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People Who Are Loud Outside Are Insecure Inside And Have Low Self-Esteem

People Who Are Loud Outside Are Insecure Inside And Have Low Self-Esteem

You probably know that person who is outgoing and charismatic. They are the life of every party and appear to be the epitome of confidence. Yet they take an hour to get ready to go to the shop just to buy some bread. If they were truly that self-assured, why would they need to be so well turned out to do such a menial task?

The reality is that people who are loud and outgoing can often have low self-esteem issues too.[1] Often times, they use their personalities to mask how they truly feel inside.

People with low self-esteem try to be loud to camouflage their insecurities.

It stems from underlying insecurities. As a result, it often makes them try to act superior or in a way so as to hide their low self-esteem.

This overcompensating loud behavior is seeking validation. It could be as simple as trying to portray, “Hey! Look at me! I am a fun and a really happy person!” Whereas those who genuinely feel that way about themselves would be confident about it and not necessarily feel the need to express it for it to be validated.

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It is often easier to try to silence the low self-esteem by contradicting it to prove otherwise.

People with these personalities tend to have a stronger need for compliments or being reassured about positive traits. Without this sort of validation, they may feel down and anxious.

What happened to these people are the things to blame on.[2]

  • Poor relationship with parents – Not having the right support, affection or attention while growing up could contribute significantly to a young person’s development.
  • Peer pressure – Similarly, being in an environment where classmates or peers treat them in a way that brings their confidence down or pressures them to do things they are uncomfortable with, can contribute to one’s insecurities.
  • Unsatisfying appearance – According to the University of Washington 53% of girls were not happy with their bodies and this figure rises to 78% by the age of 17. The pressures of media in our everyday life, and a growing celeb-worship culture, cause people to have unrealistic expectations about how they should look and what kind of body they should have.
  • Trauma in the past – Those who have suffered physical, emotional, mental or sexual abuse, are prone to experience depression, anxiety, insecurities and low self-esteem. The consequence of abuse can leave them feeling unworthy, ashamed or guilty
  • High expectation from others – Our society is one that is face-paced in everything. Pressure to perform academically, athletically and socially can have a huge effect on someone, especially if these areas are particularly challenging to them.
  • Negative thinking – This is a habit-forming pattern where a person gets so used to feeling down, low or negatively that it becomes difficult to get out of that thought pattern once it has been programmed into the brain.

To help someone who has low self-esteem, start with strengthening their security.

Giving rapport and helping them to build their own security are essential to helping someone who has low self-esteem.[3]

1. Avoid engaging in negative conversations with them.

If it is going in that direction, you have the ability to steer the conversation into a positive light.

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For instance, if the person is beating themselves up about failing a driving test, you can point out that they passed the theory test already, and that a mutual friend may have failed it several times before passing.

2. Don’t be shy to say that you care about them.

Low self-esteem is often stems from a lack love for one’s own self. Let them know you care about them and tell them positive traits about themselves that are not purely based on aesthetics.

It could be as simple as telling them how kind they are and how much you value them for all times they have helped you out when you had car troubles.

3. Build rapport with positive activities.

Invite them to activities that you are doing which may boost their moral, such as a yoga class, the gym, or shopping for new clothes.

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4. Watch a comedy and laugh together.

We all know that laughter is the best medicine. So be sure to enjoy the lighter side of life too.

Perhaps there is a great comedy that is on that you may both enjoy? If someone is feeling down about themselves, helping them to find their smile will definitely give them a boost.

5. Don’t be condescending.

People can be guilty of saying to someone to just “get over it” when that person is faced with a difficulty that may appear to be “mind over matter”. This is unhelpful and can leave the person feeling more isolated and uncared for.

Don’t say this to someone–irrespective of what they may be facing. Remember, most people can’t control how they feel. The same way as you may not be able to help if you feel hungry or sleepy.

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6. Care for and love yourself too.

It is easy to get into situations where you become trapped in someone else’s negativity and your own energy becomes depleted. As much as you can try to help someone, it can only work if they are also willing to help themselves. Love them, but also remember to love yourself.

Featured photo credit: Flaticon via flaticon.com

Reference

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J.S. von Dacre

Writer at Lifehack

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Last Updated on September 11, 2020

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2] Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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