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10 Things Everyone Who’s Planning A Wedding Should Know

10 Things Everyone Who’s Planning A Wedding Should Know

The Big Day is one you will never forget, and though planning it seems like a dream in the beginning, there are always a few hiccups that bring around the reality that is wedding planning. But don’t let it overwhelm you. Millions have gone before you and lived to tell about it. Here are a few things you should know as you make your journey to the aisle.

1. You’re going to offend, feel guilty about, or disagree with at least one person during your wedding planning.

In fact, that number may be a little bit larger than you expect. I can’t tell you how many times I had someone say, “You’re not going to do that, are you? Wouldn’t you rather have this?” Just smile, be polite, and keep plugging on with whatever you and your fiancé would like on your day.

2. Don’t get looped into the “wedding” cost trap.

Have you ever noticed that anything with the word “wedding” in it is three times as expensive as the exact same item in the “party” category? Don’t get sucked into thinking that just because the word “wedding” is in it, you have to have it. BBC’s comedy Show, Man Stroke Woman, has a hilarious video depicting just what I’m talking about. Think outside the box (and the wedding category) to find cheaper alternatives that are just as beautiful for your wedding.

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3. Make a checklist of the pictures you’d like to have taken.

Pinterest works really well for this. As a matter of fact, Pinterest was my wedding planner. You can actually just pin the photos you like and send the board to your photographer for reference at your wedding. Be specific with the family wedding photos, especially, and not just with your photographer, but with all involved members of the family, so everyone knows where they should be at the right time.

Alicia Lawrence Wedding

    4. Skip the rituals that don’t really matter to you.

    I went through the list of traditions and read up on the history before I decided to incorporate them into my wedding and reception. Here’s what one bride had to say about the history surrounding the garter toss. Make your own decisions about which traditions you’d like to uphold and which you’d like to leave to the history books. Instead of doing the garter toss at my wedding, I gave the bouquet and the garter to the two couples in the room who’ve been married the longest.

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    5. Plan for the worst, but hope for the best.

    If you are planning to have your wedding at an outdoor venue, you want to be sure to have a guaranteed back-up plan should the weather be less than desirable. If it’s in a wooded area or by water, you may want to consider ways to keep bugs away, as the last thing you or your guests want is to leave the reception with bug bites all over. My recommendation is something like this mosquito magnet trap to keep your space, and your face, clear from itchy marks.

    6. Delegate, delegate, delegate.

    Let me just say from experience that putting together programs and/or favors the night before your wedding should not be a tradition to continue. I’ve made that mistake and so have many of my friends and family members. If you’re running tight on a deadline, don’t be afraid to ask for help. The sooner the better.

    7. Splurge on the important things, but not everything.

    There are some things that I wish I would have spent a little more money on, like the photography, for our wedding. But there are others things that maybe weren’t quite as important. I was astonished at the price per slice of wedding cake and for flowers and didn’t want to spend hundreds of dollars on things that weren’t going to last past one day. Instead I shopped around to get the best deal I could. I actually had a local lady who baked as a hobby make our cake. It was delicious and didn’t cost a fortune.

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    8. Take the day off before your wedding.

    Everything flies by so quickly that you’ll wish you had more time just to visit with people, especially if you don’t see your relatives often. Take, at least, the day off before to hang out with your wedding party and family and enjoy just being together.

    9. Have at least one other person in the know.

    Typically, this person should be your wedding planner, but whoever you choose, make sure they are reliable and have a great memory. If you don’t want a wedding planner, ask a friend out of the wedding party to be your in-the-know person or even a relative who would be willing to do it. Before the wedding, make sure you go over every detail of your wedding day plan so both of you know what will be going on and if anything happens, your go-to person can pick up the slack.

    10. The day goes by faster than you can possibly imagine.

    One of the best pieces of advice I was given for my wedding day was to stop at least three times during the day to just take it all in. You will see so many people and experience so many emotions that it’s impossible to process it all. By stopping and looking around, I was able to see just how special it all was.

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    Featured photo credit: Pic Jumbo Viktor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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    Last Updated on July 10, 2020

    How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

    How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

    We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

    We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

    So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

    Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

    What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

    Boundaries are limits

    —they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

    Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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    Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

    Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

    Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

    How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

    Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

    1. Self-Awareness Comes First

    Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

    You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

    To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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    You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

    • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
    • When do you feel disrespected?
    • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
    • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
    • When do you want to be alone?
    • How much space do you need?

    You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

    2. Clear Communication Is Essential

    Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

    Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

    3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

    Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

    That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

    Sample language:

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    • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
    • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
    • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
    • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
    • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
    • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
    • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

    Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

    4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

    Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

    Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

    Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

    We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

    It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

    It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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    Final Thoughts

    Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

    Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

    Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

    The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

    Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

    Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

    They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

    Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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