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Last Updated on October 30, 2018

21 Best Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

21 Best Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

Many people believe that long distance relationships are never going to work out. Your family may discourage it, and some of your best friends may advise you not to take it too seriously, in case you get your heart broken.

Nobody says it is going to be easy — the extra distance makes many things unachievable. Things could get complicated, and you could get sad and lonely at times.

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However, the extra distance also makes the simplest things the sweetest, being able to hold the other person’s hand, eating together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a walk together, smelling each other’s hair… these small wishes could suddenly mean so much more in a long distance relationship.

Long distance relationships may be tough but they have their own surprises too. To keep your love alive and strong, here are 21 tips to make your long distance relationship work:

1. Avoid excessive communication.

    It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive. You two don’t really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the relationship going. Many couples think that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more. This is not true. And it might only make things worse. Soon you would get tired of “loving.”

    Remember: Less is more. It is not about spamming — you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing at the right moments and tugging at the right spots.

    2. See it as an opportunity.

    “If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart.” – Anonymous

    View it as a learning journey for the both of you. See it as a test of your love for each other. As the Chinese saying goes, “Real gold is not afraid of the test of fire.” Instead of thinking that this long distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience, the both of you will be bound together even stronger.

    As Emma says it to Will in season four of Glee,

    “I would rather be here, far from you, but feeling really close, rather than close to you but feeling really far away.” – Emma, Glee Season 4

    3. Set some ground rules to manage your expectations.

      Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of each other during this long distance relationship. Set some ground rules so that none of you will do things that will take the other party by surprise.

      For instance, are you two exclusive? Is it alright for the other person to go on dates? What is your commitment level? It’s better to be open with each other about all these things.

      4. Try to communicate regularly, and creatively.

      Greet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and its happenings, however mundane some of the things may seem.

      To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to.

      5. Talk dirty with each other.

        Sexual tension is undoubtedly one of the most important things between couples. Sexual desire is like a glue that keeps both parties from drifting apart. Not only is sex a biological need, it is an emotional one as well.

        Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing texts filled with sexual innuendos and provocative descriptions. Sexy puns work pretty well too.

        6. Avoid “dangerous” situations.

        If you already know that going to the club or going drinking with your group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then you should either 1. Not do it or 2. Tell your partner beforehand so as to reassure him/her.

        Don’t be careless about this sort of matter because your partner is only going to be extra worried or extra suspicious, and of course, very upset, because you are putting him/her in a position where he/she feels powerless or lacking in control.

        Also, It could be easy for you to fall into the trap which you, unconsciously or not, set up for yourself by “hanging out” with your office eye-candy after work, or going out with a girl or guy from your past who has been flirting with you. You need to recognize the dangers before entering into the situation.

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        Don’t just listen to your heart. Listen to your mind too.

        7. Do things together.

          Play an online game together. Watch a documentary on YouTube or Vimeo at the same time. Sing to each other on Skype while one of you plays the guitar. “Take a walk together” outside while video-calling each other. Go online-shopping together — and buy each other gifts (See #13).

          You really have to be creative and spontaneous about it.

          8. Do similar things.

          Recommend books, TV shows, movies, music, news and etc. to each other. When you read, watch and listen to the same things, you get to have more topics in common to talk about.

          This is a good to create some shared experiences even though you are living apart.

          9. Make visits to each other.

            Visits are the highlight of every long distance relationship.

            After all the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally get to meet each other to fulfill all the little things like kissing, holding hands, etc. which are all common to other couples but so very special and extra intimate for people in long distance relationships.

            It will be like fireworks, glitter bombs, confetti, rainbows and butterflies everywhere.

            10. Have a goal in mind.

            “What do we want to achieve at the end of the day?” “How long are we going to be apart?” “What about the future?” These are the questions you two need to ask yourselves.

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            The truth is, no couple can be in a long distance relationship for forever. Eventually we all need to settle down.

            So make a plan with each other. Do up a timeline, marking down the estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end goal.

            It is important that you two are on the same page and have the same goals. So that even if you are not living in the same space and the same timezone, both of you are still motivated to work together in the same direction towards a future that includes one another.

            That’s right, you need motivation to make a relationship lasts too. Find out more about what motivates you here.

            11. Enjoy your alone time and your time with your friends and family.

              You are alone but you are not lonely, unless you choose to feel like it. You don’t have to let your world revolve around your partner — you still have you, your friends and your family. Take this time apart to do more with your friends and family. Go to the gym more often. Get a new hobby. Binge-watch shows. There are plenty of things for you to do that doesn’t involve your partner.

