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The Psychological Explanation For Why We Love Selfies

The Psychological Explanation For Why We Love Selfies

Selfies are not a new topic. Baby Boomers are as eager to mock selfies as they are to figure out why we take them. And take them we do—roughly one million selfies are taken every day. That number seems impossible until you learn that we take nearly one trillion photos in a year. To do that, we take more pics every few minutes than the total number of photos taken in the 1800s.

So what is it about selfies that has so many of us taking photo after photo? You might be surprised to learn that taking selfies fits snugly—and sanely—into normal human psychology.

We look at a person’s face first

You’ve likely heard that as human beings we have a tendency to focus on people’s faces first when we meet them. In fact, we pay more attention to a person’s face than anything else about them—both online and off. Not only that, we also appreciate seeing a human face more than other visual content, and this may explain why people feel encouraged to take selfies.

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A 2014 study by the Georgia Institute of Technology and Yahoo Labs showed that Instagram photos with faces are 38 percent more likely to receive likes than photos without faces, and 32 percent more likely to get comments. It didn’t matter how many faces were in the photo, nor the race, age, or gender of the faces. If the photograph had a face, people were more drawn to it than other Instagram photos.

“Even as babies, people love to look at faces,” said Bakhshi [the Georgia Tech College of Computing Ph.D. student who led the study]. “Faces are powerful channels of non-verbal communication. We constantly monitor them for a variety of contexts, including attractiveness, emotions and identity.”

However, the same study found that the more selfies one posted, the less likely they were to receive likes and comments. It follows that saturating your followers’ feeds with selfies might make each individual photo less noteworthy. So if your selfies don’t seem to be getting more likes and comments then your other photos, consider scaling the amount your publish back so your selfie gems have room to shine.

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We long to cultivate and project our self-image

Digging a little deeper into human psychology gives us other clues. A theory proposed by American sociologist Charles Horton Cooley, called the ‘looking glass self’, states that “a person’s self grows out of a person´s social interactions with others”. Basically, our sense of ourselves is built on how we believe others perceive us and our personal qualities.

The self is not compiled from who we ‘really are’, but how we believe others see us. Cooley’s theory proceeds as follows: we imagine how we appear to another person, then we imagine what judgments people make of us based on our appearance, and lastly we imagine how the person feels about us based on those judgments.

“I imagine your mind, and especially what your mind thinks about my mind, and what your mind thinks about what my mind thinks about your mind.” – Charles Horton Cooley

According to Cooley, we form our self-image from our perception of how others in our close environment view us. These people serve as the ‘mirrors’ that reflect back images of ourselves.

Maybe this explains all the mirror selfies…?

Guide to a great selfie

Speaking of mirror selfies, we’ve all made selfie mistakes in the past. In the name of science, you can learn how to take great selfies and display your best digital self. Here are some of the most popular tips:

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  1. Smile naturally with your teeth
  2. Squinch
  3. Play with composition; try something asymmetrical
  4. Keep your hair out of your eyes
  5. Find your best jaw angle

And lastly, consider conveying why you took the selfie. Is it at a special location? Having a particularly good hair day? Make ’em appreciate your selfie; you look great.

Featured photo credit: Sunset Selfie/Daniel Lee via flickr.com

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Last Updated on November 19, 2020

The Gentle Art of Saying No for a Less Stressful Life

The Gentle Art of Saying No for a Less Stressful Life

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments—you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time. That’s why the art of saying no can be a game changer for productivity.

Requests for your time are coming in all the time—from family members, friends, children, coworkers, etc. To stay productive, minimize stress, and avoid wasting time, you have to learn the gentle art of saying no—an art that many people have problems with.

What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger, or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

However, it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here’s how to stop people pleasing and master the gentle art of saying no.

1. Value Your Time

Know your commitments and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it.

Be honest when you tell them that: “I just can’t right now. My plate is overloaded as it is.” They’ll sympathize as they likely have a lot going on as well, and they’ll respect your openness, honesty, and attention to self-care.

2. Know Your Priorities

Even if you do have some extra time (which, for many of us, is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time?

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For example, if my wife asks me to pick up the kids from school a couple of extra days a week, I’ll likely try to make time for it as my family is my highest priority. However, if a coworker asks for help on some extra projects, I know that will mean less time with my wife and kids, so I will be more likely to say no. 

However, for others, work is their priority, and helping on extra projects could mean the chance for a promotion or raise. It’s all about knowing your long-term goals and what you’ll need to say yes and no to in order to get there. 

You can learn more about how to set your priorities here.

3. Practice Saying No

Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word[1].

Sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.

4. Don’t Apologize

A common way to start out is “I’m sorry, but…” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important when you learn to say no, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm and unapologetic about guarding your time.

When you say no, realize that you have nothing to feel bad about. You have every right to ensure you have time for the things that are important to you. 

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5. Stop Being Nice

Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. However, if you erect a wall or set boundaries, they will look for easier targets.

Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.

6. Say No to Your Boss

Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss—they’re our boss, right? And if we start saying no, then we look like we can’t handle the work—at least, that’s the common reasoning[2].

In fact, it’s the opposite—explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.

7. Pre-Empting

It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting,

“Look, everyone, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects, and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”

This, of course, takes a great deal of awareness that you’ll likely only have after having worked in one place or been friends with someone for a while. However, once you get the hang of it, it can be incredibly useful.

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8. Get Back to You

Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, try saying no this way:

“After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.”

At least you gave it some consideration.

9. Maybe Later

If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say,

“This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].”

Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands. If you need to continue saying no, here are some other ways to do so[3]:

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Saying no the healthy way

    10. It’s Not You, It’s Me

    This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often, the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time.

    Simply say so—you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization—but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true, as people can sense insincerity.

    The Bottom Line

    Saying no isn’t an easy thing to do, but once you master it, you’ll find that you’re less stressed and more focused on the things that really matter to you. There’s no need to feel guilty about organizing your personal life and mental health in a way that feels good to you.

    Remember that when you learn to say no, isn’t about being mean. It’s about taking care of your time, energy, and sanity. Once you learn how to say no in a good way, people will respect your willingness to practice self-care and prioritization. 

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    Featured photo credit: Kyle Glenn via unsplash.com

    Reference

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