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10 Secrets Of Charming, Irresistible People

10 Secrets Of Charming, Irresistible People

Being irresistible is no easy task, but what is it that sets the irresistible people around us apart from the rest of the pack? We all know that there is something special about these people, but often we can’t quite put our finger on it. Although good looks don’t hurt, being irresistibly charming involves something special on the inside. There are a few secrets that irresistibly charming, learn how to adopt them today.

1. Anyone can be irresistible

Irresistible people may seem like they have special gifts that allow them to seduce and influence anyone they meet, but in fact, they have many “secrets” that they have learned over their lifespan that allow them to attract others and get what they want. Perhaps the greatest secret of all is that anyone can be irresistible. Charm, charisma, and magnetism are all skills that you can develop over time no matter who you are today.Keep a goal of becoming more irresistible in mind and soon enough you will adopt habits that make you so.

2. Body language shows you are interested

Body language is just one of the skills that irresistible people have usually mastered. While most of us give little thought into the way we carry ourselves, how much we smile, when we make eye contact, and how we maintain our posture, an irresistible people knows how to carry themselves with the right body language.  they know exactly how important these things are in the way that other people perceive them. Things like facing people when they speak to you, standing or sitting up straight, and placing your arms relaxed at your sides can all convey interest and let people know that you want to know what they have to say.

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Some basics of body language skills include smiling, eye contact, and posturing. A smile makes people feel welcomed, happy, and accepted. Just smiling at anyone we meet can quickly boost or personal magnetism. Giving people eye contact conveys confidence, trustworthiness, and respect, and just by maintaining appropriate eye contact with others we can increase greatly enhance their perception of us.

3. Vocal skills are valuable

Have you ever heard a voice that quickly caught your attention, or listened to someone speak who had you mesmerized by the warmth of their words?  Irresistible people are often masters of vocal skills like resonance, timing, and proper use of emotion in their speech.Resonance refers to the skill of speaking in way that resonates through your entire body. Resonance can be achieved by standing up straight, opening your nasal passages, and trying to make each word form deep in your chest. By opening up our bodies and speaking through our chests, we can create a much richer and warmer sound with our voice. You can even try humming to understand the way it feels to have sound in your chest.

Timing in speech means using things like pauses to regroup, repeated words to emphasize, or even asking questions to increase engagement or allow for thought on a subject. Timing of your words and speech can help you keep people engaged, attracted, interested, or even amused. In addition, demonstrating emotion in our words we can help covey any emotion that we wish to show to the person we are speaking with.By using and showing our emotions through speech we can help draw closer to the people we interact with and form deeper connections.

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4. Empathy is a bridge to being irresistible

When you show how much you care about another person’s perspective, it makes you more charming to them. One of the ways you can made the most genuine of connections to to practice empathy by putting yourself in their shoes to understand their thoughts, emotions, and actions. By truly considering another person’s view, we can create strong bonds between ourselves and other people. Many people simply wont take the time to think about others, so just making people feel understood will go a long way towards increasing your own irresistibility.

5. Great listening skills draw people in.

Have you ever met someone that was an excellent listener? When someone opens up to you and listens to each word you say, it draws you out of your shell and into the open. People naturally will be compelled to share more with you, tell you more stories, and open up emotionally if they feel you are truly interested in what they say, but in order for this to work, you must actually care about what the person is saying. Interest really can’t be feigned, so actually find something to be interested about and listen intently.

6. Confidence is attractive

No matter what the situation, people will always be attracted to a confident person.  In bad situations people look to leaders who are confident enough to lead through challenge, and in good times people look towards confident people to encourage growth and creative thinking. Confidence makes other people feel secure, unchallenged, and encouraged, and all of these emotions will increase the desire of others to be around you.

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7. First impression is everything

A first impression can determine the entire future of events. It may not seem fair, but oftentimes, the first few moments we spend with someone will create the perception of who we are to another person. A bad first impression can take years to overcome as everything we do is seen through that bad interpretation of us. When creating a first impression, using other skills like smiling, making eye contact, and showing interest increases your level of charm.

8. You must be able to adapt to any situation.

The truly irresistible among us know how to attract others no matter the time or place. Whether it is a crowded bar, a workplace, or park, they know how to demonstrate a calm confidence, warmth, and the proper emotions for each individual situation.  You must carry yourself very differently at a job interview than you would on the beach on spring break, and irresistible people know how to blend in just enough to stand out. Adaptability and knowing how to read a situation makes you the most charming you can be in every situation.

