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8 Reasons You Should Never Let Text Message Arguments Happen

8 Reasons You Should Never Let Text Message Arguments Happen

There’s a saying among opponents of text messaging that if the telephone was invented after a text messaging device, everyone would call each other and never text again. There’s something to be said about that. I know, texting is convenient, and in today’s busy world we can’t be bothered to call each other for every little thing, but it’s important to question that mindset, especially when it comes to having important conversations.

We’ve all seen the detriments of text messaging in one way or another, and the ensuing arguments are not pretty. While some miscommunication can lead to a short pang of anxiety, a small misunderstanding through texting could lead to something much worse.

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Texting is meant for quick communication

Texting should really only be used when you need to transmit important information quickly. “Got milk.” “Can you pick up Bobby?” “Be home soon.” Nothing can really be misconstrued from these quick messages (although don’t hold me to that). When texting is used as a primary means of communication, however, things start to get out of hand.

Unfocused communication

Anyone who texts knows that it’s not the only thing you do when you do it. Usually, you’re reading a book, watching TV, scrolling through Facebook, or something other than watching the screen waiting for the next message to come in. So when you’re in an argument with a friend or significant other, chances are you’re not truly focused on the problem, and your mind is elsewhere. Not hitting a disagreement head on leads to…

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Long, drawn out arguments

Texting draws arguments out much longer than they need to be. You have to sit and wait for the other party to respond, which could take anywhere from seconds to hours, depending on the situation. While most serious arguments are dealt with immediately, sometimes one person is left in limbo, not knowing if the other even got the text, or cared enough to read it. Any delay leaves one party anxiously paranoid, which only serves to further the argument.

Texting avoids necessary confrontation

Known to psychologists as a form of avoidance, texting about major conflicts is simply a way to talk about the situation as if it’s not actually happening to you. On that same note, if you’re discussing a problem about yourself as if it doesn’t apply to you, then the solution you reach doesn’t apply to you either; nothing gets accomplished via “solution by text.” It may be difficult, but couples who are comfortable talking out their problems in person are much more connected than those who only communicate “big things” through a cell phone screen.

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Texts can be ignored

You wouldn’t simply stare at your friend and not say something after he confronted you, would you? But we do it all the time with texts. The ultimate defense mechanism is ignoring the problem. It might be easiest at the time to simply put the phone down and come back to it “when you’re ready,” but, since there really is no convenient time to have an argument, you’ll keep putting it off until more and more damage is done. Don’t let things pile up to a breaking point; call and get through your problems.

Texting lacks emotional attachment

Like we just said, texting detaches you from the situation you’re discussing. But more than that, texts can be misconstrued, and be the beginning of certain arguments. You’ve heard the sentiment: “Oh, that sounded harsh, better say ‘lol’ and type a smiley face!” Chances are, if you sent a message that was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, it most likely came out as derogatory. If you made the same statement in person, your friend would have heard the sarcasm in your voice, and known not to take you too seriously.

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Texts aren’t private

Text messages definitely are not private. If you and your significant other are at a party, and face a disagreement, you can leave and deal with it without others looking on. When you argue through text, you run the risk of your SO tossing his (or her) phone to a friend, commenting “Look how ridiculous this conversation is.” Of course, all that will do is reinforce your SO’s perspective, as the friend will most likely agree with the comment. Arguments should not be about “who’s right,” but rather about how both parties can reach a common ground. Making an argument public is completely counter-intuitive to this.

Texting leads to regretful statements

We’ve discussed how emotionally detached text messaging is, but let’s take it a step further. Since both parties are using texts as an emotional wall, they sometimes feel like they can say hurtful, terrible things that they never would say if they were face-to-face. In person, they’d see the love in each others’ faces, and the emotions in their voices. Being physically close to a loved one while arguing makes you realize that, in the long-run, the current argument is trivial compared to the love you share. Seriously. The next time you’re upset with someone you love, try to argue in person. Chances are, it won’t last long, and will be much more productive for your relationship.

Featured photo credit: Free File Hunt via freefilehunt.com

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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