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10 Things Only Stubborn People Would Understand

10 Things Only Stubborn People Would Understand

If you are reading this, you probably fit in one of two categories: you know someone extremely stubborn and you want to read this to see if it matches their actions or you are the stubborn person that people know and you are going to smile and silently agree that you do these things. Here are ten things that only stubborn people will understand and friends of stubborn people will recognize.

1. They have said sorry five times in their lifetime – if that

Apologies are something that is said if they truly mean it and even then, it comes out like coughing up a hairball of needles. When someone that insists they are right over and over again and then finally apologizes to you, consider it as a precious gift. Some people can knock over their neighbor’s motorcycle and refuse to apologize.

2. They can be counted on to finish things

When they have an idea in their brain about a certain project or goal, don’t try to stop them or tell them they can’t. They will personally go out of their way to prove you are wrong. Just when you thought it was not physically possible to do a ten page assignment in two hours, they prove you wrong and get an A on it.

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3. They hate when you hang up or walk away

This is going to be the worst thing that you can do when talking to someone who is stubborn. One of two things will happen when you hang up on them. One: they will call you back until you listen to what they have to say. Two: if you ignore their call, they will text you their point they need to prove or blow up our phone until you call them back. Never walk away from someone who is stubborn enough not to agree to disagree. Why? Because they will follow you, I know from personal experience. They will follow you all… the… way… home.

4. They will take you on an adventure (even if you don’t want to go)

If you have ever been in the car with someone that does not want to admit they are wrong, you have probably been on a car ride that was supposed to take fifteen minutes and it turned into an hour. There is no such thing as stopping for directions because everyone is going to give you wrong directions. They do not want help from you or your GPS either. The thing that gets you to believe them that they know where they are going is that they are so sure in their brains that they know the right way that their voice sounds as sure as the one one coming from your GPS (which is a computer that has calculated the way using an actual map).

5. Their closets are usually not in order all the time

This is mostly for the women that are extremely stubborn. They wake up with a particular outfit in mind and that is what they will wear. They don’t care if they have to turn their closet inside out, lift their bed up or wait for the dryer to wear the outfit they had a vision of when they woke up. Nothing else will work.

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6. Their arguments are explosive and dangerous, so relationships can be hard

Relationships are hard enough to find and maintain. What happens when you add one stubborn person? It is really difficult to maintain. What happens when you have two stubborn people? Things are explosive and almost impossible. It is often easier to drive a stick shift in reverse up a steep hill and park it than it is to resolve a conflict with both people think that they are right and do not want to apologize. If there is an apology, it is something that will take a lifetime to get to and there will definitely be some bitterness.

7. They have the Google search bar on their home page

Google is the best and worst tool invented. Have you ever sat around talking and then something comes up that sparks a debate? You can take something as simple as, “It was from this movie” and they disagree. You are completely sure that it is and then they pull out their phone and prove their point. Most of the time, they are right, but oh… is it an amazing feeling to see someone prove themselves wrong.

8. They do their own thing

Usually this is something that can complicate the work environment or a group project. Here is what usually happens: you tell them that they need to do it this way and they will nod their head as you are telling them what to do and make you think that they understand. Then soon after, you see the doing what they wanted to do in the beginning.

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9. They consider help kryptonite

Rarely, stubborn people do not like asking for help. It is a sign of weakness and they will not accept it. Unless, of course, they really need it. If you want to see it for yourself, invite one of your stubborn friends to help you put together an Ikea dresser and bet that they cannot do it without the directions. Here’s a tip, bring out a glass of wine and occasionally offer to help by reading the directions to them.

10. They can be either the best teammate or the worst

Was it a foul? The ref said no but we are all going to sit around for ten minutes and hear about how it was a foul. Depending on which team you are on will determine if you think this is a good quality or a bad one.

11. They are tricky friends to keep

This is because they are so hard headed, staying friends with someone who is stubborn is pretty hard because of the “no apologizing thing”.

