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5 Reasons Vaguebooking Is Destroying Your Relationships

5 Reasons Vaguebooking Is Destroying Your Relationships

Vaguebooking has been responsible for a lot of discontent on social media. For those who may not know what vaguebooking is, it’s the act of posting a status update about a specific thing or person but providing absolutely no details as to who they are or what the thing might be. It drives people nuts and here are five reasons vaguebooking may be destroying your relationships with friends, family, and even your significant other.

1. People will probably guess your subject incorrectly

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vaguebooking

    The scenario:

    You vague-book post about someone not getting off your back about something. Insert a sad or angry face and post. You feel better having ranted.
    The danger: Nobody has any idea who you’re talking about so they start assuming. Some may assume you’re talking about work, some may assume you’re talking about a significant other, and others still may assume your parents or someone else entirely. This causes them to feel discontent toward this other person even when they did nothing wrong. This can lead to friends hating your significant other, people thinking your parents are worse people than they really are, or it could even start problems among your friends. This can lead to pressure on you to do something about a problem that doesn’t exist! Save yourself the effort and save them the frustration. Either keep it to yourself or add in the details so everyone has their anger pointed in the right direction.

    2. It will probably make your problems worse

    The scenario: It’s pretty much the same scenario. You complain about an unspecified something or someone. Add an angry face or a sad face and post.
    The danger: While a little anonymous trash talking on Facebook may make you feel good in the short term, it does little (read: nothing) to help you on the long term. Your problem still exists and since you’re doing literally nothing to fix it other than complaining about it on Facebook, your problem will continue to exist. What’s worse is when that unspecified something or someone finds out that your status is about them. Then you’ve not only not solved your problem, but now you have something or someone angry at you for talking smack on Facebook. Plus, those sorts of problems should be handled internally anyway. You don’t need to be airing your own (or anyone else’s) dirty laundry on Facebook. That shows people that you can’t be trusted and soon they’ll start walking away.

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    3. You will come off as an attention seeker

    vaguebooking
      The problem:

      It’s the same scenario. You’re angry about something but you don’t know what to do about it so you vague-book it.
      The danger: There will be some people that look at your post and think that you just want attention. There are some people who vague-book on purpose just to get likes or to have people ask them what’s wrong. They like the attention. It’s a behavior typically seen among kids, teens, and adolescents who haven’t yet learned the importance of proper communication. When you vague-book, people will start associating you with other people who participate in that kind of behavior even if you’re not that kind of person. In other words, people will start assuming you just want attention and that your attention seeking is juvenile. They lose respect for you and suddenly your circle of friends starts getting a little thin.

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      4. Some people just plain hate vaguebooking

      vaguebooking

        The problem:

        Okay so let’s assume that you’ve got friends who don’t think that you’re an attention seeker and that they’re smart enough to avoid the other two problems. Sometimes, people just hate vaguebooking.
        The danger: This is why Google+ is a thing now. People go on Facebook and see vague-book statuses one after another. It gets old and defeats the point of social media (which is to be social). They may unfriend you, unfollow you, and if enough of their friends do it, may even seek another social network to get away from it all. Unfortunately for them, vaguebooking is on every single social network to an extent so they’ll never truly escape it. However, that won’t stop them for hating you for polluting their News Feed with what they consider to be senseless babble.

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        5. People may not take your real problems seriously anymore

        The problem: You have complained about vague nothings for so long that when you have a real problem, your friends have grown numb to you complaining about it and simply don’t care anymore.
        The danger: The problem and the danger is pretty much the same. If you vague-book about little nothings that don’t matter, then your friends will stop paying attention. Then when something truly serious comes along, they’ll look at your post about it as just another in a long line of complaining. By vaguebooking, you essentially destroy your own support system among your friends so when you need that safety net, you’ll find that it’s broken and you have nothing to catch you when you fall.

         

        I’ve personally never seen one instance of vaguebooking being a good thing. There may be a good use for it but if there is, I’ve looked high and low and have not found it. You can save yourself a lot of trouble, stress, and possibly even a friendship or two by not participating in vaguebooking. It simply isn’t worth the trouble.

        Featured photo credit: Bacon S’mores via baconsmores.com

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        Joseph Hindy

        A writer, editor, and YouTuber who likes to share about technology and lifestyle tips.

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        Last Updated on July 15, 2020

        How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

        How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

        “Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson

        It’s not always obvious if you have someone toxic in your life. A toxic relationship is one that is harmful to you. A toxic person can create distress to the degree you feel inadequate and isolated. So, what makes a toxic person?

        A toxic person has toxic behavior, meaning it’s not that the whole person is toxic[1]. It’s what they do that counts. Most toxic people run from accountability and misrepresent reality to you. They misrepresent your worth and your ability to heal from them can be stifled the longer you keep them in your life. You have a role to play with it as well; if your values are dismissed by them and you don’t act on it, you have allowed room for toxicity to grow.

        When you are in a toxic relationship, you feel less than. You feel as though you are not worth anyone’s time or effort. You feel unheard, and sometimes you feel unsafe. You don’t feel good about yourself in a toxic relationship, whether it be with a partner, friend, or family member.

        You may stay in a toxic relationship for a number of reasons. You may believe yourself to be a burden, have a lack of boundaries, resist change, fear conflict, try to be a people pleaser, find yourself codependent, or are partially stuck in a pattern or unhealthy cycle of abuse.

