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19 Things That Only People With A Roommate Would Understand

19 Things That Only People With A Roommate Would Understand

Ah, roomies! You love them; you hate them; you wish they would leave; you wish they would come home. All of this ambivalence makes you wonder if you are developing a split personality! Take heart – it’s not a psychosis; it’s just normal roommate existence. And, if you currently have a roommate or have had one, then you will understand all of the following:

1. You have masking tape and Scripto pens in the fridge and the food cupboard

Food items, after all, have to be labeled, if they are to have the life span the owner intends for them. And this especially goes for leftover Chinese and pizza.

2. You sometimes wish you could put a line down the middle of your shared bedroom with duct tape

It’s sort of like when you traveled in the back seat of the car with your sibling – keep your crap on your side of the room!

3. You come home, there is a sock on the bedroom doorknob…

…and you know you will be sleeping in the chair tonight. Oh well, it’s not like your roomie hasn’t done the same for you!

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4. You decide to record “Criminal Minds” because you’ll be at work tonight…

…but there’s no recording space left, because “someone” has recorded 30 episodes of the “Housewives of New Jersey.”

5. You wonder who raised the “slob” you are living with

while they are wondering who raised the OCD neat freak they are living with.

6. You make a solo trip to the non-discount grocery store to splurge on your favorite Pepperidge Farm cookies

and you sneak in your room when roomie is at class so you can hide them in your special place. You eat them in the middle of the night, in the dark.

7. You carry your heavy load of dirty clothes to the laundry room, only to find items in there that are not yours

Someone thought they could sneak them in, and you would not discover it until they were washed, dried and ready to be folded.

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8. You get up super early

to try to get your “one night stand” out of the apartment before your roommates wake up and have a good hard look at him/her.

9. You stay awake until an ungodly hour waiting for someone to come home.

Why? Because you are convinced the newest incarnation of Jack the Ripper is outside your window.

10. You discover your Pepperidge Farm cookies have been “hacked”

and you now have to find a new hiding place.

11. You find a “science experiment” in the fridge

and you wonder why your roommate is trying to make penicillin out of bread.

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12. You get up in the middle of the night to pee, trying to be most considerate and quiet

until you stumble over some “stray human” on the floor.

13. You wonder why a full roll of toilet paper this morning is completely gone tonight, and the holder of extra rolls is empty

Whose job was it to buy toilet paper last week anyway?

14. You are looking for some quiet time to sleep or study

and your room has been turned into the equivalent of a party bus. Or your roommate is looking for quiet, and it’s your turn for the bus.

15. Your mom is in town for the day, and you bring her in for a quick visit

There’s that sock on the doorknob again, and the sounds coming from the bedroom are really obvious (and loud).

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16. You are wondering why…

…the person with the 7 a.m. class never learned how to dress and brush his/her teeth in the dark.

17. You wonder why…

…your roommate is sending you a text when s/he is on the other side of the room.

18. You look for that favorite T-shirt, only to find it dirty and in your laundry basket

The problem is, you haven’t worn it since the last time you did laundry. It must be those naughty elves at work again!

19. Your college years are over, and you are packing up your things

There, in your underwear drawer, is a new bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies, and you realize how much you will miss this person you just spent the last four years loving and hating and loving again!

Featured photo credit: I hate dorm life via flickr.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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