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How’s Mama-To-Be Really Like: 10 Pregnancy Advice For The First Time Moms

How’s Mama-To-Be Really Like: 10 Pregnancy Advice For The First Time Moms

For every first time mom, there are those rules and regulations, that advice of oh-so-many do’s and don’ts; the list just goes endless, that you have to abide to. On one hand, you are experiencing pregnancy for the first time, your body is going through major changes, you are emotionally fluctuated: excited, tensed, anxious, happy, blessed, impatient, so on and on. And on the other hand, you have been advised to do this, not to do that, to eat this, not to eat that, don’t go there, please go there! Driving you nuts? Well, here is an article that might come to your aid. From my very own first hand experiences, I would like to chime in your life for a bit. Hope I can help you!

1. No diet for you, first time mom!

Always remember, you have to eat for the two (or three, maybe?) of you. Whatever you eat, whether it’s a slice of cake, or a buffet dinner, make sure you eat two slices of cake, and adequate amount of meal that will leave you full and super satisfied. In simple words: eat food to your heart’s content. But of course, always, and always maintain a healthy balanced diet. It doesn’t mean you can’t have KFC or Burger King. You can. But keep one to maximum two junks per month. It really won’t affect your baby’s development. I have had my shares of junk food, and my babies turned out amazing! Another important advice: you can have sea food. Have plenty of fish. But make sure you avoid sushi, or any fish that is raw or half raw. Frozen fish are better. And cook them thoroughly. Fish in a curry is the best option.  Also, bear in mind that these extra food will go to your baby, and even if you grow fat, you will eventually shed them down. Or I hope you will shed them down!

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2. Don’t forget your exercises, though.

Don’t go overboard on your exercises. Minimum, appropriate exercises are what you require throughout your pregnancy. Here are 5 simple steps of exercises that you can do in your special nine months. Exercises, from the very beginning, will make you flexible, and will make your labor a tiny bit easier (please read “tiny bit”)! More importantly, make sure you are gaining weight at a steady pace. Exercises are not to keep your weight in check. It is to make you feel good.

3. Sex is a brilliant exercise too.

As long as you are going through a normal pregnancy, you can have sex till your water breaks. You are only exempted if you have some sort of complications. Don’t let your weight gain bug your desire to have sex. And don’t worry about your partner. They find us sexy regardless of how fat we grow. There are some who find it quite difficult to make love in their last trimester, because of the big balloon in front of them. Ease back, and relax. You should enjoy your sex, rather than panicking. Remember, sex is a brilliant exercise too.

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4. Losing hair or having luscious locks? Don’t fret if things go opposite after delivery.

During my first pregnancy, I had beautiful, thicker, luscious locks that I ab-so-lutely enjoyed. But couple of weeks after my delivery, my hair started to decline. Man, was I upset! It’s a normal thing, or so science says. If you are lucky, your hormones will play the good cop role, and allow your hair to grow. Once your hormones settle down back to normal, the excess hair that grew will shed off. And it will get back to your normal shedding routine. 100 per day. They grow back too. And during my second pregnancy, I started to lose my hair. This time, I was told, that the hormones played the bad cop role. But during my second trimester, my hair was back to normal, or maybe I was used to the thinning hair. Do not fret. All these are temporary. Once your baby pops out, give your hormones some time. They will settle down themselves (my hair is back to normal, Thank God!).

5. No hair coloring at home.

Really? I heard the same thing too. Apparently the chemical fumes that is released from the hair color is extremely bad for your fetus. Let me tell you one thing. It is bad. Very bad. But if you have enough fresh air flowing in and out of your room, then coloring won’t be a factor at all. I have colored my hair, during my second pregnancy, not once, but twice! But I made sure the door and the window were wide open, the fan at its fullest speed. And don’t inhale the smell deeply. While coloring, make sure you face the other way when you need to breathe deeply.

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6. Wear fitted, yet comfy clothes.

This is another factor we have to face a lot. There are people who would tell you to wear loose fitting clothes so that you can move freely, and there are some who would advice you to wear fitted clothes. You wanna know the truth? Wear fitted but comfy clothes. Example, you can choose maternity lines, and you can also opt for 2 to 3 sizes larger your regular size. My favorites were my partner’s ones. A cotton leggings and a cotton shirt. Or a skirt with a cotton tank top. Just make sure the garbs you pick are pure cotton, and soft.

7. High heels much?

Yes, you can wear high heels (you read it right, women!) but make sure you are one hundred percent comfortable in them. Doctors usually don’t allow heels in case you lose your balance and fall. But if you are a pro, and have a clear history of never falling down while dancing, running, cat walking in your stilettos, then go for it! But one thing I would advice, the safest shoes are flats, without a doubt, but if you have to wear heels, then go for wedges. They’ll keep your balance, and make you tall.

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8. No perfume? No deodorant?

