and your child. Before you know it, you’ll be on the road discussing herbivores and carnivores, making animal noises, or talking in funny accents. Now doesn’t that sound like a lot more fun than listening to a screaming kid who you’ve just physically forced into his car seat?

8. I forget

“Wait a minute. I forget, where does the dirty laundry go? I can’t remember, what am I supposed to do after I go to the bathroom? Wait a second; is there some sort of utensil I should use to eat my yogurt? Weren’t we going to do something before dinner tonight?” If your child needs gentle reminders of the rules of the house or the next task on the agenda, pretending to forget so that she can remind you is a great way to help her feel knowledgeable and responsible. This helps children take ownership of the rules and feel good about remembering. On the other hand, if we continually point out the times when our kids have forgotten the rules, they end up feeling bad and are discouraged from taking on more responsibility. Also, when we just repeat the rules to them over and over again, they have no reason to try to remember. They figure we’ll just tell them six times again tomorrow. Instead of repeating yourself, ask your child to remember and everyone will benefit. If this one doesn’t seem to be working right away, get goofy with it. “Do the dirty socks go on my head? No, that doesn’t seem right. Do they go in the dishwasher? Hmmm. No, I don’t think so. Maybe I should put them on the baby?” Tickling your child’s funny bone is one of the quickest ways to garner his cooperation. It lightens the mood, brings in an element of play, and helps him remember why he likes spending time with you. Fun is almost always the perfect antidote to defiance.

9. Oh come on, you can scream louder than that!

This one I can’t take credit for. The other day my step-dad told me that just as a child he was with was about to lose it and throw a major tantrum over leaving the park, he simply challenged the child to take it up a notch. “You can do better than that,” he quipped, and the child instantly stopped screaming. I think this works because, instead of resisting the tantrum, we’re actually inviting it. And since the child’s normal expectation is that we’ll resist their protestations, we’ve confused them by eliminating all resistance and instead challenging them to be even more outrageous. This is peculiar and interesting to a child who is experimenting with emotional manipulation and trying to see what he can do to change the situation to his advantage.

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Have you ever heard the phrase, “What we resist persists”? I’ve found it to be one of the most universal truths of life. So by inviting, rather than resisting, we can take the steam out of a tantrum before it starts. And, if a child really does need to express his upset and we’re in a “bring it on” kind of mood, we’re much better equipped to actually hold space for the tantrum if indeed it ensues.

I’ve found that bringing this attitude to a potential tantrum shortens its length and creates connection. When I encourage my child to let out her rage, she feels emotionally validated and she’s able to physically release her “negative” emotions in a healthy way and in a supportive environment. Sometimes I’ll encourage her to hit the bed or roar like a lion, but usually these outbursts only last a few minutes if I’m really inviting and encouraging, rather than resisting.

These are my nine favorite ways to encourage cooperation without punishments, threats or bribes. I would love to know if they work for you as well as they do for me. Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Featured photo credit: Shelly Phillips via awakeparent.com

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Last Updated on October 5, 2020

Intermittent Fasting Weight Loss (The Ultimate Weight Loss Hack)

Intermittent Fasting Weight Loss (The Ultimate Weight Loss Hack)

Intermittent fasting weight loss is a type of diet that’s rapidly growing in popularity and becoming the way to lose weight. Scientists and nutrition experts like it, too. New books and articles on the topic are being published daily. Intermittent fasting is also popular with followers of the Paleo diet since our ancestors appear to have eaten this way for thousands of years.

I’ve been following this type of diet myself for 2 years. Doing so helped me lose and keep off 70 pounds without ever having to count calories, limit carbohydrates, or eat 6 to 7 meals a day.

This article teaches you all about intermittent fasting weight loss and details why it is one of the best weight loss diet hacks around. Once you finish, you will be able to implement into your diet and experience the benefits it offers almost immediately.

What Is Intermittent Fasting?

As you may have figured from its name, intermittent fasting weight loss is a diet plan where you set fasting periods during the day. This is usually between 16-20 consecutive hours, but it can be as little as 12 hours or as much as 24 hours (or even 36 hours).

While fasting you can eat and drink low calorie or calorie-free foods. Think coffee, tea, water, and vegetables.

The more time you spend fasting every day, the better your results. You can do these fasts as often as you like. Again, the more often you do so, the better[1].

Getting Started With Intermittent Fasting

Following this diet plan is super simple. All you have to do is choose a period of time during the day that you will fast. This should be between 16-20 hours.

The longer you fast each day, the better. Don’t worry about calorie restriction or measuring carbohydrates. Just focus on going about your day until it’s time to eat.

It’s best to choose a set period of time to conduct your fast. I like to fast from 8 PM to 4 PM the following afternoon. I’ll then have my first meal of the day and a snack or two a few hours later. Once 8 o’clock rolls around, it’s back to fasting.

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My experience with intermittent fasting is that it’s best to start with a 16 hour fast (i.e. 8PM one evening to 12PM the next day) for the first 1-2 weeks. Once you are comfortable with this schedule, you can increase the amount of time you spend fasting. Do this by adding 30 minutes to each fast until you get to where you are fasting for 20 hours at a time.

You don’t have to fast every day in the beginning either. You may be more comfortable breaking in slowly with 2 or 3 days per week, or trying alternate day fasting. Add additional days of intermittent fasting as you become more comfortable with this style of eating.

Tips To Make Intermittent Fasting Easier

1. Drink Plenty of Water

Squeeze a little lemon or lime juice into your water to help get rid of any cravings you experience. You can also drink coffee, tea, or other calorie-free beverages. After a few weeks, you will find that intermittent fasting keeps you from craving sugar entirely.

