Dating is hard, mostly because it’s confusing. Have you ever been on a date where you thought things were going well, only to find out she’s just…not that into you?
Let’s say you’re on a first date, having a great conversation, and you find yourself immediately drawn to her. You might wonder if you should lean in closer, make a move to kiss her, or flirt a bit more to see if she’s into you. Or maybe you have a female friend you’re really attracted to, and are wondering if you should take that risky step of seeing if she’s interested in you, too.
There’s nothing easy about putting your heart on the line. Rejection stings, especially when it seems like you are connecting romantically. I get that you want a guarantee that she’s interested before you make any advances, especially if she’s a friend. But that’s not how attraction works.
First, don’t make assumptions about how she feels. Just because you’re attracted and having a nice conversation doesn’t mean she’s open to your advances! If she asks you questions and shows general interest, this isn’t the same as attraction. It’s really important to pay attention to the other signs. If she doesn’t show an active interest with body language and flirting, trying to make a connection, she’s not interested in you. Women seek an emotional connection first. If she’s just acting nice, she’s not sending mixed signals, she’s telling you she’s not that into you!
Women can be hard to read sometimes, but we do give signs when we’re interested in you.
She will look for ways to connect with you
There’s a difference between asking general questions to be polite and being genuinely curious. If a woman is interested, she will try to connect with you emotionally. She’ll want to know how you feel about things, not just your favorite movies and music. If she shares a personal story with you, that’s her way of letting you know she’s interested.
Attraction starts with paying attention to the details – voice, gestures, eye contact, and body language in general. If she’s attracted to you, this is how she will communicate it – so take notice and reciprocate!
Laughs, listens and talks are fully present
A good way to tell if she’s attracted and not just laughing at your jokes out of kindness is whether or not she is distracted or fully present and engaged. If she’s looking around the room, at her wine glass, or commenting on her food, she’s not that interested. On the other hand, if she’s asking a lot of questions, is fully engaged in conversation with you, and even mimics your voice or gestures, she’s into you. Studies have shown that when two people feel attraction, they tend to imitate each other to show affection.
Texts or calls you back right away
A sure sign she’s interested is if she is quick to respond to you, or if she reaches out and initiates conversation. Most women who aren’t interested let calls go to voicemail or take hours (or days) to respond to texts. Also, if she flirts and tries to engage with you over text (like pointing out something that reminded her of your date), rather than just answering your questions with a single sentence or phrase, this is another sign she’s interested in you.
Her body language says something too
When a woman is attracted to you, she leans in to engage in conversation, touches your arm, and has an open posture (arms to her sides and not crossed in front of her). She will remove barriers, like a purse, phone or a glass of wine from between you. This is a great way to tell if she feels attraction – she wants to be physically closer.
You will be her only focus
Women aren’t afraid to make eye contact when they feel attracted to a man. A sure sign is if she lets her gaze linger on you, in which case she’s showing you her cards. Instead of looking around for outside distractions, she’s focused on you.