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This is How You Can Tell If A Woman Is Interested In You

This is How You Can Tell If A Woman Is Interested In You

Dating is hard, mostly because it’s confusing. Have you ever been on a date where you thought things were going well, only to find out she’s just…not that into you?

Let’s say you’re on a first date, having a great conversation, and you find yourself immediately drawn to her. You might wonder if you should lean in closer, make a move to kiss her, or flirt a bit more to see if she’s into you. Or maybe you have a female friend you’re really attracted to, and are wondering if you should take that risky step of seeing if she’s interested in you, too.

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There’s nothing easy about putting your heart on the line. Rejection stings, especially when it seems like you are connecting romantically. I get that you want a guarantee that she’s interested before you make any advances, especially if she’s a friend. But that’s not how attraction works.

First, don’t make assumptions about how she feels. Just because you’re attracted and having a nice conversation doesn’t mean she’s open to your advances! If she asks you questions and shows general interest, this isn’t the same as attraction. It’s really important to pay attention to the other signs. If she doesn’t show an active interest with body language and flirting, trying to make a connection, she’s not interested in you. Women seek an emotional connection first. If she’s just acting nice, she’s not sending mixed signals, she’s telling you she’s not that into you!

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Women can be hard to read sometimes, but we do give signs when we’re interested in you.

She will look for ways to connect with you

There’s a difference between asking general questions to be polite and being genuinely curious. If a woman is interested, she will try to connect with you emotionally. She’ll want to know how you feel about things, not just your favorite movies and music. If she shares a personal story with you, that’s her way of letting you know she’s interested.

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Attraction starts with paying attention to the details – voice, gestures, eye contact, and body language in general. If she’s attracted to you, this is how she will communicate it – so take notice and reciprocate!

Laughs, listens and talks are fully present

A good way to tell if she’s attracted and not just laughing at your jokes out of kindness is whether or not she is distracted or fully present and engaged. If she’s looking around the room, at her wine glass, or commenting on her food, she’s not that interested. On the other hand, if she’s asking a lot of questions, is fully engaged in conversation with you, and even mimics your voice or gestures, she’s into you. Studies have shown that when two people feel attraction, they tend to imitate each other to show affection.

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Texts or calls you back right away

A sure sign she’s interested is if she is quick to respond to you, or if she reaches out and initiates conversation. Most women who aren’t interested let calls go to voicemail or take hours (or days) to respond to texts. Also, if she flirts and tries to engage with you over text (like pointing out something that reminded her of your date), rather than just answering your questions with a single sentence or phrase, this is another sign she’s interested in you.

Her body language says something too

When a woman is attracted to you, she leans in to engage in conversation, touches your arm, and has an open posture (arms to her sides and not crossed in front of her). She will remove barriers, like a purse, phone or a glass of wine from between you. This is a great way to tell if she feels attraction – she wants to be physically closer.

You will be her only focus 

Women aren’t afraid to make eye contact when they feel attracted to a man. A sure sign is if she lets her gaze linger on you, in which case she’s showing you her cards. Instead of looking around for outside distractions, she’s focused on you.

More by this author

Kelly Seal

Author, Dating Expert

The Break-Up Guide: We Promise To Get You Through This Stage By Stage This is How You Can Tell If A Woman Is Interested In You

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Last Updated on January 6, 2019

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1]University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2]Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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