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How to Forgive And Forget When It seems Impossible

How to Forgive And Forget When It seems Impossible

People say “it’s more easy to forgive than to forget”, some say “I forgive, but I don’t forget” while others say: “I don’t forgive, neither do I forget” and the rest are just experts in forgiving and forgetting. I understand that we’re all humans and sometimes, some events, incidents and encounters with certain individuals makes us agitated or just refuses to leave our minds.

In this article you will learn the principles and guidelines on how you can forgive and forget effectively.

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Principles of Forgiving

  • The definition of forgive simply is to “stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake”. To forgive someone, you need courage emotionally and spiritually. It doesn’t matter how bad someone might have offended you; I can tell you that the moment you make up your mind to forgive someone is the moment you set yourself free.
  • When you forgive, you are not doing the other party any favor; you are doing yourself a favor. Holding a grudge against someone is like eating poison and expecting someone else to die. Now that is ignorant isn’t it? And most of us are putting ourselves in that trap unknowingly.
  • Your heart must be transformed in a way that you begin to make excuses for people even when they step on your toes. Now this is easier said than done, especially if you’ve gotten your heart seriously broken by maybe a friend or family member you trusted, or a former spouse; we are all humans and we tend to get angry at people when they step on our toes especially in that kind of manner.
  • To forgive effectively, you have to follow these 3 steps:
    1. Acknowledge and replay the incident that took place,and the person who wronged you – think about the incident that broke your heart.
    2. Acknowledge the fact that they are human beings and no human being is  perfect.
    3. Call yourself apart, maybe you want to lock yourself in a room to get this process done, Begin to think and say loving words towards that person, you don’t necessarily have to pick up the phone and tell the person that you forgive them; it is not about them, it’s about you. Say stuff like this loud and clear “I’ve forgiven you (mention their name(s)), I refuse to hold on to this pain, I hereby set myself free”. Then begin to look at yourself stepping into a whole new dimension of freedom, gain and happiness.

Principles of Forgetting

  • The definition of forget is “to fail to remember.” When it comes to forgetting after forgiving, this is where most of us are facing issues, we don’t know how to forget that incident that triggers our agitating and sad emotions.
  • The principle of forgetting after you forgive does’t necessarily mean the incident has to be wiped away from your memory. Come on, we’re all humans and some events just will never leave our minds no matter how hard we try to get it out; it just won’t happen. Of course you have to remember one way or the other, so that you don’t put yourself in the same position whereby you will be hurt again. You have to be wise.
  • So how do you forget then? Or how do you know you let go from a wrong doer’s incident? The answer to this questions is another question I want you to think about: What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about the wrong doer or when you see them? Does your blood start running hot and you lose it? Or your heart gets warm and you give them a beautiful smile? Think about it, If you get angry at the person when you see them, then you did not even forgive that person in the first place to begin with. But If you smile at them, you don’t even have to say hi, “you are killing them with kindness” and that will say a lot of positive things about you. If you can do that, you are now getting a tangible hold of the principle of forgetting.

In conclusion, there is something called loving someone from a distance, the person doesn’t have to be your close friend any more, but smiling at them and being able to even like their activities on social media is an exercise that will strengthen your heart for love. Even if you are still close to that person, just be wise and avoid putting yourself into such position of getting hurt again. True happiness comes from within, be careful what you are putting in.

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Featured photo credit: Admin via bodyenlightenment.me

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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