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5 Reasons Why Your Social Life Isn’t Improving, And What To Do About It

5 Reasons Why Your Social Life Isn’t Improving, And What To Do About It

If you don’t  have time to make friends and build a social life, then you’re probably going about it the wrong way. Here are 5 reasons why your social life isn’t improving and what to do about it.

1. You Doubt That You Deserve Better Friends

Many people have hit a plateau. They made friends and had a social life in the past, but they don’t think they can get to the next level.

If this sounds familiar, then just know that as your personality evolves, your friendship needs evolve too. Your old friends might be amazing people, but if some of them aren’t supporting you with your ambitions, then you need new ones.

Your social skills aren’t set in stone; and it’s not like you’re stuck in the pecking order. You can chose whom you want to hang out with, starting now.

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2. You Think You Don’t Have Time For It

Another reason people get lonely is that they wait for the right time to come. They think that socializing and friends require a huge chunk of time and energy. They figure, I don’t have any extra time, so I’ll worry about it later.

Well, have you ever told yourself that you don’t have time to go out and make friends? If that’s the case, I’d be curious to know what you do with all your time?

Indeed, some people have crazy shifts, like lawyers and doctors. But, if done right, your social life can be much easier and efficient than you imagine.

If you can dedicate one hour per week to catch up with people (calls, texts, messages, etc); and go out to meet them one evening every week, then that’s enough.

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3. You Think That Social Media Is Helping

Social media provides the illusion of connection. You share photos, status updates, links, and messages; but are you really connected?

The way I see it, social media helps with people you can’t meet because they live far away.  But if people are in your town, but you never meet other than online; let’s be honest, that’s not friendship. That’s the illusion of a connection.

And because it’s only a facade of social connection, it actually distracts you from what you’re really after. I recommend that you focus your time on a smaller number of friends; just the ones you actually want to meet and spend time with.

By focusing on fewer ‘real friends’ instead of many ‘online friends’, you quickly get a more honest look at your social life. And that honest perspective allows you to improve and have more of the friends you want.

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4. You Still Think You Can Make Friends “Anywhere”

There is an old idea that if you’re socially skilled, you can make friends anywhere you are. That can be true, but for your day-to-day life, it’s not very relevant.

You can’t just go to a bar or a public place and find people that would be “fit” to be your friends. Sure, you can find great people, but a public place is actually not the best place to create friendships.

Friendship works in a way that it needs context. It needs to be in an environment that bring people together so they create a connection with one another. That’s why I always recommend that you stick with communities, clubs, and groups.

You can research on the internet for a few minutes and find communities that meet in the real world. Make sure that you choose communities that are about something you’re interested in. It’s much easier to build friendships within a private community.

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5. You’re Not Improving Your Friendship Skills

Friendship is a skill like any other. If you haven’t “updated” your friendship knowledge and skill, then you’re depriving yourself of a real opportunity.

Sure, you may have learned a few things when you were younger. But making friends as a busy adult is very different from making friends as a kid or teenager.

If you’re living in a crazy-busy world, then you need new techniques and principles to have a decent social life. This is why I recommend that you put some conscious thought on how you’re going to make friends in the future.

It all starts with some curiosity and willingness to learn!

More by this author

Paul Sanders

A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

How to Keep a Conversation Going and Never Run Out of Things to Say What to Do When You Have No Friends and Feel Lonely 7 Tips How to Make Friends During College 5 Reasons Why Your Social Life Isn’t Improving, And What To Do About It How To Quietly Build A Social Life

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Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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