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10 Things Only Stubborn People Would Understand

10 Things Only Stubborn People Would Understand

If you are reading this, you probably fit in one of two categories: you know someone extremely stubborn and you want to read this to see if it matches their actions or you are the stubborn person that people know and you are going to smile and silently agree that you do these things. Here are ten things that only stubborn people will understand and friends of stubborn people will recognize.

1. They have said sorry five times in their lifetime – if that

Apologies are something that is said if they truly mean it and even then, it comes out like coughing up a hairball of needles. When someone that insists they are right over and over again and then finally apologizes to you, consider it as a precious gift. Some people can knock over their neighbor’s motorcycle and refuse to apologize.

2. They can be counted on to finish things

When they have an idea in their brain about a certain project or goal, don’t try to stop them or tell them they can’t. They will personally go out of their way to prove you are wrong. Just when you thought it was not physically possible to do a ten page assignment in two hours, they prove you wrong and get an A on it.

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3. They hate when you hang up or walk away

This is going to be the worst thing that you can do when talking to someone who is stubborn. One of two things will happen when you hang up on them. One: they will call you back until you listen to what they have to say. Two: if you ignore their call, they will text you their point they need to prove or blow up our phone until you call them back. Never walk away from someone who is stubborn enough not to agree to disagree. Why? Because they will follow you, I know from personal experience. They will follow you all… the… way… home.

4. They will take you on an adventure (even if you don’t want to go)

If you have ever been in the car with someone that does not want to admit they are wrong, you have probably been on a car ride that was supposed to take fifteen minutes and it turned into an hour. There is no such thing as stopping for directions because everyone is going to give you wrong directions. They do not want help from you or your GPS either. The thing that gets you to believe them that they know where they are going is that they are so sure in their brains that they know the right way that their voice sounds as sure as the one one coming from your GPS (which is a computer that has calculated the way using an actual map).

5. Their closets are usually not in order all the time

This is mostly for the women that are extremely stubborn. They wake up with a particular outfit in mind and that is what they will wear. They don’t care if they have to turn their closet inside out, lift their bed up or wait for the dryer to wear the outfit they had a vision of when they woke up. Nothing else will work.

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6. Their arguments are explosive and dangerous, so relationships can be hard

Relationships are hard enough to find and maintain. What happens when you add one stubborn person? It is really difficult to maintain. What happens when you have two stubborn people? Things are explosive and almost impossible. It is often easier to drive a stick shift in reverse up a steep hill and park it than it is to resolve a conflict with both people think that they are right and do not want to apologize. If there is an apology, it is something that will take a lifetime to get to and there will definitely be some bitterness.

7. They have the Google search bar on their home page

Google is the best and worst tool invented. Have you ever sat around talking and then something comes up that sparks a debate? You can take something as simple as, “It was from this movie” and they disagree. You are completely sure that it is and then they pull out their phone and prove their point. Most of the time, they are right, but oh… is it an amazing feeling to see someone prove themselves wrong.

8. They do their own thing

Usually this is something that can complicate the work environment or a group project. Here is what usually happens: you tell them that they need to do it this way and they will nod their head as you are telling them what to do and make you think that they understand. Then soon after, you see the doing what they wanted to do in the beginning.

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9. They consider help kryptonite

Rarely, stubborn people do not like asking for help. It is a sign of weakness and they will not accept it. Unless, of course, they really need it. If you want to see it for yourself, invite one of your stubborn friends to help you put together an Ikea dresser and bet that they cannot do it without the directions. Here’s a tip, bring out a glass of wine and occasionally offer to help by reading the directions to them.

10. They can be either the best teammate or the worst

Was it a foul? The ref said no but we are all going to sit around for ten minutes and hear about how it was a foul. Depending on which team you are on will determine if you think this is a good quality or a bad one.

11. They are tricky friends to keep

This is because they are so hard headed, staying friends with someone who is stubborn is pretty hard because of the “no apologizing thing”.

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12. They can hold grudges longer than your mother has been alive

They may say they forgive you, but they will always remember that one time that you told them they were wrong.

Featured photo credit: Stubborn/ Ann and Heidi via flickr.com

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Margielyn Musser

Event And Volunteer Coordinator / World Traveler

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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