Advertising
Advertising

Why Being Too Nice Is A Curse. Here’s How I Learn To Grow My Backbone.

Why Being Too Nice Is A Curse. Here’s How I Learn To Grow My Backbone.

Since we were toddlers, our parents, seniors, and teachers constantly tell us the importance of being nice. There’s nothing wrong with being nice, in fact, we should be nice to people. But have you encountered someone who goes overboard with their niceness?

There’s a fine line of being nice and TOO nice. Imagine the colleague who laughs at every single joke at work. Or the friend who compliments everything that you are doing. Or the stranger who starts a conversation with you and responds with “I agree”.

Do you find them nice or irritating? I think most people will say the latter. We might even find that person disingenuous. So what’s the key to be nice but not overly nice? Here are 3 tips for you to keep closely in mind:

Advertising

Don’t only nod and agree

Sometimes, it is difficult to balance being nice and voicing our opinions. For some reason, we think others are fragile, and criticisms or disagreements can easily break a relationship, so we decide to go the safest route — nod and agree at everything.

In a conversation, person X thinks the world is getting more dangerous with technology. You nod with concurrence. At the same time, person Y thinks technology will bring a brighter future to the human race. You equally agree. What will you look like? An attentive person or one who is not paying attention?

Instead, we should be listening attentively while disagreeing when necessary.

Advertising

Most people welcome disagreements during discussions. It is more important to argue with valid points than agree to everything. Of course, one more trick is to not our dignity at stake — this will make you nicer to talk to.

Praise with understanding

We all enjoy receiving compliments from others. And overly nice people shower you with praises almost too much. They say nice things about your haircut, lavish compliments on the minimalist design of your water bottle, or even admire your mid-day flossing habit. Unfortunately, their praises are often ill-targeted and give off a rather insincere impression.

The main reason behind is people who are too nice don’t truly understand the person they are complimenting. On the contrary, we should praise others according to what that particular person is actively proud of. People value accurate praises more than those stock phrases. So when we do bestow a compliment, we are more likely to receive a proper resonance from the other side.

Advertising

Sympathy speaks louder than cheerful words

Being positive is not wrong. But it doesn’t necessarily mean blindly spewing sunshines and rainbows to a person who is feeling blue. Overly nice people are often remorselessly upbeat, it actually does not help to comfort others.

The more effective communication and the last tip of being nice but not too nice, is to give proper responses instead of immersing the person you are trying to comfort into the pool of optimism. Sometimes, people just want a pair of ears to listen, and often, they only want someone to understand them.

Let’s think about this as the person who is going through tough times. What would you prefer? The overly nice person who emphasizes your positive attributes, or the nice person who doesn’t say much but listens?

Advertising

Needless to say, we tend to be cheered up by the ones who sympathize and are willing to travel through our sorrows, anxieties, confusions, frustrations, and hesitations with us.

It sounds pretty complicated, isn’t it?

Well, it seems difficult to truly be nice but not too nice. After all, being nice follows one simple principle — put yourself in the shoes of others.

One of the reasons why people are overly nice is because they are intimidated by others. They are afraid of social failure, and by expressing an excessive amount of humility, they are under a false assumption that being extremely nice and friendly is the best way to interact with others.

On the flip side, when a person understands the needs of others, s/he is able to make others feel satisfied. Spend the time to grasp what is pleasing to others and take the effort to build real and close relationships by being the “nice but not too nice” friend.

More by this author

Frank Yung

Writer. Storyteller. Foodie.

Your Future Self Will Thank You For Starting To Do This For Only 10 Minutes Every Day 10 Best Standing Desks That Are High in Quality and Cheap in Price Finally, a Way to Avoid Jet Lag: The Jet Lag Calculator The Best Places Around the World to Retire in 2017 Take 5 Minutes To Read And Improve Your Writing Skills Forever

Trending in Communication

1 19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore 2 How to Give Constructive Feedback in the Workplace 3 10 Ways to Keep Going When the Going Gets Tough 4 The 5 Most Important Things in Life You’ll Regret Not Pursuing 5 Why Am I So Sad? 9 Possible Causes You Shouldn’t Ignore

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on June 3, 2020

19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore

19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore

What is success?

Is it wealth? Is it happiness? Is it fame?

