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13 Things Shy People Will Never Tell You About Themselves

13 Things Shy People Will Never Tell You About Themselves

Being shy isn’t as straightforward as you might think. There are a lot of things shy people will never tell you—things you might want to know to better understand who they are. As a shy person myself, I feel somewhat qualified to say what those things are. Here are 13 things shy people will never tell you.

1. We’re not sure what to say

Just because we’re shy doens’t mean we prefer to be alone all the time. Shy people would never tell you this, but we might just not know how to contribute to a conversation, even if we want to. This is especially true in larger groups. Shy people tend to do fine in one-on-one convos, but once the conversation is with three or more people it starts to become more difficult.

2. We’re waiting for the exact right time to speak

When we do speak, we want to say something that has an impact. It’s entirely possible that we’re shy because we’re carefully looking for opportunities when we actually have something contribute to the discussion. We don’t want to say something stupid. We might want to impress you. If that requires staying mum most of the time, so be it.

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3. We’re not great conversationalists

We don’t like to admit it, but shy people often don’t have the gift of gab. Some people are good at small talk, but shy people are frequently terrible at it, which is one reason they might keep quiet.

4. We don’t like meeting new people

We just don’t. That kind of attitude is something shy people would never tell you about, but we’re often worried that we won’t know how to act in front of a person we just met. We need some time to learn how to behave around them, so that we don’t do anything “wrong.”

5. We don’t know if we can trust you

If we’re not talkative around you, it could be because we’re afraid of being judged. Shy people would never tell you this because it has nothing to do with you, but we’re often slow to trust people. Give us a chance to become comfortable around you and maybe we’ll start to open up.

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6. We have other things on our mind

Honestly, sometimes we’re quiet because we’re thinking about something else that’s more interesting or more important to us. Shy people would never tell you that listening to you isn’t their number one priority, but the less talkative we are the more likely it is we have our head in the clouds.

7. We’re not all good listeners

Following up on that, just because we’re not talking doesn’t necessarily mean we’re listening any closer than the average person. Sometimes shy people have more trouble listening. Many people on the autism spectrum, for example, are shy and have difficulty paying attention.

8. We sometimes prefer being a spectator to a participant

Even if everyone else is playing a game of pickup basketball, we may be happier sitting on the sidelines. Sometimes we would rather watch other people participate in an activity than get involved ourselves.

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9. We like our alone time

A lot of shy people would never tell you this because we don’t want to come across as hermits, but we often need more alone time than most people. You’ll find some people particularly shy when they’re exhausted from being around people for the whole day.

10. We’re not leaders but we’re not necessarily followers, either

Shy people don’t generally have the personalities to lead a team, but that doesn’t always mean we’re happy being part of the herd. Shy people would never tell you this because it might come off as antisocial, but we often prefer to work independently instead of as a part of a group.

11. We like to be behind the scenes

Shy people still want to have an impact on the world; just not in the spotlight. We’re more likely to be writers than actors, or sports reporters than athletes. Don’t push us front and center, because we’ll most excel when we’re not the subject of attention.

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12. We don’t like getting our picture taken

Shy people would never tell you this, but we’re extremely self-conscious about how we look, especially in still photographs. Don’t be surprised if we duck out of a selfie.

13. We’re extremely critical of ourselves

Shy people would never tell you about our negative attitudes, but we often struggle with our perceptions of ourselves. For example, you’ll find a lot of shy people have trouble taking a compliment. Yet another thing you should know about shy people.

Featured photo credit: Shy/lira pipa via flickr.com

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Matt OKeefe

Matt is a marketer and writer who shares about lifestyle and productivity tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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