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10 Telltale Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship that You May Have Ignored

10 Telltale Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship that You May Have Ignored

Sometimes abuse is not as obvious as your partner hitting you or punching you. Sometimes it is more subtle, such as your partner calling you names and insulting you. This kind of abuse slowly sneaks up on people and before they know it they constantly feel upset and ashamed. They are upset because they are treated badly on a daily basis, and they feel shame as they think that they are at least partially to blame for the way their partner treats them.

This is emotional abuse, and it can be just as damaging as physical abuse. Often people deny that their partner is abusing them, or they minimize their behaviour as they want to believe that their partner loves them and has their best interests at heart.

However, allowing your partner to demean you is unfair on yourself. Over time you will start to become unhappy, self-doubting, depressed, and anxious. This can cause mental health problems and it can even lead to suicide, so it is important to find the strength to leave the person who is abusing you. Here are 10 signs of an abusive relationship; if you can relate to them, you may need to take a second look at your relationship.

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1. They Constantly Put You Down

Your partner is always putting you down; they disregard your opinions and ideas, and they think that your dreams and goals are trivial or stupid. They insult you both in private and in public, and if you say that they have upset you they either say “I’m just joking” or “I have your best interests at heart”.

2. They Try to Control You

Your partner tries to control every aspect of your life from your social life to your career. They even try to tell you who to be friends with, and how often you can see your friends. This indicates that they view you as an extension of themselves, rather than an independent being.

3.They Make You Feel Like You Are Always Wrong

You always feel like you have done something wrong, as your partner loves to point out your mistakes. Even when you haven’t done something wrong you your partner still treats you like you did. This is a sign of emotional abuse; your partner tries to make you feel unworthy of them, so that they have power over you.

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4. They Always Point Out Your Flaws

Your partner is supposed to love you for who you are, but instead they often point out flaws in your personality and appearance. Your partner is doing this to ruin your self-esteem so that you won’t leave them, as you will think that you are ‘lucky’ to have them.

5. They Blame You for Everything

Everyone makes mistakes, but your partner blames you for everything – including their own mistakes. It feels like you apologize to them every day, but you can’t remember the last time they apologized to you.

6. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

Your partner reads your private text messages when you are out of the room, and they will go through your things to make sure that they know everything about you. They can also be pushy about your beliefs; for instance if you are a vegetarian they often try to get you to eat meat. This shows that they don’t respect your rules – they only respect their own rules.

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7. They Try to Manipulate You

They often threaten to start fights or end the relationship in an attempt to get you to do what they want. This means that you often end up going along with something you’re not happy about to avoid fights or tears.

8. Their Love Is Conditional

They only love you when you bow to their will; they don’t love you for exactly who you are. This means that you feel like you have to do as they say, otherwise the relationship will end. It also means that you constantly have to pretend to be someone you’re not.

9. They Play the Victim

They start all of the fights and arguments, but they also play the victim and say that you actually started the disagreement with your attitude or behaviour.

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10. They Are Emotionally Unavailable

Your partner rarely talks to you about their feelings and you wish they would open up to you more. There are lots of reasons why they abuse you in this way; they may have been abused as a child, and now they think that abuse and being emotionally unavailable is normal and healthy. They also may have mental health issues or a disorder.

You are with your partner because you love them, so you may be tempted to try and fix their emotional problems for them. However, you cannot fix these problems―only your partner can do that, by acknowledging that they have a problem and taking steps to fix it. It can be very difficult to put yourself first after spending time in an abusive relationship, but it is the best option for both you and your partner. You deserve to find happiness, even if that can be hard to accept. Try to summon the courage to end the relationship so that you can find your happiness and self-esteem again ― you may not see it now, but you are a wonderful person who deserves to be loved.

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Amy Johnson

Freelance writer, editor and social media manager.

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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