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People Who Are Loud Outside Are Insecure Inside And Have Low Self-Esteem

People Who Are Loud Outside Are Insecure Inside And Have Low Self-Esteem

You probably know that person who is outgoing and charismatic. They are the life of every party and appear to be the epitome of confidence. Yet they take an hour to get ready to go to the shop just to buy some bread. If they were truly that self-assured, why would they need to be so well turned out to do such a menial task?

The reality is that people who are loud and outgoing can often have low self-esteem issues too.[1] Often times, they use their personalities to mask how they truly feel inside.

People with low self-esteem try to be loud to camouflage their insecurities.

It stems from underlying insecurities. As a result, it often makes them try to act superior or in a way so as to hide their low self-esteem.

This overcompensating loud behavior is seeking validation. It could be as simple as trying to portray, “Hey! Look at me! I am a fun and a really happy person!” Whereas those who genuinely feel that way about themselves would be confident about it and not necessarily feel the need to express it for it to be validated.

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It is often easier to try to silence the low self-esteem by contradicting it to prove otherwise.

People with these personalities tend to have a stronger need for compliments or being reassured about positive traits. Without this sort of validation, they may feel down and anxious.

What happened to these people are the things to blame on.[2]

  • Poor relationship with parents – Not having the right support, affection or attention while growing up could contribute significantly to a young person’s development.
  • Peer pressure – Similarly, being in an environment where classmates or peers treat them in a way that brings their confidence down or pressures them to do things they are uncomfortable with, can contribute to one’s insecurities.
  • Unsatisfying appearance – According to the University of Washington 53% of girls were not happy with their bodies and this figure rises to 78% by the age of 17. The pressures of media in our everyday life, and a growing celeb-worship culture, cause people to have unrealistic expectations about how they should look and what kind of body they should have.
  • Trauma in the past – Those who have suffered physical, emotional, mental or sexual abuse, are prone to experience depression, anxiety, insecurities and low self-esteem. The consequence of abuse can leave them feeling unworthy, ashamed or guilty
  • High expectation from others – Our society is one that is face-paced in everything. Pressure to perform academically, athletically and socially can have a huge effect on someone, especially if these areas are particularly challenging to them.
  • Negative thinking – This is a habit-forming pattern where a person gets so used to feeling down, low or negatively that it becomes difficult to get out of that thought pattern once it has been programmed into the brain.

To help someone who has low self-esteem, start with strengthening their security.

Giving rapport and helping them to build their own security are essential to helping someone who has low self-esteem.[3]

1. Avoid engaging in negative conversations with them.

If it is going in that direction, you have the ability to steer the conversation into a positive light.

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For instance, if the person is beating themselves up about failing a driving test, you can point out that they passed the theory test already, and that a mutual friend may have failed it several times before passing.

2. Don’t be shy to say that you care about them.

Low self-esteem is often stems from a lack love for one’s own self. Let them know you care about them and tell them positive traits about themselves that are not purely based on aesthetics.

It could be as simple as telling them how kind they are and how much you value them for all times they have helped you out when you had car troubles.

3. Build rapport with positive activities.

Invite them to activities that you are doing which may boost their moral, such as a yoga class, the gym, or shopping for new clothes.

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4. Watch a comedy and laugh together.

We all know that laughter is the best medicine. So be sure to enjoy the lighter side of life too.

Perhaps there is a great comedy that is on that you may both enjoy? If someone is feeling down about themselves, helping them to find their smile will definitely give them a boost.

5. Don’t be condescending.

People can be guilty of saying to someone to just “get over it” when that person is faced with a difficulty that may appear to be “mind over matter”. This is unhelpful and can leave the person feeling more isolated and uncared for.

Don’t say this to someone–irrespective of what they may be facing. Remember, most people can’t control how they feel. The same way as you may not be able to help if you feel hungry or sleepy.

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6. Care for and love yourself too.

It is easy to get into situations where you become trapped in someone else’s negativity and your own energy becomes depleted. As much as you can try to help someone, it can only work if they are also willing to help themselves. Love them, but also remember to love yourself.

Featured photo credit: Flaticon via flaticon.com

Reference

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J.S. von Dacre

Writer at Lifehack

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Published on October 30, 2020

11 Essential Philosophy Books That Will Open Your Mind

11 Essential Philosophy Books That Will Open Your Mind

There are numerous ways to build your mindset, but none are as profound as reading philosophy books. Through these books, some of the greatest minds around ask questions and delve deep into thought.

While there isn’t always a clear and distinct answer to the many questions of philosophy, the entire field is a gateway to a higher sense of self. It gets you to think about all manner of things.

Below, we cover some of the essential philosophy books that are best for those who are just starting or looking to expand their mind.

How To Choose a Good Philosophy Book

Before getting to this list, we’ve researched ideal philosophy books to help you expand your mind.

We’ve found that the best philosophy books excel in the following criteria:

  • Complexity – Philosophy isn’t a subject that you can’t dive into immediately and understand everything. The books that we selected are great for people making the first leap.
  • Viewpoint – With philosophy, in particular, the author’s views are more important than in your standard book. We want to ensure the viewpoints and thoughts being discussed still hold up to this day.
  • Open-mindedness – Philosophy is all about asking perplexing questions and unraveling the answer. You might not reach a conclusion in the end, but these books are designed to get you to think.
  • Culture – The last criterion is culture. A lot of these books come from early philosophers from centuries ago or possibly from recent years. These philosophy books should paint a picture of the culture.

1. Meditations

    One that you’ll find on many of these types of lists is Meditations and for good reason. It’s the only document of its kind to ever be made. The book focuses on the private thoughts of the world’s most powerful man who advises himself revolving around making good on his responsibilities and the obligations of his position.

