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Why Self-Confidence Should Be Your Biggest Goal This Year

Why Self-Confidence Should Be Your Biggest Goal This Year

Last week I had the opportunity to meet with a new client at a coffee house that just opened up in her town. It was so new that the paint still had that fresh smell and the equipment didn’t have the patina of being used for countless cups of coffee. While we waited for 30 minutes for our coffees to come out I watched the staff seem unsure of what to do next, the owners hunched over and yelling at delivery vendors and their staff, and customers unclear of what they should be doing while the chaos was flinging around the cafe.

It was obvious, 5 minutes in, that the owners had never run a coffee shop before and they didn’t know what they were doing. They weren’t communicating and they weren’t delegating. Everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells and nothing except a whirlwind was happening.

I wasn’t there to observe them, but it made a great entry way into talking to my client, who can often feel less confident in her own work and life. She has all the skills she needs to make a huge impact, but she shrinks into a small shell when asked about her product. Instead of running in chaos like the owners of the cafe, she is completely frozen.

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Both things happen when you lack self-confidence. You either hold everything too tight because you are afraid to let people know that you aren’t sure of what you are doing, or you don’t do anything. Lack of self confidence hurts communication, personal and professional growth, and forward action.

Why Should I Build My Self Confidence?

People listen to other people who exude confidence. If you are unsure, trust me, your team is unsure. Now is the time to find that inner strength and write yourself a new story. You are valuable, creative and interesting. You carry all of the possibilities inside of you, but you need to practice letting that shine.

The owners of that coffee house weren’t confident running their business. They didn’t know how to communicate their needs to their employees or their vendors. No one knew what to do. Yesterday I drove by and they had closed after being open just 4 months. I’m not really surprised, but I am sad. If they had felt more confident and shared that leadership with their team, they might have made it.

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When your self confidence shines bright you can lead teams of any size because they trust you to be clear about what is happening. Of all the life skills needed, it is more important than your college degree, skills or experiences. You can’t lead without self-confidence, even if you are only leading yourself. Lacking self confidence closes you up to criticism, thoughtful decision making, communication and getting people to trust your leadership. Without self-confidence you can’t move forward in life or in business.

This is year to change all of that and take some real steps towards feeling more confident.

Stand with Confidence.

Changing your posture can make a huge difference in your self esteem. Standing tall, head up and shoulders back (but not ridged) allows your full stature to fill your space. People will interact differently with you when you are standing strong and tall; even if you aren’t feeling it, they will believe you have more confidence.

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Make Eye Contact

People feel more connected when we look into their eyes. They listen to our words more. You can practice by looking into your own eyes in the mirror. Doing this while you brush your teeth will get you in the habit of eye contact with others.

Practice Telling Your Story

We aren’t born business people, we don’t all exude confidence, and we may not be great at clearly articulating our goals, directions, hopes and needs. Practice when you are alone what you are going to say at your next meeting, with your boss, or with your employees. You don’t have to memorize a speech, but you do want to feel calm telling them what needs to be said.

Speak Up

Even though it might make you feel incredibly uncomfortable, speak up for yourself. No one will know your brilliant idea, understand your dreams or be able to help you if you don’t speak up when you have the opportunity. It is important to know that most people are at least a little shy or uncomfortable speaking up too and will, mostly, listen when you do speak up.

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Practicing these small steps can help break through that feeling of being too scared or too shy. Don’t let another year go without making strides towards your own self confidence; you have too much to offer.

Featured photo credit: Son of Groucho via Photopin

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

Posture

First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

  • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
  • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
  • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
  • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

Facial Expressions

Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

  • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
  • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
  • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

2. Relax Your Face

New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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3. Improve Your Eye Contact

Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

3. Smile More

There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

4. Hand Gestures

Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

5. Enhance Your Handshake

In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

“Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

Final Takeaways

Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

Reference

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