        Letting go of toxic people may not be easy. In order to do so, you have to know why or how they are toxic to you and read between the lines that they do not have your best interests in mind.

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        Letting go of toxic people is hard because you are good and want to see the good in others. You think their apologies are authentic. You have trouble believing they are being dishonest. You don’t spend time healing from it. You get pulled back into the pain because you don’t want it to end. However, if you feel like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t right.

        You should walk away from a toxic person because you need to preserve your peace. You need to feel like yourself again. And you need better support.

        Letting go of toxic people can involve four major steps.

        1. Recognize the Red Flags

        Red flags are signs a person is being toxic. It’s when someone shows characteristics that you should feel caution about. It’s when you feel any level of dissatisfaction and distrust. Trust your gut. When you recognize red flags, you can evaluate whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not. This gives you some level of control over what you allow in your life. The earlier you detect these behaviors, the better off you will be.

        Red flags can include:

        • They always put themselves first.
        • They point out imperfections and sabotage your self-esteem.
        • You may feel drained or used when you’re around them.
        • What you give isn’t reciprocated. They don’t return the goodness you provide as a friend.
        • They ignore your boundaries and get angry when you tell them “no.”
        • You catch them in half truths or outright lies when you confront them about anything.
        • You are the villain; they are the victim.
        • Second chances always lead to repeated patterns of behavior.
        • They may engage in abuse.

        2. Set Boundaries

        There are emotional boundaries that one can set, but there are also physical ones[2]. You can leave any time. Setting boundaries is also an important part of self-care.

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        You shouldn’t walk on eggshells. Tell them how you feel. Are they respecting you, fulfilling your needs, and listening to you? If not, it’s time to set up a healthy emotional distance and start letting go of toxic people around you.

        There are levels to this. You have your inner circle, which could include family, and then you have acquaintances and strangers. If a toxic person is in your inner circle, it’s time to pull back and put up some boundaries for them to follow. If they can’t hear you out, you can cut off the connection completely.

        You can give second chances, but you have to be careful. If someone knows they can get away with something, they will do it again. If there’s any chance for the relationship, they have to know not to cross certain lines.

        3. Invest in Yourself

        You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. How do you do so? Invest in yourself.

        This means self care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.

        Every relationship is a risk, but if you know yourself and what you will allow, toxic people will have less of a hold over you. If you are a giver or people pleaser, you are most at risk to being in a one-sided relationship. You shouldn’t be punished for caring, but sometimes trust needs to be earned. If you have self-love, you are treating yourself the best way possible. You know that others need to meet your standards; otherwise, they don’t get to be a part of your life.

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        It’s possible that you can love yourself and still not see the signs. It can be difficult for some to be aware that toxic people exist. However,, if you know how much you mean to others in your life and what you are worth, you will be less likely to take on a relationship that is harmful to you or repeat negative patterns. Self-love is how we get out of toxic relationships, but it’s also how they never begin.

        4. Know When Forgiveness Is Possible

        There are times a person will prove their worth to you. They may make a mistake that makes them seem like a horrible person. They may forget to be good to you because of their own issues. They may just have no example of what a healthy relationship looks like. They may have an inflated ego that really comes from insecurity. The list goes on.

        If they apologize, that’s a start. Look at their actions. Are they changing for the better because they really want to change or just seeming to in order to manipulate you? A person may control others with their image or perceived personality, but if you see through them, you may be able to discern the degree to which they are willing to be there for you.

        If they start to do the right thing, you may begin to trust them again. Don’t start forgiving them until time has passed and you are sure there is growth, even if they show vulnerability or remorse. You can give a second chance if they truly have an awakening. Otherwise, it’s best to get out. Don’t let them walk all over you; let them walk out the door.

        If you do give a second change and they still refuse to change, you have every right to remove them and continue the process of letting go of toxic people. The moment you even want to leave may also be a good time to get out. You don’t have to compromise yourself in order to care for them.

        Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger[3]. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You have to go back to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from someone. You don’t have to let them back in. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

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        Remember, forgiveness is ultimately for you, not them. You don’t need that person in your life in order to forgive them, and if you give them a second chance, proceed with caution.

        Final Thoughts

        Recognize the red flags, set boundaries, invest in yourself, and know when forgiveness is possible. This is how you cope with a toxic person impacting your life. You have power in the direction of your life and the people who accompany you as you move forward. Use it.

        If a person is worthwhile, they will prove themselves through their actions, not their words. If they cross certain lines that really harm you, you owe them nothing. You have every right to feel what you feel and to be upset. Honor your feelings and communicate them because it’ll only continue to keep happening if you don’t.

        If this is happening to you, it’s time to put a stop to it. It’s time to take control. It’s time to live for yourself, not for what others say about you. It’s time to set your standards higher than they’ve ever been before. And most of all, it’s time to let go.

        Resource reminder: A physically abusive relationship is ALWAYS toxic. There are resources for you. Always speak up.

        If you are in such a cycle or domestic violence or abuse reach out for help. For example, there is The National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) which can be reached at 1−800−799−7233. There are other ways to get help if you simply ask for it. 

        More Tips on Letting Go of Toxic People

        Featured photo credit: Hannah Busing via unsplash.com

        Reference

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