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Mother And Daughter: A Long-Awaited Reunion After 82 Years

Mother And Daughter: A Long-Awaited Reunion After 82 Years

The bond between mothers and daughters is a strong, complicated and sometimes unexplainable one. Even when a mother gives her baby up for adoption, she often cannot forget the baby she carried for nine months, and may spend the rest of her life wondering about the child. Most children who find out they were adopted will start searching for their birth mother as they get older, out of much more than curiosity. They want to meet this mystery person who they are tied to. Even though they do not know this person, there can be a missing link in their lives unless a meeting happens.

Such was the case for a mother and daughter in New York, as ABC News reported earlier this year. In the 1930s, when things were very different for women than they are now, a 13-year-old girl gave birth to a baby girl and named her Eva May. Both became wards of the state immediately, due to the circumstances in the mother’s life at the time. Lena Pierce, the 13-year-old new mother, stayed at the hospital for a few months and her baby was put up for adoption. She was placed with a great family and given the name Betty. She found out she was adopted when she was a young child but her adopted mother told her that her birth mother had died, to protect her from possible heartache and disappointment.

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Meanwhile, in the same state, Lena grew up, got married and had more children. But she never forgot her first baby girl, and often spoke of “her Eva May.” As the years went by, Lena searched and seached for her daughter but her searching always led to dead ends.

Betty had a great childhood, and did not search for her birth mother, thinking she was dead. However, after her adopted mother passed away, her relatives let some details about her birth slip out and Betty immediately started trying to find her birth mother. Unfortunately, she also ran into dead ends and eventually gave up and concentrated on raising her own family.

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Years passed, and both mother and daughter grew older, but neither of them forgot about the other. The desire to find each other did not go away, but only grew stronger with time. Betty feared that by this time, her mother would have passed away and her searching would only lead to disappointment. She shared her longing to find her mother with one of her granddaughters, Kimberly, who took on the search to help her grandmother. Eventually, the hospital where Betty was born wrote a letter describing the circumstances surrounding her birth, but could not give details as to the whereabouts of her mother. They did not give up hope and continued searching.

As Betty grew older, it became harder and harder to have hope that her mother would still be alive. At 82 years of age, the chances of meeting her birth mother were slim at best. Despite the odds, Kimberly kept up the search, still hopeful that she could find her great-grandmother. Even if she had already passed away, perhaps she could at least put her grandmother in touch with a half sibling to get some answers about her mother.

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In September of 2015, Kimberly’s searching efforts finally paid off, and she was able to speak to another daughter of Lena Pierce. She was shocked to hear that Lena was still alive, and at 96 years old, was still thinking about her Eva May.

Betty was overcome with emotion when Kimberly told her the good news. She could not believe her mother was still alive! And she had siblings! When Lena’s daughter told her they had found Eva May, she broke down in tears and was so overcome that she could not go to bingo that evening as she had planned to do.

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On January 15, 2016, after 82 years of searching, hoping and waiting, mother and daughter were finally reunited. The picture above shows their reunion at an airport, and since then, they have been able to visit and talk often. Lena, now 96, sometimes has lapses of memory and Betty has to remind her of who she is, but being able to talk with her birth mother is a dream come true with each visit. After 82 long years, giving up hope and picking it back up again, getting nothing but dead ends, wondering if they would ever find one another and wondering what the other was like, mother and daughter are finally together. The bond between them is a complicated one, and there are many questions to be asked and answered, but the bond between a mother and daughter still exists, even with an 82-year separation.

Featured photo credit: ABC News via abcnews.go.com

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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