Advertising

Published on January 26, 2021

Why You Need To Stop Seeking Validation And Start Thriving

Advertising
Why You Need To Stop Seeking Validation And Start Thriving

Validation is the desire to have someone else’s approval or agreement with what you say, believe, or do. Humans are naturally social creatures. We thrive in a community and, therefore, have a strong desire to belong in that community and seek validation from it.

You may think that this is perfectly normal, and it is. However, where things get a bit blurry is when we start to base all of our decisions, as well as the course of our life, on a collective agreement from others.

A simple example would be making a decision and asking your family or friends the usual question: “do you think that’s a good idea?”

We already know the idea is good, but we still seek validation and agreement from our social circle. Although we do value others’ opinions and how they shape our perspective, we are much more motivated by external validation than our own intuition.

The deeper question here is “why?”

The Power of Outside Influence

It all comes down to the idea of belonging in the world, in your community, in your circle of friends, and your family. When we have the sense that we belong, our love for others and ourselves skyrockets. That love fuels our self-esteem, and it also motivates us to be better and do better in the world.

Advertising

This builds up to what psychologists call “self-actualization.”[1] This term refers to our own ability to realize our fullest potential and develop our skills and talents to serve that potentiality. In other words, it’s our launch pad into limitless possibilities because we finally believe we are worthy of them and have what it takes to accomplish them.

How does this connect to outside influence and validation? Well, the psychologist who coined the idea of “self-actualization,” Abraham Maslow, believed that to achieve this highest level of awareness, our basic needs first needed to be met. Those include primary needs, such as food, shelter, water, and safety; but he also included basic psychological needs, such as a sense of belonging, love, and healthy self-esteem.[2]

It’s no surprise then that any gap in these basic psychological needs leaves us open and vulnerable to rely on others for validation. When our self-esteem suffers and we don’t believe in our own power, we turn to our community for help. In every sense, this is a wise decision. After all, our communities are there to help support us and lift us when we’re feeling down and out.

However, there exists a fine balance between asking for advice and depending on it to chart the course of our life. When we begin to depend on this validation as the primary driver, we are turning over the power of our entire life.

Effects of Seeking Validation

We already know that depending on validation from others disempowers us in living our own life. But what are some effects of living a validation-seeking life? It’s important to recognize these as red flags so that we can avoid them. Knowledge and observation are power.

When we’re constantly seeking approvals from other people, we’re only paving way for more anxiety and depression in our life. We may seek validation from others personally, such as via conversation or groups. Most often, via today’s technology, we seek validation online, such as in social media posts and engagements.

Advertising

Anxiety and depression begin to play a part when we either don’t get enough validation from others or when we’re anxiously and addictively waiting to receive it. Not only does this continue to strip us of our own power to make decisions, but it also adds unnecessary stress to our life. It may sound like this probability is scarce, but almost 70% of the U.S. population uses social media actively.

With the features available on platforms such as Facebook and Instagram, we are constantly validating each other. For the record, this isn’t to say that social media is the culprit. It is simply a magnifying glass to a root cause that has always existed.[3]

Another notable factor to consider is that receiving advice does not come in neutral packaging. When we’re intent on making choices based on other people’s opinions, we’re also taking on the experiences of other people.

Take, for example, your decision to take off a year from school and travel the world. You may seek validation from your family who think it’s a bad idea because your uncle did it once and had a terrible time. His experience shapes his opinion and, therefore, his advice to you will be laden with that experience. No piece of advice is neutral. It is up to us to discern that, but it’s not always that simple.

Lastly and most importantly, seeking validation disconnects us from listening to our own intuition. Our decisions are best left to ourselves and listening to our gut-feeling when thinking of how to proceed.

It’s alright to ask for help when we need a fresh perspective on something, but we ought to be careful to not let that support become a crutch. When we listen to our intuition, we’re also practicing deep trust within ourselves.

Advertising

How to Kick the Validation Game and Thrive

First and foremost, we need to turn inward to our own basic needs and see if they’re being met. Do we feel a healthy sense of belonging where we are in life? If not, what or who is standing in our way? Are we equally receiving and giving love? And more importantly, how are we nurturing love for ourselves? These are deep and important questions to consider, and ones that guide us further towards our self-actualization.

Feeding our self-esteem is a potent practice of fully stepping into our own power again. This may look like removing ourselves from certain social circles where we feel peer pressured or minimizing our social media use.

Another powerful practice is meditation! This is a sacred ground for developing our intuition and trusting what comes up. We’ve often heard that all of our life’s questions are answered within, and meditation is the vehicle to those answers. Listening for that deep intuitive nudge is the only validation that is worth seeking because it’s our own.

When it comes to nourishing our self-esteem, there will be times where that power sways and when our confidence takes a hit. These are normal and expected turbulences of living an authentic life. But if we continue and tend to these needs, we’ll grow to realize that our inner power is our greatest asset.

From this place, we can accomplish anything we set our minds to and thrive. This is the practice of self-worth, and it comes in the form of receiving the love and blessings that come our way. We need to learn that we deserve all of the goodness of this life.

