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10 Things Only People Who Seldom Get Angry Would Understand

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10 Things Only People Who Seldom Get Angry Would Understand

There are many instances in life where your patience and temper will constantly be tested. Take for instance the scenario where someone cuts you off in traffic, takes the parking space you were waiting for, or messes up paperwork that you just meticulously placed in order. When these types of daily instances occur, it is natural and somewhat easy to lose our tempers and yell at the parties responsible for the violations. However, there are individuals who find the best course of action to be remaining level-headed and maintaining composure. For these individuals, to get mad would be too easy, and they would rather react in a civil manner and decide the best course of action. For those who get angry easily, it is not wrong to display emotions, but those who seldom get angry choose to handle frustrating situations in a different manner.

1. They are more understanding

Before reacting to a situation, individuals who seldom get angry attempt to understand the position of the conflicting party. They realize that it would be easy to react angrily to a situation, but they attempt to understand the variables that created the situation. It is not always easy to understand the motives of everyone, but they do their best to get to the root cause of a conflict. In addition, when they realize that the misunderstanding was a mistake, they are usually more compassionate and let the problem become a learning situation.

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2. They find themselves focused on solutions

How many times in life have you been subjected to a parent, coach, or boss with a face flushed in anger and yelling commands in response to an issue that comes up? When you stop and think about the situation, what is really solved by yelling at someone or demanding change through a raised voice? After all the yelling, the problem still exists and nothing has progressed towards a solution. People who seldom react with anger, focus on solving the issue as soon as it occurs. All yelling at people will do is create anger and make them not want to work with the team. Instead, use the time to focus on creating steps towards the solution and deciding the best course of action.

3. They are misunderstood as not caring enough

One of the most common misconceptions about people who don’t display strong emotions and remain calm is that they lack passion or care. This can be completely unfair and frustrating to people who remain calm in the face of pressure. Just because someone doesn’t display strong emotion outwardly, doesn’t mean that they aren’t internalizing the issue. Most calm individuals are amongst the most passionate about their work, hobbies, and everyday life. However, they understand the need to maintain a solid foundation and be reasonable.

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4. They are mistaken as pushovers

Sometimes people mistake calm individuals as pushovers or too nice. This couldn’t be further from the truth. People who rarely react with anger are some of the strongest people you will ever come across. Don’t be deceived into thinking that they won’t mind if you try to take advantage or use them for your benefit. They may not react angrily, but they will usually stand up for themselves in a stern manner.

5. They are usually the most reasonable in their social circles

Every social circle is comprised of many different personality types. There are emotional, sensitive, logical, and mellow types. The mellow types are usually the most easygoing and get along with everyone in the group. When there is a tough decision to be made or if a conflict arises in the group, the mellow individual will be at the center attempting to solve the issue. This is because they usually hold a diplomatic temperament and like to hear all sides out before reaching a conclusion.

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6. They know that reacting angrily won’t solve anything

Huffing and puffing, pacing back and forth across a room doesn’t accomplish much. You internalize something hastily until you work yourself into an anger fueled tirade. All that you are doing is negatively affecting your own mood, which clouds your best judgment and decision making ability. Many times people overreact to a situation that really isn’t as problematic or shouldn’t be cared about as much. By reacting with anger, you are simply keeping yourself stagnant.

7. They know they control their reactions

The calm mannered individual knows that they can only control so much in life. You can’t control the actions of others or the world around you. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “life is 90% the way you react to what happens to you.” You simply need to understand the cards that you have been dealt. In order to be strong-willed, you need to control your reactions and emotions. The way you react and adapt to problematic situations helps build the character you wish to become.

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8. They realize it’s not always easy to remain so calm

It is not always so easy to remain civil when we feel slighted or taken advantage of. Many assume that mellow people are always so happy and never feel frustrated. However, it is easily one of the hardest things to do in life when faced with conflict and problems. Everyday life is full of troubles, and they realize that burdening others with their problems or losing control is not beneficial. By angrily creating a scene, you are showing that you have lost control of a situation.

9. They learn to not be manipulated

This is easily connected to the idea that people who seldom get angry are mistakenly thought of as pushovers. Sometimes mellow people are seen as people who can be easily fooled or deceived due to their calm disposition. However, they can usually detect when others are attempting to use or take advantage of them. Instead of reacting angrily, they will usually cut off contact with offending parties.

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10. They make the best leaders

Individuals who maintain a cool demeanor can be looked towards in times of distress or conflict. They realize that anger and conflict does not build teams or motivate individuals to work towards a goal. In order to be productive and a leader, you need to remain calm and hold your frame. Even though they might not be the most emotional, they still demonstrate passion in other ways. It is always important to portray a level-headedness, and the person who seldom reacts with anger understands this. Their level-headedness can be a calming trait in a leader.