    We know enough about Marcus Aurelius to know that he was trained in stoic philosophy and practiced every night on a series of spirituality exercises. These exercises were designed to make him humble, patient, empathetic, generous, and strong in the face of whatever problem he had to face off. And he faced plenty of problems since he was basically the emperor of roughly a third of the planet.

    All of that is poured into this book, and you are bound to remember a line or more that will be applicable in your life. It’s a philosophy book staple.

    Buy Meditations here.

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    2. Letters From a Stoic

      Similar to Marcus Aurelius, Seneca was another powerful man in Rome. He was a brilliant writer at the time and was the kind of guy to give great advice to his most trusted friends. Fortunately, much of his advice comes in letters, and those letters happen to be in this book. The letters themselves provided advice on dealing with grief, wealth, poverty, success, failure, education, and more.

      While Seneca was a stoic, he has a more practical approach and has borrowed from other schools of thought for his advice. As he said when he was alive, “I don’t care about the author if the line is good.” Similar to Meditations, there are several brilliant lines and advice that are still relevant to this day.

      Buy “Letters From a Stoic” here.

      3. Nicomachean Ethics

        Aristotle was a famous Greek philosopher at the time with profound knowledge. He’s named after a form of logic as well called Aristotelian logic. Through this book, Aristotle writes about the root of all Aristotelian ethics. In other words, this book contains the moral ideas that form a base for pretty much all of western civilization.

        Buy “Nicomachean Ethics” here.

        4. Beyond Good & Evil

          Friedrich Nietzsche played a big role in the philosophical world. He was one of the leading philosophers of the existential movement, and it all came through this particular book. He is a brilliant mind. However, the issue with a lot of his work is that it’s all written in German.

          Fortunately, this book is one of the slightly more accessible ones since it’s translated. Within the book, he breaks down the paradoxes of conventional understandings of morality. By doing this, he sets the stage for a lot of the 20th-century thought process that followed.

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          Buy “Beyond Good & Evil” here.

          5. Meditations on First Philosophy

            In Meditations on First Philosophy, René Descartes breaks his book down into six meditations. The book takes a journalistic style that is structured much like a six-day course of meditation. On day one, he gives instructions on discarding all belief in things that are not guaranteed. After that, he tries to establish what can be known for sure. Similar to Meditations, this is a staple and influential philosophical text that you can pick up.

            Buy “Meditations on First Philosophy” here.

            6. Ethics

              Written by Benedict de Spinoza, this came at a time during the Age of Enlightenment. Enlightenment was a movement that dominated the world of ideas in Europe during the 17th and 18th centuries and with that, many schools of thought emerged and were presented through books.

              Out of the many influential philosophy books published back then, Ethics dominated during this period as it discussed the basis of rationalism. Even though we’ve developed further beyond that, Ethics can introduce new ways of thinking from this particular school of thought.

              Buy “Ethics” here.

              7. Critique of Pure Reason

                Immanuel Kant is another great philosopher who brought together two of history’s biggest opposing schools of thought into a single book. Those schools being rational thought and empirical experiential knowledge—knowledge gained through experience.

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                In Critique of Pure Reason, Kant explores human reason and then works to establish its illusions and get down to core constituents. Overall, you can learn more about human behavior and thought processes and thus, open your mind more to how you think and process everything around you.

                Buy “Critique of Pure Reason” here.

                8. On the Genealogy of Morals

                  Another piece of work from Nietzsche that is accessible to us is On the Genealogy of Morals. According to Nietzsche, the purpose of this book is to call attention to his previous writings. That said, it does more than that so you don’t need to worry so much about reading his other books.

                  In this book, he expands on the cryptic aphorisms that he brings up in Beyond Good and Evil and offers a discussion or morality in a work that is more accessible than a lot of his previous work.

                  Buy “On the Genealogy of Morals” here.

                  9. Everything Is F*cked

                    The only book on this list that’s been written in the past few years, this book by Mark Manson aims to explain why we all need hope while also accepting that hope can often lead us to ruin too.

                    While many of the books on this list are all practical, this one is the most realistic one since not even the greatest of philosophical minds could predict things like technology, Twitter, and how our political world has shaped.

                    Manson delivers a profound book that taps into the minds of our ancestral philosophers, such as Plato, Nietzsche, and Tom Waits, and digs deep into various topics and how all of it is connected—religion and politics, our relationship with money, entertainment, and the internet.

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                    Overall, this book serves as a challenge to all of us—a challenge to be more honest with ourselves and connect with the world in a way we’ve never tried before.

                    Buy “Everything Is F*cked” here.

                    10. Reasons and Persons

                      One of the most challenging philosophy books to read on this list, Reasons and Persons will send you on quite the trip. Through a lot of painstaking logic, Derek Parfit shows us some unique perspectives on self-interest, personhood, and whether our actions are good or evil.

                      Considered by many to be an important psychological text around the 20th century, the arguments made about those topics will open your mind to a brand new way of thinking.

                      Buy “Reasons and Persons” here.

                      11. The Republic of Plato

                        Written by Plato himself, this book is the origin of political science and offers a brilliant critique of government. As you would expect, the critique is still important today. If you’re looking to understand the inner thoughts of Plato, this is one of the best books around.

                        Buy “The Republic of Plato” here.

                        Final Thoughts

                        Philosophy books take a while to digest as they provide profound knowledge and leave you with many questions. With many of these philosophy books, you need to take your time with them, and you might have to read through them a few times as well. And with every read, your mind will only expand.

                        More Books to Open Your Mind

                        Featured photo credit: Laura Chouette via unsplash.com

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