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The Downsides of Having a Poker Face

The Downsides of Having a Poker Face

It’s tough when everyone knows what you’re thinking, but some of the best things about people that wear their heart on their sleeves is that they are approachable, transparent, and perceived as authentic. But what if you don’t easily share your emotions? Many people would say maintaining a poker face is an enviable skill, but it’s not always an asset. Here’s why:

People will continually ask you if everything is “OK.”

It’s common to look for or observe visual feedback from someone when you’re in a conversation.  A poker face may be helpful if your reaction to the discussion is negative, however it could be extremely misleading if your reaction is positive. When there is no reaction, or even no change in expression, its natural to wonder if there is something wrong with person to whom you’re speaking. And with no additional social queues, the inevitable question that follows is “Are you OK?”f

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You may have a hard time gaining credibility as a leader.

A stoic countenance can be a huge asset in the business world, particularly if you regularly engage in negotiations or sales, but it’s not a great thing to have if you’re trying to lead an organization. Why? People may think you are uncaring or uninterested. Leaders need to appear motivated and inspirational. Someone who doesn’t openly show their emotion or excitement around ideas or isn’t able to openly empathize with their constituency will struggle to appear authentic. It’s hard to get people to follow you if you don’t seem invested in your cause.

A monotonic expression implies that you’re not engaged in whatever is going on around you and such an apathetic stance can be really damaging to those that need to interact with you on a daily basis, especially those that look to you for leadership. Everyone wants to feel connected to the leader and their mission and your poker face makes it hard to break through.

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Your emotional health and job performance may suffer.

Controlling your emotions is stressful.  It takes a lot of energy and attention that you could be dedicating to other pursuits. A study out of Rice University, University of Toronto, and Purdue University showed that employees that maintain a neutral stance at work are much more likely to show symptoms of distress and burnout. Staying stoic can even affect your job performance; the study further showed that neutral employees were rated lower for customer service and lowered the external perception of their organization more than positive employees.

Your dating life may struggle.

Emotional detachment can be helpful in many situations, but it’s usually a downside when trying to find a romantic life partner. This effect could be even worse if you’re a man – women have a harder time interpreting single note facial expressions, and many women perceive them to be negative.

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What’s tough about this one is that you may actually not be emotionally detached; you may actually care for your significant other very much. But without the ability to show that emotion in a meaningful way through your facial expressions, it could leave your partner second-guessing your intentions.

So, how do you overcome these challenges? Firstly, figure out when and how to use your poker face. A neutral stance is helpful in negotiations, and to help maintain a sense of calm in stressful situations. Then, find ways to bring emotion into your life. Spend some time practicing different faces and expressions in the mirror. While this may seem odd, particularly to someone who is not used to showing emotion, this exact technique is used by people who show too much emotion – it helps them better understand how they react to situations an how they can fine tune their reactions so they don’t come across as overly enthusiastic. Be happy – at least you don’t have that problem.

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Featured photo credit: Abraham Lincoln Memorial / Gage Skidmore via flickr.com

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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