Featured photo credit: The 99Fridays Bartenders/Joi Ito via imcreator.com

More by this author

Mark Ortega

Professor of English

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Last Updated on January 24, 2022

21 Best Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

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21 Best Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

Having texting and video conferencing at our fingertips, it appears that maintaining a long-distance relationship is easier than ever. Long-distance calls are no longer a luxury; the days when they needed to be rationed are long gone.

Long-distance couples do not have to depend on 3 p.m. postal delivery, waiting for news that is at best four days old.

Now we’re no longer even in the days of waiting for our loved ones to check their e-mail when they get home from work. Instant messaging keeps us hooked to each other even when we are out shopping, working, playing, watching a movie and doing much more.

Technology, however, cannot compensate for everything in a long-distance relationship, as anyone with a long-distance relationship will tell you.

Many long-distance relationships still seem emotionally difficult despite the lack of regular physical proximity.

People often think long-distance relationships will never work. It may be discouraged by your family, and some of your best friends may tell you not to take it too seriously in case you end up heartbroken.

Many things are not possible due to the extra distance – no one can promise it will be easy. Things could get complicated, and you might feel lonely and sad at times.

Still, many of us try them.

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However, the extra distance also makes the simplest things the sweetest. Being able to hold the other person’s hand, eating together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a walk together, smelling each other’s hair… these small wishes could suddenly mean so much more in a long-distance relationship.

Long-distance relationships may be tough, but they have their own surprises too.

Here’re 21 tips on how to make a long distance relationship work:

1. Avoid excessive communication.

It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive. You two don’t really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the relationship going. Many couples think that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more. This is not true. And it might only make things worse. Soon you would get tired of “loving.”

Remember: Less is more. It is not about spamming — you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing at the right moments and tugging at the right spots.

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2. See it as an opportunity.

“If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart.” – Anonymous

View it as a learning journey for both of you. This is an opportunity for you to prove your love for one another. According to a Chinese proverb, “Real gold is not afraid of the test of fire.” Instead of thinking that this long-distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience, the both of you will be bound together even stronger.

As Emma says it to Will in season four of Glee,

“I would rather be here, far from you, but feeling really close, rather than close to you but feeling really far away.” – Emma, Glee Season 4

3. Set some ground rules to manage your expectations.

Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of each other during this long-distance relationship. Set some ground rules so that none of you will do things that will take the other party by surprise.

For instance, are you two exclusive? Is it all right for the other person to go on dates? What is your commitment level? It’s better to be open with each other about all these things.

4. Try to communicate regularly, and creatively.

Greet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and its happenings, however mundane some of the things may seem.

To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips, and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to.

5. Talk dirty with each other.

Sexual tension is undoubtedly one of the most important things between couples. In a way, sexual desire is like the glue that keeps both parties from drifting apart. Sexual need is not only biological but also emotional.

Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing texts filled with sexual innuendos and provocative descriptions. Sexy puns work pretty well too.

6. Avoid “dangerous” situations.

If you already know that going to the club or going drinking with your group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then you should either 1. Not do it or 2. Tell your partner beforehand to reassure them.

You should not let this sort of thing slip by because it will only make your partner extra worried or suspicious – and of course, very upset because they will feel powerless or lack control over the situation.

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You can fall victim to your traps by going out with eye candy from work after work or dating someone from your past who has been flirting with you without realizing it. Before entering a dangerous situation, you need to recognize the dangers.

Listen to your heart, but don’t just rely on it. Make sure you also listen to your mind.

7. Do things together.

Play a game online together. Watch a documentary at the same time on YouTube or Vimeo. Share a song on Skype while another plays the guitar. Video-call each other and go for a walk together. Together, go online shopping – and buy each other gifts (see #13).

You really have to be creative and spontaneous about it.

8. Do similar things.

Recommend books, TV shows, movies, music, news and etc., to each other. When you read, watch and listen to the same things, you get to have more topics in common to talk about.

Even if you live apart, it’s nice to have some shared experiences.

9. Make visits to each other.

Every long-distance relationship is enriched by visits.

After all the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally get to meet each other to fulfil all the little things like kissing, holding hands, etc. These are typical for couples in long-distance relationships but more special and intimate for long-distance couples.

The atmosphere will be filled with fireworks, glitter bombs, confetti, rainbows, and butterflies.

10. Have a goal in mind.

Are we going to be apart for a long time?” “what about the future?” These are the questions you should ask yourselves.

In fact, a couple cannot stay in a long-distance relationship forever. Eventually, we all need to settle down.

So make a plan with each other. Set up a timeline, mark down the estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end goal.

