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How to make decisions from a place of love rather than fear

How to make decisions from a place of love rather than fear

Every day we are faced with making small and large decisions. In a society of unlimited choice, decision making can sometimes leave us feeling exhausted or overwhelmed. So much so, in fact, that we often prefer to streamline the process or rely on others to make decisions for us.

Ultimately, when it comes to choosing what we want to draw in or remove from our lives we either come from a place of fear or love. Fear makes us settle for something we don’t really want, buy things we don’t really need, stay in jobs we don’t really like, and remain in disempowering relationships. In other words, we continue to live smaller than our true potential. Making decisions from love and inner-knowing on the other hand, allows us to live more deep and fulfilling lives full of abundance and joy.

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We’ve all made decisions we regret, that are not in alignment with our principles, and that were hastily made based on emotions or ego. Identifying where your decision-making is coming from at its core, is the first step towards preventing yourself from making decisions that don’t serve the highest good of all.

Here are four core ways we make decisions.

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1. Through our intuition

This is the easiest, smoothest, and most aligned way to make decisions. From this place, decisions can be made quickly and without too much logical thought or analysis. We don’t need to justify these decisions because they just feel right or we know they are right. We may hear a voice inside our heads giving us confirmation or we may have received a vision beforehand. Intuitive decisions come from the heart and a place of love, rather than from our mind or a place of fear.

To access these insights they key is to go within, rather than continue to search outside ourselves for answers. Call it your gut instinct, inner guidance system, or inner guru, making decisions from this place comes from our authentic self. When our lives our driven from our intuition, not only can’t we go wrong, but we also create flow, ease, and miracles.

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2. From a place of fear

Fear drives a lot of decisions as it’s embedded in us to keep us safe. Fear can also be found everywhere we look, in every person, and every place. Making decisions from fear makes us feel restricted, anxious, scared, and keeps us playing small in life. These decisions often stem from a place of lack and are connected to fear of the future or fears from the past. We often regret these decisions as soon as we make them and are not surprised when our predictions come true or we are left with a disappointed feeling. Although some intuitive decisions can also have some fear around them, pure fear-based decisions are made from the mind, with no heart or trust involved.

3. Through others’ influence

When we are not connected to our intuition we can be left feeling confused, overwhelmed, and easily give away our power to others. Although it can be handy to take advice and guidance from others, especially who have achieved what we want to achieve, making decisions purely based on someone else’s opinion can prove to be detrimental. It can leave us feeling regretful, fearful, or even blaming the person afterwards when things don’t go as we wanted. When it comes down to it, we are the only ones that know deep down what is best for us, no other person can give us that insight. All our answers lie within.

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4. By using logic

It can be easy to get logical and somewhat scientific about making decisions based on predictions, hypothesis, or stats. The fact is, there are so many different variables which can affect any type of outcome no matter how predictable it may seem. The power of the mind and energy is so strong that what someone is energetically doing or thinking can affect outcomes even after the action has been taken. Logical decisions also have no heart involved, so often leave you feeling flat, unenthusiastic, and wanting to hold on to control.

The key to making the right decisions that always serve our highest good and the good of all, come from being connected to our inner guidance system and intuition. Once we are aligned to this all-knowing energy, we can take action, trust and surrender. Our action becomes guided and allows us to deliver and receive what is best for us and others. We create miracles and live a life of flow and purpose.

Featured photo credit: Kristina Litvjak via unsplash.com

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Kelly Weiss

Purpose-driven business + lifestyle coach

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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