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5 Ways To Say “No”

5 Ways To Say “No”

We’ve all been there. You’re facing a week of tight deadlines and back to back meetings, when someone you like asks for your last minute help on a crucial project. Whether you’re in a hurry, surprised, trying to be agreeable, or simply underestimate your current obligations, saying yes to projects we can’t complete is damaging. And no matter how much we know we need to, saying no still fails to get easier. Because delaying too long or saying no at the last minute can harm relationships and opportunities, saying no effectively is a critical skill to learn. Most of us feel guilty and anxious when forced to turn something down. It’s important to remember, however, that rejecting a request is not the same as rejecting the person. While we all feel a desire to be accepted by our peers, this desire should not overpower our decisions in life. The following five approaches will make it easier for you to confidently say no, without sacrificing good relationships. 

Wait 

A simple way to start saying no is to impose a waiting period on yourself. If you feel your life is over scheduled, force yourself to wait 6, 12, or 24 hours after being asked before committing to anything new. This way you have something to say should someone ask for your help, and you also have a minute to yourself to decide what’s really important. Saying something like, “I’m waiting to hear if a few projects are confirmed, I can let you know as soon as possible” is direct, and it will give you time to consider the project.

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Filter Commitments

The best way to say no is to narrow down which activities or commitments you are least invested in. Take into account which responsibilities you agreed to first, then pick one or two that you simply don’t have time for. Saying no at first can be challenging. But by saying no to a few things you genuinely won’t be able to fit in, it can be easier to stick to your guns. Plus, you allow yourself the time and space to complete your other commitments with one hundred percent attention. Once you have some practice considering what you don’t need or can’t include in life, it will be easier to say no right when someone asks for your help and you’re overstretched.

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Minimize Excuses

Once you have said no, minimize any excuses you might use. You are never required to have proof that you’re busy and working hard on other things. If you don’t give excuses, you leave less room for interpretation. In addition to that, you don’t give the person another chance to ask you. Be direct, and stick to your decision. If the person pushes, just say that you simply have too much on your plate, but thank them for the opportunity.

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Minimize Work Intrusions

Once you’re more comfortable saying no out of necessity, try to minimize unnecessary work commitments (if your position allows). Some meetings don’t require you to be there, and could give you an hour or two to work on other valuable projects. State firmly and directly that you are overbooked. It’s also okay to give yourself time away from emails when you’re not at work. Don’t forget that letting your boss know you’d like to get your current projects right can actually work in your favor.

Find Your Boundaries

As you use the first four steps to say no in your life, you’ll start to figure out exactly where your limits are. As you discover how many things you can comfortably juggle, you’ll be able to better define your boundaries. You should quickly be better able to recognize when you start to feel over scheduled, and it is crucial to listen to this feeling. After applying these approaches, you’ll know where your limit is, so set boundaries at those limits and stick to them. Though saying no is a challenge at first, it is worthwhile to stay the course. Saying no lets you perform at a better level, and will ultimately make you a happier person.

Featured photo credit: smlp.co.uk via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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