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It is important that you two are on the same page and have the same goals. So that even if you are not living in the same space and the same timezone, both of you are still motivated to work together in the same direction towards a future that includes one another.

That’s right, you need some motivation to make a relationship last too. Find out more about what motivates you here.

11. Enjoy your alone time and your time with your friends and family.

You are alone, but you are not lonely unless you choose to feel like it. You don’t have to let your world revolve around your partner — you still have you, your friends, and your family. Take this time apart to do more with your friends and family. Go to the gym more often. Get a new hobby. Binge-watch shows. There are plenty of things for you to do that don’t involve your partner.

12. Stay honest with each other.

Talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, apathy, whatsoever. If you try to hide anything from your partner, that secret will sooner or later swallow you up from the inside out. Don’t try to deal with things all by yourself. Be open and honest with each other. Let your partner help you and give you the support you need. It’s better to look at the problem during its initial stage than to only disclose it when it’s all too late.

13. Know each other’s schedules.

It’s helpful to know when the other person is busy and free. So that you can drop a text or make a call at the right time. You wouldn’t want to disturb your partner when they are in the middle of class or halfway through a business meeting. Make sure you are aware of everyone’s small and big events in their lives, i.e., college midterms and exams, important business trips and meetings, job interviews, etc. Particularly if you live in different time zones, this becomes more important.

14. Keep track of each other’s social media activities.

Facebook and Instagram photos of each other. Send each other tweets. Tag each other on Facebook. Post stuff on each other’s wall. Let them know you care. Be cool with stalking each other.

15. Gift a personal object for the other person to hold on to.

Memories have power. No matter what it is–a pendant, a ring, a keychain, a collection of songs and videos, or a perfume bottle. Everyday items and things have meanings to us, whether we realize it or not. We all try to store memories in material things so that when our minds fail, we will still be able to look at or hold onto something that will help us recall our memories. This is why something so simple can mean so much to a person when others may see little or no value in it.

16. Get a good messaging app.

This is extremely important because texting is the most frequent and common way of communication the two of you have. You need a good messaging app on your phones that allows interactions beyond words and emoticons.

Personally, I use this messaging app called LINE. I find it highly effective because it has a huge reserve of playful and very funny “stickers” that are free for its users to use. You can also go to the app’s “Sticker Shop” to download (or gift!) extra stickers of different themes (e.g., Hello Kitty, Pokemon, Snoopy, MARVEL, etc.) at a low price. Occasionally, the app will give out free sticker sets for promotions. This messaging app is cute and easy to learn to use.

17. Snail-mail your gift.

Mail each other postcards and hand-written love letters. Send each other gifts across the globe from time to time. Flower deliveries on birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day. Shop online and surprise each other with cool T-shirts, sexy underwear, and such.

18. Stay positive.

You need to constantly inject positive energy into the long-distance relationship to keep it alive. Yes, the waiting can be painful, and you can sometimes feel lonely, but you need to remind yourself that the fruits at the end will be sweet as heaven.

One good trick to staying positive is to be grateful all the time. Be thankful that you have someone to love — someone who also loves you back. Be thankful for the little things, like the hand-made letter that arrived safely in your mailbox the other day. Be thankful for each other’s health and safety.

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19. Keep each other updated on each other’s friends and family.

This will help you two to know each other’s culture and values. Knowing small habits of each other helps in developing an understanding and building mutual trust.

Talking about family and friends gives you more matters to talk about. The best thing to talk about is gossip and scandals.

20. Video-call whenever possible.

Because sometimes looking into each other’s eyes and hearing each other’s voices can make everything feel alright again.

A video call is though nothing like being together, but it’s the best thing and the most to do for coziness in a long-distance relationship.

21. Give each other pet names.

Because it’s cute. It keeps the lovey-dovey going. Having special names for each other reserved only for one another are heart-warming. Hearing that one word with love lifts our spirits up, and we feel assured all over again.

Chaos seems to fade away just by hearing that special word from someone special.

With the best wishes…

Love (or like) is a force that is beyond your control. Love just happens. The same goes for turning off those feelings, even when you get the perfect job halfway across the country.

Neither one of us expects to be long-distance in a relationship. But if you’re in a relationship like this, you’ll just have to make the most out of a difficult situation. These advice for long distance relationships will hopefully help you stay strong and cheerful when living apart from one another.

More Recommended Relationships Experts on Lifehack
  • Carol Morgan —  A communication professor, dating/relationship and success coach
  • Dr. Magdalena Battles — A Doctor of Psychology with specialties include children, family relationships, domestic violence, and sexual assault
  • Randy Skilton —  An educator in the areas of relationships and self-help

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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