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Improve Your Self Esteem in 5 Steps

Improve Your Self Esteem in 5 Steps

Most of us struggle with poor self esteem in one way or another. Perhaps you’re too hard on yourself at work, or you struggle to strike out in new social situations. Healthy self esteem is vital to our development, our ability to take on challenges and our ability to make new relationships. Try these five simple steps to give your self esteem a much-needed boost.

1. Practice positive affirmations

Have you listened to your inner voice lately? What do you say to yourself? Are your words positive and full of encouragement, or are they harsh and loaded with criticism? Take some time to listen to the things you say to yourself. Those with low self esteem often report that they frequently tell themselves they are stupid when they make a mistake or that the challenge they are facing is going to be a disaster. Don’t be your own worst enemy! Confront negative self-talk and practice positive affirmations. It may feel uncomfortable at first but there’s nothing wrong with giving yourself praise. Stand tall, in front of a mirror, and recite positive statements about yourself, such as: “I am a great person”, “I can handle this challenge” or “I make a positive impact in my friends’ lives”. Over time you’ll begin to quiet the damaging side of your inner voice and embrace the positive affirmations that you are hearing.

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2. Acknowledge the things you are good at

Every single person is good at something. We’re taught, from a young age, to dismiss our talents for the sake of humility but that can lead to us being overly critical of ourselves or forming a negative self image. Certain life situations, such as applying for a new job, require us to mention our strong points. Don’t wait until the night before the interview to start connecting with your strengths. Acknowledge your abilities, aloud or to yourself, and don’t be tempted to follow each statement with a disclaimer or rebuttal. Again, listen to your self talk and the way that you refer to yourself in front of others. There is nothing wrong with saying, “Actually, I am good at that” or “This is one of my best features”.

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3. Celebrate the small wins (as well as the big ones!)

Society and the media love to focus on extremes–self-made millionaires, Olympic athletes, miraculous medical cures. But for most of us, these things will never happen and we learn to see ourselves as lesser than others who experience these unusually explosive achievements. Take some time to be think about your own wins in a realistic fashion. What have you accomplished recently? What made you feel good? By giving yourself positive reinforcement for everything you do, you’re challenging the idea that you won’t be successful/valuable/worthy until you achieve a certain (possibly unattainable) target. That’s not to say we can’t aim for bigger, better things but if we only focus on the enormous goals, we’re going to miss everything along the way. Focus on what’s real for you right now, don’t put off celebrating for the sake of achievements that may never come to fruition.

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4. Value yourself unconditionally

We’re all programmed to place conditions on our self worth. “I’m a valuable person because I…” We define success by fixed outcomes, like wealth, career progression or public acknowledgement. This is a disastrous move as it implies that we are nothing without certain accomplishments. Every person has value. Make a commitment to changing your attitude towards your self worth. Your worldly achievements are worth celebrating, but they do not define you. Recognise that you are valuable just as you are–simply for being you.

5. Accept compliments

How many times have you offered someone a compliment, only for them to say, “Oh no, you’re too kind” or “Oh that? It was nothing”? It’s the social norm to reject compliments, as accepting them can be considered cocky or self-obsessed. This is such a strange social construct; compliments given in ernest are meant to make us feel appreciated. What’s more, rejecting them feeds a message to our self conscious that we’re undeserving of compliments, or that praise doesn’t apply to us. I say, buck this strange trend and start graciously accepting compliments. You don’t need to say any more than, “Thank you,” if that’s all you feel comfortable with, but even the simplest acknowledgement will start to work on your self esteem.

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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