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Why Being Popular Isn’t as Cool as It Looks

Why Being Popular Isn’t as Cool as It Looks

We’ve all heard the old adage, “Here today, gone tomorrow.” It summarizes the idea of how fleeting popularity is in our society today. Take a look around. Football stars, movie stars, political figures, coaches, and CEOs of major companies all have one thing in common: they were popular, and then they fell from grace.

Norv Turner got the ax in San Diego because his team wasn’t winning. Tim Tebow got the boot over Peyton Manning in Denver, and, yes, Michael Jordon really got cut from his High School basketball team. Why? Because according to the world’s standards, they didn’t perform well enough. Folks like Lance Armstrong and Tiger Woods learned the hard way that popularity can quickly go to your head and lead you to do some pretty messed up stuff. These were superstars, and they all fell from grace — hard. Movie stars aren’t even immune from being dethroned. Their popularity can fold like a deck of cards, if not forever, at least for a time: Tom Cruise, Brittany Spears, and Ben Affleck all took hits for their performances — or lack there of.

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The bottom line is this: being popular is great, but it comes with a price. If you’re not producing, you’re done. That’s not a pleasant thought, but a necessary one to consider. While popularity has its perks, it also has its pitfalls. You don’t have to have the notoriety of a superstar to struggle with wanting to stay on top; you can be jealous of your best friend, a sibling, your boss, or just about anyone.

The truth is, being popular isn’t always the coolest thing to be. In fact, there are a great many more attributes that far outweigh being popular. So if you’re tired of being on the performance treadmill and trying to win popularity through the world’s standards, here are a few things to consider:

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Being popular….

Doesn’t last forever

Unless you’re Oprah, or if Elvis is still in the building, popularity can be fleeting. Instead of focusing on being popular, focus on how you want to be remembered in life. Strive to build a legacy that will last and that can be passed on to generations after you. Ask yourself how you want the people who really mattered to you in life to remember you, and plan your life accordingly. You may not be the most popular person in the world, but you’ll be the most popular person in your world.

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Keeps you on the performance treadmill

It takes a lot of effort and stamina to develop popularity and sustain it. That means you’re only as good as your last performance. Whether you’re a car salesman or a top NFL football player, if you aren’t making it happen every week, you’re done. Even if you’re a people-pleaser, you’re still putting yourself on the performance treadmill. You always have to do a good audience analysis, find out what people want you to say or do, and do it so they’ll like you. You can’t be free to express how you really feel because you’re afraid others may reject you. So you keep running, never realizing who you really are apart from your performance.

Puts your focus on self

If you’re always worried about what people think, you can never rest. You will always have to say the right things, perform perfectly, look perfectly, and act perfectly. In other words, you have to always be focused on YOU! Even for a narcissist, that can get old. Thinking about yourself too much hinders you from developing empathy toward others. When we’re “other-focused” and think about paying things forward, we’ll not only feel better about ourselves, we’ll generally get what we want.

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I’m not saying being popular isn’t nice. I was popular in High School, but looking back, I can see how it created some false beliefs in my life that hindered me from walking in real peace and rest.

If you’re tired of performing to be successful, take a risk and jump off the treadmill for a while. You might like how it feels, and, who knows, you might never want to jump on again!

Back at you: How has the drive to be popular stolen your joy? Any suggestions for jumping off the treadmill?

More by this author

Rita Schulte LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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