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A List of 100 Questions to Ask Your Partner on Date Nights

A List of 100 Questions to Ask Your Partner on Date Nights

Date nights for established couples can feel boring and stale if you talk about the same old topics all the time. Talking about work, the kids, or household repairs should not be the primary focus of nights when you’re trying to reconnect as a couple.

So, here is a list of 100 — yes, 100 — questions that you can choose from to ask each other on your next dinner out.

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Use only two to three questions per date night, and really talk about the answers in depth. They range across various domains, including romance, intimacy, family, career, and many others.

The point is to get to know your partner on a deep level all over again. This will increase your feelings of closeness, connection, and romance, which we all know is the whole point of date night!

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100 Questions to Ask Your Partner on Date Nights

  1. What is your favorite memory of dating me?
  2. What is your favorite sexual memory of us?
  3. What food reminds you of me?
  4. When was the last time you thought about me in a positive way?
  5. What is your favorite thing that I do for you?
  6. What movie reminds you of us?
  7. Which of your parents are you most like?
  8. Which of our kids are most like you? (or if you aren’t parents yet: Do you ever picture having kids?)
  9. What’s my best physical feature?
  10. What do you like most that I do in bed?
  11. What’s your favorite time of day to be intimate?
  12. Do you like kissing or hugging more?
  13. When did you know you wanted to be monogamous with me?
  14. Do you ever get jealous if you see me talking to other attractive people?
  15. Do you ever dream about me?
  16. What do you think we need to work on the most in our relationship?
  17. If you got sick, do you think I would be there to care for you?
  18. Do you believe that I love you?
  19. When did you know you wanted to kiss me?
  20. What’s your favorite non-sex activity that we do together?
  21. As a child, did you trust both of your parents?
  22. What is your favorite thing I ever did for a special occasion for you?
  23. What is your favorite sexual fantasy?
  24. What is your favorite sexual position?
  25. Do you ever think about me sexually during the day?
  26. What is something I could do to make you trust me even more?
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    • When do you feel the most protected and taken care of?
    • What can I do to make sure you feel safe with me?
    • When we hang out with friends, do I make you feel like you’re still my priority?
    • When we are with my family, do I make you feel like you’re still my priority?
    • Do you have any deal-breakers, things that would make you seriously reconsider our relationship?
    • What was the very first thing you thought about me?
    • When did you first think I was attractive?
    • How long do you think people should wait before having kids?
    • What did you learn about marriage from your parents?
    • What did you learn about physical affection from your parents?
    • What is your favorite book?
    • What is your favorite song?
    • What was your first favorite movie, as a child?
    • What do you want to do when you retire?
    • Do you ever picture having grandchildren?
    • What’s another career that you think you would love?
    • What’s your favorite physical feature of your own?
    • Who was your favorite teacher when you were a child?
    • What’s your favorite memory with your mom?
    • What’s your favorite memory with your dad?
    • Which significant other before me had the biggest impact on you?
    • What did you think after your first sexual experience?
    • Did you like high school or college better?
    • Where have you always wanted to travel?
    • Did you ever consider a totally different career path?
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      • What was your favorite class in high school?
      • What was the best party you ever went to?
      • What’s the happiest you ever felt?
      • What’s the most anxious you ever felt?
      • What’s the angriest you ever felt?
      • Do you believe in God?
      • What’s a question you’ve never asked me?
      • What’s your favorite personality trait of your own?
      • Which of your personality traits do you wish you could change?
      • Have you ever gotten really obsessed with some topic?
      • Did you collect stuff as a child?
      • Which of your parents did you go to when you wanted to talk?
      • What’s the most scared you ever felt, as a child?
      • What’s the accomplishment you are most proud of?
      • Where do you want to be living in 10 years?
      • Which of your friends would you choose if you had to be on a desert island with just one?
      • Which of your friends is most like you?
      • What do you think about couples who are married but live in different cities?
      • What do you think about couples who own a business together and spend all their time together?
      • Which would you like most: a summer house, a year-long vacation, or a boat?
      • What would you do with a million dollars?
      • What would you do with an extra $1,000 to spend only on yourself?
      • When you were a kid, did you feel that you fitted in?
      • What was your favorite subject in middle school?
      • Did you go through puberty before or after everyone else, or right on time?
      • Who was your first crush?
      • Who was your first kiss?
      • Who was the first person to have a crush on you?
      • Do you think of yourself as an introvert or an extrovert?
      • If you could go back in time, what age would you be again?
      • If you could see into the future, what would you want to know?
      • What’s your greatest talent?
      • What is your most unique trait?
      • What makes me different from the other people you’ve been with?
      • What is the best thing about our relationship?
      • Do you ever compare yourself to other guys/girls?
      • Which of my friends do you think is the most fun?
      • Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist?
      • When you wake up in the middle of the night, what do you think about?
      • If you had to change one thing about yourself, what would you pick?
      • Do you think I’m more of an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist?
      • As a teenager, did you ever rebel against your parents?
      • Who’s the closest person to you in your extended family?
      • Did you ever want more or fewer siblings?
      • How did you siblings shape who you are?
      • What was your favorite date night we ever had?
      • What are your secret thoughts when you see me at the end of the day?
      • Do you ever wish I could read your mind? When?
      • What things about me make you know I’m the one for you?

