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Running From Problems Makes Life Harder: 4 Steps To Face Everything Bravely

Running From Problems Makes Life Harder: 4 Steps To Face Everything Bravely

When thinking about problem avoidance, I cannot help but remember working on my master’s thesis a few years ago. Just thinking about the amount of work I would have to put in gave me panic attacks. So, I did what we do best – procrastinate. It’s funny how easily our mind comes up with millions of excuses when we are faced with a big challenge. For me it was always one dumb thing after another. I was always tired from work; I always had some house chore that couldn’t wait and left me feel exhausted so I had to postpone my writing; or there was an event to go to that I simply couldn’t miss. And so the months went on and I couldn’t force myself to stay on the task for more than half an hour a day. When I finally spent all of my excuses, I realized that how far behind I was with my schedule, and that I would have to work harder than ever before in order to finish everything on time. Those three weeks of not getting enough sleep, feeling tired at work, and working day and night on my thesis left me feeling stressed and anxious. But, more importantly, once I actually started working on my assignment, I realized how much I actually enjoy it. As the momentum was building up, I managed to face each challenge as it came, realizing that nothing was as difficult as I imagined it in my head.

I’m sure many of you can relate to my story to some degree. It is because our brains are simply wired to run away from problems and difficulties. Most of us are so well trained in avoiding problems, that we do it unconsciously, by default, each time we are faced with a task or a problem that seems challenging or time-consuming. It doesn’t matter if it is about working on bigger projects or doing simple tasks, such as paying bills, or taxes, our minds threat them equally if they bring any kind of discomfort. And, so our lives turn into a stressful, never-ending vicious cycle of constant struggle to finish everything on time, and we never get to the important things either. Little kids are tolerated with this kind of behavior, to some degree. But as grown-ups, if we want to constantly improve and grow as persons, we need to find ways to break free from this bad habit. One of the best approaches for dealing with problem avoidance is The Face Everything Technique that can be implemented in four simple steps:

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1. Stay in the now

Most of the time, we avoid problems without even being aware of it. By the time we realize what we are doing, the duties have already piled up, making it all the more difficult to manage. The best way to start being aware and mindful, is to start practicing being in the now. Meditation is one of the most helpful techniques for being present and clearing your mind from all the noise. Once you start practicing being in the present moment, you will become much more aware of your thoughts as they come. This way, you will be able to recognize the avoiding thoughts as they start and you would be able to stop them on time. Also, in order to become more aware, make sure to turn off all of the distractions, such as social media notifications.

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2. Make peace with the “negative”

Now that you are able to recognize your thoughts and emotions as they appear, don’t be afraid of the “negative” emotions that appear once you are faced with the object of discomfort. Try to acknowledge them instead, as it is the only way to eventually overcome them. In those moments tell yourself that it is okay to feel frightened and worried, but that is not a reason to go and distracts yourself with something more pleasant at the moment.

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3. Take action

The only way to truly overcome something is to face it head on. This is probably the most difficult step as it requires us to actually do something with the problem in hand. The great news is that it gets much easier once you complete the first two steps, and the more you practice the entire technique, the easier and more natural it gets. Another great aspect of starting an action is that it tends to pick up momentum and soon it gets much faster and easier, not to mention the self-esteem boost you will experience when you get past the initial challenges. Keep in mind the words of the great Nelson Mandela: “It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

4. Get support

It was quite a revelation for me to find out that my friends and loved ones were going through same struggles as me when it comes to running from problems and unpleasant situations. Sharing it with them made me feel less alone in my efforts to stay on the right track and face my problems. It worked both ways, as they found the same amount of support in me. Open up to your closest group of friends and family as they are probably facing it too. You can remind each other to stay focused and brave through each problem and demanding task, and help each other grow as human beings.

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Ana Erkic

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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