              12. Stay honest with each other.

              Talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, apathy, whatsoever. If you try to hide anything from your partner, that secret will sooner or later swallow you up from inside out. Don’t try to deal with things all by yourself. Be open and honest with each other. Let your partner help you and give you the support you need. it’s better to look at the problem during its initial stage than to only disclose it when it’s all too late.

              13. Know each other’s schedules.

                It’s helpful to know when the other person is busy and when he/she is free, so that you can drop a text or make a call at the right time. You wouldn’t want to disturb your partner when he/she is in the middle of class or halfway through a business meeting. Know the small and big events that are taking place or will take place in each other’s life e.g. college mid-terms and exams, important business trips and meetings, job interviews and etc. This is especially essential when the both of you are living in different time zones.

                14. Keep track of each other’s social media activities.

                Like each other’s photos on Facebook and Instagram. Tweet each other. Tag each other. Share things on each other’s walls. Show that you care. Be cool about stalking each other.

                15. Gift a personal object for the other person to hold on to.

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                  There is power in a memento. Be it a small pendent, a ring, a keychain, a collection of songs and videos, or a bottle of fragrance. We often attach meanings to the little things and items found in our everyday life, whether knowingly or not. This is what we all do — we try to store memories in physical things, in the hope that when our mind fails us, we can look or hold on to something that will help us remember. This is why something so simple can mean so much to a person, when others may see little or no value in it.

                  16. Get a good messaging app.

                  This is extremely important because texting is the most frequent and common way of communication the two of you have. You need a good messaging app on your phones that allow interactions beyond just words and emoticons.

                  Personally, I use this messaging app called LINE. I find it highly effective because it has a huge reserve of playful and very funny “stickers” that are free for its users to use. You can also go to the app’s “Sticker Shop” to download (or gift!) extra stickers of different themes (e.g. Hello Kitty, Pokemon, Snoopy, MARVEL and etc.) at a low price. From time to time, the app also gives out free sticker sets for different promotions. This messaging app is cute and easy to learn to use.

                  17. Snail-mail your gift.

                    Mail each other postcards and hand-written love letters. Send each other gifts across the globe from time to time. Flower deliveries on birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day. Shop online and surprise each other with cool T-shirts, sexy underwear and such.

                    18. Stay positive.

                    You need to be constantly injecting positive energy into the long distance relationship to keep it alive. Yes, the waiting can be painful and you can sometimes feel lonely but you need to remind yourself that the fruits at the end will be sweet as heaven.

                    One good trick to staying positive is to be grateful all the time. Be thankful that you have someone to love — someone who also loves you back. Be thankful for the little things, like the hand-made letter that arrived safely in your mailbox the other day. Be thankful for each other’s health and safety.

                    19. Keep each other updated on each other’s friends and family.

                      Because gossips and scandals are always the best things to go on and on about.

                      20. Video-call whenever possible.

                      Because looking into each other’s eyes and hearing each other’s voices can make everything feel alright again.

                      21. Give each other pet names.

                      Because it’s cute. It keeps the lovey-dovey going.

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                        More Recommended Relationships Experts on Lifehack

                        • Carol Morgan —  A communication professor, dating/relationship and success coach
                        • Dr. Magdalena Battles — A Doctor of Psychology with specialties include children, family relationships, domestic violence, and sexual assault
                        • Randy Skilton —  An educator in the areas of relationships and self-help

                        Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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                        Last Updated on June 26, 2019

                        13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

                        13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

                        Let me begin by being 100% frank with you – everyone is capable of happiness.

                        Happiness is first a choice but it also takes persistence to maintain. Happiness is our birth right and my mission is to help as many people as I can live their happiest life.

                        My mission is to spread the message that everyone deserves happiness.

                        To live a happy life; however, you must do the work, gain the necessary knowledge, and increase your awareness.

                        You must fully embody this state and begin to think and feel happiness on every level of your being.

                        Often times, excuses present themselves and our mind gives us the reasons why we can’t be happy:

                        “I am too busy right now to focus on happiness”

                        “I will be happy when I finish school, when I have the money, when I am in the right relationship, when I have kids, when my children are older….”

                        “I would have had a happy life if this traumatic event had never happened”

                        “I don’t deserve happiness”

                        EVERYONE deserves happiness. The reason that you are here right now is because you have a purpose and you are on the earth to enjoy your journey.

                        Think BIGGER than your excuses. Push FARTHER than your complaints.

                        Don’t be pulled away from greatness. Get uncomfortable. At least these are what happy and successful people do on a daily basis.

                        If you would like to begin embodying this life-changing state, then… Here are the 13 ways happy people think and feel differently:

                        1. Happy People Put Happiness First

                        Happy people have made the decision that their end goal is happiness.