      Whew! That was a long list. Now go make reservations, and there is no excuse if you end up talking about the cat vomiting on the rug.

      More Dating Ideas for Couples

      50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

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      The Best Date Night Movies That Guys Will Enjoy Just As Much As Girls

      18 Ways To Bring More Fun Into Your Romance

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      Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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      Samantha Rodman

      Clinical psychologist, author, blogger, wife and mommy.

      Top 7 Websites To Ask For Relationship Advice A List of 100 Questions to Ask Your Partner on Date Nights 10 Little Ways To Show Your Kids You Love Them Every Day Learn How to Make a Genuine Apology How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps

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      Last Updated on December 4, 2020

      How to Give Constructive Feedback in the Workplace

      How to Give Constructive Feedback in the Workplace

      We all crave constructive feedback. We want to know not just what we’re doing well but also what we could be doing better.

      However, giving and getting constructive feedback isn’t just some feel-good exercise. In the workplace, it’s part and parcel of how companies grow.

      Let’s take a closer look.

      Why Constructive Feedback Is Critical

      A culture of feedback benefits individuals on a team and the team itself. Constructive feedback has the following effects:

      Builds Workers’ Skills

      Think about the last time you made a mistake. Did you come away from it feeling attacked—a key marker of destructive feedback—or did you feel like you learned something new?

      Every time a team member learns something, they become more valuable to the business. The range of tasks they can tackle increases. Over time, they make fewer mistakes, require less supervision, and become more willing to ask for help.

      Boosts Employee Loyalty

      Constructive feedback is a two-way street. Employees want to receive it, but they also want the feedback they give to be taken seriously.

      If employees see their constructive feedback ignored, they may take it to mean they aren’t a valued part of the team. Nine in ten employees say they’d be more likely to stick with a company that takes and acts on their feedback.[1]

      Strengthens Team Bonds

      Without trust, teams cannot function. Constructive feedback builds trust because it shows that the giver of the feedback cares about the success of the recipient.

      However, for constructive feedback to work its magic, both sides have to assume good intentions. Those giving the feedback must genuinely want to help, and those getting it has to assume that the goal is to build them up rather than to tear them down.

      Promotes Mentorship

      There’s nothing wrong with a single round of constructive feedback. But when it really makes a difference is when it’s repeated—continuous, constructive feedback is the bread and butter of mentorship.

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      Be the change you want to see on your team. Give constructive feedback often and authentically, and others will naturally start to see you as a mentor.

      Clearly, constructive feedback is something most teams could use more of. But how do you actually give it?

      How to Give Constructive Feedback

      Giving constructive feedback is tricky. Get it wrong, and your message might fall on deaf ears. Get it really wrong, and you could sow distrust or create tension across the entire team.

      Here are ways to give constructive feedback properly:

      1. Listen First

      Often, what you perceive as a mistake is a decision someone made for a good reason. Listening is the key to effective communication.

      Seek to understand: how did the other person arrive at her choice or action?

      You could say:

      • “Help me understand your thought process.”
      • “What led you to take that step?”
      • “What’s your perspective?”

      2. Lead With a Compliment

      In school, you might have heard it called the “sandwich method”: Before (and ideally, after) giving difficult feedback, share a compliment. That signals to the recipient that you value their work.

      You could say:

      • “Great design. Can we see it with a different font?”
      • “Good thinking. What if we tried this?”

      3. Address the Wider Team

      Sometimes, constructive feedback is best given indirectly. If your comment could benefit others on the team, or if the person whom you’re really speaking to might take it the wrong way, try communicating your feedback in a group setting.

      You could say:

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      • “Let’s think through this together.”
      • “I want everyone to see . . .”

      4. Ask How You Can Help

      When you’re on a team, you’re all in it together. When a mistake happens, you have to realize that everyone—not just the person who made it—has a role in fixing it. Give constructive feedback in a way that recognizes this dynamic.

