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6 Books To Read If You’re Not Sure It’s Time To Go Your Separate Ways

6 Books To Read If You’re Not Sure It’s Time To Go Your Separate Ways

Relationships are fun, and at the same time desperate, crazy, and frustrating, especially when it looks like it is going towards a dead-end. Most of us tend not to spend time analysing why we feel bliss in a relationship; rather we seek out deeper understanding only when something hurts. Sounds familiar? If you are on the verge of a breakup, here is a selection of 6 books to help you make a better decision before deciding whether or not it’s truly time to cut it off.

The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by John M. Gottman, Joan DeClaire

    These psychology experts offer 5-step follow-through advise to transform your troubled relationships into positive relationships and fostering understanding of emotions in yourself and others. Apart from elements leading to successful relationships, the authors also explain what makes relationships fail. Here is a tip for you when you are in conflict: It helps to find out what the greater goal each other really wants and come up with a solution that will work for both.

    Reading Duration: 4hrs 45mins

    Get The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships from Amazon at $11.99

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    I Love You, But I Don’t Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum

      Is my relationship worth saving? Will the trust ever come back? How can things be good between us again? Couples therapist Mira Kirshenbaum helps you understand the stages of trust and how to strengthen trust with her therapy experience providing useful tools. The book is also filled with stories of couples who stomped across obstacles to complete trust with each other, take examples from these previous stories and deal with yours.

      Reading Duration: 4hrs 18mins

      Get I Love You, But I Don’t Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship from Amazon at $11.99

      Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions by John S. Hammond, Howard Raiffa, Ralph L. Keeney

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        Smart Choices offers user-friendly guide leading readers to find the deep-seated objectives, to create a comprehensive set of alternatives, determine likely consequences, make tradeoffs, and grapple with uncertainty. The book offers techniques for making the smartest decisions, it might not be the traditional read for relationship advice, but it is certainly the rational guide towards an emotional problem.

        Reading Duration: 3hrs 37mins

        Get Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions from Amazon at $19.24

        Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum

          Written by Mira Kirshenbaum, base on years of therapist counselling experience to lead readers through relationship ambivalence. The book contains 36 questions and self-analysis techniques to help readers get to the root problems of relationship and marriage. Do not expect quick fixes or fast advice from Kirshenbaum, in her perspective as a therapist, we should find out the answers, assess these problems and find ways out by ourselves. Even if you still feel confused after reading, you will at least feel normal about your situation and understand problems occur in every relationship.

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          Reading Duration: 4hrs 18mins

          Get Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship from Amazon at $12.16

          Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away by Bethany Marshall

            This book is for all the fellow ladies. It is about men, not all men, just emotionally unhealthy men. We often have questions in a relationship, “Am I making a big deal out of this?” or “Is it me that is overreacting?”.  Deal Breakers is a book to help reader getting out of the “relationship purgatory” – where the present is unfulfilling and the only thing to do is to hope for the future. Future has not magic, if you do not solve the problem now, the problem will continue to exist in the future.

            Reading Duration: 3hrs 10mins

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            Get Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away from Amazon at $10.78

            Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone by Mark Goulston

              Paul Tillich once said “The first duty of love is to listen”, listening is easier said than done. Everyone wants to feel “felt”, and understood, so we should stop trying to be interesting, and be interested instead. This book is not just for the ones on the edge of breaking up, but also people who are dealing with a harried colleague and a stressed-out client, basically anyone who needs comfort.

              Reading Duration: 3hrs 37mins

              Get Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone from Amazon at $7.96

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              Lifehack Reads is the curated collection of our favorite books, carefully categorized and sorted by our Editorial Team.

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              1 7 Signs You’re Burnt Out and How to Bounce Back 2 7 Simple Ways to Cope with Stress at Work and Stop Worrying 3 What’s the Best Nap Length for the Biggest Brain Benefit? 4 How to Sleep for Improved Health and Productivity 5 11 Simple and Effective Ways to Manage Stress

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              Last Updated on July 4, 2019

              7 Signs You’re Burnt Out and How to Bounce Back

              7 Signs You’re Burnt Out and How to Bounce Back

              Has the possibility of becoming burned out ever came across your radar?

              Burn out can happen to any of us. It can happen as a direct result of a toxic work environment or it can creep up on us as we pour all of our energy into doing the work that we love. Either way, when signs of burnout become apparent, they tend to look the same. Furthermore, adjustments must be made to reverse burnout and to prevent it again in the future.

              Behaviors and habits that can lead to burnout include staying up long nights working on projects, saying yes to every request or opportunity, taking on extra work from co workers, and decreasing connections with your family and friends outside of work.

              Outside forces such as ineffective leadership, unclear expectations, toxic work culture, persistent high workload, and no room for growth can all add to burn out.

              When signs of burn out set in, you slowly start to do things differently. There’s a chance you may not even realize what is happening.

              Keep in my mind that burn out may mimic other conditions such as depression or anxiety disorder. Please see your trusted health care provider to rule out any of these conditions.

              Keep reading for some key signs of burnout:

              1. Poor Performance and Loss of Self Confidence

              Noticeable declines in work performance and confidence in your ability to complete previously mastered assignments are signs of burnout.

              The pace of the work environment can seem faster and more demanding than ever. The goal of you doing world-class work may diminished to hopes of you barely getting by. You may have decided that staring into space or searching for a new job seems like a better alternative to working.

              Poor work performance can become a routine and often leaves the person wondering how did this become a problem in the first place. You may even think that your boss will call you out on your performance sooner than later.

