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This Is Why Some People’s Personality Is Just So Charming

This Is Why Some People’s Personality Is Just So Charming

Have you ever met someone that was simply irresistible? You probably couldn’t put your finger on it, but there was just something about them that made you want to be around them. You caught yourself hanging onto every word they said, and would follow them to the ends of the Earth on a whim, just because they were so charming. They most likely exhibited some, if not all, of the following traits:

1. They treat others with respect

Charming people see everyone as equals, and they treat all people as such. Perhaps the reason some people are so charming to you is that you’re simply not used to being treated so well, and you might not even believe that you deserve it. In truth, you deserve all of it, but these charming individuals are the ones who recognize that, and it’s why you’re drawn to them.

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2. They live by the Platinum Rule

We’ve all heard of the Golden Rule, but the Platinum Rule takes it a step further. Rather than treating others how they wish to be treated, charming people treat others the way those people want to be treated. When you think about it, the Golden Rule is inherently selfish, as those who abide by it are acting with their own interests in mind. Those who live by the Platinum Rule take others’ feelings into account, and treat individuals accordingly.

3. They engage in deep conversation

Charming people don’t waste time on small talk. They know that talking about the weather is no way to make a real connection, so they dive into deeper topics. By doing so, they get to know each person they meet on a much deeper level — getting to know their true interests, feelings, hopes, and dreams. This gives them a much deeper perspective about the world around them, which they carry into every relationship they forge.

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4. They focus on individuals

Along with avoiding small talk in favor of deep conversation, charming people actually become invested in their conversations. They ask probing questions about others’ lives, and show a genuine interest in the answers. They also focus on other people, and don’t become distracted by their cell phone or the ball game on TV. It always feels good to be heard, and charming people make sure your voice is heard when you speak up.

5. They don’t dominate conversation

As I mentioned, charming people ask a lot of questions. Although they are generally interesting and have a lot to say, they also know when to let others have the floor. Some people are overly charismatic — to the point that they will drone on long after others have lost interest. Charming people know when to throw their two cents in, and then back up to let others have their say.

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6. They recognize the difference between facts and opinions

Charming people don’t just spout their opinions as though they’re hard facts. Since they genuinely care what others have to say, they’re open to other perspectives and will be open-minded about topics going into a conversation. Of course, they will voice their opinions at times, but these will be backed up with facts gleaned from reliable sources. They don’t voice their opinions for the sake of arguing, but in order to continue healthy discussion.

7. They’re authentic

Most people can spot the difference between a true charmer and a phony. While a phony will often use their “charming” nature to further some ulterior motive, truly charming people make their intentions transparent from the get-go. Usually, these intentions are simply to further conversation or build up everyone else around them. You never have to watch what you say around a charming person, because you know they would never judge you.

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8. They have integrity

Charming people don’t just talk the talk. They back up their words with actions. Anyone can say that they’re going to do something, but charming people follow through with real actions. They back up their promises with deeds in order to show they’re not just out to further themselves — they want what’s best for all those around them.

9. They exhibit welcoming body language

This relates to how charming people focus on the speaker and give them respect. They will make eye contact with you and smile as you converse, which shows that their mind isn’t elsewhere during lulls in the conversation. They show you that they’re not bored of your discussion by sitting up straight and giving you their full attention. Again, charming people don’t have to be the center of attention to show their charm; they exhibit charm in their actions as well.

10. They’re optimistic and love life

Charmers have a genuine interest in the world around them, and they share this intrigue with everyone they meet. Their optimism can be downright infectious. They can turn run-of-the-mill moments into unforgettable evenings with their suggestions; they’re always up for making every waking moment count. The reason charming people have such a following is simply because they encourage others to enjoy life by just being around.

Featured photo credit: Handsome traveling man takes selfie photo with wild monkeys in tropical jungle forest in Phuket, Thailand, Asia via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on April 6, 2020

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

Most discussions on positively influencing others eventually touch on Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written more than 83 years ago, the book touches on a core component of human interaction, building strong relationships. It is no wonder why.

Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeals to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

Carnegie’s book is great. Of course, there are other resources too. Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

1. Be Authentic

To influence people in a positive way, be authentic. Rather than being a carbon copy of someone else’s version of authenticity, uncover what it is that makes you unique.

Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

Contradictions bother us because we crave stability. When someone professes to be one way, but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that they are confused or untrustworthy and thereby, inauthentic. Neither of these combinations bode well for positively influencing others.

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2. Listen

Growing up, my father would tell me to listen to what others said. He told me if I listened carefully, I would know all I needed to know about a person’s character, desires and needs.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

Listening meets a person’s primary need of validation and acceptance.

Take a look at this guide on how to be a better listener: How to Practice Active Listening (A Step-By-Step Guide)

3. Become an Expert

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

You can argue over opinions. You cannot argue, or it is unwise to argue, over facts and experts come with facts.

4. Lead with Story

From years of working in the public relations space, I know that personal narratives, testimonials and impact stories are incredibly powerful. But I never cease to be amazed with how effective a well-timed and told story can be.

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If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail. To learn more about how to tell powerful stories, and the ethics of storytelling, take a look at this article: How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps

5. Lead by Example

It is incredibly inspiring to watch passionate, talented people at work or play. One of the reasons a person who is not an athlete can be in awe of athletic prowess is because human nature appreciates the extraordinary. When we watch the Olympics, Olympic trials, gymnastic competitions, ice skating, and other competitive sports, we can recognize the effort of people who day in and day out give their all. C

ase in point: Simone Biles. The gymnast extraordinaire won her 6TH all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships after doing a triple double. She was the first woman to do so. Watching her gave me chills. Even non-gymnasts and non-competitive athletes can appreciate the talent required to pull off such a remarkable feat.

We celebrate remarkable accomplishments and believe that their example is proof that we too can accomplish something great, even if it isn’t qualifying for the Olympics. To influence people in a positive way, we must lead by example, lead with intention and execute with excellence.

6. Catch People Doing Good

A powerful way to influence people in a positive way is to catch people doing good. Instead of looking for problems, look for successes. Look for often overlooked, but critically important things that your peers, subordinates and managers do that make the work more effective and more enjoyable.

Once you catch people doing good, name and notice their contributions.

7. Be Effusive with Praise

It did not take me long to notice a remarkable trait of a former boss. He not only began and ended meetings with praise, but he peppered praise throughout the entire meeting. He found a way to celebrate the unique attributes and skills of his team members. He was able to quickly and accurately assess what people were doing well and then let them and their colleagues know.

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Meetings were not just an occasion to go through a “To Do” list, they were opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they are.

8. Be Kind Rather Than Right

I am going to level with you; this one is tough. It is easy to get caught up in a cycle of proving oneself. For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

The antidote to influencing others via bullying is to prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position. For instance, many people think that they need others to validate their experience. If a person does not see the situation you experienced in the way you see it, you get upset. But your experience is your experience.

If you and your friends go out to eat and you get food poisoning, you do not need your friends to agree that the food served at the restaurant was problematic for you. Your own experience of getting food poisoning is all the validation you need. Therefore, taking time to be right is essentially wasted and, if you were unkind in seeking validation for your food-poison experience, now you’ve really lost points.

9. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

The Center for Creative Leadership has argued that the best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced. If you have limited information about the people whom you are attempting to influence, you will be ineffective.

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10. Understand Your Lane

If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

Final Thoughts

Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

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Featured photo credit: Wonderlane via unsplash.com

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