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Things to Avoid To Raise Well-Behaved Kids

Things to Avoid To Raise Well-Behaved Kids

It is not an easy task to raise kids. Sometimes, you will find yourself questioning yourself if you are raising them the right way or not. But you are just doing the best that you can do. You read books about parenting, seek advice from other parents, and listen to other people’s advice.  Avoid the following to raise well-behaved kids:

Not having them around other kids

No man is an island, and the earlier we instill this on our kids, the better. When they are around other kids, they learn to share, play fairly and treat another human as their equal, and to treat them with care and compassion. They learn that feelings can get hurt, and doing something bad to another person can make that person cry or upset. They become more self-aware and aware of others’ feelings when they spend time around other kids.

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Giving them everything they want

Want is different from need. Basic needs are food, shelter, clothing which of course, we should provide. Want is just a desire for something. Toys, designer shoes, and that new Disney cartoon CD are examples of wants rather than needs. When you fulfill their wants immediately without having them wait for it, or without them having to show good behavior before they can have it, then you have a problem waiting to blow up. If you keep doing this, kids will feel like they can have everything that they want – right the very same second. And if they don’t, the dark, entitled, or “bratty” side of them comes out.

Failing to show them you are a watchful presence

If kids think that you are not watching them and they can get away with whatever prank they can get away with, then they will. You have to make it a point to let them know that you are there watching over them because you want to guide them to be better kids. This also instills in them the knowledge that all actions, whether performed in secret or in the open, have consequences and affect others.

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Being on your phone or computer too much

Kids love attention. They crave it. And if they can’t get it, they start acting out to get it. No matter what it takes them, they will do it. And if they see that you are always busy, always on your phone, or your computer, with barely a second to turn and look at them, then that is their signal. They will go as far as not follow instructions to get your attention. So make sure you balance your time on your mobile devices and be sure to pay attention.

Not giving them choices

Don’t get into the habit of handing them three colors of candies, but authoritatively just giving them one color without having them choose. This habit instills stubbornness – and in the future, they will only want one particular object, and they will fight to have it, and nothing else. It will be the world vs. them in getting exactly what they want.

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Not explaining why they are getting punished

If you punish kids and don’t explain to them why you are doing it and what good behavior you are expecting to come out of it, then you are just reinforcing bad behavior. Make sure you explain why, and what your expectations are, or they will just keep acting out for the pleasure of watching you scramble and get upset. And they would love to see you in that same situation over and over again as if it was an accomplishment.

Kids do not remain to be kids forever. However, when they are adults they will carry through the values that were instilled in them by their parents when they were still young. If you want your kids to grow up to be responsible and good adults, start developing good habits with them when they are still young.

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Sarah Bonander

Writer, Human Resources Professional

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Published on January 30, 2019

How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father

How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father

In roughly 60 percent of two-parent households with children under the age of 18, both parents work full time. But who takes time off work when the kids are sick in your house? And if you are a manager, how do you react when a man says he needs time to take his baby to the pediatrician?

The sad truth is, the default in many companies and families is to value the man’s work over the woman’s—even when there is no significant difference in their professional obligations or compensation. This translates into stereotypes in the workplace that women are the primary caregivers, which can negatively impact women’s success on the job and their upward mobility.

According to a Pew Research Center analysis of long-term time-use data (1965–2011), fathers in dual-income couples devote significantly less time than mothers do to child care.[1] Dads are doing more than twice as much housework as they used to (from an average of about four hours per week to about 10 hours), but there is still a significant imbalance.

This is not just an issue between spouses; it’s a workplace culture issue. In many offices, it is still taboo for dads to openly express that they have family obligations that need their attention. In contrast, the assumption that moms will be on the front lines of any family crisis is one that runs deep.

Consider an example from my company. A few years back, one of our team members joined us for an off-site meeting soon after returning from maternity leave. Not even two hours into her trip, her husband called to say that the baby had been crying nonstop. While there was little our colleague could practically do to help with the situation, this call was clearly unsettling, and the result was that her attention was divided for the rest of an important business dinner.

