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When You Complain This Way, You’ll Always Get What You Want

When You Complain This Way, You’ll Always Get What You Want

Let’s face it, everyone hates complainers. If you’ve ever been in the firing line of angry complainers, you’ll know why. Their forceful and demanding requests can leave you shaken, disturbed – and perhaps even humiliated.

Still, as much as we don’t like people who always complain, an average person is said to complain nearly 15-30 times a day.[1] Clearly, there are times when you’ll be justified in complaining. Let’s take a look at some of these.

Why do we hate complaints?

Complaints usually stem from problems that people encounter. Maybe it’s a co-worker who’s not doing his job well – or perhaps a waiter who served you badly. When we experience problems like these, we feel unsatisfied about them, and we naturally want to vent our emotions and express our desire for them to be resolved.

Take a look around any shopping centre, and you’ll see dozens of examples of people encountering problems and quickly becoming frustrated and annoyed by their inability to fix them. Why is this? Even if a complaint is valid, people on the receiving end usually struggle to handle it because facts are difficult to accept right in the face. The more the truth is shoved in their face – the easier it becomes for them to ignore and reject the complaint. This is a common defensive mechanism.

    As complaining can frequently lead to no result, many people steer clear of making complaints. And for those who do stand up for their rights, their reputation is often negatively affected because people see them as a stubborn and obnoxious complainer.

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    Is there a way that your complaint won’t be ignored and you’ll get what you want? Yes, there is.

    Complain with a strategy

    You can get what you want if you complain with a specific strategy. For the strategy to work, you should decide if you truly want some results in return – or whether you just want to release your anger.

      If you’re only interested in expressing your emotions, then you should stop reading here. But if you want to get results, then you’ll need a plan before complaining.

      So, what is the strategy that you need to follow? Fgure out who can provide what you want, and then work out the best way to get that person to give it to you.

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        We’ll delve into the details of this strategy now.

        How to get your complaints heard

        There are three key ways of ensuring that your complaints are dealt with to your satisfaction.

        1. Bite your tongue before you process the situation

        If you’ve been hit by a problem, process it first before speaking out. This might mean taking a few seconds or minutes to let the problem sink in, and then to consider what actions you’ll take to bring about a resolution.

        If it’s something that you have the ability to improve or fix, then your best bet is to just go ahead and do it.

        2. Figure out what others want and think from their perspective

          Think hard about what your audience’s potential interests and pain points are.

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          Complaining at inappropriate times (e.g., when other people are in the spotlight or when they have bigger or more important issues to deal with) can make you look selfish and prevent you from being heard.

          Also, excessive or exaggerated complaining about the same thing can trigger negative emotions in others. When this happens – this will typically lead to your complaint falling on deaf ears.

          3. Never sound like you’re making a ‘request’

          If you lose control of your emotions and start making demands, you’ll quickly try the patience and goodwill of the person who might be able to help you.

          The secret to effective complaining is to make the other person feel they want to resolve the issue for you. To do this, you may have to go against your instincts, and be extra nice. At the end of the day, getting what you want is more important than being right or sounding tough.

            Let’s be honest, no one likes to be told what to do.

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            Instead of saying: “I need this doing now!” Try softening your tone and saying something like: “You don’t have to do this…” This indirect approach is non-confrontational and makes the person serving you think that it’s okay to help you. Instead of feeling ordered around, they are simply responding to a query. No mental or emotional barriers will go up, and nine times out of ten, the person will happily help you out.

            Relevant complaints are powerful

            Now that you know the secrets of complaining in an effective way, you’ll no longer be afraid to speak up when needed.

            By complaining in the right way, you’ll ensure that mistakes get rectified and promises are kept. But above and beyond this, you’ll also develop a powerful self-belief that will enable you to chart your own course through life.

            Featured photo credit: Freepik via freepik.com

            Reference

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            Anna Chui

            Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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            Last Updated on January 21, 2020

            How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

            How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

            If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

            Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

            So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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            1. Listen

            Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

            2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

            Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

            “Why do you want to do that?”

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            “What makes you so excited about it?”

            “How long has that been your dream?”

            You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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            3. Encourage

            This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

            4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

            After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

            5. Dream

            This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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            6. Ask How You Can Help

            Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

            7. Follow Up

            Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

            Final Thoughts

            By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

            Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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            Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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