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Mother And Daughter: A Long-Awaited Reunion After 82 Years

Mother And Daughter: A Long-Awaited Reunion After 82 Years

The bond between mothers and daughters is a strong, complicated and sometimes unexplainable one. Even when a mother gives her baby up for adoption, she often cannot forget the baby she carried for nine months, and may spend the rest of her life wondering about the child. Most children who find out they were adopted will start searching for their birth mother as they get older, out of much more than curiosity. They want to meet this mystery person who they are tied to. Even though they do not know this person, there can be a missing link in their lives unless a meeting happens.

Such was the case for a mother and daughter in New York, as ABC News reported earlier this year. In the 1930s, when things were very different for women than they are now, a 13-year-old girl gave birth to a baby girl and named her Eva May. Both became wards of the state immediately, due to the circumstances in the mother’s life at the time. Lena Pierce, the 13-year-old new mother, stayed at the hospital for a few months and her baby was put up for adoption. She was placed with a great family and given the name Betty. She found out she was adopted when she was a young child but her adopted mother told her that her birth mother had died, to protect her from possible heartache and disappointment.

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Meanwhile, in the same state, Lena grew up, got married and had more children. But she never forgot her first baby girl, and often spoke of “her Eva May.” As the years went by, Lena searched and seached for her daughter but her searching always led to dead ends.

Betty had a great childhood, and did not search for her birth mother, thinking she was dead. However, after her adopted mother passed away, her relatives let some details about her birth slip out and Betty immediately started trying to find her birth mother. Unfortunately, she also ran into dead ends and eventually gave up and concentrated on raising her own family.

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Years passed, and both mother and daughter grew older, but neither of them forgot about the other. The desire to find each other did not go away, but only grew stronger with time. Betty feared that by this time, her mother would have passed away and her searching would only lead to disappointment. She shared her longing to find her mother with one of her granddaughters, Kimberly, who took on the search to help her grandmother. Eventually, the hospital where Betty was born wrote a letter describing the circumstances surrounding her birth, but could not give details as to the whereabouts of her mother. They did not give up hope and continued searching.

As Betty grew older, it became harder and harder to have hope that her mother would still be alive. At 82 years of age, the chances of meeting her birth mother were slim at best. Despite the odds, Kimberly kept up the search, still hopeful that she could find her great-grandmother. Even if she had already passed away, perhaps she could at least put her grandmother in touch with a half sibling to get some answers about her mother.

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In September of 2015, Kimberly’s searching efforts finally paid off, and she was able to speak to another daughter of Lena Pierce. She was shocked to hear that Lena was still alive, and at 96 years old, was still thinking about her Eva May.

Betty was overcome with emotion when Kimberly told her the good news. She could not believe her mother was still alive! And she had siblings! When Lena’s daughter told her they had found Eva May, she broke down in tears and was so overcome that she could not go to bingo that evening as she had planned to do.

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On January 15, 2016, after 82 years of searching, hoping and waiting, mother and daughter were finally reunited. The picture above shows their reunion at an airport, and since then, they have been able to visit and talk often. Lena, now 96, sometimes has lapses of memory and Betty has to remind her of who she is, but being able to talk with her birth mother is a dream come true with each visit. After 82 long years, giving up hope and picking it back up again, getting nothing but dead ends, wondering if they would ever find one another and wondering what the other was like, mother and daughter are finally together. The bond between them is a complicated one, and there are many questions to be asked and answered, but the bond between a mother and daughter still exists, even with an 82-year separation.

Featured photo credit: ABC News via abcnews.go.com

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Last Updated on September 30, 2020

How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t

How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t

Learning how to live a stress free life may seem impossible, but the truth is that there are specific things you can do to begin eliminating sources of stress.

No, it doesn’t look like a made-for-television movie. No, it doesn’t look like something only people with extra time and money can do. It looks like your life—but without any self-created stress triggers.

Here are 11 ways to help you live a stress-free life:

1. Stop Overanalyzing Situations That Haven’t Happened

The first step to living a stress-free life is to stop overanalyzing imaginary scenarios. It’s easy to spend time in the world of worst-case scenarios. People tend to cultivate this world for one of two reasons.

First, because if you know what the worst-case scenario is, then it won’t surprise you when it happens. Second, if you know what the worst-case scenario is, then you can do everything in your power to control the universe so the worst case never happens.

If that’s really the world you want to cultivate, then become a professional risk assessor. If not, then ask yourself how you are benefiting from continuing to live that way.

Does it make you feel better about yourself and your life? Does it make you want to leap out of bed in the morning, eager to embrace the worst-case scenario? Does it bring you joy or fulfillment?

If your answer to these three questions is no, then stop living in the future and bring yourself back into the present.

2. Don’t Take on Other People’s Problems

The whole advantage of other people having problems is that they aren’t your problems. When you frequently take on other people’s problems, you get into the habit of enabling.

Let’s get crystal clear about the definition of enabling: enabling is the art of continuing to take responsibility for other people, thereby disallowing their personal responsibility[1].

It is of no service to other people to take on their problems because they can’t/won’t/don’t know how to fix the problem.

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It is of service to empower others to take responsibility for themselves and their lives, to encourage, teach, and motivate others to address their own problems. So stop enabling, and start empowering.

3. Get Present in the Moment

Being present in the moment involves being in your body and feeling your feelings—two things that lots of folks actually don’t know how to do.

Ask yourself these two questions: What does fear feel like in your body? What are you afraid of?

If you don’t know the answer to these questions, you probably aren’t present in the moment. Being present involves vulnerability, humility, and openness[2].

