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10 Things Only People Who Seldom Get Angry Would Understand

10 Things Only People Who Seldom Get Angry Would Understand

There are many instances in life where your patience and temper will constantly be tested. Take for instance the scenario where someone cuts you off in traffic, takes the parking space you were waiting for, or messes up paperwork that you just meticulously placed in order. When these types of daily instances occur, it is natural and somewhat easy to lose our tempers and yell at the parties responsible for the violations. However, there are individuals who find the best course of action to be remaining level-headed and maintaining composure. For these individuals, to get mad would be too easy, and they would rather react in a civil manner and decide the best course of action. For those who get angry easily, it is not wrong to display emotions, but those who seldom get angry choose to handle frustrating situations in a different manner.

1. They are more understanding

Before reacting to a situation, individuals who seldom get angry attempt to understand the position of the conflicting party. They realize that it would be easy to react angrily to a situation, but they attempt to understand the variables that created the situation. It is not always easy to understand the motives of everyone, but they do their best to get to the root cause of a conflict. In addition, when they realize that the misunderstanding was a mistake, they are usually more compassionate and let the problem become a learning situation.

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2. They find themselves focused on solutions

How many times in life have you been subjected to a parent, coach, or boss with a face flushed in anger and yelling commands in response to an issue that comes up? When you stop and think about the situation, what is really solved by yelling at someone or demanding change through a raised voice? After all the yelling, the problem still exists and nothing has progressed towards a solution. People who seldom react with anger, focus on solving the issue as soon as it occurs. All yelling at people will do is create anger and make them not want to work with the team. Instead, use the time to focus on creating steps towards the solution and deciding the best course of action.

3. They are misunderstood as not caring enough

One of the most common misconceptions about people who don’t display strong emotions and remain calm is that they lack passion or care. This can be completely unfair and frustrating to people who remain calm in the face of pressure. Just because someone doesn’t display strong emotion outwardly, doesn’t mean that they aren’t internalizing the issue. Most calm individuals are amongst the most passionate about their work, hobbies, and everyday life. However, they understand the need to maintain a solid foundation and be reasonable.

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4. They are mistaken as pushovers

Sometimes people mistake calm individuals as pushovers or too nice. This couldn’t be further from the truth. People who rarely react with anger are some of the strongest people you will ever come across. Don’t be deceived into thinking that they won’t mind if you try to take advantage or use them for your benefit. They may not react angrily, but they will usually stand up for themselves in a stern manner.

5. They are usually the most reasonable in their social circles

Every social circle is comprised of many different personality types. There are emotional, sensitive, logical, and mellow types. The mellow types are usually the most easygoing and get along with everyone in the group. When there is a tough decision to be made or if a conflict arises in the group, the mellow individual will be at the center attempting to solve the issue. This is because they usually hold a diplomatic temperament and like to hear all sides out before reaching a conclusion.

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6. They know that reacting angrily won’t solve anything

Huffing and puffing, pacing back and forth across a room doesn’t accomplish much. You internalize something hastily until you work yourself into an anger fueled tirade. All that you are doing is negatively affecting your own mood, which clouds your best judgment and decision making ability. Many times people overreact to a situation that really isn’t as problematic or shouldn’t be cared about as much. By reacting with anger, you are simply keeping yourself stagnant.

7. They know they control their reactions

The calm mannered individual knows that they can only control so much in life. You can’t control the actions of others or the world around you. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “life is 90% the way you react to what happens to you.” You simply need to understand the cards that you have been dealt. In order to be strong-willed, you need to control your reactions and emotions. The way you react and adapt to problematic situations helps build the character you wish to become.

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8. They realize it’s not always easy to remain so calm

It is not always so easy to remain civil when we feel slighted or taken advantage of. Many assume that mellow people are always so happy and never feel frustrated. However, it is easily one of the hardest things to do in life when faced with conflict and problems. Everyday life is full of troubles, and they realize that burdening others with their problems or losing control is not beneficial. By angrily creating a scene, you are showing that you have lost control of a situation.

9. They learn to not be manipulated

This is easily connected to the idea that people who seldom get angry are mistakenly thought of as pushovers. Sometimes mellow people are seen as people who can be easily fooled or deceived due to their calm disposition. However, they can usually detect when others are attempting to use or take advantage of them. Instead of reacting angrily, they will usually cut off contact with offending parties.

10. They make the best leaders

Individuals who maintain a cool demeanor can be looked towards in times of distress or conflict. They realize that anger and conflict does not build teams or motivate individuals to work towards a goal. In order to be productive and a leader, you need to remain calm and hold your frame. Even though they might not be the most emotional, they still demonstrate passion in other ways. It is always important to portray a level-headedness, and the person who seldom reacts with anger understands this. Their level-headedness can be a calming trait in a leader.

Featured photo credit: The 99Fridays Bartenders/Joi Ito via imcreator.com

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Mark Ortega

Professor of English

10 Things Only People Who Seldom Get Angry Would Understand 5 Traits That Make You Nice But Unsuccessful

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Last Updated on March 14, 2019

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

How it helps you:

If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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How it helps you:

Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

How it helps you:

This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

How it helps you:

One word: hierarchy.

All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

How it helps you:

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Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

6. What do you like about working here?

This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

How it helps you:

You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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How it helps you:

What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

Making Your Interview Work for You

Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

More Resources About Job Interviews

Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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