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The Downsides of Having a Poker Face

The Downsides of Having a Poker Face

It’s tough when everyone knows what you’re thinking, but some of the best things about people that wear their heart on their sleeves is that they are approachable, transparent, and perceived as authentic. But what if you don’t easily share your emotions? Many people would say maintaining a poker face is an enviable skill, but it’s not always an asset. Here’s why:

People will continually ask you if everything is “OK.”

It’s common to look for or observe visual feedback from someone when you’re in a conversation.  A poker face may be helpful if your reaction to the discussion is negative, however it could be extremely misleading if your reaction is positive. When there is no reaction, or even no change in expression, its natural to wonder if there is something wrong with person to whom you’re speaking. And with no additional social queues, the inevitable question that follows is “Are you OK?”f

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You may have a hard time gaining credibility as a leader.

A stoic countenance can be a huge asset in the business world, particularly if you regularly engage in negotiations or sales, but it’s not a great thing to have if you’re trying to lead an organization. Why? People may think you are uncaring or uninterested. Leaders need to appear motivated and inspirational. Someone who doesn’t openly show their emotion or excitement around ideas or isn’t able to openly empathize with their constituency will struggle to appear authentic. It’s hard to get people to follow you if you don’t seem invested in your cause.

A monotonic expression implies that you’re not engaged in whatever is going on around you and such an apathetic stance can be really damaging to those that need to interact with you on a daily basis, especially those that look to you for leadership. Everyone wants to feel connected to the leader and their mission and your poker face makes it hard to break through.

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Your emotional health and job performance may suffer.

Controlling your emotions is stressful.  It takes a lot of energy and attention that you could be dedicating to other pursuits. A study out of Rice University, University of Toronto, and Purdue University showed that employees that maintain a neutral stance at work are much more likely to show symptoms of distress and burnout. Staying stoic can even affect your job performance; the study further showed that neutral employees were rated lower for customer service and lowered the external perception of their organization more than positive employees.

Your dating life may struggle.

Emotional detachment can be helpful in many situations, but it’s usually a downside when trying to find a romantic life partner. This effect could be even worse if you’re a man – women have a harder time interpreting single note facial expressions, and many women perceive them to be negative.

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What’s tough about this one is that you may actually not be emotionally detached; you may actually care for your significant other very much. But without the ability to show that emotion in a meaningful way through your facial expressions, it could leave your partner second-guessing your intentions.

So, how do you overcome these challenges? Firstly, figure out when and how to use your poker face. A neutral stance is helpful in negotiations, and to help maintain a sense of calm in stressful situations. Then, find ways to bring emotion into your life. Spend some time practicing different faces and expressions in the mirror. While this may seem odd, particularly to someone who is not used to showing emotion, this exact technique is used by people who show too much emotion – it helps them better understand how they react to situations an how they can fine tune their reactions so they don’t come across as overly enthusiastic. Be happy – at least you don’t have that problem.

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Featured photo credit: Abraham Lincoln Memorial / Gage Skidmore via flickr.com

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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