Published on January 20, 2021

How to Quickly Calm Your Mind and Refocus When You’re Stressed

How to Quickly Calm Your Mind and Refocus When You’re Stressed

Do you sometimes feel that the demands of life are squeezing you so tightly that it is hard to breath and regain a calm mind? Problems are cropping up faster than weeds in a garden, and your to-do list is growing exponentially faster than your “it’s done” list.

All of this can lead to a tsunami of tension. Staying focused, calm, and engaged is a struggle.

Many people hear this and just shrug their shoulders. “That’s just life. There is no other way to respond when stress boils over,” they conclude.

But there are solutions and effective approaches for dealing with even the toughest stress. It just requires you to learn, and then practice, some basic skills.

These are the same skills used by Air Force PJs – and if they work to help these guys stay calm, they will definitely work for you and me.

But you are probably asking “What’s an Air Force PJ?”

They are part the Special Ops forces, the elite of the elite. Their job is to rescue other military members who are trapped behind enemy lines, thoroughly cut off from support and at risk of being captured or killed.

So how do special operators manage to deal with the mental stress of their mission and calmly get the job done?

They use an approach that is called Stress Inoculation Training or SIT[1].

Let’s take a look at what this is and how you can use it, as well.

Staying Calm Under Pressure

Stress Inoculation Training (SIT)…that phrase is nearly self-explanatory. Just like a medical inoculation that is used to guard against a medical threat (e.g., malaria, the flu, hepatitis), stress inoculation is intended to guard against the impact of intense or prolonged mental pressure.

The main components of SIT include the following:


  • ONE: Identify the expected circumstances under which you will become distressed and also pinpoint your typical reaction to those stressful situations.
  • TWO: Learn specific relaxation techniques that calm your mind and emotions.
  • THREE: Develop a short list of statements that trigger a calming response.
  • FOUR: Expose yourself to increasingly stressful situations where these techniques are practiced.

Practice the following four step process and you’ll be feeling like a tension busting pro in no time.

1. Know Thyself

The best auto mechanics know each system of a car inside and out. Because of this wealth of knowledge, they are able to diagnose and repair a car with expert skills.

The best cardiac surgeons also have a through and intimate understanding of the heart and vascular system. These insights allow surgeons to bring remarkable changes to a person’s health.

If you wish to learn how to achieve a calm mind when under stress, it is important that you also develop a thorough knowledge of what makes you stressed.

The way to gain these insights is by keeping track of what situations are most stressful for you and what makes them a challenge. Do you begin to immediately assume the worse? Do you imagine catastrophic endings or believe that you will be humiliated? Do you imagine that the setbacks you may suffer will result in permanent failure?

Write down the five most common stressors that hold you back. Also write down your typical thoughts or reactions to these stressful situations.

If you want to take this first step just a little further, do the following: think about ways that in the past you have succeeded in pushing through the stressful situations you just listed.

There are bound to be times that you have successfully dealt with stress in the past. Identify what you did to succeed in those situations. Did you take a step back and put things in perspective? Perhaps you took a few minutes and spoke with a friend? Maybe all it took to calm your mind was taking a few deep breaths.

2. Learn Relaxation Techniques

There are many helpful relaxation techniques from which to choose. We will look at three techniques that most people find useful and easy to employ on a moment’s notice.

Diaphragmatic Breathing

The first of these is called is diaphragmatic breathing. This is breathing where the focus is on using your diaphragm (that sheet of muscle under your lungs).

Diaphragmatic breathing is sometimes referred to as belly breathing (versus chest breathing). That’s because when you concentrate on expanding your lungs by contracting your diaphragm, it causes your stomach to move slightly outward.

The reason diaphragmatic breathing is important is that it stimulates the vagus nerve. This, in turn, sends signals to the brain that induces a sense of calm.


The vagus nerve acts like a brake pedal on the nervous system. When stimulated, it tells the brain to slow things down. The anxiety and stress that were building up then begin to reduce.

There are many ways to stimulate the vagus nerve. For example, some meditation practices include reciting a mantra in a way that resembles humming. This stimulates the vagus nerve and increases a relaxed response.