2. Take in Caffeine in the Morning and Early Afternoon

The caffeine in coffee and tea may actually make intermittent fasting weight loss a little easier since it’s good for curbing your appetite. Be careful not to overindulge as this may lead to you feeling a little too wired. I also recommend these natural energy boosting tips to keep you going during the day.

3. Avoid Artificially Flavored Drinks

One type of calorie-free drink that should be avoided are diet sodas and other beverages that use artificial sweeteners like Splenda and Sweet & Low. Studies show that the can actually stimulate your appetite[2] like a drink that contains sugar and cause you to overeat.

4. Don’t Gorge at Your First Meal

The first meal after your fast should be the amount of food you typically eat. Binging will only make you feel awful and diminish the benefits you get from the fast.

To avoid this, try creating meal plans, at least for the first few weeks. This will help you get into the rhythm of eating regularly portioned meals during your eating window.

5. Minimize Processed Carbohydrates and Sugars

While intermittent fasting does make it possible to eat a little looser than normal, you should still eat as little bread, pasta, rice, etc. as possible.

Focus instead on eating protein from beef, fish, or pork, carbohydrates from vegetables, fruit, and sweet potatoes, and healthy fats from foods like almonds, avocados, fish, and olive oil.

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You can find some carb sources that will aid your weight loss journey here.

How Intermittent Fasting Helps You Lose Weight

Eating this way has many benefits with regard to weight loss. The first is that when you’re fasting, your body will be forced to use its stored body fat for energy. Burning calories this way, instead of from the food you’re eating throughout the day, will help you experience significant weight loss, but specifically lose weight from any excess body fat you’re carrying.

This means that you won’t just be thinner, but you will also look better and be much healthier than if you lose weight the old-fashioned way[3].

Intermittent fasting can help optimize the release of the key fat-burning hormones in your body. This is especially true for the two most important hormones: human growth hormone (HGH) and insulin.

Human growth hormone plays a key role in turning on your body’s fat-burning furnace so that it gets the calories you need to work and play from stored body fat. Studies show that fasting can significantly increase the production of HGH[4].

The influence intermittent fasting weight loss has on insulin is just as impressive and possibly more important. Keeping your insulin levels low and steady is key to losing excess fat and keeping it off.

Diets that are rich in processed carbohydrates (bread, pasta, rice) and simple sugars (candy, cookies, and soda) have the opposite effect. They cause your insulin levels to rapidly spike and then crash every time you eat one of these foods. The net result of this phenomenon is that your body will store more of what you eat as excess body fat instead of burning it off as energy.

Chronically elevating your insulin levels like this can also lead to the development of type II diabetes, obesity, and other chronic health problems. Intermittent fasting easily solves this problem.

One study found that men who participated in intermittent fasting had “dramatically lower insulin levels and significantly improved insulin sensitivity”[5].

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This happens because you’re not giving your body food, so it will not produce insulin, allowing insulin levels to balance out until you eat again. This helps your body stay in a calorie and fa-burning state. You’ll also find that it gives you more energy throughout the day.

Another great weight loss benefit of intermittent fasting is that hunger pangs and cravings that may normally plague you throughout the day will be reduced, if not altogether eliminated. This is probably due to its ability to balance your insulin and blood sugar levels and, in turn, help correct other hormonal imbalances.

Intermittent Fasting Weight Loss FAQs

Now that you know what intermittent fasting is and how to get started, it’s time to answer your other questions.

Below are answers to the questions frequently asked about intermittent fasting. These answers should help you and make getting started a lot easier.

How Much Weight Will I Lose?

The amount of weight you lose with fasting is determined by how often and long your fasts are, what you eat afterward, and other factors. Fasting for 16-20 hours a day can help you safely lose 2-3 pounds of fat every week.

While losing this much weight every week is great, it’s how it makes it happen that’s really cool. Losing weight with intermittent fasting means that you will never have to count calories or plan and prepare several meals a day.

Can I Work out While Fasting?

Yes, you can. In fact, doing the right type of workout while fasting will help you lose weight faster and even build muscle.

The best workouts to do while fasting for weight loss are 3-4 intense strength training workouts weekly. This means anything from standard strength training to kettlebell or body weight workouts.

Focus on doing 3-4 total body exercises per workout with as little rest as possible between sets. Doing this will help you burn more calories during and after your workout. You’ll also build muscle, which will help you look and feel better as the weight comes off.

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Won’t I Lose Muscle When I Fast?

First of all, you aren’t fasting long enough for your body to start breaking down muscle for energy. You have, perhaps, hundreds of thousands of calories from your stored body fat to use before that will begin to happen. Studies actually show that even after fasting for 3 days, no muscle is lost.

Is Fasting Safe?

As long as you are healthy, not pregnant, and aren’t taking medications, fasting is safe. Like all diets, you should discuss it with your doctor before beginning an intermittent fasting style of dieting.

I also feel that it may not be smart to follow this type of diet when you’re especially stressed. Since this diet can be a little stress-inducing at first, doing so when your ability to be relatively stress-free and rested probably isn’t a good idea.

Are There Any Supplements I Can Take to Make Fasting Easier?

As with any other weight loss plan, it’s a good idea to take a few nutritional supplements to ensure that your daily requirements are met. This includes a once or twice daily multi-vitamin, fish oil, and vitamin D.

I’ve also found taking 10 grams of branch chain amino acids before and after my workouts really helps, too. They’re great for giving you more energy during your workout and decreasing post-workout muscle soreness.

For supplements to specifically help with digestion, check out this article.

Conclusion

Now you know what intermittent fasting is and how it can help you lose weight quickly, safely, and pretty much effortlessly.

If you want to give it a try, find a fasting schedule that fits with you lifestyle and give it a go.

More About Intermittent Fasting

Featured photo credit: Toa Heftiba via unsplash.com

Reference

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