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Stop! In The Name Of Love: 10 Things To Quit Doing In Your Relationship

Stop! In The Name Of Love: 10 Things To Quit Doing In Your Relationship

Nobody likes going one step forward and then two steps back. You may score some huge brownie points with a dozen roses, but then get the silent treatment for a dozen days for forgetting your anniversary. The healthiness of your relationship is absolutely dependent on your constant cultivation of each other’s joy and happiness. That means being aware of what your own and each other’s positive or negative behaviors may be. Here is a list of 10 important things that you really need to STOP doing.

1. Pretending Everything is OK

If you are angry with one another, say something! Address the problem. Man-up or woman-up, throw the flag and call the foul. The issue will only rot and grow like mold on cheese if you do not deal with it. Talk it through. Find an appropriate time to sit down with your honey and let them know how you really feel. Listen to one another without interrupting and come to a point of resolution!

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2. Forgetting to Compliment Each Other

There is no such thing as being too sweet in a healthy relationship. Keep pouring the honey on every single day and find one new thing to compliment each other on. That new shirt or that new dress, the new hair-do, or the new shoes. The list must go on!

3. The Need to Always Be Right

You can win a battle but completely lose the war. There are hills to die on and others to surrender on. You could try to “agree to disagree,” but that is just a B-grade way to try to be right. You may be absolutely certain that you have the right answer, but is hurting your loved one really going to be worth it? I didn’t think so either.

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4. Trying to Get Even

There is no need to return evil with evil. Third graders do that. Besides, two wrongs do not make a right. That basically is what happens when you try to get even. You’ve heard the phrase, turn the other cheek‒it is not easy to do, but neither was painting the Mona Lisa.

5. Zoning Out in Conversations

Oh yes, we’ve all done it. That TV show or that song that is playing in the background while your significant other is pouring their heart out to you. Is it really more important than what your sweetheart has to share with you? Hit the off button on the background noise and tune into what your guy or gal is saying.

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6. Hiding Flaws From One Another

You might be able to fool Penn & Teller with that illusion, but you really do not want to do that in your relationship. Illusions are always uncovered at some point. There is no need to shy away from being vulnerable. The truth is we are all so flawed in many ways. The neat thing is that in sharing with one another your flaws, you will be able to encourage one another to improve in whatever areas you are striving for.

7. Being “Too Busy” To Spend Time Together

All that really means is that your priorities lie elsewhere, which is a pretty big concern if one of your major priorities is not spending time together. If you keep hearing excuse after excuse, then those red flags need to be addressed. Carve out some specific times where you will spend time together. Many couples will have a weekly date night hanging out at their favorite burger joint or restaurant.

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8. Being Way Too Transparent

You really don’t need to tell one another how your third cousin who you have not seen in years thinks that you have not done a very good job with losing weight‒especially when that is something you have been pretty self-conscious about. Some things are just better left unsaid.

9. Going To Bed Angry

Going to bed with your back turned to one another, or even worse in another room is a bad idea. At least try to turn the frown upside down. Even if you cannot completely resolve the issue, try and make some peace and agree to talk more about it in the morning.

10. Being So Predictable

Variety is the spice of life. If you have given each other the same birthday or Christmas gift for the last three years, then Groundhog Day needs to finish. Or it may be that you go to the same restaurant for every ‘special’ occasion. That would become ‘unspecial’ pretty quickly, and so will your relationship.

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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