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10 Things Only Stubborn People Would Understand

10 Things Only Stubborn People Would Understand

If you are reading this, you probably fit in one of two categories: you know someone extremely stubborn and you want to read this to see if it matches their actions or you are the stubborn person that people know and you are going to smile and silently agree that you do these things. Here are ten things that only stubborn people will understand and friends of stubborn people will recognize.

1. They have said sorry five times in their lifetime – if that

Apologies are something that is said if they truly mean it and even then, it comes out like coughing up a hairball of needles. When someone that insists they are right over and over again and then finally apologizes to you, consider it as a precious gift. Some people can knock over their neighbor’s motorcycle and refuse to apologize.

2. They can be counted on to finish things

When they have an idea in their brain about a certain project or goal, don’t try to stop them or tell them they can’t. They will personally go out of their way to prove you are wrong. Just when you thought it was not physically possible to do a ten page assignment in two hours, they prove you wrong and get an A on it.

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3. They hate when you hang up or walk away

This is going to be the worst thing that you can do when talking to someone who is stubborn. One of two things will happen when you hang up on them. One: they will call you back until you listen to what they have to say. Two: if you ignore their call, they will text you their point they need to prove or blow up our phone until you call them back. Never walk away from someone who is stubborn enough not to agree to disagree. Why? Because they will follow you, I know from personal experience. They will follow you all… the… way… home.

4. They will take you on an adventure (even if you don’t want to go)

If you have ever been in the car with someone that does not want to admit they are wrong, you have probably been on a car ride that was supposed to take fifteen minutes and it turned into an hour. There is no such thing as stopping for directions because everyone is going to give you wrong directions. They do not want help from you or your GPS either. The thing that gets you to believe them that they know where they are going is that they are so sure in their brains that they know the right way that their voice sounds as sure as the one one coming from your GPS (which is a computer that has calculated the way using an actual map).

5. Their closets are usually not in order all the time

This is mostly for the women that are extremely stubborn. They wake up with a particular outfit in mind and that is what they will wear. They don’t care if they have to turn their closet inside out, lift their bed up or wait for the dryer to wear the outfit they had a vision of when they woke up. Nothing else will work.

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6. Their arguments are explosive and dangerous, so relationships can be hard

Relationships are hard enough to find and maintain. What happens when you add one stubborn person? It is really difficult to maintain. What happens when you have two stubborn people? Things are explosive and almost impossible. It is often easier to drive a stick shift in reverse up a steep hill and park it than it is to resolve a conflict with both people think that they are right and do not want to apologize. If there is an apology, it is something that will take a lifetime to get to and there will definitely be some bitterness.

7. They have the Google search bar on their home page

Google is the best and worst tool invented. Have you ever sat around talking and then something comes up that sparks a debate? You can take something as simple as, “It was from this movie” and they disagree. You are completely sure that it is and then they pull out their phone and prove their point. Most of the time, they are right, but oh… is it an amazing feeling to see someone prove themselves wrong.

8. They do their own thing

Usually this is something that can complicate the work environment or a group project. Here is what usually happens: you tell them that they need to do it this way and they will nod their head as you are telling them what to do and make you think that they understand. Then soon after, you see the doing what they wanted to do in the beginning.

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9. They consider help kryptonite

Rarely, stubborn people do not like asking for help. It is a sign of weakness and they will not accept it. Unless, of course, they really need it. If you want to see it for yourself, invite one of your stubborn friends to help you put together an Ikea dresser and bet that they cannot do it without the directions. Here’s a tip, bring out a glass of wine and occasionally offer to help by reading the directions to them.

10. They can be either the best teammate or the worst

Was it a foul? The ref said no but we are all going to sit around for ten minutes and hear about how it was a foul. Depending on which team you are on will determine if you think this is a good quality or a bad one.

11. They are tricky friends to keep

This is because they are so hard headed, staying friends with someone who is stubborn is pretty hard because of the “no apologizing thing”.

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12. They can hold grudges longer than your mother has been alive

They may say they forgive you, but they will always remember that one time that you told them they were wrong.

Featured photo credit: Stubborn/ Ann and Heidi via flickr.com

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Margielyn Musser

Event And Volunteer Coordinator / World Traveler

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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