How to live a stress free life by being present

    The past and the future stop being so relevant and intriguing when you’re able to get in your body and feel your feelings. When you can do these two things, you actually want to be in the present moment.

    To get started, close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and watch your stress levels drop. Then, try these tips: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying.

    4. Focus on What You Have, Not What You Don’t

    The easiest way to stop focusing on what you don’t have is by not watching TV commercials. Marketing teaches us to focus on what we don’t have, and advertising campaigns spend millions of dollars convincing us that we must have what we don’t yet have.

    Can you think of a marketing campaign that teaches you to enjoy what you already have without buying something to enhance it? Odds are you can’t.

    In a world dictated by Super Bowl commercials and Facebook ads, it takes stalwart focus to recognize what you have more than what you don’t. If you want a stress-free life now, get stalwart, and stop letting other people dictate your focus.

    In order to do this, try cultivating a gratitude practice to help refocus your mind toward what is good in your life. You can get started with this guide.

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    5. Stop Surrounding Yourself With People Who Don’t Make You Happy

    Honestly, what kind of people do you really like to be around with? People who get you, who see you clearly, who accept your flaws and all; people you can be yourself with; people who have shared interests?

    How many of those people are in your life? What characteristics do all of the other people in your life have?

    If you find that the people in your life aren’t adding anything positive, it may be time to make some changes. If you find that other relationships you have are downright toxic, start working to cut out those relationships immediately.

    6. Find a Job That Makes You Feel Good

    You don’t have to stay at a job just because it pays the bills. Most people spend more time working than sleeping. The average person spends 40 to 80 hours a week—or 2,000 to 4,000 hours a year—working. That is a significant investment!

    If your best friend or child told you that they were going to spend 4,000 hours giving their emotional, mental, and physical energy to something (or someone) that wasn’t going to value them, give anything back to them, or pay them what they were worth, what advice would you offer? Give that same advice to yourself. You won’t be stress-free unless you don’t learn this[3].

    Here’re 11 Signs That You Should Leave Your Job.

    7. Only Take on What You Can Handle

    Busyness is an addiction. Slowing down can actually be terrifying because it causes you to notice that you have feelings that you now have time to feel.

    I get it.

    By the time I slowed down, I had decades of busyness under my belt. I went into a tailspin depression because I didn’t understand how to be in the right relationship with my own emotions.

    When I finally figured out that feelings are just feelings and allowing them to express themselves is healthy and natural, I stopped experiencing withdrawal from my addiction to busyness and started figuring out the pace of life that felt best for me.

    Remarkably, I discovered that I don’t actually like being busy. What will you discover about yourself?

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    8. Let Go of Grudges and Anger

    For me, it took 20 years of adulthood to figure out that holding on to grudges and anger only hurt me. Lucky for you, though, you can benefit vicariously from my experience just by reading one short paragraph!

    No one is holding your feet to the fire, demanding that you hold on to grudges and anger. The energy of anger slowly eats away at your body, mind, and spirit, until one day you wake up more resentful than optimistic.

    One day, people no longer want to be around you because the stink of negativity is oozing out of your pores. One day, you even get tired of hearing yourself get angry. And the person or people you are angry at or holding grudges against probably haven’t been affected at all.

    Who gets hurt the most in that process of repeating negative thoughts? You do.

    Some good advice for you here: How to Let Go of Resentment and Anger

    9. Stop Reliving Your Past

    To live a stress-free life, you have to stop reliving your past. I know it seems like fun to compare everything in your present to your past, and to experience the present through past-colored glasses, but it actually isn’t.

    When you wear past-colored glasses, you can’t truly experience the present for what it is. Your boyfriend or girlfriend gets compared to a list of expectations and failed relationships rather than recognized for the unique blessing they are in your life.

    Your boss gets compared to all the bosses who came before her/him. Your friends’ ability to parent gets compared to your parents’ ability to parent.

    People, including you, deserve to stand on their own past-free merit.

    10. Don’t Complain About Things You Can’t Change

    There are always going to be people elected into office whom you don’t like, taxes that you don’t want to pay, idiot drivers who refuse to move out of the left-hand lane, and a person ahead of you in the check-out line who won’t stop chatting with the clerk.

    The great benefit of being human is that we get to experience all of what life offers us. To live stress-free is to learn to deal with this fact.

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    Dwelling on your frustration with something that can’t be changed doesn’t do anything other than drag you down. You are the only person who will ultimately decide how to respond to what is.

    11. Stop Living Through Other People’s Lives

    Someone else’s life is not your life. Your life is your life.

    What that means is you get to live your life in the way you want. You get to make ridiculous mistakes, take leaps of faith, and stuff things inside your handbag of fear just as much as the next person.

    Going through stuff is the whole great messy adventure of being human! Being alive and living life is terrifying and glorious and everything in between.

    Stop living through social media, trying to soak in all of the experiences everyone else is having. Focus, instead, on what it feels like to be you in this moment. You may find you like it.

    Final Thoughts

    An astounding thing happens when you reduce stress and anxiety, get into a relationship with your body, mind, and spirit, and just be yourself without judgment.

    Your life literally slows down. You stop wishing for the weekend. You begin to live in each moment, and you start feeling like a human being. You just ride the wave that is life, with this feeling of contentment and joy.

    You move fluidly, steadily, calmly, and gratefully. A veil is lifted, and a whole new perspective is born through improved mental health. And this is how you live a stress-free life.

    More Tips on How to Live a Stress-Free Life

    Featured photo credit: Drew Coffman via unsplash.com

    Reference

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