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After Asking Myself These 7 Questions, I Feel Happier

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After Asking Myself These 7 Questions, I Feel Happier

In order to feel happier, take a look at what you do have and should be thankful for, instead of focusing on what you lack. There are a lot of questions that, when answered, will yield positive results for you. Here are seven things you can ask yourself to feel happier:

1. Am I loved?

I feel happier when I ask myself if I have loved ones in my life. Do you have people around you who truly, deeply care about you and whom you care equally as much about? Our relationships define us, and the quality of those relationships is in many way synonymous with the quality of our lives. Don’t settle for toxic friendships or unhealthy companionships; you deserve better than that. Build and maintain the positive relationships in your life to feel happier.

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2. Am I depended on?

When I’m thinking about the level of trust and faith others have in me, I feel a lot happier. Is there anyone that asks you for advice? That looks up to you? That needs your guidance? It’s nice to know you’re needed, and chances are that you’re needed by at least someone. Even if pessimism and self-doubt is more natural to you, try your best not underestimate your worth. Remind yourself of the people who depend on you and take pride in trying to live up to their expectations. When you meet them, and especially when you exceed them, your spirits will soar.

3. Am I without hope?

A negative question can sometimes lead to positive emotions. When you straight up ask yourself if things are hopeless, you’ll have a lot of trouble giving a definitive yes. You’ll start to think about all the reasons you have to say no to the question, reminding you of the hopeful things in your life.

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4. How far have I come from ______?

Think about your lowest point, even if doing so is uncomfortable. Then think about how far you’ve come from there. If you’re in a rut, remember how you’ve had it worse than you do now, and how all signs indicate that things will turn around this time, too.

5. Do I have options?

A lot of people’s decisions are made for them. They’re stuck at a dead-end job, trapped in debt, or bound by something equally constricting. Even if one of those situations applies to you, focus on the constrictions you don’t have that a lot of others are unfortunately held back by. I feel happier when I consider how many doors are open to me. Even if everything seems closed, you just have to keep looking. If you’re creative and persistent enough, you’ll find an opening into a better, more fulfilling life.

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6. Can I further involve myself in my hobbies?

Consider the things you already enjoy and find a way to make them even more enjoyable. Explore your hobbies and figure out ways to turn them into passions. One way is to take a more active role. Do you like looking at art? Start making it. Do you like reading? Consider becoming a writer. There are so many ways we can become more invested in the things we already love, so look into making that investment in order to feel happier.

7. What am I thankful for?

You don’t have to limit this question to Thanksgiving dinners; it’s one of the best things you can ask yourself all year. I feel happier when I consider what specifics I should be grateful for in my life. If you don’t immediately dwell on the negative you’ll quickly compile a healthy list of things you should be grateful for. You can even write them down, so you have a specific thing you can look at to feel happier.

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Featured photo credit: HAPPY/Leo Reynolds via flickr.com

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Matt OKeefe

Matt is a marketer and writer who shares about lifestyle and productivity tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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