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Last Updated on January 5, 2021

17 Things People With Emotional Strength Don’t Do

17 Things People With Emotional Strength Don’t Do

Life is a series of stories, and each one of us has a unique story to tell. There are billions upon billions of stories, and no two are exactly the same. If the story of your life has been filled with more sad moments than happy ones, it’s time to change that, and the best place to start is by building emotional strength

You have the power to create the life you want. One crucial skill that will help you get there is learning how to become emotionally strong. The good news is emotional strength is like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger it becomes.

“Once you believe you are strong emotionally, you will unconsciously act stronger than before and begin to take control over your emotional whims.” –Senora Roy

In this article, you’ll learn how to be strong emotionally. Here’re 17 things people with emotional strength don’t do. Learn from these and start creating the existence you’ve always imagined for yourself.

1. They Don’t Beg for Attention

Emotional strength means confidence, and confident people don’t need to constantly be the center of attention. They’re comfortable in their own skin and are able to share the spotlight when necessary. Because they feel good about themselves, they don’t need the approval of others.

2. They Don’t Allow Others to Bring Them Down

People with emotional strength ignore the haters and the naysayers. They weed these people out and surround themselves with positive people instead.

This doesn’t mean that they don’t feel negative emotions when someone says something hurtful. They are simply able to hold those negative thoughts with love and acceptance, work through the pain, and move on.

3. They Don’t Stop Believing in Themselves

“Somehow I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four C’s: They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.” –Walt Disney

Soak up these amazing words from Walt Disney because belief is the most essential quality of emotional strength. When you work from a place of self-confidence, each failure becomes a lesson that continues to propel you toward a better future.

4. They Are Not Afraid to Love

“Love is the force that transforms and improves the Soul of the World.” –Paulo Coelho

People who possess emotional strength have experienced heartbreak, but it doesn’t hold them back; it makes them stronger. Just because you’ve been hurt doesn’t mean you should shut love out of your life.

Open up your heart and embrace vulnerability. The love you find will be worth everything you go through to get it.

5. They’re Not Afraid of Slowing Down

Sometimes you need to take a step back and slow it down when you’ve been pushing yourself too hard in order to manage stress. Having drive is great, but not at the expense of your health and well-being

When people with emotional strength are feeling overwhelmed, they allow time for reflection and relaxation in order to maintain a sense of focus and positivity and improve their mental health.

6. They Refuse to Be a Victim of Circumstance

Being emotionally strong means refusing to make excuses. Everyone is born into different circumstances and receive a different starting line in life. People with emotional strength don’t feel bad about where they’ve started; they look forward and try to find the best way to get where they want to go.

Leave the past behind you and focus on getting a little better every day.

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7. They Don’t Have a Problem Saying No

Saying no is one of the most important things you’ll ever learn how to do[1]. When you learn how to say no, you’ll make time for the things that really matter to you. Focus on your top priorities and say no to all the stuff that’s wasting your time.

8. They Don’t Back Down From Challenges

Emotionally strong people see challenges as opportunities to grow and improve their life. Challenges happen for a reason, and only when we have overcome them will we understand why they were there.

9. They Don’t Do Things They Don’t Want to Do

If you want to keep your emotional balance and sanity intact, do what you love. Get rid of baggage and commitments that are making you miserable.

People with emotional strength know that spending their very limited time doing things that make them miserable is the best way to waste their life.

10. They Don’t Forget That Happiness Is a Decision

People who have learned how to be strong emotionally know that happiness is a choice. They understand the things they need to really be happy. They choose a life of simplicity, productivity, and passion.

Furthermore, they practice gratitude in their everyday life in order to focus on each of the good things they have in the present moment. This helps them build mental strength for when they need to face difficult times.

11. They Don’t Waste Time

Abraham Lincoln said,

“It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

Mentally strong people don’t waste time doing mindless activities. They live mindfully in the present, enjoying every day as if it’s their last. They spend their time on things that are important to them and things that will help them achieve their goals in the long run.

12. They Aren’t Afraid to Ask for Help

Every single one of the great minds in history, from Einstein to Edison, had help along the way. You can’t do it all alone, and it takes a person with emotional strength to swallow their pride and ask for help.

Here’s How to Ask for Help When You Feel Silly to Do So.

13. They Don’t Hold Themselves Back

Self-handicapping is a common trait among emotionally weak people. What this means is you make excuses and find ways to justify your inadequacies instead of finding ways to improve on them. If you want to change something, stop holding yourself back.