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12. They can hold grudges longer than your mother has been alive

They may say they forgive you, but they will always remember that one time that you told them they were wrong.

Featured photo credit: Stubborn/ Ann and Heidi via flickr.com

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Margielyn Musser

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Last Updated on December 4, 2020

How to Give Constructive Feedback in the Workplace

How to Give Constructive Feedback in the Workplace

We all crave constructive feedback. We want to know not just what we’re doing well but also what we could be doing better.

However, giving and getting constructive feedback isn’t just some feel-good exercise. In the workplace, it’s part and parcel of how companies grow.

Let’s take a closer look.

Why Constructive Feedback Is Critical

A culture of feedback benefits individuals on a team and the team itself. Constructive feedback has the following effects:

Builds Workers’ Skills

Think about the last time you made a mistake. Did you come away from it feeling attacked—a key marker of destructive feedback—or did you feel like you learned something new?

Every time a team member learns something, they become more valuable to the business. The range of tasks they can tackle increases. Over time, they make fewer mistakes, require less supervision, and become more willing to ask for help.

Boosts Employee Loyalty

Constructive feedback is a two-way street. Employees want to receive it, but they also want the feedback they give to be taken seriously.

If employees see their constructive feedback ignored, they may take it to mean they aren’t a valued part of the team. Nine in ten employees say they’d be more likely to stick with a company that takes and acts on their feedback.[1]

Strengthens Team Bonds

Without trust, teams cannot function. Constructive feedback builds trust because it shows that the giver of the feedback cares about the success of the recipient.

However, for constructive feedback to work its magic, both sides have to assume good intentions. Those giving the feedback must genuinely want to help, and those getting it has to assume that the goal is to build them up rather than to tear them down.

Promotes Mentorship

There’s nothing wrong with a single round of constructive feedback. But when it really makes a difference is when it’s repeated—continuous, constructive feedback is the bread and butter of mentorship.

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Be the change you want to see on your team. Give constructive feedback often and authentically, and others will naturally start to see you as a mentor.

Clearly, constructive feedback is something most teams could use more of. But how do you actually give it?

How to Give Constructive Feedback

Giving constructive feedback is tricky. Get it wrong, and your message might fall on deaf ears. Get it really wrong, and you could sow distrust or create tension across the entire team.

Here are ways to give constructive feedback properly:

1. Listen First

Often, what you perceive as a mistake is a decision someone made for a good reason. Listening is the key to effective communication.

Seek to understand: how did the other person arrive at her choice or action?

You could say:

  • “Help me understand your thought process.”
  • “What led you to take that step?”
  • “What’s your perspective?”

2. Lead With a Compliment

In school, you might have heard it called the “sandwich method”: Before (and ideally, after) giving difficult feedback, share a compliment. That signals to the recipient that you value their work.

You could say:

  • “Great design. Can we see it with a different font?”
  • “Good thinking. What if we tried this?”

3. Address the Wider Team

Sometimes, constructive feedback is best given indirectly. If your comment could benefit others on the team, or if the person whom you’re really speaking to might take it the wrong way, try communicating your feedback in a group setting.

You could say:

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  • “Let’s think through this together.”
  • “I want everyone to see . . .”

4. Ask How You Can Help

When you’re on a team, you’re all in it together. When a mistake happens, you have to realize that everyone—not just the person who made it—has a role in fixing it. Give constructive feedback in a way that recognizes this dynamic.

You could say:

  • “What can I do to support you?”
  • “How can I make your life easier?
  • “Is there something I could do better?”

5. Give Examples

To be useful, constructive feedback needs to be concrete. Illustrate your advice by pointing to an ideal.

What should the end result look like? Who has the process down pat?

You could say:

  • “I wanted to show you . . .”
  • “This is what I’d like yours to look like.”
  • “This is a perfect example.”
  • “My ideal is . . .”