9. You must be authentic and you must be yourself.

Irresistibility is often a byproduct of people being unique and different.  People are often attracted to others who display creative thoughts or think outside of the box.  Creativity and individuality are highly celebrated traits in the world, and the most irresistible people are those who embrace who they are and let it shine. Don’t act like someone you aren’t when your individuality is something to make you memorable and special in your own way.

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10. You should always find ways to relate to people.

Irresistible people know how to relate to others, and how to do it well.  When people are held in too high of esteem, they can often seem distant and indifferent, but true magnetism often occurs when you can make people feel like you are like them.  The more things someone feels they have in common with you, the more attracted to you they will become, and irresistible people know how to find common ground between many different people. No matter how different a person may be to you, finding commonalities is important in creating a solid foundation.

Featured photo credit: Michael Carian- Youmacon People via flickr.com

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Last Updated on March 21, 2019

11 Important Things to Remember When Changing Habits

11 Important Things to Remember When Changing Habits

Most gurus talk about habits in a way that doesn’t help you:

You need to push yourself more. You can’t be lazy. You need to wake up at 5 am. You need more motivation. You can never fail…blah blah “insert more gibberish here.”

But let me share with you the unconventional truths I found out:

To build and change habits, you don’t need motivation or wake up at 5 am. Heck, you can fail multiple times, be lazy, have no motivation and still pull it off with ease.

It’s quite simple and easy to do, especially with the following list I’m going to show to you. But remember, Jim Rohn used to say,

“What is simple and easy to do is also simple and easy not to do.”

The important things to remember when changing your habits are both simple and easy, just don’t think that they don’t make any difference because they do.

In fact, they are the only things that make a difference.

Let’s see what those small things are, shall we?

1. Start Small

The biggest mistake I see people doing with habits is by going big. You don’t go big…ever. You start small with your habits.

Want to grow a book reading habit? Don’t start reading a book a day. Start with 10 pages a day.

Want to become a writer? Don’t start writing 10,000 words a day. Start with 300 words.

Want to lose weight? Don’t stop eating ice cream. Eat one less ball of it.

Whatever it is, you need to start small. Starting big always leads to failure. It has to, because it’s not sustainable.

Start small. How small? The amount needs to be in your comfort zone. So if you think that reading 20 pages of a book is a bit too much, start with 10 or 5.

It needs to appear easy and be easy to do.

Do less today to do more in a year.

2. Stay Small

There is a notion of Kaizen which means continuous improvement. They use this notion in habits where they tell you to start with reading 1 page of a book a day and then gradually increase the amount you do over time.

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But the problem with this approach is the end line — where the “improvement” stops.

If I go from reading 1 page of a book a day and gradually reach 75 and 100, when do I stop? When I reach 1 book a day? That is just absurd.

When you start a habit, stay at it in the intensity you have decided. Don’t push yourself for more.

I started reading 20 pages of a book a day. It’s been more than 2 years now and I’ve read 101 books in that period. There is no way I will increase the number in the future.

Why?

Because reading 40 to 50 books a year is enough.

The same thing applies to every other habit out there.

Pick a (small) number and stay at it.

3. Bad Days Are 100 Percent Occurrence

No matter how great you are, you will have bad days where you won’t do your habit. Period.

There is no way of going around this. So it’s better to prepare yourself for when that happens instead of thinking that it won’t ever happen.

What I do when I miss a day of my habit(s) is that I try to bounce back the next day while trying to do habits for both of those days.

Example for that is if I read 20 pages of a book a day and I miss a day, the next day I will have to read 40 pages of a book. If I miss writing 500 words, the next day I need to write 1000.

This is a really important point we will discuss later on rewards and punishments.

This is how I prepare for the bad days when I skip my habit(s) and it’s a model you should take as well.

4. Those Who Track It, Hack It

When you track an activity, you can objectively tell what you did in the past days, weeks, months, and years. If you don’t track, you will for sure forget everything you did.

There are many different ways you can track your activities today, from Habitica to a simple Excel sheet that I use, to even a Whatsapp Tracker.

Peter Drucker said,

“What you track is what you do.”

So track it to do it — it really helps.

But tracking is accompanied by one more easy activity — measuring.

5. Measure Once, Do Twice

Peter Drucker also said,

“What you measure is what you improve.”

So alongside my tracker, I have numbers with which I measure doses of daily activities:

For reading, it’s 20 pages.
For writing, it’s 500 words.
For the gym, it’s 1 (I went) or 0 (didn’t go).
For budgeting, it’s writing down the incomes and expenses.

Tracking and measuring go hand in hand, they take less than 20 seconds a day but they create so much momentum that it’s unbelievable.

6. All Days Make a Difference

Will one day in the gym make you fit? It won’t.

Will two? They won’t.

Will three? They won’t.