      You could say:

      • “What can I do to support you?”
      • “How can I make your life easier?
      • “Is there something I could do better?”

      5. Give Examples

      To be useful, constructive feedback needs to be concrete. Illustrate your advice by pointing to an ideal.

      What should the end result look like? Who has the process down pat?

      You could say:

      • “I wanted to show you . . .”
      • “This is what I’d like yours to look like.”
      • “This is a perfect example.”
      • “My ideal is . . .”

      6. Be Empathetic

      Even when there’s trust in a team, mistakes can be embarrassing. Lessons can be hard to swallow. Constructive feedback is more likely to be taken to heart when it’s accompanied by empathy.

      You could say:

      • “I know it’s hard to hear.”
      • “I understand.”
      • “I’m sorry.”

      7. Smile

      Management consultancies like Credera teach that communication is a combination of the content, delivery, and presentation.[2] When giving constructive feedback, make sure your body language is as positive as your message. Your smile is one of your best tools for getting constructive feedback to connect.

      8. Be Grateful

      When you’re frustrated about a mistake, it can be tough to see the silver lining. But you don’t have to look that hard. Every constructive feedback session is a chance for the team to get better and grow closer.

      You could say:

      • “I’m glad you brought this up.”
      • “We all learned an important lesson.”
      • “I love improving as a team.”

      9. Avoid Accusations

      Giving tough feedback without losing your cool is one of the toughest parts of working with others. Great leaders and project managers get upset at the mistake, not the person who made it.[3]

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      You could say:

      • “We all make mistakes.”
      • “I know you did your best.”
      • “I don’t hold it against you.”

      10. Take Responsibility

      More often than not, mistakes are made because of miscommunications Recognize your own role in them.

      Could you have been clearer in your directions? Did you set the other person up for success?

      You could say:

      • “I should have . . .”
      • “Next time, I’ll . . .”

      11. Time it Right

      Constructive feedback shouldn’t catch people off guard. Don’t give it while everyone is packing up to leave work. Don’t interrupt a good lunch conversation.

      If in doubt, ask the person to whom you’re giving feedback to schedule the session themselves. Encourage them to choose a time when they’ll be able to focus on the conversation rather than their next task.

      12. Use Their Name

      When you hear your name, your ears naturally perk up. Use that when giving constructive feedback. Just remember that constructive feedback should be personalized, not personal.

      You could say:

      • “Bob, I wanted to chat through . . .”
      • “Does that make sense, Jesse?”

      13. Suggest, Don’t Order

      When you give constructive feedback, it’s important not to be adversarial. The very act of giving feedback recognizes that the person who made the mistake had a choice—and when the situation comes up again, they’ll be able to choose differently.

      You could say:

      • “Next time, I suggest . . .”
      • “Try it this way.”
      • “Are you on board with that?”

      14. Be Brief

      Even when given empathetically, constructive feedback can be uncomfortable to receive. Get your message across, make sure there are no hard feelings, and move on.

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      One exception? If the feedback isn’t understood, make clear that you have plenty of time for questions. Rushing through what’s clearly an open conversation is disrespectful and discouraging.

      15. Follow Up

      Not all lessons are learned immediately. After giving a member of your team constructive feedback, follow it up with an email. Make sure you’re just as respectful and helpful in your written feedback as you are on your verbal communication.

      You could say:

      • “I wanted to recap . . .”
      • “Thanks for chatting with me about . . .”
      • “Did that make sense?”

      16. Expect Improvement

      Although you should always deliver constructive feedback in a supportive manner, you should also expect to see it implemented. If it’s a long-term issue, set milestones.

      By what date would you like to see what sort of improvement? How will you measure that improvement?

      You could say:

      • “I’d like to see you . . .”
      • “Let’s check back in after . . .”
      • “I’m expecting you to . . .”
      • “Let’s make a dent in that by . . .”

      17. Give Second Chances

      Giving feedback, no matter how constructive, is a waste of time if you don’t provide an opportunity to implement it. Don’t set up a “gotcha” moment, but do tap the recipient of your feedback next time a similar task comes up.

      You could say:

      • “I know you’ll rock it next time.”
      • “I’d love to see you try again.”
      • “Let’s give it another go.”

      Final Thoughts

      Constructive feedback is not an easy nut to crack. If you don’t give it well, then maybe it’s time to get some. Never be afraid to ask.

      More on Constructive Feedback

      Featured photo credit: Christina @ wocintechchat.com via unsplash.com

      Reference

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