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Don’t Let First Impression Fool You. Check These 7 Things Instead

Don’t Let First Impression Fool You. Check These 7 Things Instead

Have you often been let down by people you considered to be your friends? Ever been fooled by people who you thought were your well-wishers, but got backstabbed by them? Then it’s possible that you may be a poor judge of people and end up taking them at face value at first impression, instead of really getting to know them beforehand…

As human beings, we need people around us and need to be in social contact with each other. This is why we make friends and spend time in each other’s company – and why we actively seek out people we like to be with. Sometimes though, it’s easy to be taken in by a person’s outward charm, forming a first impression, only to later discover that from the inside, they are completely different.

Don’t get us wrong, we are not trying to say that the world is a bad place, but to know whether we can actually be lasting friends with someone, it’s very important to know the other person truly to avoid any unpleasant discoveries or situations later on… [1]

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The idea is not to judge people – the idea is to know people fully and make the right decisions about them so as to not be fooled by those who don’t have good wishes for us, or not underestimate those who may not look the part but are really nice people. This is why a first impression, dazzling as it may be, does not hold true many a time.

Things that Can Help You Quickly Evaluate a Person

Whether you are hiring someone, or making a new friend or even getting romantically involved with someone – it is important not to fall for surface beauty and dig a little deeper about how the person actually is on the inside. This is so that we form the company we actually want or need, instead of having people who increase negativity around us and hold us back from reaching our true potential. Read and learn about how you can be a better judge of people, to see if the person you just encountered can actually be a good addition to your life… [2]

How Much Do They Listen vs. Talk?

People, who are likely to be a good addition in your life, are the ones who are good listeners. They don’t just hear what you have to say but are concerned and caring enough to actually listen to all that you are saying, and even all that you are not. These are the people who are interested in you and care for you, and so they are willing to invest their time and attention on you. They will listen to you, try and make changes for you and even interrupt you if they feel you have misunderstood them or are heading the wrong way. Many might pretend to listen to you to leave a good first impression but then how long will that false interest last? If someone perpetually interrupts you when you talk, they are probably only interested in themselves and you may be barking up the wrong tree in this case. [3]

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Are They Intrinsically Kind?

People who are “nice” on the inside, make a special effort to treat the everyday people they encounter nicely. Basically, it’s all about the magic words and of course, having a sunny disposition. Someone who considers themselves to be too high up to pay any attention to the service providers around them are likely to be mean of heart and small of mind. You want to have kind people around you or even working for you – simply because they make the world, and especially your world, a little better and a lot brighter.

As Mark Twain said, “Kindness is the language the deaf can hear and the blind can see!”

Do They “Act On” or “React To” What You Say?

You may have noticed – that when you give the same feedback or comment to any two or more people, you get varied results. Some people take what you said or asked them to do in a positive manner and use criticism constructively as well. Still, others tend to take offense to what you say and react with anger, resentment, and negativity. Do you really want to be around such people? Everyone can pretend goodness to leave a positive first impression but anger shows through sooner or later. [4]

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Do They Make You Feel Warm, or Embarrassed?

Frankly, everyone likes to be appreciated and loved. If someone comes up to you and says nice things, it is likely to make you feel happy, loved and all fuzzy inside. And yet there are times when flattery makes you uncomfortable or even embarrassed, be it at first impression or later. These are the people you’d probably want to avoid because your gut might be telling you that their sweet words have an agenda behind them which may be making you downright uncomfortable. Steer clear or make your feelings clear too…

Flattery looks like friendship just like a wolf looks like a dog!

Are They Sunshine People or Those From Darkness?

There are some of those in the world you can literally light up a dismal atmosphere simply by being themselves. And yet there are those who can freeze conversation, kill laughter and leave you feeling vaguely depressed about yourself and your life. The first kind of people have positive energy – they are happy people who like to spread happiness and smiles and if you have them as a friend, count your lucky stars. They are also those with far too much of negativity in them, and can quickly turn a sunny day dark and dismal. These are the people who hold you back from reaching your true potential and pass on their negative energy to you. [5]

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Can You Spend A While With This Person?

Many of us often make friends that we then go long lengths to avoid. These are the people who are an intrinsic and basic mismatch with us. They may be nice people, but they are not the kind our personality gels with. It could be a matter of opposing beliefs, varied interests or just a personality mismatch. If we find spending time with that person a drag, the relationship is not going to last much now, is it?

Do They Set Off Warning Signs In Your Gut?

The heart can be fooled and the mind can be swayed but the gut gives you the truest reading of anyone, the very first time you meet them. They are times when you may find someone off-putting, for no given reason but your instinct – and yet you still end up being in contact with them. Only to have your gut proven right in the end! As human beings, un-backed by science, we do end up picking up on the vibes people give off – and sometimes those vibes are most definitely negative. Heed yourself then, and approach cautiously. Not to say that you should ban that person from your life; for making snap decisions based on a frist impression isn’t right. You can certainly approach the next few meetings with eyes open wide, and a mind and heart tuned to pick up further strangeness. [6]

Ultimately, the decision of who you want to be friends with, in love with or even work with lies with you. Don’t be in a hurry to form an impression, and don’t always think that your first impression about someone is a 100% correct. People have nuances and facets and more importantly, sometimes people do change as well, as well as trying to appear to be what they are not – learn to read between and behind the lines and keep your heart, head, eyes, and ears wide open to avoid getting hurt or being betrayed! [7]

Reference

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Last Updated on September 11, 2020

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2] Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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