Advertising
Advertising

10 Reasons Why Being A People Pleaser Is Not Always A Bad Thing

10 Reasons Why Being A People Pleaser Is Not Always A Bad Thing

People pleasers often get a bad reputation for being manipulative, overbearing, or nosy. But are people too harsh to people pleasers? And where does this harshness come from?

Often, resentment towards people pleasers comes from an element of distrust; people worry that people are only nice to one another to curry favor with them, or because they are spineless and just don’t want to ruffle any feathers.

But people pleasers are often misjudged and are not looking to manipulate, suck up or get people to like them. They are just merely trying to please people. Here are ten often overlooked reasons that being a people pleaser can be a good thing.

1. Because they are great at resolving conflicts

Because people pleasers want everyone to be happy, they are very good at finding ways to minimize friction within a social circle. Their knowledge of what makes people happy gives them a strong talent for resolving conflicts.

They know what everyone’s individual needs are, and how these may conflict with the needs of another, they can then parley this into a peaceful resolution that satisfies all parties involved.

Advertising

2. Because they are great at making social connections

People pleasers are often very likeable, and very good at making small talk. They tend to be very sociable, outgoing people, and this level of confidence and friendliness means that people will naturally gravitate towards them.

This level of approachability gives them a broad social circle and support network.

This can be used to put people in touch with one another. If you are looking for a job or a place to live, people pleasers are often the best people to contact, as they know so many people, and can provide a great social medium between the two parties.

3. Because they tend to do well in their careers

Often people think that agreeable people succeed in their careers by ‘sucking up’ to their superiors.

The opposite is actually true; people who suck up tend to lack assertiveness and are often passed over for promotion by their superiors based on this. People pleasers tend to do well because they will go the extra mile to make friends and forge lasting social and work-based relationships with colleagues.

Advertising

This not only gives them a broad network of people they can work with, but also allows them to streamline efficiency by putting the right people in touch with one another in order to get jobs done with efficiency.

4. Because they have attractive personalities

Their ability to find common ground with almost anyone gives them a highly approachable, friendly and confident demeanor.

Whilst others may go about trying to bolster their attractiveness through showy acts of machismo or obsessing about their appearance, people pleasers simply try to connect with others around them and genuinely pay attention to what they have to say.

This circumvents the need to put on a show. It reveals confidence and intelligence, which is often considered extremely attractive.

5. Because they are great listeners

People pleasers will often take a genuine and vested interest in the lives of others. Sometimes, people can find this personality trait nosy or pushy, but people pleasers are among the few people who will show a genuine interest in what you are doing and will be the first to offer their assistance if you are in any trouble.

Advertising

People pleasers don’t just wait for their turn to talk, they will ask questions about you and your life and they won’t forget them as soon as you leave the room.

6. Because they are adaptable

The ability of a people pleaser to strike up a conversation with almost anyone gives them a significant advantage when put in a new, unfamiliar situation. They are great in foreign countries, unafraid to ask for directions or advice, and tend to learn how things are done in a new environment with remarkable ease.

7. Because they are knowledgeable

People pleasers often have a surprising amount of knowledge they have picked up through interacting with so many people. Talking and listening to people we meet is one of the most effective ways of learning new thoughts, ideas and perspectives on things.

People pleasers take a deep interest in what others have to say, and often have strong, multidimensional levels of wisdom.

8. Because they can keep their head in emergencies

When a tense, dangerous or emergency situation unfolds, people pleasers are usually very helpful and pragmatic. People pleasers have learned over time to avoid getting angry or acting abrasively and so tend to be less emotionally-driven and more level-headed when situations are tense.

Advertising

People pleasers help to foster a calm atmosphere, helping people to act swiftly and sensibly during an emergency, and helping to diffuse tensions in a confrontational scenario.

9. Because they are fun to be around

People pleasers often know a lot of people and tend to have active social lives. They always have something going on and are rarely inert. Having a people pleaser as a friend will mean that you will never be left bored.

They also tend to be funny and will want to make you laugh.

10. Because they want you to be happy!

This is perhaps the most gratifying personality trait of a people pleaser; they want you to be happy.

People pleasers have an innate desire to make people around them smile and laugh, and this is one of the most altruistic and endearing traits a person can possess.

If you are down or upset, they will try to help you and make you feel better, and if you’re feeling good, they will make you feel brilliant. Whether it’s a thoughful gesture or a much needed compliment, people pleasers will work their hardest to make sure everyone is happy and getting along nicely.

Featured photo credit: Outdoor lifestyle portrait of two best friends hipsters making photo on their vintage camera, having fun together, joy and happiness, wearing trendy bright clothes and sunglasses. via shutterstock.com

More by this author

JC Axe

Writer

15 Effective Ways Clever People Handle Toxic People 10 Ways To Avoid Getting Into Debt In Your 20’s Spot The Difference Between An Ordinary And Cancerous Mole: 14 Ways To Help You Prevent Melanoma 15 Things To Remember If You Love A Person With Asthma 15 Images Showing How Refugio Oil Spill Kills Lives

Trending in Communication

1 19 Golden Pieces of Relationship Advice From the Experts 2 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know 3 How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship 4 How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future 5 This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

Advertising

The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

Advertising

If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

Advertising

In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

Advertising

It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

More Articles About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next