6. Be Empathetic

Even when there’s trust in a team, mistakes can be embarrassing. Lessons can be hard to swallow. Constructive feedback is more likely to be taken to heart when it’s accompanied by empathy.

You could say:

  • “I know it’s hard to hear.”
  • “I understand.”
  • “I’m sorry.”

7. Smile

Management consultancies like Credera teach that communication is a combination of the content, delivery, and presentation.[2] When giving constructive feedback, make sure your body language is as positive as your message. Your smile is one of your best tools for getting constructive feedback to connect.

8. Be Grateful

When you’re frustrated about a mistake, it can be tough to see the silver lining. But you don’t have to look that hard. Every constructive feedback session is a chance for the team to get better and grow closer.

You could say:

  • “I’m glad you brought this up.”
  • “We all learned an important lesson.”
  • “I love improving as a team.”

9. Avoid Accusations

Giving tough feedback without losing your cool is one of the toughest parts of working with others. Great leaders and project managers get upset at the mistake, not the person who made it.[3]

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You could say:

  • “We all make mistakes.”
  • “I know you did your best.”
  • “I don’t hold it against you.”

10. Take Responsibility

More often than not, mistakes are made because of miscommunications Recognize your own role in them.

Could you have been clearer in your directions? Did you set the other person up for success?

You could say:

  • “I should have . . .”
  • “Next time, I’ll . . .”

11. Time it Right

Constructive feedback shouldn’t catch people off guard. Don’t give it while everyone is packing up to leave work. Don’t interrupt a good lunch conversation.

If in doubt, ask the person to whom you’re giving feedback to schedule the session themselves. Encourage them to choose a time when they’ll be able to focus on the conversation rather than their next task.

12. Use Their Name

When you hear your name, your ears naturally perk up. Use that when giving constructive feedback. Just remember that constructive feedback should be personalized, not personal.

You could say:

  • “Bob, I wanted to chat through . . .”
  • “Does that make sense, Jesse?”

13. Suggest, Don’t Order

When you give constructive feedback, it’s important not to be adversarial. The very act of giving feedback recognizes that the person who made the mistake had a choice—and when the situation comes up again, they’ll be able to choose differently.

You could say:

  • “Next time, I suggest . . .”
  • “Try it this way.”
  • “Are you on board with that?”

14. Be Brief

Even when given empathetically, constructive feedback can be uncomfortable to receive. Get your message across, make sure there are no hard feelings, and move on.

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One exception? If the feedback isn’t understood, make clear that you have plenty of time for questions. Rushing through what’s clearly an open conversation is disrespectful and discouraging.

15. Follow Up

Not all lessons are learned immediately. After giving a member of your team constructive feedback, follow it up with an email. Make sure you’re just as respectful and helpful in your written feedback as you are on your verbal communication.

You could say:

  • “I wanted to recap . . .”
  • “Thanks for chatting with me about . . .”
  • “Did that make sense?”

16. Expect Improvement

Although you should always deliver constructive feedback in a supportive manner, you should also expect to see it implemented. If it’s a long-term issue, set milestones.

By what date would you like to see what sort of improvement? How will you measure that improvement?

You could say:

  • “I’d like to see you . . .”
  • “Let’s check back in after . . .”
  • “I’m expecting you to . . .”
  • “Let’s make a dent in that by . . .”

17. Give Second Chances

Giving feedback, no matter how constructive, is a waste of time if you don’t provide an opportunity to implement it. Don’t set up a “gotcha” moment, but do tap the recipient of your feedback next time a similar task comes up.

You could say:

  • “I know you’ll rock it next time.”
  • “I’d love to see you try again.”
  • “Let’s give it another go.”

Final Thoughts

Constructive feedback is not an easy nut to crack. If you don’t give it well, then maybe it’s time to get some. Never be afraid to ask.

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Featured photo credit: Christina @ wocintechchat.com via unsplash.com

Reference

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