The late Zig Ziglar was one of the most respected modern day experts on success, motivation, and leading a balanced life. In his book Born to Win!, he argues that success cannot be defined in one sentence, but instead it is comprised of many things. One could argue that the definition depends on the individual and that one size does not fit all[1].

Here are 19 different definitions of success. Not all of these will resonate with you, but chances are at least a few of them will. Use these or find inspiration here to create your own definition of success that can be applied to your unique life.

1. Success is always doing your best.

Success can be achieved when you try your best in all aspects of everything you do, even if that doesn’t lead to big results. If you’ve done your best, you should feel proud of your efforts.

Advertising

2. Success is properly setting concrete goals.

Be realistic and concrete when setting goals. Success does not come from setting abstract goals. If you know where you’re heading, that is a success in itself, even if you don’t ultimately arrive to the planned destination.

3. Success is having a place to call home.

Home is where your heart soars. You are always successful when you can call a place home. Home doesn’t have to be a specific structure. It can be a country, a city, or even a person. If you have a place you feel comfortable and safe, you’re already achieving something great.

4. Success is understanding the difference between need and want.

If you can meet your monthly obligations and fulfill your basic needs, you are successful. Being able to identify when you absolutely need something and when you can do without it often leads to financial stability and is a great way to succeed.

5. Success is believing you can.

If you believe you can, you will succeed. Self-belief doesn’t come naturally to everyone, so if you’re able to tell yourself that you can achieve the goals in your plans, you’re doing great.

6. Success is remembering to balance work with passion.

Work without passion creates undue stress and empty achievements. Focus on what excites you. If you’re happy at your job, that’s great. However, even if you aren’t, you can balance your formal job with hobbies or volunteer work you’re passionate about.

Advertising

7. Success is taking care of your needs.

Remember to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. Self-care is essential if you want to have any meaningful impact on the world around you.

8. Success is learning that you sometimes have to say no.

Success only comes with a balanced life. Part of balance is learning to say no. Saying no doesn’t mean you are selfish; it simply means you have priorities and know what you need to give your attention to at any given time.

9. Success is knowing your life is filled with abundance.

Love, health, friends, family…life is filled with abundance. Recognizing this is an important step to feeling grateful for all life has given you. If you can feel this, you are already experiencing success.

10. Success is understanding you cannot keep what you don’t give away.

You will only succeed if you help others succeed. Learning to give instead of always take is part of creating a world we all want to live in. When you help others, you will also create an environment where others want to help you.

11. Success is overcoming fear.

Conquering a fear makes you feel invincible. Even if it’s confronting just one small fear each week, that is certainly something to feel proud of. The bigger fears will take more time, but any work you do to overcome fear will lead to success.

Advertising

12. Success is learning something new each day.

Successful people understand that learning never stops. Take time each day to converse with someone with opposing views, read an interesting article on a topic you know little about, or watch a TED talk on new research. It doesn’t take long to learn, so get started now.

13. Success is learning that losing a few battles can help you win a war.

Successful people choose their battles wisely. When you know which battles will ultimately help you achieve your goals, you will be successful.

14. Success is loving and being loved back.

Opening your heart to others is difficult and can produce fear. Having the courage to love and accept love from others is a step toward a fulfilling life and great success.

15. Success is standing your ground when you believe in something.

Successful people never give up on things they believe with all their heart. You may hold views that many people disagree with, but if you’ve done your research and know that it’s the right belief for you, you shouldn’t let it go without a fight.

16. Success is not giving up.

Perseverance creates grit, and grit achieves success. Even if it takes years to achieve a goal, persisting is key if you want success.

Advertising

17. Success is celebrating small victories.

Anytime a goal is reached or an obstacle is overcome, take time to celebrate, even if it’s something small. All goals require smaller objectives to be achieved first, so each time you complete one, take time to appreciate the work you put into it.

18. Success is never letting a disability hold you back.

Disabilities do not define a person’s success. The body and mind will compensate. Just because you can’t do absolutely everything doesn’t mean you can’t do something. Do what your body and mind allow and always push yourself. That is true success.

19. Success is understanding that you control your destiny.

Your destiny is controlled by you and you alone. Take responsibility for your actions and their consequences and you’ll find that you naturally become more successful.

The Bottom Line

Success can be defined in many ways. If you are experiencing happiness, love, or adventure in this moment, you’ve already found success. Keep it up.

More Tips on Success

Featured photo credit: Dino Reichmuth via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next