Seriously? Well, you can’t stay stinky all day now, can you? Especially during the hot summer days, you are all sweaty… okay, I’ll stop. You can use deo, and please use perfume. I know they contain alcohol. The thing is you are not drinking your perfume, are you? No? Then it is absolutely safe to use it. The alcohol containing in a perfume evaporates into the air. It is exactly the same as using ethanol after drawing your blood for various medical tests.

9. Visit the movie hall while you can.

Many will refrain you from visiting the movie hall while you are pregnant. The reason being the surround systems, and the amount of loud sound the movie theaters will produce. They say it is bad for your baby’s hearing development. To be honest, I did watch Avengers in the theater. And my baby can hear better than me. Just make sure you sit in the middle of the hall, not on the sides where the speakers are the loudest. And you can watch movies as much as you want to. It is a great way to unwind your anxious you!

10. Stop reading too much pregnancy blogs!

These will drive you nuts. Just stick to one website that you think has enough information, and follow the updates every week. Not every day. Please! And don’t compare the weekly development of your baby and the website’s baby too seriously. Every baby is unique and has their own pace of development. What the websites provide are based on an average study. If your baby weighs less than the website’s given weight (or more), don’t panic. These are just to give you an idea of your weekly development. They are fun to read, and look at. Do this with your partner. Keep him in loop as well. And besides reading weekly development, why don’t you sit with a nice novel and read it? This is a great therapy to keep your mind off any anxiousness.

Pregnancy is an experience of a lifetime. We all should enjoy it as much as we can. Because when we’ll look back, even the little thing will make a wonderful memory. So, don’t let the silly advice blog your path of enjoyment. This is your first pregnancy, an experience to be a first time mom. So do what you like, see what you like, eat what you like. Doing a little research on certain topics isn’t harmful. But doing a lot of researches might put mountainous pressure on yourself. Relax, get enough sleep, get out, shop, hang out, eat, pamper yourself. These nine months are your months. You are on the limelight. Make use of it before the tiny human being(s) steals your show!

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Published on December 14, 2018

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 27% of children under the age of 18 are living with a single parent.[1] That’s over 1/4th of the U.S. population.There is a common misconception that children who grow up in single parent homes are not as successful as children living in two-parent homes.

One crucial detail that was often left out of studies when comparing single and two-parent homes was the stability of the household. There is a correlation between family structure and family stability, but this study shows that children who grow up in stable single-parent homes do as well as those in married households in terms of academic abilities and behavior.

But providing stability is easier said than done. With only one adult to act as a parent, some tasks are inherently more challenging. However, there are a few helpful things you can do to make the parenting journey a little easier for yourself and stay sane while doing it.

1. Don’t Neglect Self-Care

Before anything else can be done, you must be caring for your own needs adequately. Only when you are feeling well-rested and healthy can you be at your best for your children.

Many parents tend to put their kids’ needs first and their owns last, but that will result in a never-ending cycle of exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy. Make time to eat regularly and healthfully, get plenty of rest, and squeeze in exercise whenever you can. Even a short walk around the neighborhood will help your body get much-needed movement and fresh air.

Your children depend on you, and it’s up to you to make sure that you are well-equipped and ready to take on that responsibility.

2. Join Forces with Other Single Parents

At times, it may seem like you’re the only person who knows what it’s like to be a single parent. However, the statistics say that there are many others who know exactly what you’re going through.

Find single parents locally, through your kid’s school, extracurricular activities, or even an app. There are also numerous online communities that can offer support and advice, through Facebook or sites like Single Mom Nation.

Although single moms make up the majority of single parents, there are more than 2.6 million single dads in the U.S. A great way to connect is through Meetup. Other single parents will more than happy to arrange babysitting swaps, playdates, and carpools.

Join forces in order to form mutually beneficial relationships.

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3. Build a Community

In addition to finding support with other single parents, also build a community comprised of families of all different types. Rather than focus solely on the single parent aspect of your identity, look for parents and kids who share other things in common.

Join a playgroup, get plugged in at a church, or get to know the parents of the kids involved in the same extracurricular activities. Having a community of a variety of people and families will bring diversity and excitement into your and your kids’ lives.

4. Accept Help

Don’t try to be a superhero and do it all yourself. There are probably people in your life who care about you and your kids and want to help you. Let them know what types of things would be most appreciated, whether it’s bringing meals once a week, helping with rides to school, or giving you time to yourself.

There is no shame in asking for help and accepting assistance from loved ones. You will not be perceived as weak or incompetent. You are being a good parent by being resourceful and allowing others to give you a much-needed break.

5. Get Creative with Childcare

Raising a child on a single income is a challenge, with the high cost of daycares, nannies, and other conventional childcare services. More affordable options are possible if you go a less traditional route.

