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20 Things Considerate People Don’t Do

20 Things Considerate People Don’t Do

Being considerate may seem like a very underrated virtue these days. We’re often rewarded for putting ourselves first, but being considerate can go a long way. Thanks to the “reciprocity effect,” people are more likely to reciprocate positive actions when you act positively towards them. Here’s a list of 20 things considerate people don’t actually do. Are you guilty of any of these?

1. They don’t think life is a zero sum game

Considerate people have a unique perspective, and they don’t see life as a win or lose game. They understand that life is abundant, so they spread joy and kindness as if it’s infinite. When the gym at LeBron James’s alumni high school needed an upgrade, he was kind enough to donate a million dollars to make it happen. Talk about abundance!

2. They don’t say the first thing that pops into their mind

Considerate people always think before they speak. They’re brutally honest, but share their opinion in such a tactful and thoughtful way that people don’t get offended by what they have to say.

3. They don’t ask uncomfortable questions

Considerate people hate to make others squirm. You won’t hear a considerate person asking super personal or awkward questions. They care about how others feel and make it a point to make them feel comfortable in all situations.

4. They don’t show up late

They understand that time is an important resource and that showing up late shows a lack of respect towards other people. Marilyn Monroe didn’t seem to care about being punctual, as she has been quoted saying, “I am invariably late for appointments – sometimes as much as two hours. I’ve tried to change my ways but the things that make me late are too strong, and too pleasing.” Don’t pull a Marilyn, show up on time.

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5. They don’t judge you

Considerate people know that judging others is a sure-fire way to stop them from confiding in you in the future, so they simply listen without passing judgement. They can appreciate the value of a secret and the willingness to lend an ear to someone in need.

6. They don’t give you unwarranted advice

Considerate people don’t mind giving advice, but they have a sixth sense as to when it is or isn’t warranted. They won’t talk out of turn or give out advice when someone is simply venting after a long day.

7. They don’t take acts of kindness for granted

Considerate people show their appreciation when someone acts kindly upon them, resulting in a positive feedback loop making both themselves and the other person feel good. Angelina Jolie knows the importance of showing appreciation for her fans. When a fan who had been standing in the cold for hours to catch a glimpse of the star had a panic attack, Angelina ran to her side to comfort her.

8. They don’t leave people out

Considerate people always introduce people who don’t know each other and make it a point to engage as many people as possible in a conversation. They’re hyper-aware of including everyone in any type of social interaction so no one is left out.

When a school for the deaf was disqualified from an online contest to win a Taylor Swift concert on campus because pranksters casted votes on their behalf, Taylor Swift personally donated $10,000 to the school and gave students free tickets to her concert.

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9. They don’t lose their temper easily

Considerate people may get upset, but rather than raising their voice or walking away, they know how to control their emotions so they can act rationally and objectively. Media mogul Oprah Winfrey is renowned for meditating regularly to calm both the mind and the nerves.

10. They don’t talk about themselves constantly

They understand that people love talking about themselves and they don’t let their ego get in the way of that. Instead they allow others to talk about themselves as they see fit.

11. They don’t make assumptions

Considerate people don’t assume they know your whole story, as many tend to do. Instead, they actively listen and engage, asking appropriate questions.

12. They don’t constantly put themselves first

They put others’ needs in front of their own and they’re happy to do it. Keanu Reeves famously gave away $80 million to the special effects crew of “The Matrix” as a “thank you” gesture for their hard work.

13. They don’t assume that you like what they like

They don’t think that everyone has the same tastes or preferences. They know that just because they like a certain type of movie or food, it doesn’t mean that you do as well. They’re more than open to the idea of others having different interests.

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14. They don’t forget important life events

They don’t forget birthdays, anniversaries or other important life events. They always show up for those big life moments. When “Breaking Bad” star Bryan Cranston heard a fan of his had brain cancer, he hopped on a 30 minute Skype call with the teenager and sent an ice cream truck to his house.

15. They don’t blow things out of proportion

Considerate people don’t sweat the small stuff. They don’t see problems as huge obstacles, rather they view them as challenges. They know that making small things into a big deal will only make you feel worse. When Kellie Pickler’s friend got cancer and had to go through chemotherapy she shaved her head to show her support, and when asked about it she said simply, “it’s just hair!”

16. They don’t think they know it all

Considerate people don’t pretend they know the secrets of the universe. Rather, they ask you how you feel and get your take first. When Carrie Underwood felt like she didn’t perform at her absolute best, she wasn’t shy about admitting it. Not only did she admit that she wasn’t at her best, but she also donated the proceeds from the concert to the local community!

17. They don’t harshly criticize

They will give you candid feedback, but will deliver it in a way that maintains a positive relationship and shows that they truly care.

18. They don’t equate kindness with weakness

While inconsiderate people may think that kindness is a sign of weakness, considerate people know that kindness brings joy to themselves and their community. After Kanye West and Jay-Z had an enjoyable stay at a New York City hotel, they proceeded to treat the hotel staff to the VIP treatment at their concert.

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19. They don’t interrupt you

Considerate people allow others to fully express themselves before jumping into conversations. They regularly think of others, especially when others are speaking for themselves.

20. They don’t mind giving people the benefit of the doubt

Considerate people know that life is short and that stuff happens. Rather than placing blame or jumping to conclusions, they give people the benefit of the doubt, which keeps their relationships positive and healthy.

Featured photo credit: Cristian Bernal via flic.kr

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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