The next time you receive something, take it all in. Truly appreciate the kind word, hug, compliment, or recognition. Don’t be quick to dismiss it or return it to the sender. The more you can receive, the easier it will be to believe yourself worthy of it.

Advertising

Lastly, welcome the perspectives of others, but don’t depend on them to show you the way. Only you know what is best for you, and this comes through the practice of trusting your own way by following the gentle whispers of your intuition. It will never steer you in the wrong direction.

Final Thoughts

Validation is a slippery slope. It begins when we seek other people’s opinions on our decisions in life, and it becomes complicated when we depend on this validation and live our life from the mode of “people-pleasing” and meeting others’ expectations. Not only does this disempower us, but it also adds more stress, anxiety, and depression to our lives.

Based on Maslow’s psychological studies, we need to meet our basic needs of safety, survival, love, and a sense of belonging in our communities. This will allow us to tend to our self-esteem and listen to our intuitive guiding signals. From here, we can cut the ties of depending on validation and instead, forge our own path in life and thrive along the journey.

More Tips on How to Stop Yourself From Seeking Validation

Featured photo credit: LinkedIn Sales Navigator via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Simply Psychology: Self-Actualization
[2] Simply Psychology: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
[3] Psychology Today: Stop Seeking Validation from Others

More by this author

Aleksandra Slijepcevic

Accredited and Certified Vinyasa Yoga Teacher writing for Health & Fitness

How To Get Rid Of Your Social Media Addiction How To Do Focused Meditation Any Time How to Clear Your Mind and Be More Present Instantly 5 Powerful Self-Care Ideas for When Life Is Stressful How Adding Flow Yoga to Your Workout Routine Boosts Your Gains

Trending in Positive Thinking

1 Feeling Lost? 40 Quotes to Help You Find Meaning in Life 2 10 Steps to Take If You’re Feeling Hopeless About Your Future 3 Feeling Frustrated in Life? 8 Ways to Get Back on Track 4 25 Signs That You’re A Mentally Strong Person 5 How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on December 6, 2021

Feeling Lost? 40 Quotes to Help You Find Meaning in Life

Advertising
Feeling Lost? 40 Quotes to Help You Find Meaning in Life

Sometimes, we carry with us ancient wisdom that has been whispered through generations where we find strength for what we need. Other times, we sense our happiness and sanity have been swept away, and we float rudderless in our space. We wonder if we’re heading in the right direction and feel doom rather than the transformation. In these moments, we may need some feeling lost quotes to help us find inspiration again.

During the times when we feel lost, it’s too easy to forget the comfort of good times and wade through the fluff that separates us from the pack.

I often work in leadership and have to test my limits and inspire those I’m leading. One of the quotes I keep in mind by T.S. Elliot is:

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

Knowing how you will perform in a crisis, personally or professionally, can help you get through tough times. The people who tend to work best in a crisis or stay calm in stressful times are those who are honest and forthright.

We often try to find sense in our lives with logic, reducing perceived risks by increasing control. The problem with control is you can hold on too tight, narrowing your options and missing the big picture.

Trying to squeeze action out of undefined goals only increases the pressure. Being happy comes from a sense of self and freedom, not a narrow list you’ve locked yourself into.

Sometimes, we need to observe our life in new ways and examine it with wisdom we doubt we have. Those big successes are done with small incremental actions done every day. Who will you choose to be in times of doubt?

Whether you bookmark this page for future inspiration or show off powerful, inspiring quotes on your T-shirt, coffee mug, key chain, and screen saver, these 40 feelings lost quotes will help remind you of your true essence.

We can reconnect with our priorities and take inspiration from both the ancients and modern visionaries with some of my favorite words below that inspire simplicity and truth.

Feeling Lost Quotes

1. “If you are working on something you really care about, you don’t have to be pushed. The vision pulls you” –Steve Jobs

2. “If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.” –Gordon Eadie

3. “One of the truest tests of integrity is a blunt refusal to be compromised.” –Chinua Achebe

4. “The fears we don’t face become our limits.” –Amy Elizabeth

Advertising

5. “Be who you needed when you were younger.” –Anonymous

6. “We generate fears when we sit. We overcome them by action.” –Dr. Henry Link

7. “The intangible represents the real power of the universe. It is the seed of the tangible.” –Bruce Lee

8. “Storms make trees take deeper roots.” –Dolly Parton

9. “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” –Henry Ford

10. “If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” –Vincent Van Gogh

11. “Stop acting so small, you are the universe in ecstatic motion.” –Rumi

12. “A tree that is unbending is usually broken.” –Loa Tzu

13. “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” –Plutarch

14. “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” –Plato

15. “Your teacher can open the door, but you must enter by yourself.” –Chinese proverb

16. “To get lost is to learn the way.” –African Proverb

17. “Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” –Zig Ziglar

18. “Do you know who you are? Don’t ask. Act. Action will delineate and define you.” –Thomas Jefferson