14. They Don’t Mind Working Harder Than Others

“The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.” –Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Soak in these poetic words from Longfellow. Put in the work, and you’ll get the results you’re looking for.

15. They Don’t Overreact to Things Beyond Their Control

Charles Swindoll said,

“Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.”

Think about how many times a day you overreact to things that really don’t matter. When you start to feel your blood boil, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “Is this really worth getting stressed out over?” Ninety-nine percent of the time, you’ll realize the answer is no.

People with emotional strength have developed a sense of mental balance that help them respond appropriately to each obstacle in their path.

16. They Don’t Settle for a Mediocre Life

Emotionally strong people don’t settle for mediocrity, even when times get tough. They strive to achieve greatness by setting goals, making plans, solving problems, and digging deep to find motivation each day.

17. They Never Give up

Being emotionally strong means staring adversity in the face, learning from your mistakes, and living to fight another day. I’ll leave you with this inspiring quote from Harriet Beecher Stowe:

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

The Bottom Line

No one is born with emotional strength. It comes from years of struggle and working through difficult moments and emotions. People who have learned how to be strong emotionally didn’t get there because life was easy.

Learn from the points above in order to further develop your own emotional strength and fight for the life that you deserve.

More on Building Emotional Strength

Featured photo credit: Conner Ching via unsplash.com

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Reference

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Scott Christ

Scott Christ is a writer, entrepreneur, and founder of Pure Food Company.

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Published on February 22, 2021

How To Focus on the Good Things In Life (When Times Are Tough)

How To Focus on the Good Things In Life (When Times Are Tough)

Scott Peck’s first sentence in his book, The Road Less Traveled, is, “Life is difficult.” He then goes on to say that if you accept this, you are going to be okay. There is a lot of adversity in life, and none of us are exempt. That’s why we need to focus on the good things in life for us to move forward.

Here are 4 ways you can focus on the good things in life, especially during tough times.

1. “Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People Do”

“Tough times never last, but tough people do.”

The above quote is the title of Dr. Robert Schuller’s outstanding book. The title tells you all you need to know about the book.

We have been through a tough 2020, and 2021 could very well be just as tough. The hope is that vaccines and proper protocols will get us through these difficult times. Americans in the 20th century suffered through two World Wars and the devastating Great Depression. To get through these times, they had to be tough—and they were. Now, it is our turn to show our toughness.

I can think of three examples where people showed their toughness in recent years.

The first has to do with the Catholic Church and the awful pedophilia scandal. I believe it was one of the worst times in the history of the Church. What happened to the children was unconscionable. Another side of the issue was the clergy who were falsely accused. Two of them in the Chicago area knew they were innocent and showed their toughness in different ways.

The first got through it with prayer—praying especially for his accuser. Prayer can be a great way to get through tough times. The second was able to retain his optimism. He said he kept repeating a sentence from John and Bobby Kennedy’s mother, Rose: “After the storm, the birds always sing.”

Both men were exonerated after a most difficult and humiliating time. Their accusers ultimately admitted they had lied.

Another way of getting through times is by calling on the best of people. Winston Churchill, during the worst bombing of London in World War II, told the British people, “Never, never give in!” The British people did just that.

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Another way of getting through times is through determination and work. We were looking to build a gymnasium at Providence High School when I worked there. We drafted a paper giving the rationale as to why we needed the gym and presented it to people of means in our community.

The vote was 16-0 that we should not try to build during such tough economic times. Providence has a gym today because of the work ethic and the determination of one man—Father (then Bishop) Roger Kaffer.

Finally, teams go through tough times in athletics. We started one season 3-6. We decided to go back to the fundamentals. We finished 9-2 and played for the conference championship because we returned to the fundamentals. All organizations can return to their core values during tough times.

Prayer, optimism, calling on our best selves, determination, work, and our core values can get us through tough times.

2. Keep a Good Thought

“Keep a good thought” is an Irish maxim encouraging people to stay positive. We can find the good through tough times by our thinking.

Dale Carnegie wrote, “It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy. It’s what you think about.”

I enjoyed the basketball coach who had an interesting take on thinking. He asked the referee if he could give him a technical foul for what he was thinking. The ref said of course not; the coach then responded, “I think you stink!”

Willie Nelson, in one of his many songs, stressed to be careful of negative thinking. Paraphrasing, the refrain was, “Think of the good times because the bad times weigh like lead on your mind.”

Our students at the University of St. Francis would annually go to Bolivia to help the people build and repair homes. When I asked them what they learned from the trip, they said two things—they could not believe the poverty the people lived in nor could they believe the positive attitude with which the people lived. Their kindness, humor, and compassion were incredible. Somehow, they consistently kept a good thought, despite their tough circumstances.

