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12 Things A Real Gentleman Does Differently

12 Things A Real Gentleman Does Differently

Three-piece suits, pocket squares and fob watches may be coming back into fashion, but that doesn’t mean the guys wearing them can be classified as ‘gentlemen.’ Today we’re going to have a look at the qualities a true gentleman possesses. I’d also like to point out this is just as relevant to women, because essentially being a gentleman means not being an arsehole to people, and there are plenty of girls who can apply this philosophy to their every day lives. So when you’re reading these points, be aware I’m talking to both genders. Also, know you won’t be finding any rubbish about dress sense, wine knowledge or vocabulary here.

1. They’re Respectful…To Everyone

I get really annoyed at the misconception that a gentleman, or an actual guy who is nice, should be respectful to a woman he is interested in. This simply perpetuates the idea that respect is merely a tool to be exchanged for sex. A true gentleman, and gentlewoman for that matter, should be polite and respectful to everyone, regardless of gender. He or she shouldn’t be using it as a means of attraction.

2. They Support Their Partners’ Dreams And Goals

Unless his partner aims to be a crackhead, a gentleman should respect her life ambitions, even if they can be difficult to achieve. In my case, my partner is incredibly supportive of my freelance writing because he is awesome and believes in me. By the same token, I don’t think it’s anyone’s sole responsibility to financially support someone who isn’t bringing anything to the table themselves. Again in my case, my partner does earn more money, but I also work two additional jobs to contribute to the household. That’s my choice, not his. In my opinion, you should never expect someone else to support your goals and dreams if you won’t support your own; financially or emotionally.

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3. They’re Honest And Open

A gentleman is less likely to engage in the oh-so-attractive game playing when it comes to romance. He is open and honest, because when you find the right person, neither of you feel the need to go down the road of calculating how many days after a date you should call, pretend not to actually like them so they’ll like you more, and purposely withdraw affection.

4. They Don’t Abandon Their Partner When Things Get Tough

Relationships aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. Some days they can be incredibly tough, no matter how much you love each other. A gentleman doesn’t run away when things get a little hard; he supports his partner and the relationship itself.

5. They’re Polite – To Everyone

Again, politeness shouldn’t be used as a weapon for pants-dropping. A gentleman should be polite to everyone, with no ulterior motive.

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6. They Keep Doors Open For Everyone

This may be a controversial point, because I know a lot of people hate it when guys open doors for them. But here’s my philosophy on the subject: If I’m about to walk through a door, I always either let the person behind me go first, or keep it open for him or her once I’ve gone through. Perhaps the former is a bit much, but it’s something I’ve always done. I do however think it’s incredibly rude if I’m right behind someone and he or she lets the door close in my face. So in my humble opinion, I think a gentleman should keep a door open for someone behind him, regardless of gender or age. It’s just common courtesy.

7. They Compromise

Gentlemen know compromise is a necessity when it comes to a happy, healthy relationship. Regardless of their own wants or needs (including rules about anything they have in their heads, including this list) they take their partners’ opinions and needs into consideration. Once again, the same goes for us too ladies. No matter who you are, it is not all about you.

8. They’re Feminists

Yeah, you heard me. Feel free to start writing your flame comments now if you like. Despite the fact that it’s 2014, plenty of people (both male and female) are laboring under the misconception that feminism is a dirty word. In addition, they confuse the word ‘feminism’ with ‘misandry.’ A real gentleman is aware feminism is the belief that both men and women deserve to be treated equally, and they will have absolutely no problem with that.

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9. They Help People

Gentlemen go out of their way to help people around them, whether they’re loved ones or someone they haven’t met. I’m not saying they need to devote their entire lives to helping others every second, but random acts of kindness never go astray.

10. They Put Family First

Whether their partner, parents and siblings or even close friends; these people will always come first to a gentleman. They don’t abandon their sick wife to go drinking with their mates, or stay home on Easter because they can’t be bothered seeing the in-laws. Family is everything to them.

