Advertising
Advertising

How to Get Noticed Before a Word Is Spoken

How to Get Noticed Before a Word Is Spoken

Let’s play a game. It’s called How to Get Noticed.

Pretend you are at a crowded party or social gathering and you see a cute guy/girl that you want to talk to–how would you go about getting his/her attention? Do you:

  • A. Make a loud noise such as clearing your throat, coughing or sneezing?
  • B. Walk straight up to your crush, interrupt the conversation and introduce yourself?
  • C. Linger in the background listening to the conversation and then at the perfect moment interject a witty comment or expound on a point made in the conversation showing how intellectual you are?

For most people the method depends on personality and level of intro/extroversion. However, the truth is that all of the approaches listed above won’t let you a smooth interaction and can actually hijack your attempt at connecting with an unknown person.

There is a systematic method for approaching and engaging new people.

Switching your focus will improve your technique

When you think about meeting someone new what initially comes to mind? Are you thinking about what you should say? Are you worried about your breath, your clammy hands or trying not to saying something stupid? While these are natural fears and normal thoughts to have, it’s the wrong perspective and makes new interactions even more awkward than they have to be.

Advertising

Instead of focusing on yourself, experts believe you should shift your focus to reading the body language and signals of the person you want to engage. Dr. Jack Schafer, author of The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over, believes the key to being noticed and befriended rest in reading and responding to cues.

When you walk up to an unknown person and try to engage them, you appear aggressive and you break two of the unspoken “friendship rules“–proximity and intensity. When you suddenly approach someone you don’t know they can feel that you are invading their territory. Furthermore, a sudden approach / or proactive talking can be seen as overly aggressive or too intense. It makes people feel uncomfortable and can lead them dislike and avoid you.

It’s all about the eyes

The first and most important step in making friends is to read signals. Some people are not approachable. It is apparent in their body language, lack of eye contact, folded arms and what Dr. Schafer calls, the “urban scowl.” His friendship model encourages you to look for nonverbal friend cues, including the “big three”: the eyebrow flash, the head tilt, and a genuine smile. Once you’ve determined a person is approachable, there are few things you should do to engage them:

1. Establish eye contact

    Attempt to establish eye contact from a distance first. Like the other nonverbal cues, it is a way to get noticed and assess the situation.

    Advertising

    To send a friend signal via eye contact, pick out your person of interest and establish eye contact by holding your gaze for no longer than a second. Staring can be perceived as aggressive threatening or just downright creepy.

    When the person catches you looking and holds your gaze lock eyes for a second and then look away. If they catch you looking at them and they look uncomfortable, drop your eyes and abort the mission.

    2. After making an eye contact, try to extend your gaze slowly.

      After you make eye contact with your person of interest, hold your gaze for one second and then slowly turn your head, holding your gaze for another second or two.

      The person you are looking at will see your head turning away, and your actions will not be perceived as staring.

      Advertising

      3. Use stolen glances to articulate your interest

        If they catch you looking and don’t appear put off by your glance, then continue giving stolen glances to ensure that they know that you are intentionally looking at them and that the eye contact was inadvertent.

        4. Slowly build the intensity

          Now that you’ve gotten the individual’s attention and clearly expressed your interest with your eyes, check to see if he/she is sneaking glances at you. If so, and you are fairly certain that the person is interested, it’s time to turn up the heat a little.

          For the next few minutes, avoid eye contact. And wait for them to initiate eye contact for a while–but don’t return their gaze. This creates a bit of tension and intrigue as it makes the person wonder why you aren’t engaging in with them anymore. If done correctly, this subtle teasing builds intrigue and interest.

          Advertising

          4. Making your move

            Now that you’re certain that your interest is reciprocated it’s time to raise the stakes again.

            Look him/her directly in the eyes and give them a little smile. If your smile is returned and the body language appears open–then you’re in and can slowly approach them and engage in small, non-aggressive chit chat

            If he or she doesn’t return your smile or looks away quickly, they may be shy and need a little more time to warm up or you may have misread the interaction. If that is the case–cut your losses and move on.

            Capturing the attention of a crush can be an awkward and unpleasant experience but it needn’t be. Using tricks and wild antics to gain attention will get you noticed but not in the manner you would like. Remember to take your time and shift your focus to the other person not on what you are going to say or how you should approach him or her. Establish meaningful eye contact, build intensity and then either approach slowly once you are sure your interest is appreciated and reciprocated.

            Featured photo credit: Finda via finda.photo

            More by this author

            Anna Chui

            Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the Chief Editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

            How to Live Life to the Fullest How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It) 26 Useful Things to Learn Now That Will Change Your Life 30 Books Everyone Should Read At Least Once In Their Lives How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

            Trending in Social Animal

            1 How to Use the Law of Reciprocity for Effective Persuasion 2 What Will Happen When You Surround Yourself With Positive People? 3 How to Surround Yourself With Positive People 4 How to Create Social Goals to Make an Impact in the World 5 The Lifehack Show: Improving Social Skills with Dr. Daniel Wendler

            Read Next

            Advertising
            Advertising
            Advertising

            Last Updated on July 3, 2020

            30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

            30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

            In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

            1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

            Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

            2. Focus on your breath

            Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

            3. Get organized and purge old items

            A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

            4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

            Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

            5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

            Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

            Advertising

            6. Smile more

            Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

            7. Don’t worry about the future

            As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

            8. Eat real food

            The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

            9. Choose being happy over being right

            Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

            10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

            Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

            11. Make use of filtering features on social media

            You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

            Advertising

            12. Get comfortable with silence

            When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

            13. Listen to understand, not to respond

            So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

            14. Put your troubles in a bubble

            Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

            15. Speak more slowly

            Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

            16. Don’t procrastinate

            Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

            17. Buy a coloring book

            Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

            Advertising

            18. Prioritize yourself

            You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

            19. Forgive others

            Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

            20. Check your expectations

            Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

            21. Engage in active play

            Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

            22. Stop criticizing yourself

            The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

            23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

            Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

            Advertising

            24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

            Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

            25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

            Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

            26. Manage your money

            Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

            27. Stop trying to control everything

            Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

            28. Practice affirmations

            Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

            29. Get up before sunrise

            Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

            30. Be yourself

            Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

            Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

            Read Next