Advertising

Why Self-Confidence Should Be Your Biggest Goal This Year

Advertising
Why Self-Confidence Should Be Your Biggest Goal This Year

Last week I had the opportunity to meet with a new client at a coffee house that just opened up in her town. It was so new that the paint still had that fresh smell and the equipment didn’t have the patina of being used for countless cups of coffee. While we waited for 30 minutes for our coffees to come out I watched the staff seem unsure of what to do next, the owners hunched over and yelling at delivery vendors and their staff, and customers unclear of what they should be doing while the chaos was flinging around the cafe.

It was obvious, 5 minutes in, that the owners had never run a coffee shop before and they didn’t know what they were doing. They weren’t communicating and they weren’t delegating. Everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells and nothing except a whirlwind was happening.

I wasn’t there to observe them, but it made a great entry way into talking to my client, who can often feel less confident in her own work and life. She has all the skills she needs to make a huge impact, but she shrinks into a small shell when asked about her product. Instead of running in chaos like the owners of the cafe, she is completely frozen.

Advertising

Both things happen when you lack self-confidence. You either hold everything too tight because you are afraid to let people know that you aren’t sure of what you are doing, or you don’t do anything. Lack of self confidence hurts communication, personal and professional growth, and forward action.

Why Should I Build My Self Confidence?

People listen to other people who exude confidence. If you are unsure, trust me, your team is unsure. Now is the time to find that inner strength and write yourself a new story. You are valuable, creative and interesting. You carry all of the possibilities inside of you, but you need to practice letting that shine.

The owners of that coffee house weren’t confident running their business. They didn’t know how to communicate their needs to their employees or their vendors. No one knew what to do. Yesterday I drove by and they had closed after being open just 4 months. I’m not really surprised, but I am sad. If they had felt more confident and shared that leadership with their team, they might have made it.

Advertising

When your self confidence shines bright you can lead teams of any size because they trust you to be clear about what is happening. Of all the life skills needed, it is more important than your college degree, skills or experiences. You can’t lead without self-confidence, even if you are only leading yourself. Lacking self confidence closes you up to criticism, thoughtful decision making, communication and getting people to trust your leadership. Without self-confidence you can’t move forward in life or in business.

This is year to change all of that and take some real steps towards feeling more confident.

Stand with Confidence.

Changing your posture can make a huge difference in your self esteem. Standing tall, head up and shoulders back (but not ridged) allows your full stature to fill your space. People will interact differently with you when you are standing strong and tall; even if you aren’t feeling it, they will believe you have more confidence.

Advertising

Make Eye Contact

People feel more connected when we look into their eyes. They listen to our words more. You can practice by looking into your own eyes in the mirror. Doing this while you brush your teeth will get you in the habit of eye contact with others.

Practice Telling Your Story

We aren’t born business people, we don’t all exude confidence, and we may not be great at clearly articulating our goals, directions, hopes and needs. Practice when you are alone what you are going to say at your next meeting, with your boss, or with your employees. You don’t have to memorize a speech, but you do want to feel calm telling them what needs to be said.

Speak Up

Even though it might make you feel incredibly uncomfortable, speak up for yourself. No one will know your brilliant idea, understand your dreams or be able to help you if you don’t speak up when you have the opportunity. It is important to know that most people are at least a little shy or uncomfortable speaking up too and will, mostly, listen when you do speak up.

Advertising

Practicing these small steps can help break through that feeling of being too scared or too shy. Don’t let another year go without making strides towards your own self confidence; you have too much to offer.

Featured photo credit: Son of Groucho via Photopin

More by this author

11 Important Things Every Startup Blogger Needs To Remember 16 Things You Should Tell Yourself To Lead A Positive Life Fear of Failing If You Have A Fear Of Failing, Ask Yourself These 7 Questions Learn to Negotiate 7 Things You Should Negotiate At Work Besides Your Salary 10 Challenges Leaders Always Face And How To Deal With Them

Trending in Communication

1 15 Things You Don’t Need To Apologize For (Though You Think You Do) 2 10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character 3 10 Scientifically Proven Ways To Stay Happy All The Time 4 8 Signs That Your Current Relationship Has No Future 5 How to Learn a Language in Just 30 Minutes a Day

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

Advertising
10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

Advertising

But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

Advertising

Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

Advertising

Read Next