11. Their Actions Speak Louder Than Words

A friend said to me recently, a gentleman is “someone whose actions reach further than his own self-interest.” I think that sums it up beautifully.

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12. They Don’t Claim to Be ‘Nice Guys’

Gentlemen, in the truest sense of the word, are not ‘Nice Guys.’ In case you’re unaware, ‘Nice Guys’ are dudes who claim to respect women and to be super nice and yet complain when girls don’t immediately drop their pants for them. Usually this is because the girl in question didn’t react favorably to unsolicited poetry, declarations of love, expensive presents or referring to her as “milady” within the two weeks of meeting. This is usually followed by calling her ‘slut’ or the b-word and whining about being ‘friend zoned’ again. These guys are in no way nice and are certainly not gentlemen; regardless of how many doors they open or dozens of roses they send. They simply cover up their psychological issues and inherent misogyny with a veil of outdated chivalry and fedoras.

More by this author

Tegan Jones

Tegan is a passionate journalist, writer and editor. She writes about lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on October 14, 2020

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Today didn’t turn out as you planned, but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It simply means that you’re human, and you’re not bad just because you had a bad day.

“Not everyday is a good day but there is something good in every day.” -Alice Morse Earle

It’s not the end of the world when you find yourself thinking “I had a bad day,” but it can feel like it. You may have had plans that fell apart, experiences that set you back, and interactions that only did harm.

You may have started the day thinking you could take on it all, only to find you could hardly get out of bed. When you have a bad day, you can forget to look at the good.

Sometimes, self-care helps us to remember why we are worth it. It helps us to recharge and reset our mindset. It helps us to know that there are still options and that the day isn’t over yet.

Love yourself today, no matter how hard it’s been. That’s the way to find yourself amidst the hardships you have. That’s how you center yourself and regain focus and live a more meaningful life. Give yourself some credit and compassion.

Here are 7 ways to rebound from a bad day using self-compassion as a tool. If you had a bad day, these are for you!

1. Make a Gratitude List

In a study on gratitude, psychologists Dr. Robert A Emmons and Dr. Michael E. McCullough conducted an experiment where one group of people wrote out gratitude lists for ten weeks while another group wrote about irritations. The study found that the group that wrote about gratitude reported more optimistic mindsets in their lives[1].

Overall, having a gratitude list improved well-being and made one truly grateful by counting the blessings in their lives.

Write a list of what you are grateful for if you had a bad day. Make it as long as you like, but also remember to note why you’re grateful for each thing you write.

What has given you the most joy? What has set you up for better days? Keep a tally of triumphs in mind, especially when you do have the bad days.

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The day doesn’t define you, and you still have things of value that surround you. These could be material things, spiritual connections and experiences, relationships, basic needs, emotional and mental well-being, physical health, progress towards hopes and dreams, or simply being alive.

Here are some other simple ways to practice gratitude.

2. Write in a Journal

Journaling affects your overall mental health, which also affects physical health and aids in the management of stress, depression, anxiety, and more[2].

All you need is a pen and paper, or you could do an online, password-protected journal such as Penzu. The key is to get started and not pressure yourself on how polished or perfect it is. You don’t need to have prior experience to start journal writing. Just start.

Write out everything that is bothering you for 15 minutes. This helps with rumination, processing problems, and can even aid with brainstorming solutions.

However you approach it, you can find patterns of thinking that no longer serve you and start to transform your overall mental state. This will impact all areas of your life and is a great coping skill.

3. Meditate

Meditation can help you overcome negative thought patterns, worrying about the future, dwelling on the past, or struggling to overcome a bad day[3]. It shifts your mentality and helps you focus on the present or any one thing you truly want to focus on.

Here is an example of a meditation you can do:

Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Rest your body, release tension, and unclench your jaw. Tighten and release each muscle group in a body scan for progressive muscle relaxation.

Focus on your breath, taking a few deep breaths. Let your belly expand when you breathe in for diaphragmatic breathing. Empty yourself completely of air, then return to normal breathing.