Which means that a single gym session won’t make you fit. But after 100 gym sessions, you will look and feel fit.

What happened? Which one made you fit?

The answer to this (Sorites paradox)[1] is that no single gym session made you fit, they all did.

No single day makes a difference, but when combined, they all do. So trust the process and keep on going (small).

7. They Are Never Fully Automated

Gurus tell you that habits become automatic. And yes, some of them do, like showering a certain way of brushing your teeth.

But some habits don’t become automatic, they become a lifestyle.

What I mean by that is that you won’t automatically “wake up” in the gym and wonder how you got there.

It will just become a part of your lifestyle.

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The difference is that you do the first one automatically, without conscious thought, while the other is a part of how you live your life.

It’s not automatic, but it’s a decision you don’t ponder on or think about — you simply do it.

It will become easy at a certain point, but they will never become fully automated.

8. What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

Marshall Goldsmith has a great book with the same title to it. The phrase means that sometimes, you will need to ditch certain habits to make room for other ones which will bring you to the next step.

Don’t be afraid to evolve your habits when you sense that they don’t bring you where you want to go.

When I started reading, it was about reading business and tactic books. But two years into it, I switched to philosophy books which don’t teach me anything “applicable,” but instead teach me how to think.

The most important ability of the 21st century is the ability to learn, unlearn, and relearn. The strongest tree is the willow tree – not because it has the strongest root or biggest trunk, but because it is flexible enough to endure and sustain anything.

Be like a willow, adapting to the new ways of doing things.

9. Set a Goal and Then Forget It

The most successful of us know what they want to achieve, but they don’t focus on it.

Sounds paradoxical? You’re right, it does. But here is the logic behind it.

You need to have a goal of doing something – “I want to become a healthy individual” – and then, you need to reverse engineer how to get there with your habits- “I will go to the gym four times a week.”

But once you have your goal, you need to “forget” about it and only focus on the process. Because you are working on the process of becoming healthy and it’s always in the making. You will only be as healthy as you take care of your body.

So you have a goal which isn’t static but keeps on moving.

If you went to the gym 150 times year and you hit your goal, what would you do then? You would stop going to the gym.

This is why goal-oriented people experience yo-yo effect[2] and why process-oriented people don’t.

The difference between process-oriented and goal-oriented people is that the first focus on daily actions while others only focus on the reward at the finish line.

Set a goal but then forget about it and reap massive awards.

10. Punish Yourself

Last two sections are pure Pavlovian – you need to punish bad behavior and reward good behavior. You are the only person who decides what is good and what is bad for you, but when you do, you need to rigorously follow that.

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I’ve told you in point #3 about bad days and how after one occurs, I do double the work on the next day. That is one of my forms of punishments.

It’s the need to tell your brain that certain behaviors are unacceptable and that they lead to bad outcomes. That’s what punishments are for.

You want to tell your brain that there are real consequences to missing your daily habits.[3]

No favorite food to eat or favorite show to watch or going to the cinema for a new Marvel movie- none, zero, zilch.

The brain will remember these bad feelings and will try to avoid the behaviors that led to them as much as possible.

But don’t forget the other side of the same coin.

11. Reward Yourself

When you follow and execute on your plan, reward yourself. It’s how the brain knows that you did something good.

Whenever I finish one of my habits for the day, I open my tracker (who am I kidding, I always keep it open on my desktop) and fill it with a number. As soon as I finish reading 20 pages of a book a day (or a bit more), I open the tracker and write the number down.

The cell becomes green and gives me an instant boost of endorphin – a great success for the day. Then, it becomes all about not breaking the chain and having as many green fields as possible.

After 100 days, I crunch some numbers and see how I did.

If I have less than 10 cheat days, I reward myself with a great meal in a restaurant. You can create your own rewards and they can be daily, weekly, monthly or any arbitrary time table that you create.

Primoz Bozic, a productivity coach, has gold, silver, and bronze medals as his reward system.[4]

If you’re having problems creating a system which works for you, contact me via email and we can discuss specifics.

In the End, It Matters

What you do matters not only to you but to the people around you.

When you increase the quality of your life, you indirectly increase the quality of life of people around you. And sometimes, that is all the “motivation” we need to start.

And that’s the best quote for the end of this article:

“Motivation gets you started, but habits keep you going.”

Keep going.

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More Resources to Help You Build Habits

Featured photo credit: Anete Lūsiņa via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: Sorites paradox
[2] Muscle Zone: What causes yo-yo effect and how to avoid it?
[3] Growth Habits: 5 Missteps That Cause You To Quit Building A Habit
[4] Primoz Bozic: The Lean Review: How to Plan Your 2019 in 20 Minutes

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