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20 Things Considerate People Don’t Do

20 Things Considerate People Don’t Do

Being considerate may seem like a very underrated virtue these days. We’re often rewarded for putting ourselves first, but being considerate can go a long way. Thanks to the “reciprocity effect,” people are more likely to reciprocate positive actions when you act positively towards them. Here’s a list of 20 things considerate people don’t actually do. Are you guilty of any of these?

1. They don’t think life is a zero sum game

Considerate people have a unique perspective, and they don’t see life as a win or lose game. They understand that life is abundant, so they spread joy and kindness as if it’s infinite. When the gym at LeBron James’s alumni high school needed an upgrade, he was kind enough to donate a million dollars to make it happen. Talk about abundance!

2. They don’t say the first thing that pops into their mind

Considerate people always think before they speak. They’re brutally honest, but share their opinion in such a tactful and thoughtful way that people don’t get offended by what they have to say.

3. They don’t ask uncomfortable questions

Considerate people hate to make others squirm. You won’t hear a considerate person asking super personal or awkward questions. They care about how others feel and make it a point to make them feel comfortable in all situations.

4. They don’t show up late

They understand that time is an important resource and that showing up late shows a lack of respect towards other people. Marilyn Monroe didn’t seem to care about being punctual, as she has been quoted saying, “I am invariably late for appointments – sometimes as much as two hours. I’ve tried to change my ways but the things that make me late are too strong, and too pleasing.” Don’t pull a Marilyn, show up on time.

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5. They don’t judge you

Considerate people know that judging others is a sure-fire way to stop them from confiding in you in the future, so they simply listen without passing judgement. They can appreciate the value of a secret and the willingness to lend an ear to someone in need.

6. They don’t give you unwarranted advice

Considerate people don’t mind giving advice, but they have a sixth sense as to when it is or isn’t warranted. They won’t talk out of turn or give out advice when someone is simply venting after a long day.

7. They don’t take acts of kindness for granted

Considerate people show their appreciation when someone acts kindly upon them, resulting in a positive feedback loop making both themselves and the other person feel good. Angelina Jolie knows the importance of showing appreciation for her fans. When a fan who had been standing in the cold for hours to catch a glimpse of the star had a panic attack, Angelina ran to her side to comfort her.

8. They don’t leave people out

Considerate people always introduce people who don’t know each other and make it a point to engage as many people as possible in a conversation. They’re hyper-aware of including everyone in any type of social interaction so no one is left out.

When a school for the deaf was disqualified from an online contest to win a Taylor Swift concert on campus because pranksters casted votes on their behalf, Taylor Swift personally donated $10,000 to the school and gave students free tickets to her concert.

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9. They don’t lose their temper easily

Considerate people may get upset, but rather than raising their voice or walking away, they know how to control their emotions so they can act rationally and objectively. Media mogul Oprah Winfrey is renowned for meditating regularly to calm both the mind and the nerves.

10. They don’t talk about themselves constantly

They understand that people love talking about themselves and they don’t let their ego get in the way of that. Instead they allow others to talk about themselves as they see fit.

11. They don’t make assumptions

Considerate people don’t assume they know your whole story, as many tend to do. Instead, they actively listen and engage, asking appropriate questions.

12. They don’t constantly put themselves first

They put others’ needs in front of their own and they’re happy to do it. Keanu Reeves famously gave away $80 million to the special effects crew of “The Matrix” as a “thank you” gesture for their hard work.

13. They don’t assume that you like what they like

They don’t think that everyone has the same tastes or preferences. They know that just because they like a certain type of movie or food, it doesn’t mean that you do as well. They’re more than open to the idea of others having different interests.

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14. They don’t forget important life events

They don’t forget birthdays, anniversaries or other important life events. They always show up for those big life moments. When “Breaking Bad” star Bryan Cranston heard a fan of his had brain cancer, he hopped on a 30 minute Skype call with the teenager and sent an ice cream truck to his house.

15. They don’t blow things out of proportion

Considerate people don’t sweat the small stuff. They don’t see problems as huge obstacles, rather they view them as challenges. They know that making small things into a big deal will only make you feel worse. When Kellie Pickler’s friend got cancer and had to go through chemotherapy she shaved her head to show her support, and when asked about it she said simply, “it’s just hair!”

16. They don’t think they know it all

Considerate people don’t pretend they know the secrets of the universe. Rather, they ask you how you feel and get your take first. When Carrie Underwood felt like she didn’t perform at her absolute best, she wasn’t shy about admitting it. Not only did she admit that she wasn’t at her best, but she also donated the proceeds from the concert to the local community!

17. They don’t harshly criticize

They will give you candid feedback, but will deliver it in a way that maintains a positive relationship and shows that they truly care.

18. They don’t equate kindness with weakness

While inconsiderate people may think that kindness is a sign of weakness, considerate people know that kindness brings joy to themselves and their community. After Kanye West and Jay-Z had an enjoyable stay at a New York City hotel, they proceeded to treat the hotel staff to the VIP treatment at their concert.

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19. They don’t interrupt you

Considerate people allow others to fully express themselves before jumping into conversations. They regularly think of others, especially when others are speaking for themselves.

20. They don’t mind giving people the benefit of the doubt

Considerate people know that life is short and that stuff happens. Rather than placing blame or jumping to conclusions, they give people the benefit of the doubt, which keeps their relationships positive and healthy.

Featured photo credit: Cristian Bernal via flic.kr

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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