Advertising
Advertising

13 Things Shy People Will Never Tell You About Themselves

13 Things Shy People Will Never Tell You About Themselves

Being shy isn’t as straightforward as you might think. There are a lot of things shy people will never tell you—things you might want to know to better understand who they are. As a shy person myself, I feel somewhat qualified to say what those things are. Here are 13 things shy people will never tell you.

1. We’re not sure what to say

Just because we’re shy doens’t mean we prefer to be alone all the time. Shy people would never tell you this, but we might just not know how to contribute to a conversation, even if we want to. This is especially true in larger groups. Shy people tend to do fine in one-on-one convos, but once the conversation is with three or more people it starts to become more difficult.

2. We’re waiting for the exact right time to speak

When we do speak, we want to say something that has an impact. It’s entirely possible that we’re shy because we’re carefully looking for opportunities when we actually have something contribute to the discussion. We don’t want to say something stupid. We might want to impress you. If that requires staying mum most of the time, so be it.

Advertising

3. We’re not great conversationalists

We don’t like to admit it, but shy people often don’t have the gift of gab. Some people are good at small talk, but shy people are frequently terrible at it, which is one reason they might keep quiet.

4. We don’t like meeting new people

We just don’t. That kind of attitude is something shy people would never tell you about, but we’re often worried that we won’t know how to act in front of a person we just met. We need some time to learn how to behave around them, so that we don’t do anything “wrong.”

5. We don’t know if we can trust you

If we’re not talkative around you, it could be because we’re afraid of being judged. Shy people would never tell you this because it has nothing to do with you, but we’re often slow to trust people. Give us a chance to become comfortable around you and maybe we’ll start to open up.

Advertising

6. We have other things on our mind

Honestly, sometimes we’re quiet because we’re thinking about something else that’s more interesting or more important to us. Shy people would never tell you that listening to you isn’t their number one priority, but the less talkative we are the more likely it is we have our head in the clouds.

7. We’re not all good listeners

Following up on that, just because we’re not talking doesn’t necessarily mean we’re listening any closer than the average person. Sometimes shy people have more trouble listening. Many people on the autism spectrum, for example, are shy and have difficulty paying attention.

8. We sometimes prefer being a spectator to a participant

Even if everyone else is playing a game of pickup basketball, we may be happier sitting on the sidelines. Sometimes we would rather watch other people participate in an activity than get involved ourselves.

Advertising

9. We like our alone time

A lot of shy people would never tell you this because we don’t want to come across as hermits, but we often need more alone time than most people. You’ll find some people particularly shy when they’re exhausted from being around people for the whole day.

10. We’re not leaders but we’re not necessarily followers, either

Shy people don’t generally have the personalities to lead a team, but that doesn’t always mean we’re happy being part of the herd. Shy people would never tell you this because it might come off as antisocial, but we often prefer to work independently instead of as a part of a group.

11. We like to be behind the scenes

Shy people still want to have an impact on the world; just not in the spotlight. We’re more likely to be writers than actors, or sports reporters than athletes. Don’t push us front and center, because we’ll most excel when we’re not the subject of attention.

Advertising

12. We don’t like getting our picture taken

Shy people would never tell you this, but we’re extremely self-conscious about how we look, especially in still photographs. Don’t be surprised if we duck out of a selfie.

13. We’re extremely critical of ourselves

Shy people would never tell you about our negative attitudes, but we often struggle with our perceptions of ourselves. For example, you’ll find a lot of shy people have trouble taking a compliment. Yet another thing you should know about shy people.

Featured photo credit: Shy/lira pipa via flickr.com

More by this author

Matt OKeefe

Freelance Writer, Marketer

15 Productive Things to Do When Bored (So Time Is Not Wasted) The 10 Best Online Dictionaries 15 Easy Ways For Everyone To Make Money With Social Media 7 Ways To Give Great Feedback This Is What The Cozy Home Designed By 2000 People Looks Like

Trending in Communication

1 The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach 2 How to Master Effective Communication Skills at Work and Home 3 Building Relationships: 11 Rules for Self-Promotion 4 18 Ways to Have Effective Communication in the Workplace 5 How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Very Best Version of You

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

Advertising

Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

Advertising

Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

Advertising

Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

Advertising

Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

Read Next