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9 Toxic Habits To Get Rid Of In 2016

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9 Toxic Habits To Get Rid Of In 2016

Each start of a new year is a chance for us to become better people. It’s good for us to turn back and make firm decisions about the things we don’t want to do any more. So, one New Year’s resolution everyone should adopt is leaving toxic habits in the past – where they do belong.

1. Dwelling on Past

There’s no point in wondering what could have, should have and would have been if you had done something differently. Dealing with regrets isn’t simple, but the sooner you realize that you can’t do anything about it, the happier you’ll be. If there’s something you actually can change or if there are amends you want to make, then put yourself out there and do it. If not, leave things just the way they currently are and find a way to finally make peace with them.

2. Indulging In Toxic Relationships

There’s one pretty harsh truth we should all face – some relationships can’t be fixed. People who have a hard time dealing with strong emotions will find it harder to accept this, but when you do your life will get so much easier.

Deciding to finally remove someone from your life is incredibly hard, but if you’re sure that you’ll have a healthier and happier life afterwards, you should definitely do it. Besides, decisions like this build character, and starting a year with something like this sounds promising – who knows what else you’ll be capable of doing.

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3. Looking For Excuses

There’s no such thing as too late, too old or too tired – those are just things people say when they lack in motivation, will and inspiration – excuses, if you will. You can let all adventures pass you by because you’d prefer to stay in your bed, or you can actually get up and start living.

You shouldn’t allow something insignificant like excuses to stand in the way of you feeling better about yourself. The very next time you’re feeling too lazy to go to the gym or too tired to have a cup of coffee with a friend, ignore those limits you put by yourself.

4. Trying To Fit In

A lot of people out there spend their whole lives trying to figure out where they belong. It’s an endless quest, really, because you don’t find a place – you create it. And the sooner you realize that, the faster you can start working on it. You are in charge of your life and you can make a surrounding you find pleasing. A new year is a new start, and you can build everything from scratch.

5. Being Hard on Yourself

For most people, life doesn’t turn out exactly how they expect it to, and that’s one harsh truth that’s pretty difficult to cope with. And I don’t mean that everyone isn’t meant to have their “happily ever after”, just that, sometimes, that ending isn’t the version we hoped for.

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Is that necessarily a bad thing? As time passes us by, we continue to strive towards some old aspirations without even stopping to reevaluate them and make sure that these wishes are still something we sincerely want. Stop for a moment and think about what you want, and stop being hard on yourself because of some things that never happened.

6. Accumulating Debts

Most people feel like they are carrying a physical burden when they owe money, no matter the amount. The fact is you don’t want to drag these shackles with you in the New Year, so should probably put your best effort into getting rid of your debt.

This is the right time to sit down, put all the numbers on a piece of paper and calculate your way out of debt. You can pick up a part-time job or do extra shifts on your current one. Sure, you won’t get any sleep or have a social life for a month or two, but it will be worth it.

7. Keeping Lousy Sleep Habits

Not enough attention is paid to our sleeping habits, although we all spend a third of our life sleeping. And as far as I’m concerned that’s the most important third because it affects the rest of your day – if you don’t have a good night’s sleep, you won’t have enough energy or will to go through your schedule.

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However, you should know that going to bed early won’t do it. Everything you do affects the quality of your sleep, so you need to improve your eating habits, finally start exercising and quit bad habits like smoking.

8. Letting Fear Eat Away At You

The world isn’t a scary place – everything you’re afraid of is in your mind. Spending your days behind locked doors or avoiding people because they might hurt you isn’t living, but surviving. Living a fulfilled life means you need to get yourself out there.

Fears are deeply rooted into our subconsciousness, and dealing with them requires professional help in most cases, and you shouldn’t hesitate to ask for it. You should explore different kinds of therapies and find a suitable one – perhaps just an open conversation with a neutral party can make a significant difference.

9. Keeping Old And Unusable Things

The fact is we all get emotionally connected to objects – they become a material version of our memories. As time goes by, we tend to stock up on various items that have a meaning to us and which are completely unusable.

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A selection needs to be made here, because you need to make room for new things in your life. No matter if it’s clothes or souvenirs, you need to face the fact that those things are only making a clutter in your life. Besides, all those memories will always have their place in your mind.

It sounds difficult, I know. Who knew that getting rid of things could be this overwhelming? But if this is what keeps you from being happy, you shouldn’t give it a second thought. In the end, I’d like to wish you good luck in 2016.

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Nemanja Manojlovic

Editor at MyCity Web

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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