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What A Gentleman Is Really Thinking Today

What A Gentleman Is Really Thinking Today

The definition of a gentleman has changed since it was first introduced back in the 12th Century. No longer is it just about a man who combines gentle birth or rank with chivalrous qualities and conduct which conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior.

Today, it describes men of any social class or condition —often used in a courteous reference. What men say may not always reflect what they are really thinking. What they do can tell us more. But what they are really thinking is revealed over time.

First, let’s examine two common colloquial applications of the word gentleman and decide if it means what we think it means.

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“Gentlemen Prefer Blonds”

Anita Loos wrote a 1925 novel that was the basis for this 1928 movie and 1949 musical but the story actually supports the notion that it’s not the hair color but the character of the woman that gains “preferential” treatment.

“Gentlemen’s Clubs”

The history of Gentlemen’s Clubs started as a members-only private club of a type originally set up by and for British upper class men in the 18th century, and popularized by English upper-middle class men and women in the late 19th century and early 20th century. Now, some clubs are more accommodating about the gender and social status of their members. Many countries outside the United Kingdom have prominent gentlemen’s clubs.

Today, gentlemen’s clubs in the United States remain more prevalent in older cities, especially those on the East Coast. Only 12 American cities have five or more existing clubs: Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, Cincinnati, Denver, Los Angeles, New Orleans, New York City, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Seattle, and Washington, D.C. New York City contains more than any other American city. The Yale Club of New York City, comprising a clubhouse of 22 stories and a worldwide membership of over 11,000, is the largest traditional gentlemen’s club in the world.[7]

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In the United States, the term “gentlemen’s club” commonly is used to refer euphemistically to strip clubs. As a result, traditional gentlemen’s clubs often are referred to as “men’s clubs” or “city clubs” (as opposed to country clubs) or simply as “private social clubs” or just “private clubs”.

Today’s society has created many stereotypes for men. The movie and the video industries have done a fantastic job exploiting these stereotypes for profit. So how do real gentlemen in today’s society cut through all of this clutter and confusion to embrace their own true identity?

Today’s Gentleman

Justin Timberlake released his 2013 single Suit & Tie and emphasized the idea of men taking pride in their appearance and harken back to the original image of the English upper-middle class male. Although the lyrics are definitely pop-culture-strong (with Jay-Z’s collaboration), it does suggest a marriage in the third verse of the song lyrics. So it’s not easy to see what someone who looks like a gentleman is really thinking even in a 2013 popular video.

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Two Lifehack articles (authored by very perceptive women)  list many qualities that today’s gentleman embody. Please enjoy the insights of Ariel C. Williams and  Tegan Jones and see if you agree with them.

They say that most intelligent men understand that women like to have romance in a relationship. Appearance, behavior, and language can all express romance.

But intent drives them all. A real gentleman values their relationships and they know who they are and what values are important to them. Trying to impress or “romance” a women by telling them what they want to hear without really meaning it is no gentleman at all.

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A gentleman is all about the relationship. Women are equal and different in their eyes. Respect for life is all-important and every child that is conceived by a gentleman will be fathered by that gentleman for the rest of his life. He can be a friend to a women without wanting a sexual encounter with her. He understands the strength needed to be patient, kind, empathetic, intelligent, firm, and loyal.

He also can easily say three things without hesitation and when appropriate:

  1. “I’m sorry” (I guess I am human after all.)
  2. “I changed my mind” (…now that I know more about this.)
  3. “I was wrong” (What was I thinking?)

So a man in a tux may look like a gentleman, walk like a gentleman, talk like a gentleman, and even act like a gentleman (go here for 10 things a gentleman does). But all of those may not reveal his true intent. So just ask him about it and if he is a true gentleman, he will answer with sincerity and excitement. Your conversation from that point on should be truly amazing!

Featured photo credit: Man kissing womans hand via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on November 5, 2019

12 Powerful Habits of a Lifelong Learner

12 Powerful Habits of a Lifelong Learner

Formal education is something everyone has to go through to a certain degree, and the knowledge it offers isn’t always that practical in real life. Life long learning is how you improve as a person, bit by bit and day by day.

Life long learners recognize the importance and joy of growth so they never settle for what they currently know and always seek for improvement.

Here are 12 habits of people who value lifelong learning have in common – see how many of them you recognize in yourself.

1. They Read on a Daily Basis

Whatever problem or dilemma you currently face, there’s definitely at least one decent book that discusses it and presents a variety of solutions.

Reading is a great way to open up new horizons, train your brain and revolutionize your life. I can’t even count how many times books completely transformed the way I view the world, and it’s always a change for the better. Through reading, you can connect with successful people and learn from the lessons they share.

