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9 Toxic Habits To Get Rid Of In 2016

9 Toxic Habits To Get Rid Of In 2016

Each start of a new year is a chance for us to become better people. It’s good for us to turn back and make firm decisions about the things we don’t want to do any more. So, one New Year’s resolution everyone should adopt is leaving toxic habits in the past – where they do belong.

1. Dwelling on Past

There’s no point in wondering what could have, should have and would have been if you had done something differently. Dealing with regrets isn’t simple, but the sooner you realize that you can’t do anything about it, the happier you’ll be. If there’s something you actually can change or if there are amends you want to make, then put yourself out there and do it. If not, leave things just the way they currently are and find a way to finally make peace with them.

2. Indulging In Toxic Relationships

There’s one pretty harsh truth we should all face – some relationships can’t be fixed. People who have a hard time dealing with strong emotions will find it harder to accept this, but when you do your life will get so much easier.

Deciding to finally remove someone from your life is incredibly hard, but if you’re sure that you’ll have a healthier and happier life afterwards, you should definitely do it. Besides, decisions like this build character, and starting a year with something like this sounds promising – who knows what else you’ll be capable of doing.

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3. Looking For Excuses

There’s no such thing as too late, too old or too tired – those are just things people say when they lack in motivation, will and inspiration – excuses, if you will. You can let all adventures pass you by because you’d prefer to stay in your bed, or you can actually get up and start living.

You shouldn’t allow something insignificant like excuses to stand in the way of you feeling better about yourself. The very next time you’re feeling too lazy to go to the gym or too tired to have a cup of coffee with a friend, ignore those limits you put by yourself.

4. Trying To Fit In

A lot of people out there spend their whole lives trying to figure out where they belong. It’s an endless quest, really, because you don’t find a place – you create it. And the sooner you realize that, the faster you can start working on it. You are in charge of your life and you can make a surrounding you find pleasing. A new year is a new start, and you can build everything from scratch.

5. Being Hard on Yourself

For most people, life doesn’t turn out exactly how they expect it to, and that’s one harsh truth that’s pretty difficult to cope with. And I don’t mean that everyone isn’t meant to have their “happily ever after”, just that, sometimes, that ending isn’t the version we hoped for.

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Is that necessarily a bad thing? As time passes us by, we continue to strive towards some old aspirations without even stopping to reevaluate them and make sure that these wishes are still something we sincerely want. Stop for a moment and think about what you want, and stop being hard on yourself because of some things that never happened.

6. Accumulating Debts

Most people feel like they are carrying a physical burden when they owe money, no matter the amount. The fact is you don’t want to drag these shackles with you in the New Year, so should probably put your best effort into getting rid of your debt.

This is the right time to sit down, put all the numbers on a piece of paper and calculate your way out of debt. You can pick up a part-time job or do extra shifts on your current one. Sure, you won’t get any sleep or have a social life for a month or two, but it will be worth it.

7. Keeping Lousy Sleep Habits

Not enough attention is paid to our sleeping habits, although we all spend a third of our life sleeping. And as far as I’m concerned that’s the most important third because it affects the rest of your day – if you don’t have a good night’s sleep, you won’t have enough energy or will to go through your schedule.

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However, you should know that going to bed early won’t do it. Everything you do affects the quality of your sleep, so you need to improve your eating habits, finally start exercising and quit bad habits like smoking.

8. Letting Fear Eat Away At You

The world isn’t a scary place – everything you’re afraid of is in your mind. Spending your days behind locked doors or avoiding people because they might hurt you isn’t living, but surviving. Living a fulfilled life means you need to get yourself out there.

Fears are deeply rooted into our subconsciousness, and dealing with them requires professional help in most cases, and you shouldn’t hesitate to ask for it. You should explore different kinds of therapies and find a suitable one – perhaps just an open conversation with a neutral party can make a significant difference.

9. Keeping Old And Unusable Things

The fact is we all get emotionally connected to objects – they become a material version of our memories. As time goes by, we tend to stock up on various items that have a meaning to us and which are completely unusable.

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A selection needs to be made here, because you need to make room for new things in your life. No matter if it’s clothes or souvenirs, you need to face the fact that those things are only making a clutter in your life. Besides, all those memories will always have their place in your mind.

It sounds difficult, I know. Who knew that getting rid of things could be this overwhelming? But if this is what keeps you from being happy, you shouldn’t give it a second thought. In the end, I’d like to wish you good luck in 2016.

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Nemanja Manojlovic

Editor at MyCity Web

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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