This was her first night away since the baby’s birth, and I know that her spouse had already been on several business trips before this event. Yet, I doubt she called him during his conferences to ask child-care questions. Like so many moms everywhere, she was expected to figure things out on her own.

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The numbers show that this story is far from the exception. In another Pew survey, 47 percent of dual-income parents agreed that the moms take on more of the work when a child gets sick.[2] In addition, 39 percent of working mothers said they had taken a significant amount of time off from work to care for their child compared to just 24 percent of working fathers. Mothers are also more likely than fathers (27 percent to 10 percent) to say they had quit their job at some point for family reasons.

Before any amazing stay-at-home-dads post an angry rebuttal comment, I want to be very clear that I am not judging how families choose to divide and conquer their personal and professional responsibilities; that’s 100 percent their prerogative. Rather, I am taking aim at the culture of inequity that persists even when spouses have similar or identical professional responsibilities. This is an important issue for all of us because we are leaving untapped business and human potential on the table.

What’s more, I think my fellow men can do a lot about this. For those out there who still privately think that being a good dad just means helping out mom, it’s time to man up. Stop expecting working partners—who have similar professional responsibilities—to bear the majority of the child-care responsibilities as well.

Consider these ways to support your working spouse:

1. Have higher expectations for yourself as a father; you are a parent, not a babysitter.

Know who your pediatrician is and how to reach him or her. Have a back-up plan for transportation and emergency coverage.

Don’t simply expect your partner to manage all these invisible tasks on her own. Parenting takes effort and preparation for the unexpected.

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As in other areas of life, the way to build confidence is to learn by doing. Moms aren’t born knowing how to do this stuff any more than dads are.

2. Treat your partner the way you’d want to be treated.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard a man on a business trip say to his wife on a call something to the effect of, “I am in the middle of a meeting. What do you want me to do about it?”

However, when the tables are turned, men often make that same call at the first sign of trouble.

Distractions like this make it difficult to focus and engage with work, which perpetuates the stereotype that working moms aren’t sufficiently committed.

When you’re in charge of the kids, do what she would do: Figure it out.

3. When you need to take care of your kids, don’t make an excuse that revolves around your partner’s availability.

This implies that the children are her first priority and your second.

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I admit I have been guilty in the past of telling clients, “I have the kids today because my wife had something she could not move.” What I should have said was, “I’m taking care of my kids today.”

Why is it so hard for men to admit they have personal responsibilities? Remember that you are setting an example for your sons and daughters, and do the right thing.

4. As a manager, be supportive of both your male and female colleagues when unexpected situations arise at home.

No one likes or wants disruptions, but life happens, and everyone will face a day when the troubling phone call comes from his sitter, her school nurse, or even elderly parents.

Accommodating personal needs is not a sign of weakness as a leader. Employees will be more likely to do great work if they know that you care about their personal obligations and family—and show them that you care about your own.

5. Don’t keep score or track time.

At home, it’s juvenile to get into debates about who last changed a diaper or did the dishes; everyone needs to contribute, but the big picture is what matters. Is everyone healthy and getting enough sleep? Are you enjoying each other’s company?

In business, too, avoid the trap of punching a clock. The focus should be on outcomes and performance rather than effort and inputs. That’s the way to maintain momentum toward overall goals.

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The Bottom Line

To be clear, I recognize that a great many working dads are doing a terrific job both on the home front and in their professional lives. My concern is that these standouts often aren’t visible to their colleagues; they intentionally or inadvertently let their work as parents fly under the radar. Dads need to be open and honest about family responsibilities to change perceptions in the workplace.

The question “How do you balance it all?” should not be something that’s just asked of women. Frankly, no one can answer that question. Juggling a career and parental responsibilities is tough. At times, really tough.

But it’s something that more parents should be doing together, as a team. This can be a real bonus for the couple relationship as well, because nothing gets in the way of good partnership faster than feelings of inequity.

On the plus side, I can tell you that parenting skills really do get better with practice—and that’s great for people of both sexes. I think our cultural expectations that women are the “nurturers” and men are the “providers” needs to evolve. Expanding these definitions will open the doors to richer contributions from everyone, because women can and should be both—and so should men.

Featured photo credit: NeONBRAND via unsplash.com

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