Life long learners love to get lost in books and do it regularly. Bill Gates knows that reading matters a lot; on his personal blog, he reviews plenty of game-changing books.

Due to technology, you can access a bookshelf of the wealthiest entrepreneur on this planet.

2. They Attend Various Courses

Whether it’s online or offline, there are countless courses you can participate in without spending a dime on it. These are great opportunities to connect with clever and like-minded people and learn from them.

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Because of the advanced technology, you can now gain knowledge from online programs, starting from coding through self-improvement to programs from top universities.

There are literally endless ways to thrive. What life long learners have in common is squeezing as much as possible out of these opportunities.

3. They Actively Seek Opportunities to Grow

Instead of spending your free time laying on the couch and watching TV, you prefer doing something creative and practical. You know every wasted minute is gone forever.

That’s why you’d rather practice your language skills with a native-speaker you’ve met, engage in local meet up or attend a class that teaches something you always wanted to learn.

Life long learners stay up-to-date with growth opportunities in their areas and participate in them frequently.

4. They Take Care of Their Bodies

“Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.” — John F. Kennedy

A clever mind combined with a body in a great condition is the best asset you can have. Our bodies were designed to run, walk, jump, swim, lift and much more. Leading a sedentary lifestyle harms both your physical and mental sphere.

Life long learners know the body is your temple. In order to make it flourish for as long as possible, they train regularly, move a lot and eat healthy.

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5. They Have Diverse Passions

Among Steve Jobs’ wise quotes, there’s one I like especially. It’s about connecting the dots:

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” — Steve Jobs

Each dot is some event or skill in your life, and it’s only when you go through these elements that you know how to combine them into something great.

Having a variety of passions indicates that you love to progress. By practicing different skills, you give yourself an advantage over the rest of the people. During hard times, you are more likely to to act intelligently and solve your problems with less effort.

6. They Love Making Progress

If behind the efforts, there is passion and a deep desire to grow, your chances of success are way higher, compared to when you are forced to learn.

Life long learners love to experience the constant growth and improvement. The breakthrough moments help them to notice the impressive change that took place because of the learning process. Any milestone serves as a driving force for further headway.

7. They Challenge Themselves with Specific Goals

In order to keep growing, you clearly define your goals. Smart goal setting is one of the tools to ensure constant growth.

Since you love challenges, a difficult goal doesn’t scare you. Quite the opposite, it keeps you motivated and engaged.

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Research showed that precise and ambitious goals increase the performance of an individual. As we already agreed, life long learners are people who care about their performance, hence they never stop improving.

8. They Embrace Change

A complete change can lead to incredible results. This is especially visible on the example of successful companies.

Oftentimes, it’s that transformation which created space for their so-called overnight success. Twitter was originally created as an internal service to serve Odeo employees. Currently, it has over 300 million monthly active users and is considered the second biggest social network.

As a life long learner, you know a change can lead to extraordinary results so you welcome it and stay open minded about making a shift.

9. They Believe It’s Never Too Late to Start Something

Some people tend to think after a certain age, they are no longer allowed to start something and become successful. The truth is, it’s just a lame excuse not to leave the comfort zone.

Opposite to common misconceptions, there’s no wrong age to begin something. Henry Ford was 45 when he invented the Ford Model T car, which is considered as the first affordable automobile.

Sure, for some domains like becoming a professional athlete, starting early is required. However, to learn and improve for its own sake, you are never too old.

10. Their Attitude to Getting Better Is Contagious

“We now accept the fact that learning is a life long process of keeping abreast of change. And the most pressing task is to teach people how to learn.” — Peter Drucker

There’s nothing better than to see your surroundings getting involved in what you actively participate in. Oftentimes, the best way to achieve that is to inspire them and be the example. As Gandhi would say, you need to be the change you want to see in the world.

As a life long learner, you are extremely passionate about the constant growth and people around you can sense that positive attitude. As a result, they start acting similarly.

11. They Leave Their Comfort Zone

Is it really better to step out of your comfort zone? The answer is always yes.

You always embrace discomfort as you know the path to success leads through hardship and countless obstacles. Instead of being afraid of facing them, you challenge yourself to overcome more and more difficult handicaps.

Every time you get out of your comfort zone, regardless whether you win or fail, you learn something new. That’s the part you love the most!

12. They Never Settle Down

“Knowledge is exploding, so you need to commit yourself to a plan for life long learning.” — Don Tapscott

A sense of being clever enough is something you don’t experience. Without a doubt, you appreciate what you already know, but that’s never a reason to stop. You just know once you stop learning, you lose the amazing privilege humans have, namely an ability to a never-ending intellectual development.

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Featured photo credit: Christin Hume via unsplash.com

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