                        Every situation, event, bad day ultimately ends with happiness.

                        To them, happiness is equivalent to sleep and water – it is a necessity to their life. To live an unhappy life is to have never lived at all.

                        The happy person asks,

                        “What would be the point of living if every day and moment were filled with negativity?”

                        “Why would I deplete my energy on negativity when I expend less to be positive?”

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                        They make happy-based decisions which means in EVERY MOMENT they choose happiness.

                        If their circumstances can’t change then they instead change their perspective, they look for the silver lining in the negative.

                        Happy people don’t let negativity steal their moments away – a positive mindset always prevails.

                        If you ask a happy person how their day was, they will always answer your question with a highlight or a lesson learned.

                        2. Happy People Embrace Pain

                        I know what you are thinking –

                        “No one is ALWAYS happy”

                        or …

                        “Even happy people get in bad moods”

                        and …

                        These statements are absolutely accurate.

                        Happy people aren’t always happy and they DO get into bad moods. They get overwhelmed, they feel defeated, and their feelings get hurt.

                        Happy people aren’t invincible and they feel pain just like everyone else. The only difference between happy people and people who let negativity run their lives is that…

                        Happy people quickly acknowledge their pain and they make a decision to find a way to transform their pain into something greater. They also use these 13 simple ways to shake off the sadness.

                        Happy people admit the negativity they feel and they do what it takes to get back into their natural state: happiness.

                        When your end goal is happiness, then you will find a way to achieve it no matter how much strength you have to muster.

                        3. Happy People Have a Happy Self-Image

                        We all have an image in our minds that we subconsciously live up to.

                        The reason that change is so hard is because our subconscious mind is programmed to live by how we define ourselves.

                        How are you currently defining yourself?

                        For happy people, they see themselves with a smile, positive outlook, and/or a bounce in their step. When an event or situation arises that brings in a negative emotion, they quickly change their state to resemble their natural self-image.

                        When happy people are in a bad mood, it feels unusual to them because feeling negative isn’t aligned with how they see themselves. When they feel upset, they acknowledge the negativity and look for a solution to bring their emotions to the level of how they perceive themselves.

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                        Look at how you define yourself today – your mind and body are always trying to live up to the definition it is taught to believe.

                        Your body’s job is to keep you in a “normal” state because this is where it feels most comfortable.

                        If your self-image is happy, then your mind and body will naturally be brought back to where it feels at home. Your actions will be a clue to how you define yourself.

                        Take a look at this guide and learn to build positive self-image: How to Build Self Esteem (A Guide to Realize Your Hidden Power)

                        4. Happy People Have a Strong Support System

                        The happiest people know that it takes a village and they lean on others for support.

                        Happy people feel comfortable reaching out for help when they feel that their resistances are overpowering them. They quickly sense their negativity and they tell somebody.

                        Happy people ask for assistance when they can’t figure out a problem. Seeking help takes strength and it never gets in the way of their self-worth. Happy people appreciate the wisdom that their support system provides.

                        They have strong connections with the people who are close to them. They never trudge through tough times alone because jeopardizing their happiness for too long would be detrimental to their well-being.

                        5. Happy People Safeguard Their Minds from Negative Triggers

                        Warding off negativity is almost impossible when we live in a society that lives by what went wrong and feeds off of what could go wrong. News travels instantaneously so it would be unrealistic to shut this out of your life completely.

                        However, one strategy that happy people use to safeguard their minds is regulating their environment.

                        We have a lot of control on how we allow our environments to affect us. We can control our social media feed, the television shows and movies we watch, the books that we read, the people that we spend our time with, and the places that we hang out.

                        If happiness is your end goal, then take a good look at what is bringing you down. What triggers your unhappiness? See if there is anything in your environment that can be changed……

                        What we listen to, read, and who we hang out with influence our mind, what we think about, what we worry about, our reactions, and behaviors.

                        Happy people know what triggers a feeling of negativity and it feels out of alignment for them so they do what it takes to avoid it.

                        They might regulate their social media news feed to reflect the information that brings them positive energy. They might regulate the people that they spend their time with. It is important to hang out with like-minded people.

                        What are your triggers? How can you avoid the negativity in your environment?

                        These are ways that happy people regulate their environment and safeguard their minds: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions

                        6. Happy People Know When to Say “No”

                        Happy people know when to sit one out and say “no.” They do this to protect their happiness and well-being.

                        Life gets overwhelming – a lot of people need our attention and the to do list can seem never ending.

                        Happy people give themselves permission to take the day off and they feel comfortable with saying “no” when their stress levels begin to climb. They understand that those around them aren’t benefiting from someone who is frazzled, overwhelmed, and tired.

