Advertising
Advertising

10 Reasons Why Being A People Pleaser Is Not Always A Bad Thing

10 Reasons Why Being A People Pleaser Is Not Always A Bad Thing

People pleasers often get a bad reputation for being manipulative, overbearing, or nosy. But are people too harsh to people pleasers? And where does this harshness come from?

Often, resentment towards people pleasers comes from an element of distrust; people worry that people are only nice to one another to curry favor with them, or because they are spineless and just don’t want to ruffle any feathers.

But people pleasers are often misjudged and are not looking to manipulate, suck up or get people to like them. They are just merely trying to please people. Here are ten often overlooked reasons that being a people pleaser can be a good thing.

1. Because they are great at resolving conflicts

Because people pleasers want everyone to be happy, they are very good at finding ways to minimize friction within a social circle. Their knowledge of what makes people happy gives them a strong talent for resolving conflicts.

They know what everyone’s individual needs are, and how these may conflict with the needs of another, they can then parley this into a peaceful resolution that satisfies all parties involved.

Advertising

2. Because they are great at making social connections

People pleasers are often very likeable, and very good at making small talk. They tend to be very sociable, outgoing people, and this level of confidence and friendliness means that people will naturally gravitate towards them.

This level of approachability gives them a broad social circle and support network.

This can be used to put people in touch with one another. If you are looking for a job or a place to live, people pleasers are often the best people to contact, as they know so many people, and can provide a great social medium between the two parties.

3. Because they tend to do well in their careers

Often people think that agreeable people succeed in their careers by ‘sucking up’ to their superiors.

The opposite is actually true; people who suck up tend to lack assertiveness and are often passed over for promotion by their superiors based on this. People pleasers tend to do well because they will go the extra mile to make friends and forge lasting social and work-based relationships with colleagues.

Advertising

This not only gives them a broad network of people they can work with, but also allows them to streamline efficiency by putting the right people in touch with one another in order to get jobs done with efficiency.

4. Because they have attractive personalities

Their ability to find common ground with almost anyone gives them a highly approachable, friendly and confident demeanor.

Whilst others may go about trying to bolster their attractiveness through showy acts of machismo or obsessing about their appearance, people pleasers simply try to connect with others around them and genuinely pay attention to what they have to say.

This circumvents the need to put on a show. It reveals confidence and intelligence, which is often considered extremely attractive.

5. Because they are great listeners

People pleasers will often take a genuine and vested interest in the lives of others. Sometimes, people can find this personality trait nosy or pushy, but people pleasers are among the few people who will show a genuine interest in what you are doing and will be the first to offer their assistance if you are in any trouble.

Advertising

People pleasers don’t just wait for their turn to talk, they will ask questions about you and your life and they won’t forget them as soon as you leave the room.

6. Because they are adaptable

The ability of a people pleaser to strike up a conversation with almost anyone gives them a significant advantage when put in a new, unfamiliar situation. They are great in foreign countries, unafraid to ask for directions or advice, and tend to learn how things are done in a new environment with remarkable ease.

7. Because they are knowledgeable

People pleasers often have a surprising amount of knowledge they have picked up through interacting with so many people. Talking and listening to people we meet is one of the most effective ways of learning new thoughts, ideas and perspectives on things.

People pleasers take a deep interest in what others have to say, and often have strong, multidimensional levels of wisdom.

8. Because they can keep their head in emergencies

When a tense, dangerous or emergency situation unfolds, people pleasers are usually very helpful and pragmatic. People pleasers have learned over time to avoid getting angry or acting abrasively and so tend to be less emotionally-driven and more level-headed when situations are tense.

Advertising

People pleasers help to foster a calm atmosphere, helping people to act swiftly and sensibly during an emergency, and helping to diffuse tensions in a confrontational scenario.

9. Because they are fun to be around

People pleasers often know a lot of people and tend to have active social lives. They always have something going on and are rarely inert. Having a people pleaser as a friend will mean that you will never be left bored.

They also tend to be funny and will want to make you laugh.

10. Because they want you to be happy!

This is perhaps the most gratifying personality trait of a people pleaser; they want you to be happy.

People pleasers have an innate desire to make people around them smile and laugh, and this is one of the most altruistic and endearing traits a person can possess.

If you are down or upset, they will try to help you and make you feel better, and if you’re feeling good, they will make you feel brilliant. Whether it’s a thoughful gesture or a much needed compliment, people pleasers will work their hardest to make sure everyone is happy and getting along nicely.

Featured photo credit: Outdoor lifestyle portrait of two best friends hipsters making photo on their vintage camera, having fun together, joy and happiness, wearing trendy bright clothes and sunglasses. via shutterstock.com

More by this author

JC Axe

Writer

15 Effective Ways Clever People Handle Toxic People 10 Ways To Avoid Getting Into Debt In Your 20’s Spot The Difference Between An Ordinary And Cancerous Mole: 14 Ways To Help You Prevent Melanoma 15 Things To Remember If You Love A Person With Asthma 15 Images Showing How Refugio Oil Spill Kills Lives

Trending in Communication

1 How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 2 The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You 3 The Purpose Of Friendship: The Only 4 Types Of Friends You Need In Life 4 14 Things That Make You Happy and Enjoy Life More 5 Focus On Yourself, Because Most Of The Time No One Really Cares

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on April 19, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

Advertising

Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

Advertising

Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

Advertising

When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

Advertising

5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next