Next, focus on the idea of self-love and let it erase negative thoughts. Think about the ways you’ve been judging yourself, with the narratives coming up that your mind may create.

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Give yourself unconditional love and release judgment. Take your time meditating on this because you matter. This is particularly important if you had a bad day.

Check out this article for more on how to get started with a meditation practice.

4. Do Child’s Pose

Yoga Outlet says:

“Child’s Pose is a simple way to calm your mind, slow your breath, and restore a feeling of peace and safety. Practicing the pose before bedtime can help to release the worries of the day. Practicing in the morning can you help transition from sleeping to waking.”[4]

When you do Child’s Pose, it can be between difficult positions in yoga, or it can be anytime you feel you need a rest. It helps you recover from difficulties and relax the mind.

It also has the physical health benefits of elongating your back, opening your hips, and helping with digestion[5].

To do Child’s Pose, rest your buttocks back on your feet, knees on the floor. Elongate your body over your knees with both arms extended or tucked back, with head and neck resting on the floor[6].

Had a bad day? Try Child's Pose.

     

    Do this pose as a gift to yourself. You are allowing yourself to heal, rest, get time for yourself, recover, and recharge. When you’ve had a bad day, it’s there waiting for you.

    5. Try Positive Self-Talk

    Engage in positive self-talk. This is essentially choosing your thoughts.

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    When you have a negative thought, such as “I can’t do this,” replace it consciously with the thought “I can do this.” Give yourself positive affirmations to help with this.

    Negative self-talk fits into four general categories: personalizing or blaming yourself, magnifying or only focusing on the negative, catastrophizing or expecting the worst to happen, and polarizing or only seeing back and white[7].

    When you stop blaming yourself for everything and start focusing on the positive, expecting things to work out, and seeing the areas of grey in life, you reverse these negative mindsets and engage in positive self-talk.

    When you speak words of kindness to yourself, your brain responds with a more positive attitude. That attitude will affect everything you do. It’s how you take care of yourself if you had a bad day.

    Check in with yourself to know when you are having negative self-talk. Are you seeing patterns? When did they start to become a problem? Are you able to turn these thoughts around?

    6. Use Coping Skills and Take a Break

    Use your coping skills. This means not letting your thoughts take control of yourself.

    You can distract yourself and escape a bit. Do things you love. You can exercise, listen to music, dance, volunteer or help someone, be in nature, or read a book.

    It isn’t about repression. It’s about redirection. You can’t stay in thoughts that are no longer working for you.

    Sometimes, it’s okay to get out of your own way. Give yourself a break from the things going on in your head. You can always come back to a problem later. This may even help you figure out the best course of action as sometimes stepping away is the only way to see the solution.

    If you had a bad day, you may not feel like addressing what went wrong. You may need a break, so take one.

    7. If a Bad Day Turns Into Bad Days

    “I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.” –Jim Carrey

    If you’ve been feeling out of control, depressed, or unstable for more than a few weeks, it’s time to call a mental health professional. This is not because you have failed in any way. It’s because you are human, and you simply need help.

    You may not be able to quickly rebound from a bad day, and that’s fine. Feel what you feel, but don’t let it consume you.

    When you talk to a professional, share the techniques that you have already tried here and whether they were helpful. They may tell you additional ideas or gain insights from your struggles of not being able to rebound from a series of bad days.

    If you’re having more than just a bad day, they will want to know. If you don’t have the answers, that’s okay, too. You just need to try these tools and figure out how you’re feeling. That’s all that’s required of you.

    Keep taking care of yourself. Any progress is progress, no matter how small. Give yourself a chance to get better by reaching out.

    Final Thoughts

    If you had a bad day, don’t let it stop you.

    Know this: It’s okay not to be okay. You have a right to feel what you feel. But there is something you can do about it.

    You can invest in yourself via self-care.

    You are not alone in this. Everyone has bad days from time to time. You just need to know that you are the positive things you tell yourself.

    More Things You Can Do If You Had a Bad Day

    Featured photo credit: Anthony Tran via unsplash.com

    Reference

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