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10 Telltale Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship that You May Have Ignored

10 Telltale Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship that You May Have Ignored

Sometimes abuse is not as obvious as your partner hitting you or punching you. Sometimes it is more subtle, such as your partner calling you names and insulting you. This kind of abuse slowly sneaks up on people and before they know it they constantly feel upset and ashamed. They are upset because they are treated badly on a daily basis, and they feel shame as they think that they are at least partially to blame for the way their partner treats them.

This is emotional abuse, and it can be just as damaging as physical abuse. Often people deny that their partner is abusing them, or they minimize their behaviour as they want to believe that their partner loves them and has their best interests at heart.

However, allowing your partner to demean you is unfair on yourself. Over time you will start to become unhappy, self-doubting, depressed, and anxious. This can cause mental health problems and it can even lead to suicide, so it is important to find the strength to leave the person who is abusing you. Here are 10 signs of an abusive relationship; if you can relate to them, you may need to take a second look at your relationship.

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1. They Constantly Put You Down

Your partner is always putting you down; they disregard your opinions and ideas, and they think that your dreams and goals are trivial or stupid. They insult you both in private and in public, and if you say that they have upset you they either say “I’m just joking” or “I have your best interests at heart”.

2. They Try to Control You

Your partner tries to control every aspect of your life from your social life to your career. They even try to tell you who to be friends with, and how often you can see your friends. This indicates that they view you as an extension of themselves, rather than an independent being.

3.They Make You Feel Like You Are Always Wrong

You always feel like you have done something wrong, as your partner loves to point out your mistakes. Even when you haven’t done something wrong you your partner still treats you like you did. This is a sign of emotional abuse; your partner tries to make you feel unworthy of them, so that they have power over you.

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4. They Always Point Out Your Flaws

Your partner is supposed to love you for who you are, but instead they often point out flaws in your personality and appearance. Your partner is doing this to ruin your self-esteem so that you won’t leave them, as you will think that you are ‘lucky’ to have them.

5. They Blame You for Everything

Everyone makes mistakes, but your partner blames you for everything – including their own mistakes. It feels like you apologize to them every day, but you can’t remember the last time they apologized to you.

6. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

Your partner reads your private text messages when you are out of the room, and they will go through your things to make sure that they know everything about you. They can also be pushy about your beliefs; for instance if you are a vegetarian they often try to get you to eat meat. This shows that they don’t respect your rules – they only respect their own rules.

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7. They Try to Manipulate You

They often threaten to start fights or end the relationship in an attempt to get you to do what they want. This means that you often end up going along with something you’re not happy about to avoid fights or tears.

8. Their Love Is Conditional

They only love you when you bow to their will; they don’t love you for exactly who you are. This means that you feel like you have to do as they say, otherwise the relationship will end. It also means that you constantly have to pretend to be someone you’re not.

9. They Play the Victim

They start all of the fights and arguments, but they also play the victim and say that you actually started the disagreement with your attitude or behaviour.

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10. They Are Emotionally Unavailable

Your partner rarely talks to you about their feelings and you wish they would open up to you more. There are lots of reasons why they abuse you in this way; they may have been abused as a child, and now they think that abuse and being emotionally unavailable is normal and healthy. They also may have mental health issues or a disorder.

You are with your partner because you love them, so you may be tempted to try and fix their emotional problems for them. However, you cannot fix these problems―only your partner can do that, by acknowledging that they have a problem and taking steps to fix it. It can be very difficult to put yourself first after spending time in an abusive relationship, but it is the best option for both you and your partner. You deserve to find happiness, even if that can be hard to accept. Try to summon the courage to end the relationship so that you can find your happiness and self-esteem again ― you may not see it now, but you are a wonderful person who deserves to be loved.

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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