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Stop! In The Name Of Love: 10 Things To Quit Doing In Your Relationship

Stop! In The Name Of Love: 10 Things To Quit Doing In Your Relationship

Nobody likes going one step forward and then two steps back. You may score some huge brownie points with a dozen roses, but then get the silent treatment for a dozen days for forgetting your anniversary. The healthiness of your relationship is absolutely dependent on your constant cultivation of each other’s joy and happiness. That means being aware of what your own and each other’s positive or negative behaviors may be. Here is a list of 10 important things that you really need to STOP doing.

1. Pretending Everything is OK

If you are angry with one another, say something! Address the problem. Man-up or woman-up, throw the flag and call the foul. The issue will only rot and grow like mold on cheese if you do not deal with it. Talk it through. Find an appropriate time to sit down with your honey and let them know how you really feel. Listen to one another without interrupting and come to a point of resolution!

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2. Forgetting to Compliment Each Other

There is no such thing as being too sweet in a healthy relationship. Keep pouring the honey on every single day and find one new thing to compliment each other on. That new shirt or that new dress, the new hair-do, or the new shoes. The list must go on!

3. The Need to Always Be Right

You can win a battle but completely lose the war. There are hills to die on and others to surrender on. You could try to “agree to disagree,” but that is just a B-grade way to try to be right. You may be absolutely certain that you have the right answer, but is hurting your loved one really going to be worth it? I didn’t think so either.

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4. Trying to Get Even

There is no need to return evil with evil. Third graders do that. Besides, two wrongs do not make a right. That basically is what happens when you try to get even. You’ve heard the phrase, turn the other cheek‒it is not easy to do, but neither was painting the Mona Lisa.

5. Zoning Out in Conversations

Oh yes, we’ve all done it. That TV show or that song that is playing in the background while your significant other is pouring their heart out to you. Is it really more important than what your sweetheart has to share with you? Hit the off button on the background noise and tune into what your guy or gal is saying.

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6. Hiding Flaws From One Another

You might be able to fool Penn & Teller with that illusion, but you really do not want to do that in your relationship. Illusions are always uncovered at some point. There is no need to shy away from being vulnerable. The truth is we are all so flawed in many ways. The neat thing is that in sharing with one another your flaws, you will be able to encourage one another to improve in whatever areas you are striving for.

7. Being “Too Busy” To Spend Time Together

All that really means is that your priorities lie elsewhere, which is a pretty big concern if one of your major priorities is not spending time together. If you keep hearing excuse after excuse, then those red flags need to be addressed. Carve out some specific times where you will spend time together. Many couples will have a weekly date night hanging out at their favorite burger joint or restaurant.

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8. Being Way Too Transparent

You really don’t need to tell one another how your third cousin who you have not seen in years thinks that you have not done a very good job with losing weight‒especially when that is something you have been pretty self-conscious about. Some things are just better left unsaid.

9. Going To Bed Angry

Going to bed with your back turned to one another, or even worse in another room is a bad idea. At least try to turn the frown upside down. Even if you cannot completely resolve the issue, try and make some peace and agree to talk more about it in the morning.

10. Being So Predictable

Variety is the spice of life. If you have given each other the same birthday or Christmas gift for the last three years, then Groundhog Day needs to finish. Or it may be that you go to the same restaurant for every ‘special’ occasion. That would become ‘unspecial’ pretty quickly, and so will your relationship.

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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