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2 Easy Steps to Start Becoming Good at Communicating

2 Easy Steps to Start Becoming Good at Communicating

Communication is a critical aspect of success in any part of life, whether it be relationships with your friends, lovers, family, yourself, or with your colleagues and business partners. Your ability to cultivate your communication skills will drastically improve every aspect of your life.

In this article, I’m going to show you 2 easy steps you can begin doing right now to start getting better at communicating with people.

When I came to the United States from the Philippines at 10 years old, I had a thick accent, and I had it all the way until I joined in the Air Force. I was very shy with speaking with people and never became very good at communicating.

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I’ve now spoken in front of hundreds of people, have trained sales teams, and have coached men on dating and relationships wherein the key was becoming a good communicator of ideas, persuasion, and connection.

First, it’s important to recognize that everything is communication, whether you’re communicating it through your voice, your tonality, or your body language. There isn’t a moment that you aren’t communicating. The most important aspect of communication, because it makes up for 70% of what the person’s listening is receiving, is the aspect of your communication that is non-verbal (tonality and body expression).

The interesting thing about this non-verbal aspect of communication is that it isn’t what you’re consciously going to be thinking about. You’re mostly going to be focusing on “what to say.” You must realize that this type of communication is the most important and which mostly affects the person you’re communicating with (90% of it is non-verbal).

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So how do you develop this non-verbal aspect of your communication? You must become a competent communicator. A lot of people worry about being confident. The truth is, you can’t become confident about something you aren’t competent with. The kind of bolstered confidence that is made up from a lack of competence will communicate itself in a negative way through the non-verbal aspect of your communication! In these 2 steps, I’m going to uncover for you how to become a good communicator; you’ll become competent and therefore confident!

1. Competence of communication.

Begin to communicate more as a practice in the sense that it is deliberately a practice—rather than just practicing. If this is one of the most important skills in your life, it goes without saying that it should be taken more seriously.

Begin to communicate more. First, start speaking more openly with the people closest to you (i.e., your close friends and family). Just by deliberately noticing how you speak will make you better. By noticing the things we do that we can ‘”fix,” it’s easy to get better at it—as opposed to not noticing the right and wrong things we do, and thus not knowing what to fix. You see, we don’t see ourselves communicating. In my coaching, I tell my clients to record themselves speaking. It is the fastest and best way to begin correcting those little minute changes in non-verbal communication.

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If in the beginning you don’t know what to say, I suggest you speak openly and honestly about how you feel about that person. If it’s your friend, openly tell them about how you feel about them and specifically for which reasons that you appreciate them. You see, by talking about yourself, not many people would want to listen to you. People absolutely love talking about themselves. Not only will you be getting better at communicating, but you’re now getting better at connecting with people and being authentic, genuine, and honest.

2. Increase your vocabulary.

There is more than one way to see. If you’re able to say something to someone that has opened their mind to a new awareness, they’ll say, “I see!” I equate someones vocabulary to this metaphor:

When you explain something to someone and they say, “I can’t see what you’re saying…” it is because they are looking through a little hole. That little hole is their vocabulary. When you don’t have a representing symbol for a concept or idea, it’s like looking through a small hole and you can’t see much because you can’t understand much. As you increase your vocabulary, you’ll be able to look through a bigger hole and have a much larger view, a much larger perspective, because you’ve now got a much larger understanding.

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There are a few ways of increasing your vocabulary. One of my favorites and one I’ve used and continually use to this day is reading books. I have a set goal of reading 10 pages of a good book every day. I read mostly non-fiction but there are some great fiction books that drive profound concepts and ideas through their stories.

Read it out loud. This trains your tongue (becoming more competent in voice delivery). Play with how you deliver the sound, the rate of speed, and the range of your tonality. It’s especially beneficial for some people who don’t get enough opportunities to communicate with people with their voice.

Go ahead and begin doing this now and notice, in the coming days, how much differently you’ll be speaking.

Featured photo credit: Fox Searchlight via ch2289.wordpress.com

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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