This approach is focused on getting someone who is lost in a downward stress spiral to return to the “here and now.” By shifting one’s focus to the present, stress about imagined threats begins to fade, and tensions dissipate.

Grounding is frequently used to help people who struggle with stress arising from a variety of sources including panic attacks, trauma, work pressures, and more.

There are dozens of grounding techniques[2] to select from to fit your preference and circumstances. We will look at just one approach, a very common technique that most people find helpful and easy to use at a moment’s notice.

For this to be effective, you need to momentarily focus on the sensory input from your immediate surroundings: colors, sounds, smells, and textures. For instance, if you are in a business meeting and feeling overwhelmed, then you can intentionally draw your attention to the color of the notepad laying on the table in front of you; the hum of the A/C; the smell of the coffee in that mug by your hand, and; the texture of the chair on which you sit.

This requires only a few moments. It takes your attention away from the stress, and refocuses on the present in order to get you back to a calm mind.

If you add one or two deep breaths, all the better.

Guided Imagery

If you have ever lost yourself in a daydream, then you have a good idea of how guided imagery works. It focuses your mind on a vivid scene that brings about a sense of calm and confidence.

To master this skill one need only spend a little time practicing. The first step is to think of a place where you have experienced feeling calm and in control. That may be when you were gazing out over the Grand Canyon, lying on a white sand beach, working out in a yoga class, or reading a book next to a fire.

The next step is to close your eyes and begin to vividly fill in that mental picture with as much detail as possible. Once again, you will want to use as many sensory inputs as possible.

For instance, if you imagined yourself sitting on the front porch of a mountain cabin, you would include the smell of pine trees, the feel of the breeze against your face, the sound of the wind through the trees, the color of the light cast over the porch, etc.


The more vividly you imagine this place, the stronger will be its impact on reducing stress.

3. Select Calming Statements

In this step you remind yourself to put your current stressors in perspective. This is important because stress has a snowball effect. The longer it goes on unopposed, the more momentum it gathers, destroying your calm mind. Small concerns begin to appear larger than they have any right to be.

Before things ever get to that point, you need to take control, and you can do this by repeating some well-chosen statements that bring peace and clarity to mind.

Examples of these statements include:

  • I’ve handled difficult situations like this before, I can do so now as well.
  • Is the worse outcome really likely to happen, and if it did would it be the sort of disaster I have in mind?
  • I’m stressed but still strong. I’ve got the skills to handle this situation. I just need to take a short break, step back for a minute, then come back and tackle it.
  • I’m feeling stressed and need to stop for a second to take some deep breaths. I’ll just use the guided imagery I’ve practiced and things will feel more focused.
  • I can feel the muscles in my neck knotting up, and I know that this stress is just going to get worse. I need to get grounded, take deep breath, and prioritize where I will put my energy.

Self-statements serve several functions. They help put things in perspective, and they remind you to use the stress busting skills you have in your mental toolbox (deep breathing, guided imagery, etc.).

To get the most out of self-statements, be sure to write them down ahead of time. Make a long list of such statements, then review them a little later on and notice which statements are most helpful.

Select four of five of these and keep them on your phone, or a piece of paper. That way they are easily referred to the next time stress begins to build and you need to get back to a calm mind.

4. Do Hard Things

The more you take on difficult challenges in life the more you develop mental toughness, or “grit”[3]. This allows you to face stressful situations with greater confidence knowing that you have prevailed in other grueling circumstances.

For example, when faced with a killer deadline at work, it can be helpful to remember that half marathon you ran, and how you continued to push yourself when it seemed that your legs had turned into cement posts. Even so, you persisted and crossed the finish line.

Remember how good it felt when you completed the race? Dwell on that for a moment because that same feeling is what you will have when you don’t succumb to stress and you complete the project within the deadline.

Now, use that same grit to face the stressors that press down on you today. You will get through this moment of testing. You’ve proven that you have the “right stuff” to overcome the challenges.

By pushing yourself in other areas of life, you not only develop “grit” but change your self-perception. You begin to see yourself as the man or woman who perseveres and gets things done.


I remember during a deployment to Iraq when a Special Ops guy asked me to work with one of his soldiers who had gone sideways. I had several stipulations. His response was “Right, Captain. Too easy. Done.”

