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5 Lessons From Having An Ill Family Member

5 Lessons From Having An Ill Family Member

Illness is a part of life. People are born, grow up, strive to be healthy, but there is always a chance that illness will strike at any given moment. Regardless of what condition it is–cancer, mental illness, hepatitis, and so forth–illnesses do not discriminate and do not care about interrupting your obligations. But living and coping with a chronically ill family member can definitely make you a stronger person, and that’s why we’ve compiled this list.

1. When your family member falls ill, you learn who your real friends are.

We all have friends that are there for very specific purposes: there’s the guy you play video games with, the girl you shop with, the friend who you work out with and know from softball, and so forth. But when your family member’s illness acts up, those people tend of fall by the wayside. While it’s not intentional, the people who you’ve trusted and depended on in past hard times will stand up and make themselves known. Pay attention to who is around when your family member is down and out.

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2. There’s a reason why doctors are said to “practice” medicine.

I’m not saying in any way that doctors are not valuable. I just want to be clear that not all doctors are equal and not all of them should be listened to as if they are gods. Doctors are people just like you and me–albeit highly-educated people–and that should be taken into account. When your family member’s illness acts up, you should keep in mind that their treatment team are merely “practicing” medicine. They aren’t “winning” at medicine or anything else. Just practicing.

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3. Nurses are the life blood of every hospital.

On television shows, doctors get all the fame. House, Doogie Houser, Grey’s Anatomy–all these shows glorify doctors above all else. But, by becoming familiar with how various hospitals work, I’ve noticed that the nursing staff is the most vital part of making sure your loved one’s illness goes away. From delivering medication to making sure they’re comfortable to communicating patient needs, the nurses are the hands doing the work in the hospital. They are willing to stand for twelve hour shifts for days on end just to ensure your family member gets better. Pay them the respect they deserve.

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4. You learn who your loved one really is.

When faced with a chronic or life-threatening illness, your family member can react in one of a million different ways. Sadness, anger, paranoia, joy, frustration–these emotions are all to be expected. In fact, your family member has every right to act up in the fact of their illness. But pay attention to what becomes their baseline emotional state, because you hardly get to see someone’s personality when they are backed up against the wall. The person your loved one is when they are in the hospital is the person they really are. In a way, it’s a treat that you get to see that person. Many people never have the opportunity.

5. You learn patience.

There’s no other way to say this: hospitals take forever to do anything. Doctors have to be consulted, labs have to be examined, specialists have to be called, residents have to be instructed, pharmacists have to be stocked, and so forth. Before my family member became chronically ill, I’d bet I was the most impatient person around. But in asking for and waiting for care to be delivered on “hospital time,” I’ve learned a fair amount of patience. Now, don’t get me wrong, when it takes five hours to give my father a Tums just because it’s New Year’s Eve, I will come very close to a shouting fit. But I won’t go there. Because everything will be solved eventually, even if it is on hospital time.

Featured photo credit: OF-Nascimento-Isabelle-380/Felipe Manfroi via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 3, 2020

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand?  If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places!  Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.

Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives.  Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:

 I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life … 

To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones … 

And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!

 2.  Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.

Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.

Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

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4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.

The most positive people are the most grateful people.  They do not focus on the potholes of their lives.  They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences.  They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.

Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do.  They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities.  They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.  They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!

6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!

Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

7. Positive people smile a lot!

When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

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8. People who are positive are great communicators.

They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life.  They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse.  They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.

One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time.  Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.  

10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.

Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

How about you?  How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself?  If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

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I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!

Featured photo credit: Janaína Castelo Branco via flickr.com

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