Mother Teresa summed up keeping a good thought when she wrote, “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.”

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You can focus on the good things in life when you are determined to “Keep a Good Thought” through hardships.

3. Be in the Moment

We focus on the good things when we are happy. Roy T. Bennett wrote, “If you want to be happy do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.”

Two emotions that can deprive us of our happiness are guilt and worry. Jeffrey Nevid called them the “useless emotions.”

Guilt refers to the past. We can elect to carry guilt for something we did in the past. That is our prerogative, but the bottom line is we cannot change it. It’s over! What we can do, however, is learn from it, then move on. Learning from it is the easy part; moving on, the only realistic thing to do, admittedly is the hard part.

Mark Twain had a great insight into guilt’s partner, worry, when he wrote, “I have lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which happened.”

Too often, we worry about things that never materialize. If guilt and worry are tied to our past and future and if they are “useless emotions,” then the only alternative is to live in the present.

In my first 25 years of coaching basketball at the University of St. Francis, we had no bus to take us to road games. We, the coaches, drove the vans. There were 21 NAIA teams in Illinois and only 6 made the playoffs. We finally had the chance to be one of the 6 but we had to win one more game. The team we played was about 5 hours away. We were down 12 with 4 minutes to go in the game. We rallied to make 2 free throws with 2 seconds left to go and we were up by 1 point.

They inbounded the ball to our free-throw line, some 79 feet away from their basket. Their player threw a “Hail Mary” ball toward their basket—it went right in and knocked us out of the playoffs! I had the option of dwelling on that incredulous ending and living in the past or living in the present and driving our players back to campus safely! Fortunately, we made it home.

We can focus on the good by making ourselves happy. Many people have validated that we can make ourselves happy.

Aristotle kept it simple, “Happiness depends on ourselves.”

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The Dalai Lama wrote, “Happiness is not something that is readymade. It comes from your own actions.”

The actress Aubrey Hepburn had this insight, “The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it’s all that matters.”

Mahatma Gandhi saw it this way, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

When we will ourselves into a state of happiness by staying in the present moment, we can focus on the good things in life.

4. Help Others

Mark Twain wrote, “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someone else up.”

A former high school classmate, Pat Warren, was constantly cheering up our friends when they were experiencing tough times. I would hear about the person suffering and tell myself I must get to see him. Inevitably, by the time I finally got to see him, Pat had already been there. He constantly focused on the good things he could do for others, especially during their difficult times.

Joe Madden, the former Chicago Cubs manager, used to tell his players, “Don’t ever let the pressure exceed the pleasure.” I saw one of his players execute the pleasure.

One of my grandchildren was playing in a Little League game on Chicago’s north side. He was playing on one field and there was another game on an adjacent field. When I looked to the other field, the game had stopped and all the players and fans had surrounded someone.

Ben Zobrist lived near the park where the kids were playing. He had been the Most Valuable Player of the previous year’s World Series. So, there was a lot of pressure on him to perform well this next year, but he did not let the pressure exceed his giving pleasure.

The Cubs had a game that day and he lived close enough to Wrigley Field, their home park, so he would often ride his bike to games in his uniform. However, before riding to his game this day, he rode over to the park where we were.

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The players and the adults were excited to see and meet the 2016 World Series MVP. He stayed in the park until he signed every autograph for every person on both fields! It was an act of random kindness as he gave the kids great pleasure. He focused on the good despite the pressure he was about to face in his game.

Numerous pundits have great insights into the many facets of helping others.

Catherine Pulsifer said, “People appreciate and never forget that helping hand, especially when times are tough.”

Martin Luther King wrote, ”Somewhere along the way, we must learn that there is nothing greater than to do something for others.”

Charles Dickens spoke about the two kinds of people who help. “There were two kinds of charitable people: one, the people who did little and made a great deal of noise; the other the people who did a great deal and made no noise at all.”

Finally, Jim Rohn wrote about the relationship between giving and receiving, “Only by giving are you able to receive more than you already have.”

Helping others, especially during tough times, enables you to focus on the good things in life.

Final Thoughts

We can focus on the good things in life during difficult times in four ways:

  • By being tough and not fearing the tough times
  • By keeping a good thought
  • By staying in the moment
  • By being there for others

Remember that tough times are inevitable, but they will also inevitably end. The key is to focus on the good, and you’ll get there eventually.

More Tips on How to Focus on the Good

Featured photo credit: Nathan Dumlao via unsplash.com

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