He had faced much greater challenges than the stipulations I had made for granting his request. This soldier was unfazed with the challenges put before him, even though he had numerous other responsibilities that bore down on him.

From his perspective this really was too easy, and he confidently moved forward in getting things done so I could then work with his soldier.

Doing hard things will develop this same mindset in you.

That sort of confidence does wonders to calm your senses when under stress.

What sort of ‘hard stuff’ should you do in order to build more grit? The sky is the limit:

  • Prepare to compete in a Spartan race or a Go Ruck challenge
  • Go to the gym regularly and push yourself to increase your personal best in some area of fitness
  • Get into white water kayaking, backpacking, or adventure racing
  • Travel to places that sound exciting but that you have avoided due to anxiety
  • Take on tasks at work that you’ve avoided because you have feared putting yourself to the test

The main thing is to push yourself to do what is difficult. The specifics don’t matter. What you are looking to do is become toughened to facing challenge.

If you succeed at the task you set for yourself great. If you fail, this too can be used to your advantage. You’ll learn that even in failure you are able to pick yourself up and push forward.

When you are confident of your ability to persist in the face of adversity the stress will feel lighter, and it will be easier to maintain a calm mind.

Final Thoughts

Staying calm in the face of extreme stress is within your grasp. The skills needed to succeed are simple, but they do require that you intentionally work on building them as part of your tool kit for dealing with tension.

Your success in this regard will lead to a greater sense of confidence and freedom. Stressors will no longer be intimidating, but instead seen as simple challenges that you are capable of surmounting on your way to reaching a calm mind.

More on Managing Stress

Featured photo credit: Andriyko Podilnyk via


More by this author

Forrest Talley

Forrest is a Clinical Psychologist who has been helping adults, teens and children for over 30 years.

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Published on May 3, 2021

How To Get Over Anxiety: 5 Professional Tips

How To Get Over Anxiety: 5 Professional Tips

Anxiety is killing our mental energy. It is, after all, the leading mental health issue in our society today.  In 2017 alone, more than 284 million people experienced anxiety across the globe, making it the most prevalent mental health disorder globally.[1]

If you are asking the question, “how do I get over my anxiety?”, then this article is for you. I’ve put together a list of my top strategies to help you get over your anxiety. These are the same strategies that have worked for many of my clients over the years, and I think they can work for you too!

Anxiety is, in general terms, as uneasiness or nervousness about an undetermined outcome. Sometimes, this worry and uneasiness is quite excessive and goes from something that we can manage on our own to something for which we need professional help.  If your worry or apprehension includes panic attacks or compulsive behaviors, consider reaching out to a therapist or a doctor for more professional help.

I like to think of anxiety as information—a sign that something is off in your life. It could be a global pandemic, a challenge at work, instability in relationships, or the sign of a larger mental health issue.  Whatever it is, it’s good to think this through and be asking the questions that will help you uncover the parts of your life that could use some adjusting.

Again, consulting with a therapist or counselor, even just for a brief period of time, can help decipher some of these questions for you.  And if you want to give it a go on your own, well that takes us to the first of my five tips on how to get over anxiety.


Here are 5 tips on how to get over anxiety and live a more fulfilling life.

1. The Mighty Journal

You will be amazed by the power of journaling—the path of self-discovery it can lead you down. The best part of journaling is that there is no right or wrong here. It is a private place where you can work through the stuff in your head and figure some things out.

There are lots of formats for journaling, and I have personally changed my own approach several times depending on what was going on and what I was looking for.  It could be that narrative of your day or bullets with highlights or thoughts of the day.

To make the most out of your journaling I would encourage you to push yourself and go beyond a recount of the day’s events. What you really want here is to get into your thought process and understand the feelings behind the thoughts. Timelines can also be a great way to gain some understanding of relationships and the different events in your life. Again, it is a matter of what works for you.

The pen truly is mightier than. . . the meds?!? My own little psych-mashup.


2. Schedule Your Self-Care Time

What are the ways you treat yourself? Life is busy and when life demands increase, self-care is often one of the first things to fall by the wayside. But it is critical that you build in your “you time” because when stress levels increase, so will anxiety.

