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7 Positives Only Introverts Would Understand

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7 Positives Only Introverts Would Understand

There’s an avalanche of information about introverts on the web. The great thing about it is that it helps a lot of people realize their own introverted tendencies. Many introverts are beginning to understand why situations commonly perceived as problems by many are, well, simply non-problems for them. Here are some of those positives only introverts would understand.

1. They love cancelled parties.

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    Introverts love cancelled parties. Okay, maybe love is too strong a word. But an introvert really wouldn’t mind if a big party he was invited to suddenly got cancelled or postponed.

    Partying with a big group of people for a long period of time zaps an introvert’s energy. To expend less energy, introverts enjoy one-on-one conversations instead of group activities. You may know someone who’s dubbed as a “kill joy” because he wants to leave a party early. Stop the name-calling and consider that maybe that person is just tired and needs to recharge by spending some time by himself. He could be an introvert.

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    2. They’re cool with shutting up.

    introvert-02

      Society has a funny perception of silence. It’s as if something is terribly wrong if someone just wants to sit quietly by himself.

      Remember that there is such a thing as companionable silence. It’s when two people are so relaxed and comfortable with each other that no words need to be spoken. And there’s solitude too, which is the creative’s refuge.

      Introverts like silence and solitude because it’s during quiet times that many people, not just introverts, produce billion-dollar ideas, relax their minds, and recharge their bodies to face another day.

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      3. They get high (with energy) on being alone.

      No invites on a Friday night? No problem!

      While most people would be horrified and perhaps acutely depressed at the thought of spending the weekend minus social activities, your typical introvert is already getting started on his reading or movie list. That, or he’s already out hiking, hanging out at a bookshop, gardening, or writing weird poetry at the cafe.

      But remember that being alone doesn’t equate to loneliness. The thing is, introverts need “alone time” for them to conserve their energy. This doesn’t mean that they’re alone all the time. Balance is key as Marti Olsen Laney explains in her book, The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, “Introverts need to balance their alone time with outside time, or they can lose other perspectives and connections.”

      4. They’re comfortable with eating alone.

      Dining alone has such a bad reputation, doesn’t it? Heaven forbid you eat a meal without a living human body next to you!

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      For most introverts, solo dining is a relaxing experience and a good opportunity to truly enjoy a meal in peace. Bear in mind that introverts have a low threshold for stimulation and are easily distracted. It’s a good thing people are starting to realize the value of dining in peace, like this restaurant.

      5. They just like to watch.

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        As funny as that may sound, they do.

        Introverts are observant by nature. They’re the quiet ones who prefer to sit at the sidelines and observe those around them. And no, they’re not judging people when they do this. This also doesn’t mean that introverts are wallflowers. They can talk your ear off if the topic is something they’re passionate or know a lot about. They simply don’t feel the need nor have the energy to be social butterflies.

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        As Susan Cain puts it, “We’re not anti-social; we’re just differently social.”

        6. They have few friends.

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          More than anyone else, introverts are masters at prioritizing quality over quantity, especially when it comes to friends. They form  fewer but deeper relationships with people. Amazingly though, many introverts thrive in the online world. Perhaps because online communication and networking gives them more time to think and reflect about how to express their responses as compared to real-world conversations.

          7. They take it slow.

          Most of the time, taking things slow is seen as a weakness and the ability to “think on your feet” is favored over the ability to reflect. But introverts prefer to do things little by little and think carefully before making big decisions. The innate gifts of slowing down and tuning into their inner world and reflecting on experiences and situations allow them to better understand other people and empathize.

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          Introverts are good at unsettling extroverts without even trying. They can appear mysterious and don’t show much reaction or facial expression. So take the time to get to know someone and learn what makes them tick. Do this especially when your personality leans toward extroversion. Pretty soon these positives may hold true for you as well.

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          Last Updated on November 18, 2021

          10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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          10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

          We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

          A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

          So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

          • honest
          • reliable
          • competent
          • kind and compassionate
          • capable of taking the blame
          • able to persevere
          • modest and humble
          • pacific and can control anger.

          The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

          1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

          All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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          But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

          2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

          How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

          I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

          “The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

          Abigail Van Buren

          3. How does this person take the blame?

          Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

          4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

          You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

          5. Read their emails.

          Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

          • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
          • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
          • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
          • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
          • Too many question marks can show anger
          • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

          6. Watch out for the show offs.

          Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

          7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

          A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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          Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

          8. Their empathy score is high.

          Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

          People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

          9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

          We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

          “One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

          Stendhal

           10. Avoid toxic people.

          These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

          • Envy or jealousy
          • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
          • Complaining about their own lack of success
          • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
          • Obsession with themselves and their problems

          Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

          Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

          Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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