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10 Telltale Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship that You May Have Ignored

10 Telltale Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship that You May Have Ignored

Sometimes abuse is not as obvious as your partner hitting you or punching you. Sometimes it is more subtle, such as your partner calling you names and insulting you. This kind of abuse slowly sneaks up on people and before they know it they constantly feel upset and ashamed. They are upset because they are treated badly on a daily basis, and they feel shame as they think that they are at least partially to blame for the way their partner treats them.

This is emotional abuse, and it can be just as damaging as physical abuse. Often people deny that their partner is abusing them, or they minimize their behaviour as they want to believe that their partner loves them and has their best interests at heart.

However, allowing your partner to demean you is unfair on yourself. Over time you will start to become unhappy, self-doubting, depressed, and anxious. This can cause mental health problems and it can even lead to suicide, so it is important to find the strength to leave the person who is abusing you. Here are 10 signs of an abusive relationship; if you can relate to them, you may need to take a second look at your relationship.

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1. They Constantly Put You Down

Your partner is always putting you down; they disregard your opinions and ideas, and they think that your dreams and goals are trivial or stupid. They insult you both in private and in public, and if you say that they have upset you they either say “I’m just joking” or “I have your best interests at heart”.

2. They Try to Control You

Your partner tries to control every aspect of your life from your social life to your career. They even try to tell you who to be friends with, and how often you can see your friends. This indicates that they view you as an extension of themselves, rather than an independent being.

3.They Make You Feel Like You Are Always Wrong

You always feel like you have done something wrong, as your partner loves to point out your mistakes. Even when you haven’t done something wrong you your partner still treats you like you did. This is a sign of emotional abuse; your partner tries to make you feel unworthy of them, so that they have power over you.

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4. They Always Point Out Your Flaws

Your partner is supposed to love you for who you are, but instead they often point out flaws in your personality and appearance. Your partner is doing this to ruin your self-esteem so that you won’t leave them, as you will think that you are ‘lucky’ to have them.

5. They Blame You for Everything

Everyone makes mistakes, but your partner blames you for everything – including their own mistakes. It feels like you apologize to them every day, but you can’t remember the last time they apologized to you.

6. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

Your partner reads your private text messages when you are out of the room, and they will go through your things to make sure that they know everything about you. They can also be pushy about your beliefs; for instance if you are a vegetarian they often try to get you to eat meat. This shows that they don’t respect your rules – they only respect their own rules.

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7. They Try to Manipulate You

They often threaten to start fights or end the relationship in an attempt to get you to do what they want. This means that you often end up going along with something you’re not happy about to avoid fights or tears.

8. Their Love Is Conditional

They only love you when you bow to their will; they don’t love you for exactly who you are. This means that you feel like you have to do as they say, otherwise the relationship will end. It also means that you constantly have to pretend to be someone you’re not.

9. They Play the Victim

They start all of the fights and arguments, but they also play the victim and say that you actually started the disagreement with your attitude or behaviour.

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10. They Are Emotionally Unavailable

Your partner rarely talks to you about their feelings and you wish they would open up to you more. There are lots of reasons why they abuse you in this way; they may have been abused as a child, and now they think that abuse and being emotionally unavailable is normal and healthy. They also may have mental health issues or a disorder.

You are with your partner because you love them, so you may be tempted to try and fix their emotional problems for them. However, you cannot fix these problems―only your partner can do that, by acknowledging that they have a problem and taking steps to fix it. It can be very difficult to put yourself first after spending time in an abusive relationship, but it is the best option for both you and your partner. You deserve to find happiness, even if that can be hard to accept. Try to summon the courage to end the relationship so that you can find your happiness and self-esteem again ― you may not see it now, but you are a wonderful person who deserves to be loved.

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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