If self-care is not something that you are accustomed to thinking about, I listed some ideas for you to consider.  Keep in mind that if you schedule it with someone else, it might help with accountability.

Think about working smaller chunks of time into the workweek and then something a little more extensive on the weekend, like a hike, excursion, creative home project, or even the occasional weekend away.

Self-care ideas:[2]

  • Take your lunchtime away from your desk, and get outside for a walk or join a colleague for some casual chitchat.
  • Schedule a massage or trip to the spa/salon.
  • Watch a favorite movie or TV show, either on your own or with your favorite person/people.
  • Work out, inside or out—anything that gets your heart rate up.
  • Go on an evening or afternoon walk.
  • Tap into your creative outlet, break out that knitting, woodwork, artwork, or instrument.
  • Dance, at home with your kids, partner, or on your own.  Play your favorite tunes and do your thing!

You can also try these 40 Self Care Techniques To Rejuvenate And Restore Yourself.


3. Listen to Your Music

Music speaks to our soul. It is a go-to for many of us when in need of a pick-me-up or just blowing off some steam. But sometimes, life gets busy, and we don’t incorporate it into our life the way we once did—finding ourselves in a music deficient rut, listening to the same boring stuff on the radio.

Let this be a reminder to explore the new music out there. Streaming services have revolutionized our access to music and have made it easier than ever before. Explore it and find your jam.

Additionally, music therapy is a growing form of therapy built on the research that it helps decrease pain, blood pressure, and—you guessed it—anxiety while also increasing mood, healing, and overall positivity.[3]

Medical Doctors are using it more and more in operating rooms and incorporating it into their practices. If you subscribe to Spotify or Apple Music, you can just type in “relaxing music” and you will be sure to find something that will do the trick, bringing calm and focus into your life.  In my research for this article, I came across some great ones., and they are now a part of my daily rotation.

4. The Five Senses Exercise

When we experience heightened anxiety, I think of it as the physical energy rising from our feet to our head like a thermometer. Sometimes, this energy can even bring us to a place where we feel disconnected from our bodies. The 5 senses exercise will help you reconnect yourself to your body and bring your anxiety levels down to a more manageable level.


The 5 senses exercise is a mindfulness exercise where you connect your 5 senses to your present environment. This is a great way to ground yourself and bring your attention and your energy to the here and now.  What I love about this exercise is that it can be done anywhere and at any time. If you start to feel your anxiety creep up, this could be a good strategy to center yourself and possibly ward off a panic attack or prolonged anxiety.

The process is simple:

  1. Start by taking a few deep breathes, inhaling as you count to 3, and then exhaling as you count to 3.
  2. Next, identify 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you can touch and feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
  3. Take it in, give yourself a few minutes.
  4. Repeat if needed, and carry on.

5. Mindset Matters

This last one is a big one. A lot of times, anxiety waxes and wanes with how we think about something. Be mindful of your negative self-talk, keeping it in check and working to incorporate perspective. If you know that you are headed into something challenging, prepare yourself for it mentally and allow yourself to be ok with the challenge. After all, the challenge helps us grow and develop.

Also, remember that life is full of choices—granted the options in front of us may be less than ideal, but remember that they are there.  Incorporating some of these above strategies could be one of the first choices you make to create change in your life and get a hold of the anxiety

A quick easy way to get some perspective is to acknowledge the things that you are grateful for (this is also a mindfulness practice).  The gratitude journal is one way to do this where you write down three to five things that you are grateful for every day. Try it out for a week or so and see how you feel. Of course, the more time you practice this, the more you will feel the benefits.

Summing It Up

Anxiety is something that we all experience from time to time, working to identify the source of your anxiety will help you discover the best strategies for you. However, there are some definite best practices that you can incorporate into your life that are sure to minimize your anxiety and keep you living the active and fulfilling life you want.

More Tips on Coping With Anxiety

Featured photo credit: Fernando @cferdo via


[1] Our World in Data: Mental Health
[2] NCBI: Social Anxiety Disorder: Recognition, Assessment, and Treatment
[3] Harvard Health Publishing: How music can help you heal

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