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Last Updated on December 18, 2020

6 Books To Read If You’re Not Sure It’s Time To Go Your Separate Ways

6 Books To Read If You’re Not Sure It’s Time To Go Your Separate Ways

Relationships are fun, and at the same time desperate, crazy, and frustrating, especially when it looks like it is going towards a dead-end. Most of us tend not to spend time analysing why we feel bliss in a relationship; rather we seek out deeper understanding only when something hurts. Sounds familiar? If you are on the verge of a breakup, here is a selection of 6 books to help you make a better decision before deciding whether or not it’s truly time to cut it off.

The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by John M. Gottman, Joan DeClaire

    These psychology experts offer 5-step follow-through advise to transform your troubled relationships into positive relationships and fostering understanding of emotions in yourself and others. Apart from elements leading to successful relationships, the authors also explain what makes relationships fail. Here is a tip for you when you are in conflict: It helps to find out what the greater goal each other really wants and come up with a solution that will work for both.

    Reading Duration: 4hrs 45mins

    Get The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships from Amazon at $11.99

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    I Love You, But I Don’t Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum

      Is my relationship worth saving? Will the trust ever come back? How can things be good between us again? Couples therapist Mira Kirshenbaum helps you understand the stages of trust and how to strengthen trust with her therapy experience providing useful tools. The book is also filled with stories of couples who stomped across obstacles to complete trust with each other, take examples from these previous stories and deal with yours.

      Reading Duration: 4hrs 18mins

      Get I Love You, But I Don’t Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship from Amazon at $11.99

      Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions by John S. Hammond, Howard Raiffa, Ralph L. Keeney

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        Smart Choices offers user-friendly guide leading readers to find the deep-seated objectives, to create a comprehensive set of alternatives, determine likely consequences, make tradeoffs, and grapple with uncertainty. The book offers techniques for making the smartest decisions, it might not be the traditional read for relationship advice, but it is certainly the rational guide towards an emotional problem.

        Reading Duration: 3hrs 37mins

        Get Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions from Amazon at $19.24

        Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum

          Written by Mira Kirshenbaum, base on years of therapist counselling experience to lead readers through relationship ambivalence. The book contains 36 questions and self-analysis techniques to help readers get to the root problems of relationship and marriage. Do not expect quick fixes or fast advice from Kirshenbaum, in her perspective as a therapist, we should find out the answers, assess these problems and find ways out by ourselves. Even if you still feel confused after reading, you will at least feel normal about your situation and understand problems occur in every relationship.

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          Reading Duration: 4hrs 18mins

          Get Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship from Amazon at $12.16

          Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away by Bethany Marshall

            This book is for all the fellow ladies. It is about men, not all men, just emotionally unhealthy men. We often have questions in a relationship, “Am I making a big deal out of this?” or “Is it me that is overreacting?”.  Deal Breakers is a book to help reader getting out of the “relationship purgatory” – where the present is unfulfilling and the only thing to do is to hope for the future. Future has not magic, if you do not solve the problem now, the problem will continue to exist in the future.

            Reading Duration: 3hrs 10mins

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            Get Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away from Amazon at $10.78

            Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone by Mark Goulston

              Paul Tillich once said “The first duty of love is to listen”, listening is easier said than done. Everyone wants to feel “felt”, and understood, so we should stop trying to be interesting, and be interested instead. This book is not just for the ones on the edge of breaking up, but also people who are dealing with a harried colleague and a stressed-out client, basically anyone who needs comfort.

              Reading Duration: 3hrs 37mins

              Get Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone from Amazon at $7.96

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              Lifehack Reads is the curated collection of our favorite books, carefully categorized and sorted by our Editorial Team.

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              Last Updated on February 11, 2021

              Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

              Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

              How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

              Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

              The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

              Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

              Perceptual Barrier

              The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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              The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

              The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

              Attitudinal Barrier

              Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

              The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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              The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

              Language Barrier

              This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

              The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

              The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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              Emotional Barrier

              Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

              The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

              The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

              Cultural Barrier

              Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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              The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

              The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

              Gender Barrier

              Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

              The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

              The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

              And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

              Reference

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