If you have space and live in a college town, offer a college student housing in exchange for regular childcare. Or swap kids with other single parents so that your kids have friends to play with while the parents get time to themselves.

When I was younger, my parents had a group of five family friends, and all of the children would rotate to a different house each day of the week, during the summer months. The kids would have a great time playing with each other, and the parents’ job becomes a lot easier. That’s what you would call a win-win situation.

6. Plan Ahead for Emergencies

As a single parent, a backup plan or two is a must in emergency situations. Make a list of people you know you can call in a moment’s notice. There will be times in which you need help, and it’s important to know ahead of time who you can rely on.

Look into whether or not your area offers emergency babysitting services or a drop-in daycare. Knowing who will be able to care for your child in the event of an emergency can relieve one potential source of anxiety in stressful situations.

7. Create a Routine

Routines are crucial for young children because knowing what to expect gives them a semblance of control. This is even more important when in a single parent home.

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If the child travels between homes or has multiple caretakers, life can seem extremely chaotic and unpredictable. Establish a routine and schedule for your child as much as possible. This can include bedtime, before/after school, chores, meal times, and even a weekend routine.

Having a routine does not mean things cannot change. It is merely a default schedule to fall back on when no additional events or activities are going on. When your children know what to expect, they will be less resistant because they know what to expect, and days will run much more smoothly.

8. Be Consistent with Rules and Discipline

If your child has multiple caretakers, such as another parent, grandparent, or babysitter, communicate clearly on how discipline will be handled. Talk to your ex, if you are sharing custody, as well as any other caretakers about the rules and the agreed-upon approach to discipline.

When a child realizes that certain rules can be bent with certain people, he/she will use it to their advantage, causing additional issues with limits, behavior, and discipline down the road.

This article may help you to discipline your child better:

How to Discipline a Child (The Complete Guide for Different Ages)

9. Stay Positive

Everyone has heard the saying, “Mind over matter.” But there really is so much power behind your mentality. It can change your perspective and make a difficult situation so much better.

Your kids will be able to detect even the smallest shift in your attitude. When the responsibilities of motherhood are overwhelming, stay focused on the positive things in your life, such as your friends and family. This will produce a much more stable home environment.

Maintain your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to be silly. Look towards the future and the great things that are still to come for you and your family. Rediscover and redefine your family values.

10. Move Past the Guilt

In a single parent home, it is impossible to act as both parents, regardless of how hard you try. Let go of the things that you cannot do as a single parent, and instead, think of the great things you ARE able to provide for your children.

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Leave behind the notion that life would be easier or better with two parents. This is simply not true. There is a multitude of pros and cons to all family dynamics, and the one you are providing for your kids now is the one that they need.

Don’t get bogged down by guilt or regret. Take control of your life and be the best parent you can by being present and engaged with them on a daily basis.

11. Answer Questions Honestly

Your kids may have questions about why their home situation is different from many of their friends. When asked, don’t sugarcoat the situation or give them an answer that is not accurate.

Depending on their age, take this opportunity to explain the truth of what happened and how the current circumstances came about. Not all families have two parents, whether that is due to divorce, death, or whatever else life brings.

Don’t give more detail than necessary or talk badly about the other parent. But strive to be truthful and honest. Your children will benefit more from your candor than a made-up story.

12. Treat Kids Like Kids

In the absence of a partner, it can be tempting to rely on your children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But your kids are not equipped to play this role for you.

There are many details within an adult relationship that children are not able to understand or process, and it will only cause confusion and resentment.

Do not take out your anger on your kids. Separate your emotional needs from your role as a mother. If you find yourself depending on your kids too much, look for adult friends or family members that you can talk to about your issues.

13. Find Role Models

Find positive role models of the opposite sex for your child. It’s crucial that your child does not form negative associations with an entire gender of people.

Find close friends or family members that would be willing to spend one-on-one time with your kids. Encourage them to form meaningful relationships with people that you trust and that they can look up to.

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Role models can make a huge difference in the path that a child decides to take, so be intentional about the ones that you put in your kids’ lives.

14. Be Affectionate and Give Praise

Your children need your affection and praise on a daily basis. Engage with your kids as often as possible by playing with them, going on outings, and encouraging open dialogue.

Affirm them in the things that they are doing well, no matter how small. Praise their efforts, rather than their achievements. This will inspire them to continue to put forth hard work and not give up when success is not achieved.

Rather than spending money on gifts, spend time and effort in making lasting memories.

Final Thoughts

Being a single parent is a challenging responsibility to take on. Without the help of a partner to fall back on, single parents have a lot more to take on.

However, studies show that growing up in a single parent home does not have a negative effect on achievement in school. As long as the family is a stable and safe environment, kids are able to excel and do well in life.

Use these tips in order to be a reliable and capable parent for your kids, while maintaining your own well-being and sanity.

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Featured photo credit: Bruno Nascimento via unsplash.com

Reference

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