If you don’t have time to make friends and build a social life, then you’re probably going about it the wrong way. Here are 5 reasons why your social life isn’t improving and what to do about it.
1. You Doubt That You Deserve Better Friends
Many people have hit a plateau. They made friends and had a social life in the past, but they don’t think they can get to the next level.
If this sounds familiar, then just know that as your personality evolves, your friendship needs evolve too. Your old friends might be amazing people, but if some of them aren’t supporting you with your ambitions, then you need new ones.
Your social skills aren’t set in stone; and it’s not like you’re stuck in the pecking order. You can chose whom you want to hang out with, starting now.
2. You Think You Don’t Have Time For It
Another reason people get lonely is that they wait for the right time to come. They think that socializing and friends require a huge chunk of time and energy. They figure, I don’t have any extra time, so I’ll worry about it later.
Well, have you ever told yourself that you don’t have time to go out and make friends? If that’s the case, I’d be curious to know what you do with all your time?
Indeed, some people have crazy shifts, like lawyers and doctors. But, if done right, your social life can be much easier and efficient than you imagine.
If you can dedicate one hour per week to catch up with people (calls, texts, messages, etc); and go out to meet them one evening every week, then that’s enough.
3. You Think That Social Media Is Helping
Social media provides the illusion of connection. You share photos, status updates, links, and messages; but are you really connected?
The way I see it, social media helps with people you can’t meet because they live far away. But if people are in your town, but you never meet other than online; let’s be honest, that’s not friendship. That’s the illusion of a connection.
And because it’s only a facade of social connection, it actually distracts you from what you’re really after. I recommend that you focus your time on a smaller number of friends; just the ones you actually want to meet and spend time with.
By focusing on fewer ‘real friends’ instead of many ‘online friends’, you quickly get a more honest look at your social life. And that honest perspective allows you to improve and have more of the friends you want.
4. You Still Think You Can Make Friends “Anywhere”
There is an old idea that if you’re socially skilled, you can make friends anywhere you are. That can be true, but for your day-to-day life, it’s not very relevant.
You can’t just go to a bar or a public place and find people that would be “fit” to be your friends. Sure, you can find great people, but a public place is actually not the best place to create friendships.
Friendship works in a way that it needs context. It needs to be in an environment that bring people together so they create a connection with one another. That’s why I always recommend that you stick with communities, clubs, and groups.
You can research on the internet for a few minutes and find communities that meet in the real world. Make sure that you choose communities that are about something you’re interested in. It’s much easier to build friendships within a private community.
5. You’re Not Improving Your Friendship Skills
Friendship is a skill like any other. If you haven’t “updated” your friendship knowledge and skill, then you’re depriving yourself of a real opportunity.
Sure, you may have learned a few things when you were younger. But making friends as a busy adult is very different from making friends as a kid or teenager.
If you’re living in a crazy-busy world, then you need new techniques and principles to have a decent social life. This is why I recommend that you put some conscious thought on how you’re going to make friends in the future.
It all starts with some curiosity and willingness to learn!