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Why Being Too Nice Is A Curse. Here’s How I Learn To Grow My Backbone.

Why Being Too Nice Is A Curse. Here’s How I Learn To Grow My Backbone.

Since we were toddlers, our parents, seniors, and teachers constantly tell us the importance of being nice. There’s nothing wrong with being nice, in fact, we should be nice to people. But have you encountered someone who goes overboard with their niceness?

There’s a fine line of being nice and TOO nice. Imagine the colleague who laughs at every single joke at work. Or the friend who compliments everything that you are doing. Or the stranger who starts a conversation with you and responds with “I agree”.

Do you find them nice or irritating? I think most people will say the latter. We might even find that person disingenuous. So what’s the key to be nice but not overly nice? Here are 3 tips for you to keep closely in mind:

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Don’t only nod and agree

Sometimes, it is difficult to balance being nice and voicing our opinions. For some reason, we think others are fragile, and criticisms or disagreements can easily break a relationship, so we decide to go the safest route — nod and agree at everything.

In a conversation, person X thinks the world is getting more dangerous with technology. You nod with concurrence. At the same time, person Y thinks technology will bring a brighter future to the human race. You equally agree. What will you look like? An attentive person or one who is not paying attention?

Instead, we should be listening attentively while disagreeing when necessary.

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Most people welcome disagreements during discussions. It is more important to argue with valid points than agree to everything. Of course, one more trick is to not our dignity at stake — this will make you nicer to talk to.

Praise with understanding

We all enjoy receiving compliments from others. And overly nice people shower you with praises almost too much. They say nice things about your haircut, lavish compliments on the minimalist design of your water bottle, or even admire your mid-day flossing habit. Unfortunately, their praises are often ill-targeted and give off a rather insincere impression.

The main reason behind is people who are too nice don’t truly understand the person they are complimenting. On the contrary, we should praise others according to what that particular person is actively proud of. People value accurate praises more than those stock phrases. So when we do bestow a compliment, we are more likely to receive a proper resonance from the other side.

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Sympathy speaks louder than cheerful words

Being positive is not wrong. But it doesn’t necessarily mean blindly spewing sunshines and rainbows to a person who is feeling blue. Overly nice people are often remorselessly upbeat, it actually does not help to comfort others.

The more effective communication and the last tip of being nice but not too nice, is to give proper responses instead of immersing the person you are trying to comfort into the pool of optimism. Sometimes, people just want a pair of ears to listen, and often, they only want someone to understand them.

Let’s think about this as the person who is going through tough times. What would you prefer? The overly nice person who emphasizes your positive attributes, or the nice person who doesn’t say much but listens?

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Needless to say, we tend to be cheered up by the ones who sympathize and are willing to travel through our sorrows, anxieties, confusions, frustrations, and hesitations with us.

It sounds pretty complicated, isn’t it?

Well, it seems difficult to truly be nice but not too nice. After all, being nice follows one simple principle — put yourself in the shoes of others.

One of the reasons why people are overly nice is because they are intimidated by others. They are afraid of social failure, and by expressing an excessive amount of humility, they are under a false assumption that being extremely nice and friendly is the best way to interact with others.

On the flip side, when a person understands the needs of others, s/he is able to make others feel satisfied. Spend the time to grasp what is pleasing to others and take the effort to build real and close relationships by being the “nice but not too nice” friend.

More by this author

Frank Yung

Writer. Storyteller. Foodie.

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Last Updated on February 18, 2019

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

The ability to reinvent and redefine yourself is a bold, daring and purposeful choice. It doesn’t just happen. You have to make a conscious, intentional choice and then follow through.

If the thought of forging a new path, changing habits, thought patterns and your inner circle of friends scares you – you’re not alone. Change can be a very scary thing. It takes courage, fortitude and a bit of faith to decide to shed your old self and don a new persona. However, it is one of the most critical processes one must repeatedly endure in the pursuit of destiny. Change unlocks new levels of potential.

The Need for Change

Everyday when we wake up, we make a decision. We decide to follow our routine or we decide to go off script and shake things up a bit. For those who are creatures of habit, routine is comfortable, easy and produces very little stress. The problem with this is, after a while you stop growing.

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We all reinvent ourselves at some point in our lives. It is absolutely necessary to achieve certain levels of success.

Reflect back on who you were as a teenager and then who you were at 25. Those are two very different people. Most of us are completely different. Your thought patterns changed, your appearance, job, level of education and even your friends– changed. We like to refer to this as “growing up” or maturing and consider it to be one of life’s natural progressions. However the changes you made were purposeful and deliberate.

This process must be a lifelong and continuous cycle. You are never too old to refresh yourself.

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Happy_old_man

    Signs It’s Time to Redefine

    “Just as established products and brands need updating to stay alive and vibrant, you periodically need to refresh or reinvent yourself.”– Mireille Guiliano

    So how do you know when it’s time for a system upgrade? There are signs along the way that alert you that it is time for an overhaul. The first sign is the feeling of being stuck. If you feel like you are in a rut, you’re bored with life or you need some newness and excitement, a self reinvention may be in order. Re-evaluate your life vision and your goals. Is that vision still valid and are your goals consistent with your vision and–are they achievable? If you are off course, it’s time for a change. If you are not moving forward and making progress, it’s time for a change.

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    In life, there’s no such thing as neutrality–you’re either moving forward or you are moving backward. Time constantly moves forward and if you are standing still, you are actually losing ground. No matter your age or stage in life– there is always room for improvement.

    “You’re never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.” ~C. S. Lewis

    The second sign that you are due for a change is the occurrence of major life events in which change is forced upon you. Getting married, starting a new job, being promoted, ending a relationship, becoming a parenting or relocating are all prime opportunities to completely overhaul your life.

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    When these major shifts occur in your life–you have to shift with them. You can’t have a single mentality and have a successful marriage. You can’t remain selfish and irresponsible, and raise a healthy, well-adjusted child. You can’t be promoted to a supervisory position and keep the same subordinate attitude. Each level of success requires something different from you.

    Aronld in Predator

      Consider, for a moment, Arnold Schwarzenegger. People may have different opinions about his character and some of his life choices, but he is a master at reinventing himself. He achieved the ultimate success as a professional body builder by earning the title “Mr. Universe” three times. He then earned a tremendous amount of fame and fortune in the entertainment industry making action/adventure films. And in his latest role, he served two terms as the Governor of California. He succeeded as a professional body builder, a film star and a politician. Each role required massive amounts of change, commitment, strength and hard work.

      And if Arnold can do it…so can you!

      Featured photo credit: BK via flickr.com

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