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              How to Bounce Back:

              Think back to the motivation you had when you were hired or when you were getting your job done with ease. Think about your thoughts and actions that allow you to perform well. The ability to perform at or around this level is still within reach.

              Make a plan to eliminate distractions at work. Also, prior to coming to work make sure you are well rested and are eliminating energy-draining interactions.

              2. Pessimism

              Talking about the amazing work you do has given way to negative talk. Constantly complaining over small tasks that didn’t bother you in the past is a sign of pessimism. Your co -workers may even point out that you have been increasingly negative with your communication lately.

              Your outlook on life, especially work, is in the dumps. It is harder to find positive things to say.

              How to Bounce Back:

              Even in the midst of burnout, your time should be spent on forward-moving thoughts.

              Change the way you are looking at your current situation. Your body will do everything in its power to make sure that your actions are in alignment with your mindset and thoughts.

              Therefore, thoughts that are negative and self-defeating will need to undergo a productive reframe. A high level of awareness must be initiated. Self coaching yourself through negative thinking can be the first step in awareness.

              When you catch yourself having negative thoughts, first ask yourself “How does this make me feel?” Then, decide if those feelings will push you closer towards your goals and priorities or keep you from taking action.

              If your thoughts are not forward moving, ask yourself what does thinking and feeling the opposite of this look like? It may seem awkward at first, but keep at it until positive thoughts are at the forefront of your thinking once again.

              3. Feeling Unfulfilled

              Sometimes, the workplace is known for being a fast pace, high-stress environment. Feeling like you’re part of the team and your contributions matter to your team can really help increase your level of fulfillment.

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              We all have things we’re good at or interested in. When our talents and strengths are highlighted in an environment, we will thrive as we get things done.

              When we are constantly left out of vital conversations, we will feel irrelevant and as if things are happening to us and not on behalf of us.

              How to Bounce Back:

              Talk to the person in charge and discuss your concerns. Confiding in a trusted and knowledgeable co-worker prior to meeting with your boss will help to make your communication with your boss fair and objective.

              Set goals and deadlines with your boss or team leader to help increase your fulfillment. Follow up with your plan of action on your goals.

              Keep in mind that there will be some level of compromise but making your boss aware of your viewpoint and feelings is a major step in feeling fulfilled and feeling like a contributing member of your team.

              4. Poor Sleep Quality

              Staying up late at night, tossing and turning, thinking about your day’s work can really affect your sleep quality. Studies have shown that just a few hours of missed sleep is detrimental to our performance and mental capacity.[1]

              How to Bounce Back:

              Try setting a bedtime routine and stick to it. Make sure that your bedroom environment is supportive of a good night sleep.

              Social media never sleeps and it’s best to cut back or eliminate your social media time about 1 hour before you go to bed. Blue light interferes with your ability to feel sleepy and messes with your sleep cycle.[2] Your electronics can be set to switch to a softer light prior to bedtime.

              5. Dread

              The thought of work sends you into a tailspin of negative thoughts and body sensations. You wonder will this ever end and the amount of tension in your neck is at an all-time high.

              The feeling of dread can make you retreat from your daily activities to ruminate on the idea of returning to work. Feelings of dread steals valuable time.

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              How to Bounce Back:

              Develop a routine to relax and practice deep breathing.

              Consider a small breathing exercise that you can practice at work if dread or overwhelm creeps in. Go into an empty room or the bathroom, close your eyes, and take 10 big deep breaths. Control your breathing as you inhale and fully exhale. Notice what time of the day you are needing to step away to take breath and start scheduling your routines.

              Neck massages at bedtime or therapeutic massages may also help to relax your body and prepare you for the work week ahead. Keep in mind that self care is a necessity.

              6. You Lash out More

              You notice that you are short tempered and lash out at your loved ones more than usual. When you are experiencing burn out, you may find yourself less patient about certain things and snapping at your loved ones.

              You know they don’t deserve this treatment and you want to get this behavior in check so that you can restore the loving supportive environment you are used to having.

              How to Bounce Back:

              Be aware that your loved ones may not understand how your work environment is affecting you.

              Consider how you would feel if you were the recipient of irritable interactions when you didn’t have the whole picture of what was happening.

              Take time to explain your situation with your support system. Also, seek services through your work or independently in order to preserve the relationships within your support system.

              Your love ones are there to support you. They should not be the expert to get your thoughts and feelings in check- neither should they be expected to fulfill this role.

              7. Exhaustion

              Does the phrase this job is “sucking the life out of me” ring a bell? Mental exhaustion is totally apparent when work has taken its toll on you.

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              Being too tired to do simple house chores or attend events that you once loved is a sign of exhaustion.

              How to Bounce Back:

              Set small goals to take action daily on your priorities. If your priorities include keeping a clean living area or hanging out with your friends once a week, stick to your plans.

              You will find that your mood is improved and you are not as drained once you are doing things in alignment with your goals and priorities.

              The Bottom Line

              Burn out can creep up on you. It can be caused by personal behaviors, habits, or toxic work environments. Regardless of the factors that lead to burnout, the signs of burnout are the same.

              Awareness is the first step of knowing what is happening. The next step is taking action based on the specific signs you are displaying.

              Recovery from burnout may look like identifying the culprit that caused you to burn out so that you can continue making progress in your work.

              Recovery can also require you to make a strategic exit from your current situation to restore your peace of mind and fully recover—and never look back.

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              Featured photo credit: Niklas Hamann via unsplash.com

              Reference

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