Advertising

19. “Give thanks for what you are today and go on fighting for what part of you will be gone tomorrow.” –William Shakespeare

20. “Sorrow looks back. Worry looks around. Faith looks up.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

21. “One day you will ask me which is more important, my life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life.” –Kahlil Gibran

22. “You were born to be real, not to be perfect.” –Anonymous

23. “After climbing a great hill, one only finds there are many more hills to climb.” –Nelson Mandela

24. “We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated.” –Maya Angelou

25. “I wash my hands of those who imagine chattering to be knowledge, silence to be ignorance and affection to be art.” –Kahlil Gibran

26. “Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.” –Japenese Proverb

27. “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” — Joseph Campbell

28. “Go within every day and find the inner strength so that the world will not blow your candle out.” — Katherine Dunham

29. “One swallow does not make a summer, neither does one fine day. Similarly, one day or brief time of happiness does not make a person entirely happy.” — Aristotle

30. “There are two ways to live your life. One is as if nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is a miracle.” — Albert Einstein

31. “You got to go down a lot of wrong roads to find the right one.” — Bob Parson

32. “Anger, resentment, and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others. It only changes yours.” — Shannon L. Alder

Advertising

33. “To be lost is as legitimate a part of your process as being found.” — Alex Ebert

34. “Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.” — Henry Rollins

35. “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.” — Elbert Hubbard

36. “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” — Vivian Greene

37. “Nothing is more beautiful than the smile that has struggled through the tears.” — Demi Lovato

38. “Leave your front door and your back door open. Allow your thoughts to come and go. Just don’t serve them tea.” — Shunryu Suzuki

39. “Tough times never last, but tough people do.” — Robert H. Schuller

40. “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” — C.S. Lewis

Sometimes It’s Ok to Feel Lost

After looking at these feeling lost quotes, it is easy for someone to be confused. But these inspirational quotes will guide you to hear a voice every time when the risk is high, and you have nowhere to run. It is always easy to choose the shortcut and ignore the voice of the subconscious to do the right thing!

No matter how dire the circumstances might be, you need to make efforts and find ways to uplift your morale. Not making an effort is more painful than the risk of immersing your thoughts in negativity.

When you are feeling lost, it is natural to be confused about the next step. However, you have to determine when the risk of staying in a sad state for a longer period is causing more harm than good.

And don’t you worry, it’s okay sometimes to feel lost and not know where you are heading in your life. We go through various phases in life, and none of them stay permanent. Remember that “Life is a work-in-progress” and this too shall pass. Keeping hope is very important if you want to sail through the tides of life.

Don’t Be too Hard on Yourself

Everyone is fighting their fight in their ways, but none can say – “I know it all.” Life is a constant struggle, and everyone has to push through personally to overcome obstacles.

Whether it is your professional life that’s making you feel lost or your personal life brought about this state of mind, remember that you alone can find the solution. Happiness is a state of mind, and you alone can control the emotions that can bring a change in your attitude when you are feeling lost.

Advertising

No one can tell you what your purpose is in the world, and only you have to decide that on your own. The universe has given us life and one that teaches us various things through unique experiences. Some might be good, and some might be bad.

So, don’t beat yourself up or be hard on yourself even if you have not yet figured it out. It’s okay! You don’t owe anyone an explanation about why it is taking so long or why haven’t you been able to figure it out yet. Go at your own pace, and you shall reach where you intend to. Nothing is permanent, and you will find your way out. It’s just a matter of time.

Rather than complaining and belittling yourself, you can try brainstorming ideas to help you move on. Procrastinating and beating yourself up will only drown the motivation and bring nothing of value but just self-pity.

Don’t forget if you set your heart to something, you can achieve it. Feeling lost is not a permanent state, and to uplift your emotions, you need to have faith.

Final Thoughts

Many of these feeling lost quotes have a common core. That is, to take a step back and view yourself in a new way.

Take action and make inspiration a routine. To act creates learning, and that builds confidence, provides direction, and eliminates doubt.

Imagine what you want it to be so that your vibration matches your desire. We can’t snap our fingers to instantly change feeling lost, but we can increase our situational awareness with our emotions and places where our lives have or may take an abrupt turn.

We take inspiration from our daily lives in as many individually unique forms as we are different. Inspiration can strike instantly and sporadically or feel like a trickle that slowly grows into a majestic waterfall crashing through with creative energy. That trickle is what will keep you going in dark times.

When you’re in a place where you feel lost and don’t recognize yourself, allow some inner compassion for the person you are right in that moment[1].

You have the power to create your world, one step at a time, and these feeling lost quotes can help. You choose how you think. Tune in to how you feel and why.

Remember you have the power to be, have, and do anything you desire. Tough times never last, but tough people do.

See what I did there? Another quote to inspire original thought as it applies to you. It’s been said that if you want to test a man’s character, give him power and you will see his true colors. So keep your inspiration on tap for when you need a reminder of your purpose.

More to Inspire You When You’re Feeling Lost

Featured photo credit: Daniel Jensen via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next