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Step-By-Step Guide To Making Up After Any Argument

Step-By-Step Guide To Making Up After Any Argument

Arguments happen in all relationships. They help people to communicate their feelings and they can resolve problems – but only if they end well. Sometimes arguments can end badly, even when you love and care for the other person. This can be very upsetting, but it doesn’t have to be this way; check out our step-by-step guide to making up with someone after an argument.

1. Wait until you feel calm before you speak again

If you try to talk to the other person while you are still angry, you will struggle to really listen to what they are saying. You will still be focused on your feelings of upset or anger, so you are more likely to become angry. Instead, wait until both of you have calmed down so that you can openly discuss your opinions.

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2. Separate your emotions from the issue

Often emotions become entangled in the actual issue of the fight, but it is important to separate these feelings. You may feel angry and sad, but that doesn’t mean that the other person’s opinion isn’t valid. Remember that your emotions are separate to the issue, so that you can have an open and frank discussion about the argument and why it happened.

3. Wait until the right time to talk

There are right and wrong times to discuss serious subjects like arguing. Don’t bring up the issue while the other person is at work or with their family – they won’t be able to give the conversation their full attention, which could cause more troubles, so try to wait until you both have the time to talk.

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4. Begin the conversation with an apology for the argument

It is likely that you are both feeling hurt, so start with an apology to acknowledge their feelings. This gives the other person the chance to apologize also, which could resolve the argument. The conflict still needs to be addressed, but it is better to make-up first so that you both come from a place of positivity.

5. Don’t make assumptions about what the other person is thinking

Assuming something about someone will only make an argument worse, not better. It can seem like you aren’t trying to see their side of things, and it can result in miscommunication. Give the other person an opportunity to explain themselves so that you don’t need to read between the lines.

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6. Give each other the chance to talk

Let each other speak without interruption. If you have a question you want to ask or a point you want to make, wait until the other person has finished speaking. It shows that you respect them and are trying to see their perspective – but if you interrupt them, they are more likely to interrupt you too, causing more conflict.

7. Say “I” instead of “You”

Focus on explaining your feelings, rather than attacking the other person for making you feel that way. If you attack them they are likely to feel defensive and angry, and they won’t try to see the situation from your perspective.

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For instance, saying “I feel like I struggle to speak up sometimes, and if I am interrupted during an argument I am more likely to stop talking altogether” is better than saying “You always interrupt me, it is so rude.”

8. Try to empathize with each other

The best way to make up after an argument is to acknowledge the other person’s feelings and opinions. Their opinions are just as valid as yours, and when you show that you care about their opinions they are more likely to do the same. Even if you don’t agree with their point, you can still love and respect them as a person – and that includes respecting their opinions.

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Amy Johnson

Freelance writer, editor and social media manager.

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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