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                        A happy person identifies their negative emotion and then they quickly treat it to bring themselves back to their “normal” state, so that they can be at their best for not only themselves but for those around them, too.

                        A simple “no” can ultimately mean many more “yes’s” in the future because happiness has a long battery life. You can take a look at Leo Babauta’s article The Gentle Art of Saying No and learn to say no.

                        7. Happy People Are Good Evaluators

                        Happy people can quickly sense when something is off with themselves or others. They are very intuitive to happiness levels. When someone isn’t quite right, they are the first ones to notice.

                        Being able to evaluate happiness means that you can identify when negativity is lingering around for too long.

                        We all have bad days; however, the happy person evaluates often and quickly intervenes.

                        In other words, happy people frequently evaluate their state and immediately change when their pessimism is overshadowing their joy.

                        8. Happy People Bring Other People Up

                        What goes on inside of us is mirrored into our physical world.

                        What we think about literally consumes our life and is displayed in our work, relationships, and attitude.

                        Happy people naturally feel good inside and about themselves so they treat others the way that they treat themselves. It never feels forced to give a compliment or to help out a stranger.

                        When we are truly happy with ourselves, everyone around us has a better experience. Happy people are kind to themselves and because of this, it feels natural to them to want to make others’ happy, too.

                        9. Happy People Go After Their Dreams

                        Happy people are always following the joyful path. They make happy-based decisions and because of this, they always end up where they want to be.

                        It’s absolutely impossible to be happy by following an undesirable path, which is quite opposite for unhappy people.

                        Most people journey through life on a path they think they are “supposed” to be own. Warning signs (negativity) are often ignored because they truly believe that these feelings are a normal part of life.

                        Negativity is NOT normal.

                        The happiest people investigate the negativity in their life and quickly analyze the results. This process allows them to get back on the joyful path which ends in a desirable outcome.

                        Follow your happiness and your dreams will come true (If that isn’t motivation then I don’t know what is!)

                        In addition to happiness, here are 14 amazing things that happen when you live your passion.

                        10. Happy People Never Sweat the Small Stuff

                        The only expectation that the happy person has is that they remain in a joyful state.

                        They rarely have expectations for the events and people in their lives because they know that this is a sure way to get let down.

                        The happiest people take life as it comes – you could say that they roll with the punches. When you don’t have expectations, then you can just sit back and watch how beautifully life unfolds.

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                        Happy people understand that bad things are inevitable, they are a part of life – The car will break, the kids will make mistakes, people will be late, and dinner will burn.

                        If it’s not anything seriously affecting their lives, then they don’t give their energy to it.

                        11. Happy People Rarely Have to Prove That They Are Right

                        Happy people remember that it’s more important to live up to what they believe. When you live your life aligned with your belief system, then there is no need to explain or prove yourself to others.

                        Differences in opinions are inevitable, but the happiest of people know it’s wasted energy to defend their position.

                        It is more effective to simply show people, through actions, how you think, feel, and what you believe.

                        Energy is saved, arguments are diminished, and credibility/respect are gained when we live by what we believe.

                        12. Happy People Smile (Even When They Don’t Want To)

                        Smiling is one of the healthiest things we can do; and happy people use this simple trick quite often.

                        It has been proven that smiling has the ability to boost your immune system, decrease stress levels, and can even make you look younger. The benefits of smiling have even been backed up by science.[1]

                        Better yet, smiling is contagious. When you engage in a quick smile, you are likely to brighten someone else’s day along with your own. It is no wonder why happy people smile often!

                        13. Happy People Live Life in the Present Moment

                        When we are genuinely happy, we are living for the moment.

                        Happy people let go of the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future. They take the moments for what they are worth – they only invest their energy in what feels right to them.

                        These tips on How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future maybe helpful for you.

                        Everyone is capable of living a happy-centered life. You deserve a life that you desire – your dream life. All you have to start doing is make happy-based decisions TODAY.

                        In every moment, decide on what makes you happy – decide on what gets you excited. Stop doing what you don’t love, don’t listen to the people that you dislike.

                        If you are engaging in something that isn’t bringing you joy, then quit doing it. Listen to your heart, stop ignoring the warning signs (negativity) because they are there for a reason.

                        Final Thoughts

                        I have observed, studied, and interviewed some of the happiest and most successful people along with some of the most miserable and self-loathing.

                        It starts with one decision – happiness.

                        The happiest, most successful people choose happiness with EACH and EVERY decision. And you can start doing this today.

                        Featured photo credit: Autumn Goodman via unsplash.com

                        Reference

                        [1] Harvard Business Review: The Science Behind the Smile

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