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How to Stop Being Angry

How to Stop Being Angry

    We all know people who get angry easily. The ones that lash out either verbally or physically and are seemingly out-of-control. What’s interesting is that most of the time, they regret acting the way they did. They wish they had more self-control but they just can’t help it. It seems impossible to change. They see their anger as a genetic flaw that they have to put up with along with the negative consequences that inevitably follow their expressions of anger.

    They are completely wrong.

    Anger is not a genetic flaw and they don’t have to put up with it. Anger can be managed — but not by just breathing deeply and saying “Woo-Sah”.

    The technique I’m about to introduce to you can be used anytime and anywhere. It can be used with people of all ages and the great thing is that it really works.

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    So how do you do it? How can you stop being angry (or teach someone else to stop being so angry)?

    Well, there are two ways:

    1. You can choose to vent your frustrations; or
    2. You can use my “soon-to-be proposed” method.

    Venting takes the energy out of your anger but the anger can always build up again. I’m going to show you how to stop being angry by looking at what your anger is telling you.

    The message your anger is sending is that one of your standards, values or important beliefs is being violated by you or someone else.

    Take a minute to think back to the last time you were angry. Explore the situation and what your anger is telling you. Which strong belief is being violated?

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    After you’ve figured out the belief that is being violated, now it is time to work some “magic” and diffuse your anger once and for all. It’s fast, simple, and effective.

    You just need to adopt one new belief:

    Your beliefs are yours only. Not anyone else’s.

    No one ever decided that your standards should be the ones that everyone follows. Your “map” is not the territory. It’s just your perception of the territory. When you take on this belief, your standards are no longer being violated because you’ve allowed other people to live by their own rules, not your rules. When your standards are not being violated, you have lost the reason to be angry.

    This has been one of the most powerful realizations in my life.

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    Let me tell you a true story…

    * * *

    One day I was driving along a highway in New York City when I was cut off by a young driver in a mid-size sedan. Automatically, I started to “create” a story that he was this rude and disrespectful person that should be taught a lesson. One that I am normally glad to teach. But instead of chasing him down and putting both our lives in danger, I remembered that being angry meant that one of my beliefs had been violated.

    I realized that the driver violated my standard that people should respect others especially when driving. Then I thought, what if he wasn’t disrespecting me. What if he was rushing home because his pregnant wife’s water just broke. Would I still be angry?

    No, I wouldn’t.

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    What’s interesting is that both of these scenarios are equally likely. There is really no way for me to confirm.

    So which belief will diffuse my anger?

    I hope his wife is alright,” I told myself and I continued the drive to my friend’s house.

    What methods do you use to control your anger? What do you find most effective? For those who try this method, let me know how it worked for you.

    (Photo credit: Stress and Anger via Shutterstock)

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    Robert Chen

    Executive Coach

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    Last Updated on March 24, 2021

    8 Smart Home Gadgets You Need in Your House

    8 Smart Home Gadgets You Need in Your House

    We’ve all done it. We’ve gone out and bought useless gadgets that we don’t really need, just because they seemed really cool at the time. Then, we are stuck with a bunch of junk, and end up tossing it or trying to sell it on Ebay.

    On the other hand, there are some pretty awesome tech inventions that are actually useful. For instance, many of the latest home gadgets do some of your work for you, from adjusting the home thermostat to locking your front door. And, if used as designed, these tools should really help to make your life a lot easier—and that’s not just a claim from some infomercial trying to sell you yet another useless gadget.

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    Take a look at some of the most popular “smart gadgets” on the market:

    1. Smart Door Locks

    A smart lock lets you lock and unlock your doors by using your smartphone, a special key fob, or biometrics. These locks are keyless, and much more difficult for intruders to break into, making your home a lot safer. You can even use a special app to let people into your home if you are not there to greet them.

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    2. Smart Kitchen Tools

    Wouldn’t you just love to have a pot of coffee waiting for you when you get home from work? What about a “smart pan” that tells you exactly when you need to flip that omelet? From meat thermometers to kitchen scales, you’ll find a variety of “smart” gadgets designed to make culinary geeks salivate.

    3. Mini Home Speaker Play:1

    If you love big sound, but hate how much space big speakers take up, and if you want a stereo system that is no bigger than your fist, check out the Play:1 mini speaker. All you have to do is plug it in, connect, and then you can stream without worrying about any interruptions or interface. You can even add onto it, and have different music playing in different rooms.

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    4. Wi-Fi Security Cameras

    These are the latest in home security, and they connect to the Wi-Fi in your home. You can use your mobile devices to monitor what is going on in your home at all times, no matter where you are. Options include motion sensors, two-way audio, and different recording options.

    5. Nest Thermostat

    This is a thermostat that lives with you. It can sense seasonal changes, temperature changes, etc., and it will adjust itself automatically. You will never have to fiddle with a thermostat dial or keypad again, because this one basically does all of the work for you. It can also help you to save as much as 12% on heating bills, and 15% on cooling bills.

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    6. Smart Lighting

    Control your home lighting from your remote device. This is great if you are out and want to make sure that there are some lights on. It is designed to be energy efficient, so it will pay for itself over time because you won’t have to spend so much on your monthly energy bills.

    7. Google Chromecast Ultra

    Whether you love movies, television shows, music, etc., you can stream it all using Google Chromecast Ultra. Stream all of the entertainment you love in up to 4K UHD and HDR, for just $69 monthly.

    8. Canary

    This home security system will automatically contact emergency services when they are needed. This system offers both video and audio surveillance, so there will be evidence if there are any break-ins on your property. You can also use it to check up on what’s happening at home when you are not there, including to make sure the kids are doing their homework.

    Featured photo credit: Karolina via kaboompics.com

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