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10 Things Only People Who Are Confused With Their Relationships Can Relate To

10 Things Only People Who Are Confused With Their Relationships Can Relate To

Love is probably the deepest feeling in life, it is also an experience that is like no other. From happy cries to sad cries and everything in between, love and relationships teach us how to live life better and in the process become a kinder, gentler and a more understanding person. But love or a relationship for that matter isn’t a walk in the park, it isn’t just about the flying kisses and the romantic outings, it is also about the fights, the misunderstandings and how you learn to respect another person while not losing your own. So if you are stressed out or misunderstood, this is for you. Here are 10 things only people who are confused with their relationships can relate to.

1. You Love Them To Bits

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    You love them, you want the best for them and actually want things to work for the both of you. There is always love, even if its deep down somewhere, you guys love each other and probably that’s why you care and hence are confused in the first place. So love is a given.

    2. You Hate Them Too

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      Well, this is indeed the bone of contention why you love them but a part of you really hates a certain part of them. You cannot stand it, you cannot take it, but you still love them.

      3. You Aren’t Sure

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        You aren’t sure of…. “what” is what you have to decide. But you aren’t sure of something and you cannot decide what it is.

        4. You Are Happily Unhappy

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          You are happy, you like the little, cute and random things that happen around you. Dogs make you smile, babies make you cry and ice cream always works but heck with it all, there’s something that’s bothering but you really don’t know. You are basically unhappily happy.

          5. They’re Not Bad People

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            They aren’t too bad or is it about you? You are okay with what you have but still not really okay with where you are.

            6. You Aren’t Sure If You Are Faking It Or Not

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              You are putting up a show you aren’t too sure about, it’s not like you are happy nor is it like you are sad.

              7. Your Friends Aren’t Too Happy, But Just Let It Be

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                They’re pretty sure you cannot decide on anything right and they don’t want you to any more, especially when it comes to choosing a partner.

                8. You Don’t Want To Change But You Want Change

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                  You really want things to change but aren’t actually willing to change. Well, nobody’s perfect and so are relationships but the trick is to learn, evolve and keep it going. I isn’t easy but you really need to figure out what you really want, what you need to change and how you can evolve into being somebody who can be the change.

                  9. You Press Them When You Shouldn’t

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                    You talk all day all night. You can be romantic, but when there’s something more pressing at heart, you shouldn’t be pressing everywhere else. But that’s what you do!

                    10. You Don’t Know What’s Next

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                      So what’s next is a question you ask yourself all too often. It isn’t like you don’t love him or her but are confused about the future, you have to sort it out, you have to interact and understand what’s going on in their head too. And for yourself, you have the answer, sit, think and decide because being confused in a relationship sucks more than not being in one. But it is good to be here, to be confused because that helps you clarify and decide what’s best for you.

                      Featured photo credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/happinesswithme/ via flickr.com

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                      Last Updated on August 6, 2020

                      6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

                      6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

                      We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

                      “Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

                      Are we speaking the same language?

                      My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

                      When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

                      Am I being lazy?

                      When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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                      Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

                      Early in the relationship:

                      “Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

                      When the relationship is established:

                      “Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

                      It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

                      Have I actually got anything to say?

                      When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

                      A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

                      When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

                      Am I painting an accurate picture?

                      One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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                      How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

                      Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

                      What words am I using?

                      It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

                      Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

                      Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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                      Is the map really the territory?

                      Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

                      A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

                      I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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